My favorite short joke:
Why don't seagulls fly by the bay?
Because then they'd be bay-gulls (bagels)
.
.
.
.
.
.
My favorite long joke:
Three chinese guys die, but through some mix-up, they end up at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, facing St. Peter.
One of them says "hey, where's Buddha?"
St. Peter says "Buddha's not here, this is christian Heaven."
The three chinese guys look around, and decide they like the place and want to stay. They go back to St. Peter.
"Let us in, we're christian!"
St. Peter is skeptical, but he says "Okay, but you have to correctly answer one question to be allowed in." The chinese guys nod eagerly.
St. Peter asks the first guy "What's Easter?"
The first guy says "That's when Jesus puts on a red suit, flies all over the world on a sleigh, goes down peoples' chimneys and leaves presents under a tree!"
St. Peter says "nope, not even close" and sends the guy away. He asks the second guy the same thing, "What's Easter?"
The second guy says "That's when Jesus comes down and hands out candy to little boys and girls who are dressed up in all different scary costumes!"
St. Peter again says "nope, that's wrong" and sends the second guy away. Finally he turns to the third guy and says "What's Easter?"
The third guy thinks about it for a moment and says "That's when Jesus was crucified, buried in the tomb, and on the third day he rises and comes out of the tomb..."
St. Peter is stunned and says "you're right, come on in..."
The third guy interrupts and says "Wait, I wasn't finished! If he sees his shadow, he runs back in for six more weeks of winter!"
