Your Favorite Zero Punctuation Quote

robot slipper

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Dec 29, 2010
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From one of the Guitar Hero/Rock Band ones: "Expecting the vocalist to sing an unknown song entirely in foreign is like expecting the guitarist to play with mittens on. Or for the drummer to think". Being a drummer, that make me absolutely fall in love with Yahtzee!

I tend to use these ones in real life wherever possible from Just Cause 2:
"JUST 'CAUSE!"
and "Fucked if IIIIIII know!"

One more from Gears of War 2: "Marcus' best friend (AND NOTHING ELSE) Dom..."
 

Declaro

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Sep 1, 2010
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I think I have two, both of which my ZP-obsessed friend quotes frequently.

"I am a MONSTER TRUCK that walks like a MAN!"

and

"Short answer: no. Long answer: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."
 

Scorched_Cascade

Innocence proves nothing
Sep 26, 2008
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"Whoa save some innovation for the rest of us Da Vinci".

He managed to hit perfect sarcasm levels on that one.
 

CheckD3

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Dec 9, 2009
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"Ooo wook he's a doggie! Mashup his wittle face and call him chips!"

Fable II, the way he delivered it was quite funny. I also like "bone your spouse till their eyes fall out" from the review
 

Zipa

batlh bIHeghjaj.
Dec 19, 2010
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Ozzythecat said:
Alpha Protocol

"Mike Thornton is the ponciest ponce to ponce by the poncing parlor"

I remember just laughing myself into a ball,
From the same video:

''The dialogue options lets you switch between 3 attitudes: professional by the book ponce who wouldnt emote if the angel gabriel blew off in his face the aggressive ponce who sounds snarlingly like he is 5 seconds away from flipping the global crisis on its front and pounding away on its nether hole with a spas 12 and the suave ponce who might as well just save time and mace himself every time he opens his fucking mouth.''
 

Zhadramekel

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Apr 18, 2010
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It's got to be from Spiderman: Web of Shadows:
"Gameplay consists of beating people up, beating bigger people up, following people until they can stop long enough to let you beat them up, protecting people by beating up the people who are trying to beat them up and some quick time events."
 

x EvilErmine x

Cake or death?!
Apr 5, 2010
1,022
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"As the exasperated Chinese zoo keeper said to the last male panda on earth FUCK THAT!"

Pure comedy gold :eek:D
 

Drop_D-Bombshell

Doing Nothing Productive...
Apr 17, 2010
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"some people have told me final fantasy 13 gets good around 20 hours in. YOu know that's now a point in it's favour right? Put your handon a stove for 20 hours and sure you'll probably stop feeling the pain but you'll have done serious damage to yourself"

FFXIII review. Utterly classic!
 

Lunar Templar

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Sep 20, 2009
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thought of a few more, though i forget what ep its from >.> and the context actually, but i use it when i have a chance

"which makes it about as hard as the staypuft marshmallow man's dick in the presences of his grandma"

"i could mention the hugely satisfying penis extention gun that lets you pin baddies to walls with entire tree's, but all you really need to know is there's a gun that shoots shurikens and lightning. i wish i could make something like that up. it shoots shurikens and lightning! it could only be more awesome if it had tits and where on fire"

the saints row 2 review, ALL of it, BUT
"games have been on this quest for total realism, but now that we'er on the verge of it I'm thinking its probably not worth it, and its up to games like Saints Row 2 to remind us that realism is an acceptable sacrifice if it means i can throw old lady's into jet turbines" (quoted for truth really)

" so you end up in these weird scenario's wear your sitting on an arms stock pile that would same north Korea, but are flinging peas at a giant robot crab on the off chance there's a BIGGER robot crab around the corner"
 

PlasmaFrog

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Feb 2, 2009
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The entire review for Wolfenstein.

I've never hear a limerick flow so smoothly and hilariously in my entire lifetime.
 

luckshotpro

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Oct 18, 2010
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JakeTheSnakeMan said:
"Kicking the door in and holding down fire until all organic matter in the room is fused with the wallpaper feels like it should be a last resort."

Don't remember which episode it was from but if anyone would like to enlighten me if they know, I would appreciate it.
Splinter Cell: Conviction
 

luckshotpro

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Oct 18, 2010
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Clive Barker's Jericho:
"I could go on listing the stupid design decisions... so I will. The game occasionally breaks up the action with, all together now, God of War style, Simon Says button matching sequences which I'm informed I should probably be calling Shenmue style button matching sequences because they did it first but frankly who gives a shit? And considering how much practice the game industry in general has had with these ubiquitous fuckers it's surprising that there are still games that can cock them up. In this case making the indicator so small and neutrally colored that they're very easy to overlook. But even if they were bright pink and six feet wide it wouldn't remove the fact that the sequences are unnecessary, obnoxious, cliched and some other mean words."

that and: "Assault on Cool Ranch Doritos"
 

Xistic

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Mar 3, 2011
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"Like a menstruating woman dropped off a 6 story building IT BREAKS FLOW!"

Burnout: Paradise, I think.
 

Dr. Paine

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Oct 26, 2009
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VaudevillianVeteran said:
From the same episode as OP:

"[helping game publishers find ideas] Here's one: A genetically-engineered Taiwanese chef teams up with a newt in a fez to rescue his large-bosomed girlfriend from mummies. There, you see? It's easy. A breast cancer specialist with large bosoms journeys through time to pay for a breast enlargement. A race of bosom people set out on an armada of bosoms to find a new bosom homeworld. Bosoms, melons, milk factories, busts, funbags, knockers, boobies, jugs, nipples, jubblies, STONKING... GREAT... TITS."
Damn, ninja'd by the first reply...

The other one that's always stuck out to me is from the Clive Barker's Jericho (by Clive Barker) review, which happened to be my first ZP:

"The plot's about as twisted and impenetrable as a granite octopus."
 

AbominableSnowDude

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May 10, 2011
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"Those wacky fun-loving lepers have this hilarious tendancy to shove you with all their retard strength and send you flying Ye Olde Mosh Pit style."
- Assasin's Creed

Classic.
 

Moonlight Butterfly

Be the Leaf
Mar 16, 2011
6,157
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Roganzar said:
"The Sims is more popular than a chocolate cunnilingus machine and afterwards doesn't make you feel fat and ashamed."
The look on my wife's face when she heard this had me laughing even harder.
But its so soooo true. It doesn't matter how much I like to shoot feral ghouls and chop up necromorphs I still enjoy recolouring the curtains.

Drop_D-Bombshell said:
"some people have told me final fantasy 13 gets good around 20 hours in. YOu know that's now a point in it's favour right? Put your handon a stove for 20 hours and sure you'll probably stop feeling the pain but you'll have done serious damage to yourself"

FFXIII review. Utterly classic!
this is one of my favourites too rofl.