Your Favorite Terrible Movie. Or So Bad They're Awesome
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Eh, still better than a lot of action movies that released theatrically in the 2010s. Especially the ones that tried to copy Jason Bourne in tone or action.
The Apple is an amazing wannabe-Rocky Horror dumpster fire of a movie. No one involved had much of a career afterward. It's a musical but the two leads couldn't sing (every single song, they lip synched!). The plot is absolutely non-sensical and would still be even if some bits hadn't been left on the cutting room floor. It looks incredibly dated and the cinematography is horrid. And being a movie of its age, there are unfortunate implications everywhere. The main antagonist chews more scenery than exists in the movie (and how!). The first time I watched it I hated it.
And yet, I love it. I've seen it almost a half dozen times. The very first song prepares you: There ain't no pride, there ain't no shame! And if you're wondering just what the people making this movie were on... Speeeeeeed! It's all about show business in 1994, baby. We fight for the spotlight, we kill for encore!
And yet, I love it. I've seen it almost a half dozen times. The very first song prepares you: There ain't no pride, there ain't no shame! And if you're wondering just what the people making this movie were on... Speeeeeeed! It's all about show business in 1994, baby. We fight for the spotlight, we kill for encore!
Con Air. I challenge you to find a movie as dumb, as fun and as weirdly stacked with actual acting talent as this *****. Like this could have been a 90s Suicide Squad movie if all you did was change Nicholas Cage’s character from Cameron Poe to Rick Flagg. And he still wouldn’t stand out out much with guys like Cyrus the Virus, Diamond Dog, Billy Bedlum, Pinball and Johnny 23 (bottom feeding scum that he is) with the most normal name belonging to the movie’s Hannibal Lecter knock off, Garland Greene.
Observe and Report:
On an $18 million budget it made $27 million. And interesting, as much as the critics disliked it, the audience hated it even more.
It is on my list of top 10 comedies of all time.
It is a pitch black comedy. And people tend to hate black comedies. Seth Rogen's normal lovable doof is replaced in this movie with a very disturbed person. It stumbles a time or two for cheap laughs
The music sound track is fantastic. The characters very memorable and well played. And there are a few scenes in what should not be a funny ha ha sorta movie, my sides literally hurt. A+
EDIT: Sorry, just deleted the trailer I added from Youtube. It has waaaaaay too many spoilers.
On an $18 million budget it made $27 million. And interesting, as much as the critics disliked it, the audience hated it even more.
It is on my list of top 10 comedies of all time.
It is a pitch black comedy. And people tend to hate black comedies. Seth Rogen's normal lovable doof is replaced in this movie with a very disturbed person. It stumbles a time or two for cheap laughs
Regen's character Ronnie tries to lift a needful 100 lb Anna Farris and almost can't do it which is supposed to be funny. This very full of himself guy too weak to lift this little girl. Ha... ha... But later the move points out, Rogen is a reasonably large mammal. And when he wants to be, he is super physically dangerous.
The music sound track is fantastic. The characters very memorable and well played. And there are a few scenes in what should not be a funny ha ha sorta movie, my sides literally hurt. A+
EDIT: Sorry, just deleted the trailer I added from Youtube. It has waaaaaay too many spoilers.
Showgirls
Director Paul Verhoeven's whole thing is balancing exploitation, sincerity, and irony, resulting in a body of work that is all over the place. And I pretty much love it all- he's one of those dudes that is on his own wavelength and I just dig it.
Showgirls is his most absurd one, where Elizabeth Berkley from Saved By the Bell portrays the most opposite possible character as a hyper-ambitious stripper-dancer in Vegas. The movie is essentially a remake of the Bette Davis classic All About Eve, which was already campy and absurd but now it's the 90's version. Berkley's acting skills are limited but she makes it for it with enthusiasm- so much enthusiasm it's insane and I kind of love her for it and it's so bad.
Kyle McLachlan and Gina Gershawn try to add some respectability but they just get drowned in the muck of this movie's insanity. It is so fun to watch. Perhaps the most infamous scene is Berkely riding McLachlan in a pool and thrashing about- it's legit the second funniest sex scene I've ever seen with #1 being Dr. Crusher getting nailed by a ghost in TNG.
What also makes this movie funny is that all his movies have some point to make under the trappings. The best example is Starshoop Troopers which was a critique of militarism and nationalism but was executed so well that a lot of people didn't get it for a while. But with Showgirls the point is that chasing fame is dangerous which... come on, in a movie, why? But all that really ends up happening is it feels like the point is, "hey, women be crazy, amirite?" The best good-bad movies are also a little problematic.
Director Paul Verhoeven's whole thing is balancing exploitation, sincerity, and irony, resulting in a body of work that is all over the place. And I pretty much love it all- he's one of those dudes that is on his own wavelength and I just dig it.
