Your Views on Marriage

[Dys]

It's a scam. You pay a lot of money (often to your church of choice) so as to make your relationship with your loved one significant under the eyes of their god. I honestly don't understand why people are so desperate to throw money at it, it changes nothing...If you need a ring from someone to know that they love you, you don't deserve them.

 

[GrandAm]

Only my opinion.

Marraige is not about a special bond. That bond will exist whether an arbitrary legal cerimony solidifies it or not. I have known many couples that were never married and have more than 20 years together. I have known many married couples that had three years get a divorce (myself included).

The trick is both people hold and believe in each other. They understand each other. Not only mentally, but everything. Faults and all. Indeed the faults a partner has are held as what makes them unique and special. A specialness that is desireable and admired by the other.

If your partner is as not smart, wealthy, or talented and hold them as such the marraige is doomed to failure. Because as smart, weathy, or talented as you think you are, there is somebody on this planet that are smarter, wealthier, or more talented that you. Instead of focusing on shortcomings, focus on the positive level they reach in those standards and accept it; even embrace it. There is always room for growth together. There is where the magic of marraige lies. Growing together. If one decides they out grow, the marraige is doomed.

Because of this attitude I have come to the conclusion that yes, gay people can be in a marraige. Marriage is not about gender. It is about two people appreciating each other and growing together. With NO DOUBLE STANDARDS held in the idea they are family. Held in the idea regardless of what life throws at them; they have and will always have each other. I was raised Roman Catholic BTW.

But if the marraige is born from the wrong reason. Rent must be paid, cost of living, "it is just time," somebody wants a child before 40, somebodies mom keeps yammering in the ear for a grandchild, convinience, blah, blah, blah; expect it to fail.

Talk about what you want from it, both sides, before hand. In honesty anywhere from sex to who does the dishes. Just do it before. Don't start demanding the understanding be changed after the fact. This will only breed resentment and its eventual failure.

I am "so super cerial." I have also known people that stay in a marraige under the notion they made a promise or have kids, except they hate each other and cheat. They also make the kids life a miserable hell in daddy/mommy loves you more.

If what ever gender you are attracted to has a person you can say, is your best friend, love, indeed makes loves to, and can't imagine life without...marry them only so long as they feel the same and it is not about convience. Make sure it isn't under some pressure. Till we as humans die, time is all we have. There is no need for pressure.

For the record I am straight and male, I love women. But I am also divoreced. All the ways to ruin happened to me. I have learned a real marraige of family and love should not be denied to anyone regardless of gender preference. If two people can just "get" each other and hold it forever, I am happy. It is what I long for, was promised and denied. If two gay people can do it, I don't care.

Never do it because it is the next "step." Assembeling furniture has next steps. Relationships don't.

 

[bluepilot]

You know what, I think marriage used to mean something. I think marriage used to be important.

However, now marriage has become so commercialised. When you get married you have to get a ring with a huge rock, a massive wedding ceremony with a reception which just woundn`t be right without the place settings, chocolate fondue, open bar, 10 story cake, e.t.c. Then you get the house and the morgage together, starting off the first times of marriage in a lot of debt.

I want to get married, but I want a marriage, not a wedding. I like the idea that I can sign a legal document with someone saying that we belong together. It is a legal commitment.

When I get married, all I want is that signiture, the rest is useless.

Marriage is a promise made legally to be together no matter what, not a happily ever after.

 

[magnuslion]

Marriage was invented in order to keep everyone in England of the same religion. It's a now pointless tradition and once you enter into it, like the army, your life is over, unless you get out. God I hope you get out!

Seriously I don't need a piece of paper telling my girl I love her and vise versa.

are you serious? you really believe it started in England? wow. just wow.

Sorry let me rephrase that. That is why Christianity adopted it. 'Cos what ever faction of christian they are/were there wanted everyone to be that particular one hence why marriage is structured the way it is today around religion.

how does this explain why marriage existed in eastern societies before the arrival of christianity? or how old religions, including Norse/Celtic/Germanik/Roman/Greek paganism, as well as pre-christian Judiasm, all have marriage as a part of their societies.

I mean if you dont like marriage, fine whatever. Its no for everyone. but most of the arguments put forth here are lame and boil down to "I don wanna!!". well fine, dont then.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

I also always thought that by being married, you may have the extra incentive to try harder to work through problems and try to figure things out.

This is the very reason why I dislike marriages. Mainly because it works as an incentive for people to stay together even if they don't love eachother any more.

If I had been married with a woman for 10 years I wouldn't see it as a very big deal. However if I had been together with the same woman for 10 years without getting married then that woman would probably be the love of my life, and I would assume that im hers as well.

People who aren't married can pretty much walk out on eachother any given day without many reprecussions. The very fact that some people stay together even when they aren't married just goes to show what a true and strong bond they have, in contrast with the people who are married who sometimes stay together because no one wants to deal with the hassle of a divorce, despite not being in love with eachother any more.

I'd choose a loving marriage-less relationship over a loveless marriage any day of the week...

 

[scrambledeggs]

Your wives will wip you men into shape.

Although i agree with the no marriage sentiments i'm hearing, I will get married if it's what my partner wants.

 

[Warwolt]

You do realize that "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" is just a label too?

I DON'T NEED TO LABEL HER "Girlfriend" JUST BECAUSE I LOVE HER! MY LOVE IS ENOUGH!!

