Your "One does not simply..." moments in videogames.

[Z of the Na'vi]

One does not simply play Borderlands 2 "for a few minutes."

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

One does not simply walk north to New Vegas.

FUCKING CAZADORES

Can't forget about the death claws. Or the Giant Rad Scorpions.

 

[Pikey Mikey]

These last few days I've had a good one.
"One does not simply NOT hoard every single bullet (and high-worth weapon) in Metro (2033)"
or (ok, two decent ones)
"One does not simply replay Metro (2033) ONCE (on Ranger Hardcore, naturally))"

 

[deathbydeath]

Ones does not simply quit playing TF2. Oh, wait...

 

[Childe]

One does not simply beat Brood Mother.

Well, that one's Dragon Age: Origins. That was a hell of a long boss fight. The best way for me was to just gradually whittle down its health with arrows and magic from too far away for it to get me with its tentacles; if I tried to fight it in melee it killed my guys in seconds.

In a similar vein: one does not simply get through Orzammar in a reasonable amount of time.

No, actually. I've never played Dragon Age Origins. Is it any good?

Ya i was thinking it was DOTA 2 bc of the above one does not...

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

One does not simply "kill Ornstein and Smough before going to bed".

One does not simply take out a single soldier in Assassin's Creed 3.

One does not simply run through New Londo without a curse.

One does not simply leave a gun unreloaded.

One does not simply discard items.

One does not simply choose the default face or colour scheme.

One does not simply 'roll through' a volley of magic homing arrows.

One does not simply kill the only witness. (RDR)

One does not simply beat the Four Kings.
One does not simply spam fireballs to defeat a butterfly.

I'm guessing these two are Dark Souls?

 

[doomspore98]

One does not simply kill caesar in fallout new vegas.

 

[Easton Dark]

One does not simply have witnesses in Hitman games.

EITHER YOU DO IT PERFECT OR YOU RESTART

 

[SecondPrize]

One does not simply not warp to cyno. NEVER NOT WARP TO CYNO

 

[OniaPL]

One does not simply walk north to New Vegas.

FUCKING CAZADORES

I really don't understand what you people had a problem with, on my first playthrough I went north from the starting town to get to New Vegas. I didn't even see Boulder City until like +60 hours into the game.
You can do it if you want to!

OT:

One does not simply play a relaxing game of MOBA.
ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY GET THE FUCKING CRYSTAL SHIP IN FTL.

No, actually. I've never played Dragon Age Origins. Is it any good?

Dude.
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.
Dudebrah.
Man.
Bro.

Hear me out.

Buy it. I can't guarantee you will love it. What I can guarantee that you owe it to yourself to try it out. Most people either seem to love it or hate it. It has a traditional RPG combat and some cliche RPG things, but if it clicks, then it just... clicks.
If you would characterize yourself as someone who likes RPGs and who isn't entirely burnt out on the more traditional fantasy, try it out.
I've personally logged +200 hours into it across all playthroughs. I've played through it 4 times.

P.S.
The steam version is a ripoff. Some stores around here sell it for 10 bucks but at steam it costs 30 euros. Thanks EA.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

One does not simply beat Brood Mother.

Well, that one's Dragon Age: Origins. That was a hell of a long boss fight. The best way for me was to just gradually whittle down its health with arrows and magic from too far away for it to get me with its tentacles; if I tried to fight it in melee it killed my guys in seconds.

In a similar vein: one does not simply get through Orzammar in a reasonable amount of time.

lol, true that, even on a speed run of just trying to ignore the darkspawn you are in for quite a while, although that's not applicable because you have to kill that annoying spider queen to progress.

although i still prefer that part to the fade, fuck that noise to hell, as soon as that mod was made to skip it it's been in my "must have" mods ever since.


OT:

One does not simply kill star wolf's team(the last time you can face them) with a broken wing and the basic laser.

