Your worst joke

Horned Rat

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Feb 4, 2009
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This is a joke I made up. I actually can't tell it without laughing a lot. Which adds to the joke really.

Two hunters were walking through the forest. After several hours the come across a monkey sitting on a rock. The monkey is sitting there (think the statue "The Thinker", you have to mime it though).

The two hunters approach the monkey, "Whats the matter there monkey? You look like something's wrong".

The monkey looks up at the from his thoughts and says "I'm confused".
 

Horned Rat

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Feb 4, 2009
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JC175 said:
Shapsters said:
The_root_of_all_evil said:
Seriously...do you want me to start? :)

I did enter a competition to see which one of my puns would be declared the worst, entering ten puns all at the same time. I thought one of them might win but unfortunately no pun in ten did.
Oh snap! That was puntastic.
I'd say it was punny, personally.
That was terrible, all three of you. You should be punished.
 

JC175

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Feb 27, 2009
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sketchyshadows said:
here's another

a man is planning to propose so he sets up this fancy dinner on a romantic cruise
the man is standing at the fromnt of the ship when the ship is hit by a wave,
knocking the man down and the ring into the ocean.
so the man says "well i might as well got to the dinner anyway and propose later"
the man meets up with his girl in the dining hall,
the man orders the soup and the women orders the Catch Of The Day

what do you think the women found in the fish???



the cookie.......


lol
nice combo you've got there.
 

traceur_

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Feb 19, 2009
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my chemistry teacher told me this one:

an atom walks into a bar and says to the bar tender "I think I've lost an electron" the bartender says "are you sure" the atom replies "I'm positive"

yeh it's bad

I like this one my friend told me:

two pies are in an oven, one of them says "man it's getting hot in here" the other one says "oh my god a talking pie!!!"
 

Tattaglia

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Aug 12, 2008
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This is a fantastic one to try on people, although only spoken. In text it loses what makes it great.

Me: How High is a Chinaman.
Other: I don't know, how high?
Me: No no, How High is a Chinaman.
Other: I have no idea, how high?
Me: Yes. How High.
Other: ... I don't know, do you?
Me: Are you listening? How High is a goddamned Chinaman!
Other: I don't fucking know!
Me: For fuck's sake. How High is a Chinaman.
Other: Yeah? Well screw you, buddy. *leaves*

I have only ever used this once, and it did provoke a cacophony of laughter at the time.

Doctor: *walks into the room* Have you seen my nurse?
Me: Yes, she's outstanding in her field.

Oh yeah. I'm king of the funnies.
 

shadowelancer

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Mar 18, 2009
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A guy and a girl are sitting in a car.
The guys reading and the girl is knitting, just than a cop comes to the door. The guy lowers the window and the cop asks "How old are you two" the guy says "Im 21 and in 11 minutes she'll be 18"
 

Shycte

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Mar 10, 2009
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Have you heard that they are going to demolish the White House?

No! Why's that?

They are replacing it with a black Barrack (Barack)
 

mac173

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Mar 27, 2009
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I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Jaden, the 9 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Jaden clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID
Ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Jaden grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error
Before?''

No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'


So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like the little shit.
 

bookboy

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Mar 16, 2009
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did you hear about the bomb threat at a French airport?
they've upgraded their security status from 'surrender' to 'collaborate'.
(I apologize to any French people I offended, but you've had it coming for 70 years now)
 

ChromeAlchemist

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Aug 21, 2008
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A man walks into a bakery, and says can I have 10 white rolls?

The baker says, no sorry, I only have brown rolls.

Man says 'that's okay I'm on my bike!'

HAHAHAHAHA *cough*

My friend's dad came up with this. The joke was never meant to be funny, what you are meant to do is get a bunch of people to laugh at it, and someone who isn't isn't in on the joke to be around, and see if that person still laughs.
 

ChromeAlchemist

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shadowelancer said:
A guy and a girl are sitting in a car.
The guys reading and the girl is knitting, just than a cop comes to the door. The guy lowers the window and the cop asks "How old are you two" the guy says "Im 21 and in 11 minutes she'll be 18"
I chortled at least. If that's your worst I think you would be a joy to be around.
 

Satki

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Dec 29, 2007
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Really geeky joke coming up...

Why can't you cross a mosquito with a climber?

You can't cross a scalar with a vector!
 

JakubK666

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Jan 1, 2008
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We were doing a lesson on Nazi opposition and groups like Edelweiss Pirates.

Random Stupid Blonde Bimbo That Always Calls Out Stupid Question: Why were they called pirates?
Me: BECAUSE THEY YARRRR!
 

ChromeAlchemist

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Aug 21, 2008
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The_root_of_all_evil said:
Seriously...do you want me to start? :)

I did enter a competition to see which one of my puns would be declared the worst, entering ten puns all at the same time. I thought one of them might win but unfortunately no pun in ten did.
Shapsters said:
Oh snap! That was puntastic.
I would like these men injured.
 
Feb 23, 2009
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Three men walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid. And the whole scene unfolds, with a tedious inevitability. *sigh*

Cookie for whoever knows the reference.
 

goofiegirl2002

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Feb 21, 2009
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2 peanuts walk into a dark alley,
one of them was assaulted.

Just think about it for a second, you'll get it.