Showgirls is his most absurd one, where Elizabeth Berkley from Saved By the Bell portrays the most opposite possible character as a hyper-ambitious stripper-dancer in Vegas. The movie is essentially a remake of the Bette Davis classic All About Eve, which was already campy and absurd but now it's the 90's version. Berkley's acting skills are limited but she makes it for it with enthusiasm- so much enthusiasm it's insane and I kind of love her for it and it's so bad.
Kyle McLachlan and Gina Gershawn try to add some respectability but they just get drowned in the muck of this movie's insanity. It is so fun to watch. Perhaps the most infamous scene is Berkely riding McLachlan in a pool and thrashing about- it's legit the second funniest sex scene I've ever seen with #1 being Dr. Crusher getting nailed by a ghost in TNG.
What also makes this movie funny is that all his movies have some point to make under the trappings. The best example is Starshoop Troopers which was a critique of militarism and nationalism but was executed so well that a lot of people didn't get it for a while. But with Showgirls the point is that chasing fame is dangerous which... come on, in a movie, why? But all that really ends up happening is it feels like the point is, "hey, women be crazy, amirite?" The best good-bad movies are also a little problematic.
I know I will incur the wrath of @BrawlMan here, but: Basically any Godfrey Ho ninja movie.
...well, to call them "movies" is being almost excessively generous. What Ho did was buy bargain-rate Hong Kong kung-fu and detective movies, chop them up, and frame them around ridiculous stories involving the world's most unlikely ninjas.
This is Gordon the ninja. You can tell he's a ninja because it says "Ninja" on his headband.
Ho was intent on cashing in on the ninja craze of the early 1980s, and had access to a stable of B- and C-movie actors from a number of nations (none of whom were Asian; Ho claimed this was to mock how "unrealistic" ninja movies were compared to real ninjas), whom he dressed in the most ridiculous costumes (a very small amount of) money could buy, and had spout terrible dialogue in-between shoddy overcranked "fight" scenes involving obvious stunt doubles. He then spliced these scenes into those purchased movies, with terrible ADR attempting to link the plots together.
Here, the ninja master tells us how two ninjas were punished for premarital sex by having their ninja powers removed and being sent to live in the Unicorn Village. I swear I am not making this up.
Honestly, as terrible as these movies are, I enjoy them for having an amount of cheese that makes Wisconsin blush. In what other series of movies could you hope to have an American dressed up in a Hulkamania-colored outfit (with sequins!) stand on top of a hill and shout "NINJA!" at the top of his lungs?
Alvin the good ninja stops evil ninjas from shipping cocaine hidden in watermelons. Again: Not making this up.
I haven't said anything about the movies Ho packaged along with his ninja scenes because they were almost universally boring; there was a reason he got them on the cheap. But there was one film that had a fight scene involving a woman completely in the nude, doing cartwheels and everything.
It wasn't as sexy as you might think. Things... flapped.
...well, to call them "movies" is being almost excessively generous. What Ho did was buy bargain-rate Hong Kong kung-fu and detective movies, chop them up, and frame them around ridiculous stories involving the world's most unlikely ninjas.
This is Gordon the ninja. You can tell he's a ninja because it says "Ninja" on his headband.
Ho was intent on cashing in on the ninja craze of the early 1980s, and had access to a stable of B- and C-movie actors from a number of nations (none of whom were Asian; Ho claimed this was to mock how "unrealistic" ninja movies were compared to real ninjas), whom he dressed in the most ridiculous costumes (a very small amount of) money could buy, and had spout terrible dialogue in-between shoddy overcranked "fight" scenes involving obvious stunt doubles. He then spliced these scenes into those purchased movies, with terrible ADR attempting to link the plots together.
Here, the ninja master tells us how two ninjas were punished for premarital sex by having their ninja powers removed and being sent to live in the Unicorn Village. I swear I am not making this up.
Honestly, as terrible as these movies are, I enjoy them for having an amount of cheese that makes Wisconsin blush. In what other series of movies could you hope to have an American dressed up in a Hulkamania-colored outfit (with sequins!) stand on top of a hill and shout "NINJA!" at the top of his lungs?
Alvin the good ninja stops evil ninjas from shipping cocaine hidden in watermelons. Again: Not making this up.
I haven't said anything about the movies Ho packaged along with his ninja scenes because they were almost universally boring; there was a reason he got them on the cheap. But there was one film that had a fight scene involving a woman completely in the nude, doing cartwheels and everything.
It wasn't as sexy as you might think. Things... flapped.
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You're good my man. Love what you love. I admit when I look for these, I only look for the montage clips of the "NINJA" action.I know I will incur the wrath of @BrawlMan here, but: Basically any Godfrey Ho ninja movie.
