Your (Fat) Princess is In Another Castle

[FoolKiller]

For the first person:
There is nothing wrong with liking her. Absolutely nothing wrong about it. If she is still lying, then there is a problem, but not because of her age.

If she is really 17 at this point and you are willing to wait till the magical age of 18, then do so. You clearly care about her enough that you aren't just trying to get some underage fuzz.

For the second person:
All I can say is Sir Mix-a-lot had it right: Baby's got Back.

 

[heyheysg]

Wow the first one was so bad, so American.

The only reason why he shouldn't go for the first girl is mainly because it's an online relationship at the moment, definitely not because of the age.

Anywhere else in the world a 3 year age gap for Under-20s or any other age bracket wouldn't be 'criminal' or 'insane'.

It would be normal.

 

[Keltzar]

I've really never understood stories about internet relationships. The big thing I'm always frustrated by is when people talk about meeting in real life and they don't even think to talk using a webcam before then. Does it really make sense to talk about meeting in real life before you even see the other person? And if the guy hadn't even talked to her using some sort of voicechat then I'm really at a loss.

 

[Avistew]

First person:

The main concern isn't the age difference (3 years is negligible. I can't name you a single girl in my high school whose boyfriend was younger than 21) but the fact that she lied. On the other hand, you do say you would have stopped talking to her if you had known the truth, so obviously she wasn't paranoid here.
It's true that online people might be lying about more. She might actually be 14. She might actually be a guy. She might be anything. I find the best way to tell is to see someone's ID. Don't ask her to scan it and send it to you though, it's creepy... Unless you're willing to send yours first, knowing that it's a risk.
I always get guys' IDs on our first date/meeting (always in a public place with people knowing where you are, possibly even people in the area to stand as witnesses. Same for her. Suggest she comes with a friend or family member, sure it will be awkward but that's protecting both of you guys). You can just say you wanna trade pictures or something. People have always been fine with that with me, you trade IDs, laugh at each other's pictures, check that their name and age match what they've told you and return the thing.

If she's actually 17 and you live in one of the rare places where it's still underage, don't have sex with her, but hey, you can still be friends, at the very least online and possibly in real life. As long as you meet her in a public place, as I said, for instance a restaurant, and that you leave separately, you should be fine. Use that date to see if she's immature like Lara suggests or not.
Of course to really know someone you need to live with them and share your everyday life, but you can get an idea by talking with them at least. When I was 23 I followed a course and there was a 17 year old and a 14 year old there, and we were friends, and we saw each other outside and stuff. I also had older friends when I was the one that age. There is no reason you can't be friends with someone who's younger than you if you do nothing inappropriate. Honestly, the "she's too young, to have sex, should I cut all contact?" think reeks of "tits or GTFO" to me. She can still be your friend even if you never ever date, dude. Just don't talk about sex and keep your IM records in case someone ever accuses you of inappropriate behaviour.

I would normally suggest talking on Skype and the like to get to know each other better... you still can (and if she refuses it might be a sign that she's a guy, for instance) but then I'd avoid video. If she's underage and flashes you for instance you could get in trouble, depending on the law. Which is a shame because it would be a way to check she's really who she says she is (the video, not the flashing).


Second person:

So you like them big. Nothing wrong with that. I'm going to assume you're still young? Dan Savage has mentioned more than once that guys often went to him saying that they liked big girls but ended up dating not girls they were attracted to, but girls they thought their pals would find attractive. They were miserable and so were the girls.
While apparently after college people start being more comfortable with being who they are and not who they think their friends want them to be, there are still guys who marry skinny chicks they're absolutely not attracted to. Don't let that happen to you. Appearance might not be everything, but if you plan on being sexually active you need to be able to look at her and find her appealing.
It's hard to own up to who you are when it's not the norm. People might laugh at you. Then again, they might also not.
If you love someone and she's the most beautiful person ever for you, you don't want to disrespect her by pretending she isn't just so people don't make fun of you. Don't do that. It's terrible for the girl it happens to. It's like gays who date people who are in the closet. On the one hand they rush to them for sexual and emotional gratification, on the other hand they insult them in public.
You need to stand up for who you are, and people will get used to it. Sure, you might be the "fat lover" or something but you can still carry that like a title and not an insult, because after all, that IS what you are, and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

[The Lugz]

honestly, for guy number 2 just tell your friends you like super-size ass and be done with it if they don't like you or think your weird then so what be the weird guy you'll have people recognising you aren't a sheep all of a sudden and get more attention in the long run

 

[Draconalis]

Average age of consent in the U.S. is 17. Depending on the states yall are in, it might not even be illegal.

