Your "One does not simply..." moments in videogames.

[thesilentman]

One does not simply NOT get hit in a wooden tank.
One does not simply fight a woman who can light your ass on fire and juggle you around like a ragdoll while you attempt to attack with an electric katana.

I'm feeling nice, so cookies to people who can guess the games that I'm playing.

Assassins Creed Brotherhood, and the second I quoted may be one of the No More Heroes games.

OT: One does not simply leave star coins unacquired! (Currently playing Mario Bros U and yup, Shiny OCD acting up again, I must have them all you see.

First one's right, not the second. DAMN that mission and it's full synch requirement. I regularly destroy Dark Souls, but Hell on Wheels is way too much frustration in one sitting.

 

[Sprinal]

One Does not Simply survive Hidden Fun stuff

One does not simply walk from Solitude to Riften

One does not simply finish a CD Projekt Red on the hardest difficulty

One does not simply capture the Crown

anymore? I can't think of any.

 

[Palademon]

One Does Not Simply...kill 3 Ringwraiths as Aragorn in LOTR Conquest.

I seriously die around killing one of them.
This achievement forever eludes me.

One Does Not Simply...Armoured Core V.
Just at all.
I want to. I just really can't

 

[Voxgizer]

One does not simply call out the March Hare in Dungeonland when he's been scaled up to level 20. Not without catching a serious ass whoopin' in the process.

 

[BENZOOKA]

One does not simply decide and stick to play a Civilization game for "just one more turn", "until this wonder/building/improvement is built", "until this war ends", "until this tech is discovered", "until this Golden Age ends", "until a certain number of turns"...

... One does not simply list all the things that exhibit the one-more-turn syndrome.

 

[The White Hunter]

One does not simply NOT get hit in a wooden tank.
One does not simply fight a woman who can light your ass on fire and juggle you around like a ragdoll while you attempt to attack with an electric katana.

I'm feeling nice, so cookies to people who can guess the games that I'm playing.

Assassins Creed Brotherhood, and the second I quoted may be one of the No More Heroes games.

OT: One does not simply leave star coins unacquired! (Currently playing Mario Bros U and yup, Shiny OCD acting up again, I must have them all you see.

First one's right, not the second. DAMN that mission and it's full synch requirement. I regularly destroy Dark Souls, but Hell on Wheels is way too much frustration in one sitting.

I hate the full sync requirements in any AC game, they're their to take away your freedom and provide busy work to extend the lifespan of the game, I'd rather they were just replayable and there was maybe a scoring system based on being seen, silent takedowns, etc. Also too much insta-fail in AC these days.

 

[Xdeser2]

One does not simply play a short campaign as the Byzantines...

 

[viking97]

One does not simply tryhard on hightower!

 

[Brutal Peanut]

"One does not simply follow the roads in Skyrim."

What is that? A nice road that will lead me directly where I need to go? Pfffffft - I'm going to climb the hell out of this mountain.

 

[CorvusFerreum]

One does not simply capture the Crown

One does not simply hold the crown.

One does not simply play one more turn in any turn based game ever.
One does not simply play one more duel in chivalry.
One does not simply play plow through the main quest in any RPG.
One does not simply not kill the pope in medieval II.

 

[mattttherman3]

One does not simply catch Charles Lee on the first try

Seriously, fuck that segment

 

[Megalodon]

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY GET THE FUCKING CRYSTAL SHIP IN FTL.

another pain in my ass, dear fucking god, i've played through that game at least 40 different times now (beaten it only twice..fuck.) and only once have i ever gotten even CLOSE to getting the damn thing, i even stopped and looked through a step by step guide on how to get the bugger, and still couldn't happen.

Not just the bloody Crystal Ship, all the unlocks besides the Engi and Federation Cruisers, I've apparently logged 46 games since i bought the damn game on wednesday, and haven't been able to get any of the event specific unlocks. That game is silly, why lock your replayability behind a fucking random genrated event? I wouldn't even mind too much if they microtransactioned it, I'd pay another couple of quid to get the other 6 ships.

 

[teebeeohh]

One does not simply use the line gun because the ammo is supposed to be rare.
One does not simply lane as Leshrac against Lion.
One does not simply fight Juggernaut 1on1.
ONE DOES NOT PUSH THE LANE.
One does not simply play through a bad game, one RAGEQUITS.
One does not simply play one more turn.


oh and regarding the ships in FTL: if you want to check out the other ships you can just download the config file from someone who has them all.

 

[lacktheknack]

One does not simply build a fortress in Dwarf Fortress.

One does not simply lose a fortress to a siege.

One does not simply build a megaproject.

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY ANYTHING IN DWARF FORTRESS.

Except checking the Wiki.

That's the only simple thing in DF.

 

[ImmortalDrifter]

One does not simply leave his LMG unreloaded after firing only one round.

Damn, you got my good one.

OT:

One does not simply leave containers unsearched

One does not simply leave pedestrians alone

One does not simply "beat" the flamelurker

One does not simply stomp the corpse a single time

 

[Nazulu]

One does not simply fuck around while playing competitive RTS games online.
One does not simply forget to save in games with unskippable cut scenes.
One does not simply keep pressing through quickly while listening to an giant owl.

"One does not simply follow the roads in Skyrim."

What is that? A nice road that will lead me directly where I need to go? Pfffffft - I'm going to climb the hell out of this mountain.

Lol. It's so true.

 

[Teoes]

One does not simply leave critters unsquished.

 

[Thanatos5150]

One does not simply roll Twitch in solo queue.

 

[Coldster]

Oh god, in Skyrim I've had about a hundred on these moments where something is not working properly. My favourite one of all time is this though:

Brynjolf told me to meet him down there after I completed his little pickpocket quest, but he never came. Instead, he stood at his stall where all the merchants are as if the quest was never completed. To fix this, I had to sprint into him and push him inch by inch to each door leading to the Ragged Flagon. It was quite the journey.

 

[Bostur]

From a previous WoW era:
"One does not simply walk into Icecrown"

I found it amusing because there were several easy ways to get into Icecrown but walking wasn't one of them. It also adds to the effect that Icecrown was very Mordor themed.

I'm sure LOTRO will generate lots of similar memes soon.