You are proclaimed "Evil Overlord of Earth", what do you do first?

[doublenix]

Wouldn't go the 'evil' route, but would do a lot of things that would probably make some people mad.

1. To be able to have a baby, you would need to apply for a license, pass a background check, and attend several classes on caring for a child.

2. To own a pet, follow the same steps as above.

3. Revamp the education system to actually teach useful skills for daily life. Include financial education at all levels of schooling.

4. Require that every citizen serve two years in a military capacity. Basic soldiering skills primarily.

5. A Vault-like aptitude test for all people. Apprenticeships set up for those who follow the results of the tests. If you don't, you must go out and learn on your own.

I could go on for quite a bit, but that's a start.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

First thing I'd do is give myself a better title than "Evil Overlord of Earth." Something like "Supreme Chancellor" or "Lord Emperor" or something like that.
The next I'd do is remodel the justice system and do away with the concept of cruel and unusual punishment. People who commit really heinous crimes like rape and murder (esp. rape) will wish they were never born. Also there will be no allowance for bullshit defenses like "he wasn't of sound mind" or anything like that. If he/she committed the crime regardless of his/her state of mind at the time, they'll suffer the consequences. To that end all lawyers, esp. the ambulance chasers, will all be loaded into a rocket and fired into the sun.

 

[Arrogancy]

Create a mobile doom-fortress, fill it with all sorts of knick-knacks and precious jewels, and prepare to create an intergalactic empire. Also, statues to me, EVERYWHERE.

 

[RatRace123]

Hire a bunch of scientists to create an invisible full body bullet proof thingy, wear it and walk around "naked" all day.
Then I would command everyone on earth to visibly wear something lime green colored, anyone who does not must die.
Then I would build a giant doom fortress, complete with an awesome throne with a built in button to nuke the country of anyone who pisses me off or does not wear something lime green.
Clone myself and make an army of death troopers.
Demand daily sacrifices of infants. I shall eat them and gain their youth so that I may live forever.

Then I live out my days doing whatever I feel like.

 

[baconbaby299]

Firstly, I would make all habits I had as a kid the law. Calling bourbons just bourbons is illegal now and punishable by death, you must refer to them as "bourbon creams" as I did when I were a lad.

Then, I train up 70 of my most trusted men/women, who arrest idiots.

Then I ban games companies such as EA and Activision, and give their money to Indie developers with creative thoughts.

Finally, I'd send all the overly obnoxious/homophobic/racist patriots to sweatshops, where they will make foreign flags to be hung around the sweatshop.

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

Get all the chefs in the world to compete in making me the best enchilada ever, that would leave me both full and satisfied. The losers will be banished to a deserted asteroid on the asteroid belt and the winner will be forced to make me their stunning enchiladas night and day.

 

[Ithera]

I smell a rebellion.... the filthy unwashed masses will surely try to rise up against me. First I have to secure the masses and keep them docile. I pump them full of propaganda witch promotes nationalistic and patriotic fervor that serves my purpose. I also raise the standard of living for the majority of earth populations (a citizen with a decent living will surely not risk losing it by joining an uprising).

High end education will have to go, highly educated people and people able to think for themselves does not help me. Better a somewhat decent education for the masses. Just enough so they can push the buttons, worship consumerism, do the a paperwork and just enough so that the majority remains oblivious to the blatant lies and ludicrous personality cult promoted.

I would make my headquarters in the U.S.A, a good choice because the populace would be easily manipulated and controlled. A little chest beating and flag waving and people will flock to the proud military cult and do their duty for the good of their country (and me, of course).

While most people will have a decent standard, some people will have to be poor. The people must have an enemy. class struggles benefits me greatly! If the masses are occupied with fighting each other they are less likely to challenge or question their benevolent leader and his military machine.

 

[Colonel Joson]

Establish a dress code.

"Look, you can either go outside dressed as a pirate, or a noir detective. IT'S NOT HARD."

... ALL HAIL SUPREME OVERLORD BOOYAH!

OT: If I were an evil overlord I'd... well... I honestly don't know what I would do with such power. XD

 

[Adellebella]

- End world hunger

- Get rid of all nukes

- Rename the countries

- Build myself a lovely home fortress in Ireland. 'Cause I can.

Oh...I HAVE to be evil? Okay..

- Let Gays marry ANYWHERE they want.

- Abortion be the person's choice, not mine

- Universal health care

- Everyone that has been rotting on death row for 2+ years, will all be killed in about a month

- No longer have that stupid movie rating system, so Director's will no longer be afraid of not reaching their audiences with an R-rating, and make good damn movies.