...well, to call them "movies" is being almost excessively generous. What Ho did was buy bargain-rate Chinese/Hong Kong kung-fu and detective movies, chop them up, and frame them around ridiculous stories involving the world's most unlikely ninjas.
This is Gordon the ninja. You can tell he's a ninja because it says "Ninja" on his headband.
Ho was intent on cashing in on the ninja craze of the early 1980s, and had access to a stable of B- and C-movie actors from a number of nations (none of whom were Asian; Ho claimed this was to mock how "unrealistic" ninja movies were compared to real ninjas), whom he dressed in the most ridiculous costumes (a very small amount of) money could buy, and had spout terrible dialogue in-between shoddy overcranked "fight" scenes involving obvious stunt doubles. He then spliced these scenes into those purchased movies, with terrible ADR attempting to link the plots together.
Here, the ninja master tells us how two ninjas were punished for premarital sex by having their ninja powers removed and being sent to live in the Unicorn Village. I swear I am not making this up.
Honestly, as terrible as these movies are, I enjoy them for having an amount of cheese that makes Wisconsin blush. In what other series of movies could you hope to have an American dressed up in a Hulkamania-colored outfit (with sequins!) stand on top of a hill and shout "NINJA!" at the top of his lungs?
Alvin the good ninja stops evil ninjas from shipping cocaine hidden in watermelons. Again: Not making this up.
I haven't said anything about the movies Ho packaged along with his ninja scenes because they were almost universally boring; there was a reason he got them on the cheap. But there was one film that had a fight scene involving a woman completely in the nude, doing cartwheels and everything.
It wasn't as sexy as you might think. Things... flapped.
Speaking of ninjas @The Rogue Wolf:
These movies are beyond the title thread, and just straight up so silly, they're true perfection!
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Just the premise alone to explain how Cameron Poe got locked up to begin with breaks so many actual legal rules that even someone without any legal knowledge will call bullshit, and it just spirals from there. And good lord, is it amazing. And to expand on the acting talent: this movie somehow managed to get Nicolas Cage, John Cusack, John Malkovich, Steve Buscemi, AND Danny Trejo...among others.
Oh, those films that...um...was it the Cinema Snob liked? Often starring Pierre Kirby, the martial artist who was maybe killed by pirates sailing a yacht in SE Asia?I know I will incur the wrath of @BrawlMan here, but: Basically any Godfrey Ho ninja movie.
...well, to call them "movies" is being almost excessively generous. What Ho did was buy bargain-rate Hong Kong kung-fu and detective movies, chop them up, and frame them around ridiculous stories involving the world's most unlikely ninjas.
This is Gordon the ninja. You can tell he's a ninja because it says "Ninja" on his headband.
Ho was intent on cashing in on the ninja craze of the early 1980s, and had access to a stable of B- and C-movie actors from a number of nations (none of whom were Asian; Ho claimed this was to mock how "unrealistic" ninja movies were compared to real ninjas), whom he dressed in the most ridiculous costumes (a very small amount of) money could buy, and had spout terrible dialogue in-between shoddy overcranked "fight" scenes involving obvious stunt doubles. He then spliced these scenes into those purchased movies, with terrible ADR attempting to link the plots together.
Here, the ninja master tells us how two ninjas were punished for premarital sex by having their ninja powers removed and being sent to live in the Unicorn Village. I swear I am not making this up.
Honestly, as terrible as these movies are, I enjoy them for having an amount of cheese that makes Wisconsin blush. In what other series of movies could you hope to have an American dressed up in a Hulkamania-colored outfit (with sequins!) stand on top of a hill and shout "NINJA!" at the top of his lungs?
Alvin the good ninja stops evil ninjas from shipping cocaine hidden in watermelons. Again: Not making this up.
I haven't said anything about the movies Ho packaged along with his ninja scenes because they were almost universally boring; there was a reason he got them on the cheap. But there was one film that had a fight scene involving a woman completely in the nude, doing cartwheels and everything.
It wasn't as sexy as you might think. Things... flapped.
One came up on youtube once, didn't get very far into it.
The very one and same, yes. In fact, I think Kirby was possibly the only actual skilled martial artist Ho hired. And to this day his disappearance is unsolved.
What makes a bad movie is a contentious issue.
Lots of movies are bad in all sorts of ways: on technical levels few things are worse than a low-budget film made by amateurs and incompetents. But then, often the people making it know that, and the viewer knows when they watch it, so everyone should have their expectations in the right place. Something like the aforementioned "Black Sheep" is a low-budget, silly, comedy horror, and in that it is fine. It's not a good film in all sorts of ways, but it fulfills its remit well: it's a significantly better cheap comedy horror than most other cheap comedy horrors, although hardly meets the demented, glorious, genius of something like "The Evil Dead 2" or "Braindead".
