Zero Punctuation: Call of Duty 4

[Smokescreen]

Hi there. As as American, and a liberal, and someone who doesn't want to see my country perish from the face of the earth, and respects anyone in the military service, I'd just like to say this:

Most of us do have a sense of humor. Most of us really don't find stomping the shit out of countries that haven't done us wrong to be a wise choice of foreign policy. Most of us do understand that there's a time for the carrot and a time for the stick. I do recognize that my country has some growing up to do. All I ask is that the collective world not judge us from the voices of loudmouth pricks or idiots who, if they read a fucking book, would know diplomacy from a donkey's asshole. Like anywhere, there are individuals here and sometimes we've got the right idea...and sometimes we really don't.

I liked this review. It cemented my desire to play CoD4. I usually avoid games based on actual wars, because it feels really creepy to play games based off of events where actual people died. Disrespectful, if you will.

But, the positive reviews (including ZP) and the fact that this game is based on real world situations, but not actual events (as far as I know), have bound my interest to it.

 

[stacia123]

Yahtzee you amazing stallion, you're lying to us. Twenty-something? Twenty-something my large round ass.

Again, I loved the review, as I love all your reviews. I usually only post here to say that I loved the review, because I have some crazy notion that saying so will negate at least one of the complainy "but you weren't ranty enough" posts above. Logic has no place in my world.

 

[1Frothy]

Excellent review, fell off my chair and nearly choked to death on my lunch when the comment about the restaurant meal and the farting chef came up! (-:

 

[cmdr_zoom]

I'm with Smokescreen.

"Also just like in real life." *slice*

 

[SinofMar]

Yathzee you calapidgeon superman. Yes, the originality just flowed from me like a stream of my own blood mixed with water. Very entertaining and superb review as always. Gotta say, even as an American I'm relieved the emphasis of the CoD4 series finally shifted from WWII to something a bit more modern. Perhaps we're finally starting to learn that process of pulling our heads out of our own ass so we can breath something besides farts.

 

[Frederf]

I suppose CoD4 is a good game if you're a drooling play-a-movie console type but when I played the demo I was _assaulted_ with a constant stream of cheesy gameplay, bad voice acting, painfully-scripted levels, do-nothing AI, unrealistic weapons, unrealistic self movement, unrealistic enemy movement, non-military maneuvers, Hollywood explosion effects, ridiculous aircraft maneuvers, over-reliance on the player to do EVERYTHING, and overly arcade interface.

Do people realize that every helicopter pilot providing support won't burst into flames screaming over the radio (which you have for some reason) ironically as either inciting or ironic incident? It's not a law you know. How can you take a game seriously that plays like a bad episode of 24? Where's the specialization of roles? Where's the teamwork? Where's the downtime? This isn't a war game this is a game version of a Hollywood movie and about as smart or mentally engaging.

P.S. Sorry, I'm just so very tired of console-centric overly dramatic, unreal, player is God, scripted interactive B movies. I want something that tests my intelligence using the full range of expression, not coddles my ADD affliction like a TV remote with the "channel down" key stuck.

 

[Vortigar]

Frederf:
You're right on the basic gameplay. It's a pretty basic shooter if you look at the parts (some reviews out there will tell you this). But the demo doesn't really work for this game. CoD4's singleplayer campaign is an excellently put together rollercoaster. Individually the parts add up to a plain albeit well polished shooter. But the way the campaign plays out and a number of the scenes in it are all but cookie-cutter.

you can plow through it in a day or two if you really have to, so I'd say, if you have the possibility give it a rental. There's a lot of thought given to the background material in this game, it might not come out in the gameplay itself, but its definately there, in spades. The nuclear crawl, the presidential opening, the sniper mission, the bombing run, heck it even turns into a rail-shooter (for pure giggles it seems). There's so much memorable stuff in there its insane.

And comparing this to Unreal has me thinking you haven't played Unreal in ages.

Then again, I'm one of the crew that is totally unimpressed with DMC4, so I've got other pet-peeves in game land.

 

[Nerdfury]

Good work as usual! Love the new effects, too!

 

[Cvija]

so true as always
dmn good observation skills,
and the "german porn star" joke... laughed my ass of at 3 AM

 

[Rjak]

He was really positive this week and didn't seem to be that into it, but he actually put CoD4 squarely behind Jesus and Portal.

Actually he put COD4 *very very very* far behind Jesus and portal as a visual gag. He was making the point that it's far from perfect.

 

[The Negotiator]

I would just like to quote that "Reloading a LMG should be as easy as 1,2,3,4,5" in all games considering all ya half to do is open up the top, pull the cartraige out, put a new one in,slide the bullets in,and close up the top. Unless your hands have been shot off this should take you at least 5 seconds considering you are a expert in heavy duty weapons,otherwise your carrying around over 10 tons of firepower and magazines and your as scrawny as a scout.

