Your worst joke

[Tattaglia]

This is a fantastic one to try on people, although only spoken. In text it loses what makes it great.

Me: How High is a Chinaman.
Other: I don't know, how high?
Me: No no, How High is a Chinaman.
Other: I have no idea, how high?
Me: Yes. How High.
Other: ... I don't know, do you?
Me: Are you listening? How High is a goddamned Chinaman!
Other: I don't fucking know!
Me: For fuck's sake. How High is a Chinaman.
Other: Yeah? Well screw you, buddy. *leaves*

I have only ever used this once, and it did provoke a cacophony of laughter at the time.

Doctor: *walks into the room* Have you seen my nurse?
Me: Yes, she's outstanding in her field.

Oh yeah. I'm king of the funnies.

 

[shadowelancer]

A guy and a girl are sitting in a car.
The guys reading and the girl is knitting, just than a cop comes to the door. The guy lowers the window and the cop asks "How old are you two" the guy says "Im 21 and in 11 minutes she'll be 18"

 

[Shycte]

Have you heard that they are going to demolish the White House?

No! Why's that?

They are replacing it with a black Barrack (Barack)

 

[mac173]

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Jaden, the 9 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Jaden clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID
Ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Jaden grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error
Before?''

No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'


So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like the little shit.

 

[bookboy]

did you hear about the bomb threat at a French airport?
they've upgraded their security status from 'surrender' to 'collaborate'.
(I apologize to any French people I offended, but you've had it coming for 70 years now)

 

[ChromeAlchemist]

A man walks into a bakery, and says can I have 10 white rolls?

The baker says, no sorry, I only have brown rolls.

Man says 'that's okay I'm on my bike!'

HAHAHAHAHA *cough*

My friend's dad came up with this. The joke was never meant to be funny, what you are meant to do is get a bunch of people to laugh at it, and someone who isn't isn't in on the joke to be around, and see if that person still laughs.

 

[ChromeAlchemist]

A guy and a girl are sitting in a car.
The guys reading and the girl is knitting, just than a cop comes to the door. The guy lowers the window and the cop asks "How old are you two" the guy says "Im 21 and in 11 minutes she'll be 18"

I chortled at least. If that's your worst I think you would be a joy to be around.

 

[Satki]

Really geeky joke coming up...

Why can't you cross a mosquito with a climber?

You can't cross a scalar with a vector!

 

[confernal]

Question: How do you get an amputee out of a tree?

Anwser: You wave to them.

 

[JakubK666]

We were doing a lesson on Nazi opposition and groups like Edelweiss Pirates.

Random Stupid Blonde Bimbo That Always Calls Out Stupid Question: Why were they called pirates?
Me: BECAUSE THEY YARRRR!

 

[iJosh]

Heres a joke, I fart you choke.

 

[DarkRyter]

What do you like most in a woman?

My genitals.

Yeah, it's horrible.

 

[ChromeAlchemist]

Seriously...do you want me to start?

I did enter a competition to see which one of my puns would be declared the worst, entering ten puns all at the same time. I thought one of them might win but unfortunately no pun in ten did.

Oh snap! That was puntastic.

I would like these men injured.

 

[Insert Funny Name Here]

Three men walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid. And the whole scene unfolds, with a tedious inevitability. *sigh*

Cookie for whoever knows the reference.

 

[goofiegirl2002]

2 peanuts walk into a dark alley,
one of them was assaulted.

Just think about it for a second, you'll get it.

 

[y8c616]

Why did the baker get smelly hands? He kneaded a poo

 

[TKgasmic]

Really messed up joke.

Spoiler

A women goes to the doctor for a check up, the doctor comes back and says "I have good news and bad news." She says "tell me the bad news" to which he replies "You have polio and a good 5 weeks to live." She then asks what the good news is. "YOUR PREGNANT!........Oh wait...."

If you get offended do click the spoiler just read this retarded joke:

What is the difference between Windows 98 and Windows XP?

Eight years

 

[TUNNEL_SNAKES_RULE]

Well,one time I made up a joke,and said it to my friend.This is it...

"Two Jews walk into a bar.They both get drinks,then chat a bit.When they leave,the second Jew gave a dime as a tip,to which the other replies,'Woah,is it a special night or something?You left a big tip!'"...My friend started calling me a Nazi after that.

 

[NattyMichael]

Stevie Wonder was asked in an interview is it bad been blind,
he said "it could be worse i could be black"

-told this my mate he said who's stevie wonder so we all just laughed at him lol

and why dont ducks tell jokes...cause they might quack up

 

[NattyMichael]

Well,one time I made up a joke,and said it to my friend.This is it...

"Two Jews walk into a bar.They both get drinks,then chat a bit.When they leave,the second Jew gave a dime as a tip,to which the other replies,'Woah,is it a special night or something?You left a big tip!'"...My friend started calling me a Nazi after that.

i told a black joke once now my whole school thinks im rasist :/