You can transform yourself into any inanimate object.

[Condor219]

One rainy day, while relaxing at your house and browsing the Escapist, a mysterious man shows up at your front door, wearing the dark overcoat that most mysterious people seem to have. He gives you a small chest, then nods, and wordlessly leaves. You take the chest into your living room and open it, to find that it contains a small glowing sphere, and an inscribed plate that reads: "You may become whatever still object you wish. You simply need think it while holding this sphere, and you shall become it. You may change back and forth at your will, however, you may only ever become the one thing you first were."

So, Escapists, tell me; what would you transform into?

 

[LarenzoAOG]

The showerhead in Beyonce's shower.

 

[NeutralDrow]

A ball of solid rubber.

I'd probably be pretty safe, then. Those things are hard to destroy, they're less dense than water so they float, and there's decent air resistance should I fall. Then, I'd just have to worry about being buried.

 

[sexbutler]

A flawlessly lifelike statue of myself.

 

[ace_of_something]

a robot with lasers and tank treads.

edit: wait never mind, fuck that, i change my answer:

The showerhead in Beyonce's shower.

 

[Saargston]

Keanu Reeves

 

[Ladette]

Must....resist.....urge...to......oh fuck it.

A vibrator, it'd open up a lot of new role play opprotunities. Now i'm going to go glare at myself in the mirror and curse my weak will.

 

[Zorg Machine]

a gigantic statues depicting immensly obscene things that teleports around to political rallys, serious meetings and fundraisers and is indestructible.

 

[Akytalusia]

a unit of dark matter.

 

[Drakmeire]

A Zucchini
Try this sometime with a friend or roommate. just leave a zucchini in random places, eventually the person will laugh at it.
I don't know why, They are just funny, I suppose it's the shape

 

[automatron]

Does a weeping angel count as inanimate?

 

[SeaCalMaster]

A fleshlight.

No, but really. I'd probably go for something like a passport from an obscure country. That way, people would take me into their homes and businesses while trying to contact the owner. It would make for some awesome snooping.

 

[ChickenZombie]

A dalek... why? No matter how much the Doctor kills them... they always return.

 

[The Apothecarry]

I would be come a sandwich. Then I can surprise people when they try to eat me.

But I'm screwed if a large Russian man with a chaingun named Sasha comes along...

 

[Faux Furry]

If I were to transform myself into an inanimate object, I might have to choose a sword/bayonet,'Massage Wand' or a hypodermic needle. It doesn't matter, as long as it something stuck into warm human flesh.

I wanted to say Tank, but those are only inanimate until someone gets behind the controls. Maybe I could have said Shield/Bullet Proof Vest/Suit of Armor since they'd let me indulge in some kind of protective behavior even though I would no longer be capable of moving under my own power. Those choices just don't sound particularly unsettling, though, and thus are incredibly boring.

No, I change my mind again. Video game discs are inanimate, so I would become a copy of the collector's edition of some game or other, so long as it is not 'shovel ware'.

 

[GrimHeaper]

I would be a white star that is next to earth...

 

[EllEzDee]

The showerhead in Beyonce's shower.

I immediately thought of something dirty, but i suppose you beat me. You sick bastard...

 

[Hamish Durie]

giant statue of me that blocks out the sun and has the words saviour of the world written on it while i block out the sun and cause the next ice age killing all surface life except polar bears and artic foxes. for that was my real goal all along to save the polar bears!

 

[SteinFaust]

an AC-130 "Spooky" gunship.
if dropping a nut as myself feels good, what would it feel like to drop 105mm shell as a "Spooky"?