Your worst joke
- Thread starter BBLIZZARD
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LOL, I nearly choked on a piece of fruit when I read that! Great one.Spacelord said:
A man runs into the doctors office and yells for the doctor. "HELP! HELP! I need emergency surgery, quick!" The doctor says "Why whats wrong?" The man says "I was at work and swallowed a pen!". Doctor says "So what, why do you need emergency surgery?"
"Because I have A-Pen-Insidus!"
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and he is greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter explains that it isn?t that easy to get into heaven and that there are some criteria he must meet before her is allowed to enter. St Peter says, ?For example, were you religious in life? Attend church? The man replies, ?Well work tends to keep me very busy so I have little time to spend at church.? St. Peter shakes his head and says, ?That doesn?t help your cause.? ?Were you generous in life? Did you give money to the poor or any charities? ?The man replies, ?No, I have to watch how I spend my money. I make just enough to pay for my food and house.? St. Peter again shakes his head and says, ?Okay have you been generous over your short time on Earth?? The man replies, ?Well not really, besides what have people done to help me?? St. Peter, sighing at how this man has lived his life says to him, ?Look, everybody does something nice sometimes. Help me out here I?m trying to help you to get into Heaven.? The man replies, ?Well there was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her. I got so upset I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet and I went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly, and mean he was and then I spat in his face.? St. Peter replied, ?That is impressive. When did this happen?? The man replies, ?Oh, about 10 minutes ago.?
A Ninety year old man went to the doctor and told him " Doctor Doctor!!, My 19 year old wife is Pregnant!", then the doctor brought him in his office and told him a little story, "Ok there was this young man and he went hunting, couple hours went by with nothing in sight, on his way home he saw this beauty of a deer and instead of picking up his gun he picked up his umbrella and shot it dead, one shot kill", Old man was astonished with the story and in disbelief he said, " That's Impossible, Someone else must of shot it." Doctor reply's, " My point exact"
Cheeesy.
Cheeesy.
O.K. This is a long one but trust me it's awful.
A man was walking down the street and he noticed a coffin was following him. He started to run faster but the coffin still kept following him. He ran home and slammed the door behind him. The coffin knocked down the door. He ran upstairs and shut the bathroom door behind him. Knowing the coffin was going to knock the door down, he grabbed the nearest thing he could find. The coffin knocked the door down and he threw a bottle of Robitussin at it. Stopped the coffin.
Get it? coffin, coughing? It's awful I know.
A man was walking down the street and he noticed a coffin was following him. He started to run faster but the coffin still kept following him. He ran home and slammed the door behind him. The coffin knocked down the door. He ran upstairs and shut the bathroom door behind him. Knowing the coffin was going to knock the door down, he grabbed the nearest thing he could find. The coffin knocked the door down and he threw a bottle of Robitussin at it. Stopped the coffin.
Get it? coffin, coughing? It's awful I know.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick covered in treacle.
Did you hear about that fight at the fish shop?
A fish got battered!
A stick covered in treacle.
Did you hear about that fight at the fish shop?
A fish got battered!
I've got a joke for you. Women's rights (I shouldn't have told that in a class composed of girls studying the suffragettes.)
actually, i once saw an episode of a show called "this hour has 22 minutes" it was a comedy news show. one of the things that they do is go out on the streets and play pranks on real people. this time, they went out with a petition to end women's suffrage, (the right to vote) and saw how many women they could get to sign it. in 5 hours, they got 90 women to sign the petition, before someone figured out what they were really signing for. the guys had to end the petition early because the women was following them around explaining it to other women.george144 said:
it was so frikkin hilarious.
Why did the second monkey fall out the tree?OneBig Man said:
It was stapled to the first monkey.
Why did the third monkey fall out the tree?
It thought it was a game.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?
Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.
The king of the Animals calls a meeting of all the animals in his kingdom. Who isn't there?
The Monkeys. They're dead.
Who else isn't there?
The Giraffe. Its in a fridge.
You're hiking through the jungle, and you come to a crocodile infested river. There's no bridge, no form of rope swing, and the river stretches for miles either direction. How do you get across?
Swim. The crocodiles are at the meeting.
There's more, but its just not worth it.
3 drums and a symbol fall off a cliff.
*badum dum tish*
Man walks into a bar and says.
"What is this a joke?"
Man walks into a bar.
*Ouch*
3 Men walk into a bar.
You'd have thought at least one of them would have seen it.
Man and a dwarf walk into a bar.
No, wait the dwarf walks under it.
*badum dum tish*
Man walks into a bar and says.
"What is this a joke?"
Man walks into a bar.
*Ouch*
3 Men walk into a bar.
You'd have thought at least one of them would have seen it.
Man and a dwarf walk into a bar.
No, wait the dwarf walks under it.
A boy was in court, they were trying to decide who should get custody of the boy. The judge asks, well boy, do ya wanna live with your Ma? "OH no sir! My Ma beats me!" "Well then, do you wanna live with your Pa?" "On no sir, my Pa beats me!" "Well then boy!? Who do you want to live with?"
"Well I could live with the Detroit Lions, they don't beat nobody!"
"Well I could live with the Detroit Lions, they don't beat nobody!"
Seriously...do you want me to start? 
I did enter a competition to see which one of my puns would be declared the worst, entering ten puns all at the same time. I thought one of them might win but unfortunately no pun in ten did.
I did enter a competition to see which one of my puns would be declared the worst, entering ten puns all at the same time. I thought one of them might win but unfortunately no pun in ten did.
Oh snap! That was puntastic.The_root_of_all_evil said:Seriously...do you want me to start?
I did enter a competition to see which one of my puns would be declared the worst, entering ten puns all at the same time. I thought one of them might win but unfortunately no pun in ten did.
