Taking a note from mythology: "Nobody". Just cause eventually somewhere sometime a conversation will go down as follows:
A: What happened to the ship? It's tore-up and all the cargo is missing. Were you attacked? Did you get the ship's name?
B: Nobody, Nobody attacked us. It was horrible they came out of no where and were gone just as quick. They took everything of value, they even took our fillings, it was the most horrible event of my life.
A: Nobody huh? How dumb do you think I am? You and the rest of the crew are fired. I should have you arrested or sue, something for your for gross negligence of the cargo. All you sailors are the same your always drunk, loosing cargo while up to your gills in spirits, and making up stupid stories to cover their butts...
*Sigh* I'm a simple man, with a simple form of humor, and a simple mind.