 

[Silvanus]

One does not simply open a Mann Co. Supply Crate. [http://wiki.teamfortress.com/wiki/Mann_Co._Supply_Crate_Key]

 

[Fijiman]

One does not simply play Call of Duty for a few hours without getting angry at least once.

 

[Yabba]

One does not simply "skip" current level side missions.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY GET THE FUCKING CRYSTAL SHIP IN FTL.

another pain in my ass, dear fucking god, i've played through that game at least 40 different times now (beaten it only twice..fuck.) and only once have i ever gotten even CLOSE to getting the damn thing, i even stopped and looked through a step by step guide on how to get the bugger, and still couldn't happen.

One does not simply play Call of Duty for a few hours without getting angry at least once.

i find it hilarious when i hear someone say "i've never gotten mad/upset playing games, that's just dumb, i don't understand how people ever get even the slightest bit angry."

and all i can think about is if they've never played cod/dota/LoL/etc...

as much fun as it can be, you're GOING to get pissed, hell i would end the day with a 2.67 K/D ratio and i would STILL rage hard.

 

[CrazyCapnMorgan]

One does not simply defeat Champion Cynthia. *eyes twitch at sightings of Garchomp*

One does not simply Planetary Fortress rush Zerg.

And, probably most importantly, one does not simply run through Hell difficulty in Diablo 2 and survive lightning shooting spirits. Even at maximum lightning resistance.

 

[OniaPL]

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY GET THE FUCKING CRYSTAL SHIP IN FTL.

another pain in my ass, dear fucking god, i've played through that game at least 40 different times now (beaten it only twice..fuck.) and only once have i ever gotten even CLOSE to getting the damn thing, i even stopped and looked through a step by step guide on how to get the bugger, and still couldn't happen.

Can't help but feel like they dropped the ball there.

You need to:

Find a correct sector where you can get the pod event (pirate, engi, rock, maybe civilian?)
Find the pod event in the sector
After that find a zoltan/engi sector
Find the research crew event in that sector
Find a rock homeworld (may not even spawn in your game even if you get the pod)
Find the unmarked portal in the rock sector

The amount of luck required is obscene. I wish there was just a cheat to get the damn thing.

 

[Some_Jackass]

One does not simply waltz through Old Olney
(Fallout 3)

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY GET THE FUCKING CRYSTAL SHIP IN FTL.

another pain in my ass, dear fucking god, i've played through that game at least 40 different times now (beaten it only twice..fuck.) and only once have i ever gotten even CLOSE to getting the damn thing, i even stopped and looked through a step by step guide on how to get the bugger, and still couldn't happen.

Can't help but feel like they dropped the ball there.

You need to:

Find a correct sector where you can get the pod event (pirate, engi, rock, maybe civilian?)
Find the pod event in the sector
After that find a zoltan/engi sector
Find the research crew event in that sector
Find a rock homeworld (may not even spawn in your game even if you get the pod)
Find the unmarked portal in the rock sector

The amount of luck required is obscene. I wish there was just a cheat to get the damn thing.

very true, half the damn time their either isn't a rock homeworld or i've already passed one by the time i get the damn thing. it's just sad that even WITH a guide you still have to go balls to the wall in restarts to even have a chance at getting it.

 

[thesilentman]

One does not simply beat Brood Mother.

Well, that one's Dragon Age: Origins. That was a hell of a long boss fight. The best way for me was to just gradually whittle down its health with arrows and magic from too far away for it to get me with its tentacles; if I tried to fight it in melee it killed my guys in seconds.

In a similar vein: one does not simply get through Orzammar in a reasonable amount of time.

No, actually. I've never played Dragon Age Origins. Is it any good?

Ya i was thinking it was DOTA 2 bc of the above one does not...

DOTA 2 is one! My friend knows how to annoy the shit out of me using him. It drives me fricking crazy trying to even survive against him.

One does not simply beat the Four Kings.
One does not simply spam fireballs to defeat a butterfly.

I'm guessing these two are Dark Souls?

Four Kings is Dark Souls, but not the butterfly one. It's quite surprising what the game is once you give it some thought.