 

[Aurora Firestorm]

I'm thrilled that other people want to do the baby-license thing. Too bad the rest of the world doesn't agree. Still, here's my list:

1. Parenting licenses, combined with a negative eugenics program. (No, this does not mean killing the weak.) Everyone is given a full genetic analysis for all the major diseases we can think of, as well as a comprehensive and long-winded mental and physical integrity test. If your only violation is having genetic disorders, you can adopt, or if only one parent does, you can surrogate. Anything that points to potential abuse, neglect, or just straight up bad parenting is right out. Up to two children per family until we get the population down.

2. Restaurants, theaters, and other facilities as such will be marked Family Friendly if they allow small children inside -- and not all of them will. For long flights and public transport, there will be separate cars for people with small children.

3. No panhandling. Get them jobs, and sober them up. No questions, no protesting, just do it.

4. Renewable energy. Big Oil can STFU. Allocate politician's salaries (now that we don't need any of them because we have me) to scientific research that I consider of merit.

5. The justice system gets an overhaul. The insanity defense has ridiculous requirements for invocation -- but in return, we get rid of jails in exchange for medical correction through whatever means necessary. We set up institutions instead of prisons, and we fix these people, whether through counseling or whatnot, or forcible surgery, or whatever. Also, any crap like "my coffee was hot and I spilled it" will be laughed out of court. Lawyers now need a new profession.

6. I make the judgment calls on religious displays in public. I am Christian. I am freaking allowing "Merry Christmas" back into schools, because I'm the freaking Overlord. Anyone who uses my deity's name in a swear word (which is most of you), will be sent to the mental repair program immediately. There will be mandatory social education where people are not just taught to be tolerant, but taught that not all Christians are dicks. Anyone who has a beef with this plan will promptly be "repaired."

7. Jerks will not be tolerated. Anyone who is bullied over the Internet can submit a request to me for the address and contact information of the person who was being a dick, and in addition will receive a pardon from me for whatever minor injuries the bully sustains. People who beat the crap out of bullies that try to hurt them, will be applauded.

8. Corollary to 7: anyone who uses the Internet is required to enter a full dossier of current information to my database. I will hire a team of expert hackers and computer geeks to make sure this is slick and up to date.

9. I will implant trackers in every human being on Earth, along with a basic heart sensor to tell me when the person has died.

10. I will own several kinds of exotic wild animals, as well a standard domestic cat and a husky. I will have a crew of people to care for their biological needs.

11. No tobacco. Ever. Seriously, I will force this plant into extinction.

I could make a bigger list, but I don't want to take up the whole page.

 

[RanD00M]

I blow up South Africa and call it a day. Then I have the US blow Canada. Also 80% of all pregnant women will be falcon punched. Gotta solve that overpopulation thing one way or another.
Also the earths theme song is now Intergalactic by the Beastie Boys and will be played once a day at whatever time I feel like listening to it.

 

[Malty Milk Whistle]

dig a hole. hide in said hole. blow shit up from said hole

 

[fates_puppet13]

form a councle is the greatest living minds
rule in a benevolent dictatorship from the dictator-ship (hahaha) which for the record is a space ship

as a note confirmed council members :
fry and laurie (they can share a show they can share a seat)
brian cox
natalie portman
patrick steward
sean bean
christopher lee (he can do pr work)
also james protnow, moviebob and a collection of people i know (who siad i was unbias)

also EA would be dissolved into the lesser developers i.e bioware
tax exempt valve
on disk DLC is a crime punishable by dismemberment
parkour is a acedeic subject
and i'de sink loads of funds into off world collinisation, law and order and human augmentation

 

[Imper1um]

First, Arrest Bobby Kotick and remove his tongue.

Secondly, make all three of those who produce Extra Credits the "Supreme Game Advisors of the world" which will make sure that games adhere to strict requirements that no game will just be an expensive map pack.

Third, I would require Xbox to install an ability to listen to mics and auto-mute them if they are broadcasting weird stuff, or the voice detected is under the age of 16.

Fourth, I would get rid of the Emmy's and Globes. Why does everyone want to sit around and watch rich people give rich people presents and pats on the back?

Fifth, require the corporations and countries around the world to immediately start working together to develop a space program, to get to Mars within the next 4 years, and to Pluto within the next 10, and to the nearest star system within 20.

