You have to replace one body part with a weapon.

Drathnoxis

Artificial Person
Legacy
Apr 3, 2020
3,386
282
88
Country
Canada
Gender
Male
So you have been drafted into the Galactic Empire's Doom Army and are to be issued with one standard issue bionic weapon. What is it and what body part does it replace?
 

Silentpony_v1legacy

Alleged Feather-Rustler
Jun 5, 2013
6,766
0
0
I would replace my left eye with a Nanotrasen 3rd Generation Mind-Bullet teleportation unit. That way I can just look at someone and teleport a mind-bullet directly into their heads, killing them instantly.
 

Nuuu

New member
Jan 28, 2011
531
0
0
Fists are already deadly weapons.

Therefore I replace one of my feet with another fist.
 

Trunkage

Nascent Orca
Legacy
Apr 3, 2020
5,603
1,101
118
Brisbane
Gender
Cyborg
Can I replace a part of my mind with psychic powers? Tearing people apart with my mind would be super powerful
 

Chimpzy_v1legacy

Warning! Contains bananas!
Jun 21, 2009
4,791
0
0
I'd replace my dick with Dwayne Johnson. And I don't mean replacing my johnson with Dwayne's johnson, I want the whole Johnson.
 

Vendor-Lazarus

Censored by Mods. PM for Taboos
Mar 1, 2009
1,201
0
0
Why only one?
I would replace every body part with a superior bionic/cyborg version.
Not that I know what kind of universe this is were talking about though.

There are a few caveats to that though.
Brain can only be replaced by artificial neurons scanning and reading the now encapsulated biological one's structure and data before finalizing the rerouting of signals to itself, and absorbing the old.
Likewise, I would like to retain the ability to produce a viable reproductive fluid.
These replacements should also be self-contained and self-repairing, so that I wont be beholden to some entity for my continued existence.
 

Agema

You have no authority here, Jackie Weaver
Legacy
Apr 3, 2020
6,004
3,088
118
Chimpzy said:
I'd replace my dick with Dwayne Johnson. And I don't mean replacing my johnson with Dwayne's johnson, I want the whole Johnson.
Oh, where's a like button when you need it...

* * *

I'd replace my appendix with... who cares what? It can hardly fail to be more useful than my appendix.
 

Neurotic Void Melody

Bound to escape
Legacy
Apr 3, 2020
4,954
6
13
I would like to replace my digestive system with a 3D printer please. One that can print chemical compounds such as medication amongst other useful goodies. The printer will be the digestive system from now on. I eat the materials, it prints the 3Ds. Most importantly, it can be turned off at any time. Slightly less importantly, what was once my poo would now be anything the recycler/crafter combo is asked to craft, it could even craft hot meals for starving young orphans! Water filtration devices for people in areas with contaminated quenches! Or for peak irony; toilet roll!
It may not sound like a weapon, but give it time. And imagination. Oh and it should let me eat any material, with the right safety engineering, and there'd be a menu where i can tinker with what flavour and texture occurs when masticating on some used bin bags and empty coffee jars. To others, they'd be tasting dry plastic, sharp stabbies and plenty of blood. But to my upgraded spud funnel, it would be homemade chicken kievs, lightly spiced cheese-topped wedges and even more blood.
 
Oct 22, 2011
1,224
0
0
I would replace my cranium with artficial one, serving as a much safer brain cointainer and a base for future enhancements - in lieu of a pc case. And since it has to be a weapon, uhh, poison pheromone system?

Or fuck it, give me an armblade.
Vendor-Lazarus said:
Why only one?
Budgetary constraints?
 

Drathnoxis

Artificial Person
Legacy
Apr 3, 2020
3,386
282
88
Country
Canada
Gender
Male
Squilookle said:
Ooh- good question but... what is a standard issue bionic weapon?
That's the question at hand. Whatever you pick is the standard issue weapon for the Doom Army.
trunkage said:
Can I replace a part of my mind with psychic powers? Tearing people apart with my mind would be super powerful
Yes but you lose the connected brain functions of the replaced part.
Vendor-Lazarus said:
Why only one?
I would replace every body part with a superior bionic/cyborg version.
Look, the Doom Army isn't made of money! Do you have any idea how ludicrously expensive a never ending war of conquest and enslavement is on a galactic scale?!
Agema said:
I'd replace my appendix with... who cares what? It can hardly fail to be more useful than my appendix.
Actually, I'm very curious what you could replace an appendix with that would function as a useful weapon? Self destruct charge maybe?
 

EvilRoy

The face I make when I see unguarded pie.
Legacy
Apr 4, 2020
1,489
104
68
Chimpzy said:
I'd replace my dick with Dwayne Johnson. And I don't mean replacing my johnson with Dwayne's johnson, I want the whole Johnson.
I would replace my wingwang with a bunch of knives, then start a romance with a wonderful woman who looks past my deformity, and then when she asks me to hold her, with tears streaming down my face I would thrust my hips and say "I CAN'T".

Drathnoxis said:
Agema said:
I'd replace my appendix with... who cares what? It can hardly fail to be more useful than my appendix.
Actually, I'm very curious what you could replace an appendix with that would function as a useful weapon? Self destruct charge maybe?
A smaller version of yourself. And then demand people start the reactor, and when they're confused and offput, punch them.
 

The Rogue Wolf

Stealthy Carnivore
Legacy
Apr 3, 2020
11,598
1,059
118
Stalking the Digital Tundra
Gender
✅
I'd have an ultra-compact contained singularity installed in my left nostril, with the power to control its gravity. Everybody knows to watch out for hands, or eyes, but nobody's going to pay attention to nostrils until they get sucked into a tiny black hole.
Silentpony said:
That way I can just look at someone and teleport a mind-bullet directly into their heads, killing them instantly.
That's telekinesis, Kyle.
 

SupahEwok

Malapropic Homophone
Legacy
Apr 3, 2020
4,028
1,393
118
Country
Texas
Chimpzy said:
I'd replace my dick with Dwayne Johnson. And I don't mean replacing my johnson with Dwayne's johnson, I want the whole Johnson.
I poked in here to see if anybody had made this joke (well, a dick joke in general). I'm happy to not be disappointed.
 

Thaluikhain

Elite Member
Legacy
Apr 4, 2020
14,759
654
118
Chimpzy said:
I'd replace my dick with Dwayne Johnson. And I don't mean replacing my johnson with Dwayne's johnson, I want the whole Johnson.
You want to, literally, be joined at the hip to the Rock?

Should I ask what part of him should be attached to your crotch?
 

Chimpzy_v1legacy

Warning! Contains bananas!
Jun 21, 2009
4,791
0
0
Thaluikhain said:
Chimpzy said:
I'd replace my dick with Dwayne Johnson. And I don't mean replacing my johnson with Dwayne's johnson, I want the whole Johnson.
You want to, literally, be joined at the hip to the Rock?

Should I ask what part of him should be attached to your crotch?
Hmm, in my excitement for a Dwayne Johnson johnson, I haven't actually given that much thought. If given the choice, I'm thinking either tailbone, back of the head or his feet.

EDIT: on second thought, I'll take his big toe instead of both his feet. His left big toe, that is. His right would just be weird.
 

Catfood220

Elite Member
Legacy
Apr 3, 2020
1,902
133
68
Chimpzy said:
I'd replace my dick with Dwayne Johnson. And I don't mean replacing my johnson with Dwayne's johnson, I want the whole Johnson.
Brings a new definition to being Rock hard....


....*cough* I'll show myself out.