 

[plainlake]

Oh you americans... 18 to have sex, 16 to drive a car.. do more people die of STDs than car accidents in the US? Anyway, In Norway its vice versa. But these things are probably based on your culture rather than biology, and your geology,(flat straight roads) rather than youths sense of responsibility.

 

[Danceofmasks]

20 and 17 ...

There's the 1/2+7 rule, so it works now.
But, when it was 19 and 16 the gap was too much.

In a couple of years, it'd be 22 and 19, when the 1/2+7 rule says 18 is ok.

Ok, so the rule may be stupid, but it does show something:
The 3 year age gap is only an issue right now.
If long term on the cards, nobody is even going to blink at your having a 3 year age gap when you're in your 30s.

 

[alandavidson]

1. She lied to you. That's all you need to know. End it NOW.

2. You like big women. Nothing wrong with that, go for it.

 

[ExtraDebit]

Everyone is giving typical advice, so I'm going to do something different and do it for the laugh.

For the underage girl, since she lied to you, you should return the favor. My take on the whole age thing is: you want to bed her. That's the only reason why her age would be a concern. I don't think it's illegal to date anyone that's underage, but to bed them that's another story.

If you do want to bed her, consider that you haven't even met her. Baby steps my brother, don't think too far ahead. Before the sex there was the kiss, before the kiss there was the date, before the date there was the appointment. Setup a meeting and met her first, there's nothing illegal about meeting an underage girl. She could be fat and not to your taste which render the concern of her age moot.

========================================================

For the fatty lover, go see a therapist. There is obviously something wrong with you if you think what 90% of men consider as hot as not and fatties as hot. Don't let anyone lied to you, it's a fetish. It's like seeing delicious food and want to puke while thinking about eating shit makes you hungry. Really, this is serious, talk to someone.

There is a reason why we don't like fat girls, it's a build in darwinian defensive mechanism of keeping our offspring healthy. Being fat is not healthy your natural instinct should realize it even if you lack the medical knowledge to understand it. You liking fat girls is a genetic deformation and should be looked into. But look on the bright side, you can consider yourself a mutant.

Disclaimer: following advice on the internet does not induce good behaviors. Everything you read online is for entertainment purpose only the ones that say otherwise are lying to you. You are responsible for your own actions.

 

[orangeapples]

Guy #1: stick with the girl. Meet with her in a public place. Is it questionable to date a girl who is underaged? yes. Is it illegal? No. As long as intercourse doesn't happen then it is fine. Unless the main thought in your head is, "I can't wait to bang this chick." then the problem is with you. Besides, dating doesn't mean "together forever". You can date without having sex. yes, it is possible. Also you might want to check her ID.

I understand the article was supposed to be comedic, but to say that all she does is complain about high-school was stretching it a bit too far.

Guy #2: yeah, no shame in liking what you like. if your friends make fun of you for it, just shrug it off. If it becomes a problem, then you need new friends.

 

[qeinar]

well to the first guy she's really just 3 years younger, if it was in europe it wouldn't really be a problem since most european countries have legal sex age at 16. to me it wouldn't be wierd if a 20 year old guy was dating a 17 year old.

 

[Kenji_03]

In the unlikely case the OP reads this I can tell ya I've been there, like REALLY where you are (won't go into detail).

I know you get along with her, I know she's awesome and amazing. Instead of thinking of this in terms of you, think of her: She was 16 dating a 19 year old, your role in her life was someone who gave her an adult perspective on her (let's face it) high-school problems. I'm very sorry to tell you this but she is going to out-grow you eventually and the best way for you to handle that is to stop being the boyfriend now and start being the beloved friend.

Because at least as her beloved and trusted friend you can enjoy her company. If you continue down the boyfriend path (as I did) she may grow to resent you...

 

[Caffiene]

Pfft. Difference in maturity between 20 and 17, complaining about school problems etc?

When I was in school between the youngest and oldest there was a 3 year age gap between some of us in the -same class-. Its more than possible that theres not only no difference in maturity but for them to be in exactly the same place in terms of social, emotional and educational state.