Sixth, rest, and figure out a maniacal laugh.

 

[Jegsimmons]

destroy politicians, free the markets, give 100% freedom of religion, speech, press, assembly, petition, right to bear arms, and the rest of the bill of rights.

on the other hand, id ban rap/hip hip/pop, that stupid gangsta look where your pants are lower than your waistline ( or risk a 20,000$ fine)

video games will be 30$ instead of 60$, bad movies that are bad in the non campy way are punishable by flogging the director and producer. Mediocre will be just as bad.
bad or mediocre games will result in flogging and a full refund, Stephanie myer will be thrown in a lions pit, the cast of jersey show will be shot into a volcano. george lucas will remake the prequels with practical effects and have edgar wright and chris nolan doing the character direction and writing assistance.
michael bay can no longer direct anything more than action scenes.
James cameron is just banned for being a sell out.
pantera's domination is the worlds theme song.

all suspected cartels and gang members will be shot on site.
the internet will be 100% free
everyone gets a free puppy.
china will be destroyed and its people evenly spread throught the world to solve population problems.
mars will be colonized and Aliens will be fully accepted as citizens and will receive protection because aliens rule. also interplanetary hug day is the new holiday.


ok so im not that evil, keeps me in power longer.
also political correctness is banned.

 

[cannot_aim]

The first thing I would do is to start pouring resources into genetic engineering and cloning which will lead to people downloading their minds into cloned bodies and everyone will become immortal. Then we need to get off of this piece of crap planet so I would fund every plausible way to expand out into the glaxy. Terraforming Mars and the Moon, building space elevators, and funding theoretical programs for FTL travel or wormhole travel.

Once we have expanded I would take a bit of a breather and instead deal with a bunch of social problems. Instead of having groups fighting over territory or religion here on Earth I would drop the two competeing groups onto a planet where they would be forced to work together or they would all die.

Finally when everyone is getting along within humanity we would need to go looking for other sentient life forms. I would create a navy of ships that would have the single goal of finding other life and trying to establish relations with them.

Then I would just sit back and watch my interstellar empire and the other interesting species out there in the galaxy.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

Well, I'm the Evil Overlord after all, so...

Declare this day to be a holiday upon which all citizens of Earth must build effigy's of myself in their homes or front yards. Then get your asses back to work, this isn't play time.
However I'm not wholly evil... So I will also be compelling all businesses to work toward space exploration. Period. And renewable energy. Oh, you want profit? Go fuck yourselves, develop it or die.
I'm still evil after all...
Also, I will quell all revolutions with diplomacy and evil tactics, such as buying off your revoltees with things they think they want, thus depleting you of vital bodies to man your revolution.
Sorry, but I know how people think at a base level and I realize there are few conspirators who hold power in revolutions. Also, working conditions will not exceed human stress level. Meaning, you will not work more hours than you can handle but you must work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week at least. IF you are disabled or otherwise sick and/or injured, you must be regularly seeing a doctor and have proof of said disability, injury or sickness. Malingering will be punished by public humiliation at first, followed by incarceration for treble the amount of man hours wasted by your laziness.
Excess drug use, drinking or other forms of social breakdown will not be tolerated. You may drink and enjoy yourselves to a certain degree. As long as it doesn't interfere with your work. The punishment for alcoholism, drug addiction will be decided on a case-by-case basis. Meaning, if you're a first-time offender I shall give you a chance to redeem yourself, but the road will be long and hard. If you choose to continue down the path of self-destruction, I shall then incarcerate you in a facility that force-feeds you your destructive method until you are dead. After all, that is what you wanted isn't it?
Harsh, brutal, yet fair is the law of my world. We will rise above the confines of our planet or die trying. That is our goal. NASA, CERN and all other high minded scientific research facilities are the standard, not the exception. Emulate them.
Also no more of this piddly bullshit of scientists downing others for postulating radical theories. You shall be allowed to chase your ideas to the logical point of proof of, or denial of, without fearing your colleagues' ridicule or ostracization. Anyone caught doing so shall be stripped of all privileges of being part of the science community. There is no bad science, only bad scientists. Be well, and be nice to your fellows, or be punished.
Also, everyone shall be allowed to follow their dreams. Meaning, you want to be a musician, go for it. But know that failure means you will be relegated to what your aptitudes say you are best for. You can however enjoy yourself on your own time and still practice your crafts but you only get one chance to shine or fail in the spotlight.
Harsh, but fair.

 

[Raddra]

Three words.

Firefly season two