 

[silasbufu]

If the woman I am with, would pressure me into marriage just for the status it offers, I think I would be willing to leave her, even if I love her.
I respect the fact that for most women marriage is a big deal in the positive way , but I think they should also respect the fact that for a lot of men marriage can be a big deal in the negative way. So a compromise must be made .

 

[Nickolai77]

I think that in some ways marriage needs to be taken more seriously again. If a married couple split there is just the legal matter of deciding who's is who's and no other negative effects, (other than negative emotions felt by the ex-couple concerned.) However, when you add children into the equation, thing's get a lot more complicated. Many children nowadays grow up without a farther figure because of high divorce rates, whilst their mother has to work for their upkeep. True, the farther may occasionally visit the children, and while this is certainly helpful to the child's development, in many cases the farther can not visit the kids, or indeed their mother. In this case, the childs development suffers.

This means that children have a poor upbringing, with their mother at work and little contact with their farther- they are starved of decent parenting. While a significant number of children can deal with this, not all can. I think that this has indirectly contributed to childhood mental disorders like ADHD and ADD, gang-violence in America, and anti-social behavour here in the UK. What percentage chavs, or gangasters, do you think where raised by both their farther and their mother?

This is why i think that marriage is important if your going to raise children. It's not so important if you don't plan on having kid's and plan to "just live with someone". While many of these relationships do work and are just as valid as a married relationship, i believe that these couples are more likely to split up than a married couple. If an unwed couple split up (and bear in mind this is a lot easier to do, rather than breaking vows and going through a legal case, you just have to walk out of the house) and if they leave kid's behind, that could be highly detrimental to their childrens development.

I personally do plan to marry in my life, because i wouldn't mind having kid's, as marriage creates the ideal sort of environment to raise children in. Also, i don't want to live out my twilight years old and alone, without any family members to look after me.

 

[scrambledeggs]

Women just like the idea of signing your last name and getting called mrs "x". It has nothing to do with status. Women are silly.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

So a compromise must be made .

Meaning that the woman in this instance will have to give up marriage.

Aint marriage a *****? It's impossible to really compromise about it. Either you're married or you aren't. Can't do something "in between" the two. XD

 

[scrambledeggs]

You do realize that "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" is just a label too?

I DON'T NEED TO LABEL HER "Girlfriend" JUST BECAUSE I LOVE HER! MY LOVE IS ENOUGH!!

Alright. But it isn't a binding, legal label.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

Many children nowadays grow up without a farther figure because of high divorce rates, whilst their mother has to work for their upkeep.

Ever heard of alamony?

Also, both mother and father should be working even if they're married, otherwise it could be detrimental to the childrens development if they start to believe that a womans place is taking care of children and taying in the kitchen all day...

 

[savandicus]

Marriage was invented in order to keep everyone in England of the same religion. It's a now pointless tradition and once you enter into it, like the army, your life is over, unless you get out. God I hope you get out!

Seriously I don't need a piece of paper telling my girl I love her and vise versa.

are you serious? you really believe it started in England? wow. just wow.

Sorry let me rephrase that. That is why Christianity adopted it. 'Cos what ever faction of christian they are/were there wanted everyone to be that particular one hence why marriage is structured the way it is today around religion.

You realise that christian marriage was around long before christianity ever came to england, fair enough its alot more structured and traditionalised these days but the idea that christianity adopted it at some point, or that it was invented as a way to control the population is just pulling things out of thin air.

As for being on topic i think people need to realise that 'till death do us part' doesnt mean 'till a year down the line when i meet some hot woman at the office who i prefer'. I'm exaggerating abit here but my point is that if your going to marry someone then you really should realise that your in it for the long haul if you do and if thats going to be a problem then dont get married.

 

[Spacelord]

I guess marriage serves a function as a measure of stability for children growing up... at least, that's when you're in a harmonious relationship. When my parents divorced, the legal and ethical construct of marriage only brought additional pain and suffering to all parties, myself and my little sister included.

So that's not to say that I'm against marriage, I'm just saying that it is a big decision that should be made rationally.

 

[Phantomess]

On the surface, I think marriage just means more paperwork if and when you break up.

On the flipside, I look at my grandparents who were married for over forty years and think that maybe marriage is supposed to be that "no backing out now" bond that forces you to be mature and try to work things out instead of throwing a tantrum like a child and running away scared.

Then again, my parents were never married, so I'm not the one to judge.

 

[FallenJellyDoughnut]

Marriage ruins your life, especially sex. You get like, 2 months and then you might aswell get neutered, no point in having all that testosterone if your not going to use it right?

 

[axia777]

For the record I was actually married. How many of you here can really say that and make a comment? Not many I am willing to bet.

Ten years. Yep, ten years of my life devoted to the idea of marriage. I swore when I was married that I would not become one of those people who got divorced. Yet here I am, divorced.

Yet the funny thing is that my mom and dad who have been married for 34 years are still married. They have stuck it out despite this failures and successes. I don't know why my marriage failed. I might tell you when I figure it out.

What is my official opinion of marriage? Well, it is that marriage is a crap shoot. It is all dependent on the who people who are involved. Are their personalities compatible? Are they willing to be friends no matter what? There are a million tiny facets to what makes for a successful marriage. My last opinion is that marriage is REALLY, REALLY fucking HARD. If you want to know why it was hard for me just PM me. It might not be applicable to you as a human but it might help in the long run. I tried and failed. I am now moving on with my daughter. Such is life.

 

[NotAPie]

I just think its a label. Pretty much your life is up when your married.
Then again I'm only 16 so...Yeah.