I dont think theres a single sentence in the advice for letter 1 that was actually reasonable. Maybe the very last sentence... if it wasnt so full of hyperbole.

edit:
And for letter 2, no, fetishizing a specific aspect of someone does not mean you are objectifying them. The definition of a fetish is just a sexual attraction to something that is not usually considered sexual (or in this case, a higher level of sexual attraction than most people exhibit).

To say that fetishizing = objectification is essentially claiming that it is wrong to ever find a specific aspect of something arousing, which is just silly. It is entirely possible to be sexually attracted to one aspect of somebody without finding other aspects arousing, and it is entirely possible to be both aroused by one aspect and find other aspects emotionally stimulating, for example personality.

This whole article seems like terrible advice to me. What few good points are made are hidden behind hyperbole and an unnecessary judgemental attitude.

 

[masticina]

Mmm interresting. There seems to be more behind the first case then is written. But isn't there always!
Doomed is the name of the path ahead indeed. Love might be blind but the law isn't and to be fair there might be a question about how mentally grown up both partners are.

The second, really what is wrong with liking certain things. Go for it enjoy it
But don't become a feeder.. that is nasty.

 

[Rkiver]

Age gap of three years, when the younger is 17, no real issue unless your area says otherwise. If it doesn't, then it's no ones concern bar yours and hers. The advice given here was poor. They lying about her age, ok so a little niggle there, as long as she is being honest about it now.

As for preferring larger women, dude, go for it. To each their own.

 

[Washboard]

I dont get all this specification people are on about...the kind of girl i go after is one i know f

I would advise caution to the first guy. If she lied about one thing theres a good chance that she has lied about another. She could even be a much older women who likes to prey on younger men. You could be one of several she has on a line so just don't give her any finical information.

Also if she is telling the truth about her age now then deffinetly stay away. As Lara said the law CAN hurt you and will. I had a friend how was 18 and dated a girl that was 17. Long story short her parents pressed charges and now he has to live with sex offender status. It has screwed his life hard.

Yeah but that depends on the law of the area right? for e.g In uk its 16, americas 16-18 (depending on state?) could be perfectly legal where one/both of them is? though i do agree i would be cautious if you intend to pursue this, maybe ask for Proof of ID? lol

 

[Atheist.]

I'd like to point out that in many states and countries the legal age of consent is below 18, and hence it would be legal in the first persons situation. The legal age of consent in my state is 16. In his situation it would be entirely legal for him to have a relationship with her. So I don't exactly agree with the advice give, although I would be a bit concerned about the lying.

 

[Shadow-Phoenix]

i'd be concerned about the lying but it's totally fine for a 20yo to go on dates with a 17yo

just because you can't get physical with her is no reason to avoid interacting together in person.

This. To Suckered By Sweet Sixteen, I had a situation almost exactly like yours, except she was two years younger instead of three. A lot of it boils down to the age of consent in your state/her state if she lives in a different state, and if you've had talks about sex with her and having sex with her and whatnot, because even talking about having sex with her is something that the courts can get you for.

I am also 20, with my gf turning 18 this year. We met online, much the same as you and your girl. I have to say that I disagree with the people that say that you're a pedophile, and that the courts can get you and lock you up and whatnot.

Like I said though, look up the age of consent in your state and hers if she lives elsewhere. It's fine to visit and be friends, but never be alone with her if she's considered under the age of consent in whatever state you are in when you're visiting.

Some examples, Florida's AOC, 18 with 2 year age gap, Texas AOC, 17 with 3 year age gap, New Hampshire, 16, but I don't know the age gap. Some states have the AOC as low as 15, but most keep it around 17-18, and some states don't have the age gap. If you really like this girl, as it sounds like you do, just be smart and don't do anything that would get either of you in trouble.

I'm 23 and my girl's about 20 and i also met her online but i see where your coming from and i hate it too when people get like that and hell some of my friends have the gall to say you can't find relationships online, well it seems many of us have proven them wrong.

 

[jyork89]

In regards to #1 the age difference isn't bad at all. In almost every country the age of consent is 16. The USA is one of the primary exceptions (depending on the state). I myself am 22 dating a 18 (almost 19 year old). I have known her for years but we have only been really dating for just over a year. In saying that she has been asked out by people much older than me.

The only real caution I would advise is the same that should be advised of any online meeting no matter the age, don't fully commit to them until you have met them in person. And don't consider it a relationship. You only need to meet them briefly to be certain, but it is the most key and important part of any relationship that begins online. Also you might want to confirm her ID somehow. Get her to scan a copy of her passport or ID card or something.