I think to have a truly bad film, it has to be something that completely misses the mark. "Gigli" (I hatewatched it) is in a whole host of technical ways a better film than "Black Sheep", and yet is overall a worse film because it risibly fails to be what it wants to be. "The Room" is not just excruciatingly bad on almost every level, it's made even worse because it so obviously aspires to greatness, made by a guy blissfully unaware of his incompetence. That is probably why it's often cited as the worst film ever.
I always hated "Blood On Satan's Claw" as terrible, which I saw in my mid-late teens. However, it actually got some decent reviews at the time, so maybe I should go back and rewatch it and see if I can reappraise it with a wiser mind.
I also want to cite the Transformers movies by Michael Bay. And this comes partly because I loved Transformers as a child in the 80s. It should be difficult to make films about massive robots smashing each other up so dull, and yet Bay manages it. Mostly, by focusing on boring, folksy or comedy humans: the Transformers themselves are almost just a subplot. Despite having characters and personalities, we're never asked to empathise or give a shit about any of them: they turn up as faceless lumps of metal and promptly get trashed so they can shoehorn in the next tranche of robots that didn't make the cut for the next movie. The only two of any note are Bumblebee, reduced to nothing but "pet" status, and Optimus Prime as a boring honourable warrior. Even the tiny proportion of the grotequely overlong films that feature hot robot-on-robot smash action is rendered garbage, as it is just a blur of CGI that simulates some idea of speed and activity without anything to engage the viewer. Utter, dismal failure.
Lots of movies are bad in all sorts of ways: on technical levels few things are worse than a low-budget film made by amateurs and incompetents. But then, often the people making it know that, and the viewer knows when they watch it, so everyone should have their expectations in the right place. Something like the aforementioned "Black Sheep" is a low-budget, silly, comedy horror, and in that it is fine. It's not a good film in all sorts of ways, but it fulfills its remit well: it's a significantly better cheap comedy horror than most other cheap comedy horrors, although hardly meets the demented, glorious, genius of something like "The Evil Dead 2" or "Braindead".
I think to have a truly bad film, it has to be something that completely misses the mark. "Gigli" (I hatewatched it) is in a whole host of technical ways a better film than "Black Sheep", and yet is overall a worse film because it risibly fails to be what it wants to be. "The Room" is not just excruciatingly bad on almost every level, it's made even worse because it so obviously aspires to greatness, made by a guy blissfully unaware of his incompetence. That is probably why it's often cited as the worst film ever.
I always hated "Blood On Satan's Claw" as terrible, which I saw in my mid-late teens. However, it actually got some decent reviews at the time, so maybe I should go back and rewatch it and see if I can reappraise it with a wiser mind.
I also want to cite the Transformers movies by Michael Bay. And this comes partly because I loved Transformers as a child in the 80s. It should be difficult to make films about massive robots smashing each other up so dull, and yet Bay manages it. Mostly, by focusing on boring, folksy or comedy humans: the Transformers themselves are almost just a subplot. Despite having characters and personalities, we're never asked to empathise or give a shit about any of them: they turn up as faceless lumps of metal and promptly get trashed so they can shoehorn in the next tranche of robots that didn't make the cut for the next movie. The only two of any note are Bumblebee, reduced to nothing but "pet" status, and Optimus Prime as a boring honourable warrior. Even the tiny proportion of the grotequely overlong films that feature hot robot-on-robot smash action is rendered garbage, as it is just a blur of CGI that simulates some idea of speed and activity without anything to engage the viewer. Utter, dismal failure.
Also hurts when you compare it to the animated film from the 80s, which just works. Though it seems that the people behind it rather missed what they were aiming for and the movie ended up a lot better than they might have expected. Killing off lots of characters almost incidentally (to make room for new toys) makes the fighting seem serious, for example.
I get at one level that it's harder to get an audience to identify with non-humans. Kids with a massively popular toy line they've been indoctrinated into can jump right in, but the toy heyday was a couple of decades prior so that boat has sailed. That therefore poses a risk to a $200 million movie, so instead, it's about Shia LeBeouf or Mark Wahlberg and family (also cheaper, because much fewer SFX required).
Consequences are also good: but on the other hand, consequences (fatal) are much more real when you feel something for the character. An aspect of tension about Transformers must be the idea of whether they are really alive (to a human) or are they just a program. Even in the Bay movies, the government is immoral for destroying them, because they are killing sentient beings. And yet the movies completely undermine this by removing the most powerful motivation for us to feel this wrongness, when it does not give us a decent opportunity to empathise with the sentient beings being killed. But then, Bay has always been resolutely shit at this sort of thing: he can do nothing but crass bombast.
Michael Bay seems to make Transformers movies for a very specific audience: Michael Bay. OMG THE US MILITARY IS AWESOME also throw in an awkward romance for the girls and I guess there's robots somewhere in there too.
"Optimus who? Oh, whatever. RAAAGH MACHINE GUNS!"