NOTE: it should also only take ya 2 seconds to reaload a AK-LMG.

 

[d_m]

@Frederf
I had exactly the same experience with CoD4.

I'm unable to see why people describe this game as atmospheric. Masses of respawning enemies, explosions and firefights everywhere make this game seem like a hollywood movie instead of a depiction of modern warfare.

Respawning enemies will always seek out the same positions and all you do in this game is shoot them and try to get forward before the next wave of them arrives. Especially on higher difficulty levels, the game rewards you for mindless running towards enemy positions in order to keep enemies from respawning and trigger the next autosave or ai event for your otherwise completely retarded teammates. The last bit of immersiveness is ruined by the horrible arcade interface with blinking arrows pointing at grenades thrown at you.

Also, the game is short and lacks replayability. While the first mission on the ship or the sniper mission are really nicely made, they offer a purely cinematic experience. It's impossible for the player to experiment with the game, try different tactical approaches, because everything is scripted.

Semi-interactive cutscenes like the execution or your character dying from radiation poisoning (or whatevever kills a person first after being struck by a nuclear blast) might be a nice idea, but the fact that they're long and unskippable made them rather bothering.

I expected a lot more from this game, and from this review.

 

[MrKeroChan]

Why Winchester??? and not say St. Pauls?

 

[Indrid Cold]

Good lord, he just can't win, can he? He calls a popular game average (not bad, mind you) and people accuse him of baiting the fanboys. He likes a popular game and people accuse him of *being* a fanboy. Why do you read/watch reviews in the first place if every little difference of opinion is inevitably thought to be disingenuous and personally insulting?

 

[ComradeJim270]

I would just like to quote that "Reloading a LMG should be as easy as 1,2,3,4,5" in all games considering all ya half to do is open up the top, pull the cartraige out, put a new one in,slide the bullets in,and close up the top. Unless your hands have been shot off this should take you at least 5 seconds considering you are a expert in heavy duty weapons,otherwise your carrying around over 10 tons of firepower and magazines and your as scrawny as a scout.

NOTE: it should also only take ya 2 seconds to reaload a AK-LMG.

Never loaded a light machinegun, but I've fired one, and for that to happen, obviously someone had to load it, first. My observation from this experience was that at least some care needs to be taken to make sure the first round in the belt actually 'catches' properly (not sure if there's a fancy term. You also have to keep in mind that machine guns are quite large and unwieldy, and that(AFAIK) cocking/charging them requires more effort than a smaller weapon because the mechanism is more heavy-duty to withstand the stresses of frequent full-automatic fire. On top of that, bullets are heavy... if you have a drum or belt with lots of bullets, that's takes some effort to handle in and of itself.

Basically, you can't rush too much when loading a belt-fed weapon, or it won't load correctly. I had a teacher in Junior High who was lucky enough to get out of fighting in 'Nam because he had... dyslexia or something... and couldn't handle maintainance and loading of his M60 to a satisfactory degree, and the drill sergeant told his superiors he wasn't suitable as a soldier.

So... I don't think it's as easy as you make it sound, if we're talking belt-fed. Some of these points are still valid with magazine-fed LMGs... however, I do agree that fun should come before gameplay, and it shouldn't take long enough to cause frustration.

 

[Frederf]

When I said I'm sorry for laying into CoD4 like that, I really am. My expectations for video games especially military ones are much higher than most 15 year olds. I don't want a "roller coaster" since a roller coaster is a passive entertainment device on rails. When you're 15 and/or easily amused then yeah, John Woo action and big orange fireballs and not getting lost and being the hero is fun. No doubt about it.

Things like reloading in video games have given video gamers a glossy idea of the speed and effects of the process. Most reloading videos on you tube that match the speeds of video games are of people not getting shot at, stationary, with easy access mags, not jumping, not tired, paying attention to only reloading, dropping their old mag, etc. The video characters never drop a mag, do it just as fast sprinting and jumping, and always recover their old mag (usually instantly reorganizing their ammo into a magless "pool."

M249 200 pound drum is a 22 pound item. I would imagine all reload times in the game are highly optimistic. Practices like reloading behind cover, with teammates covering, reasonable fire rates, planning your mag changes are so far from the average gamer's mind that throwing a longer reload in their seems "unfair."

 

[Asymptote Angel]

Brilliant! The weekly ZP review has become the highlight of my otherwise-dull Wednesday afternoons.

Well done on another dose of hilarity and much-needed frankness.

 

[Murian]

So, he folds to pressure and then enjoys the game?! My guess is that this is the only Call of Duty game Yahtzee has played, since if he'd played others he'd probably have mentioned the similarities in gameplay. Like, almost exactly the same.


@ Frederf and d_m

I see I'm not the only one pondering the true worth of this game... I've only played the demo, and that put me off. It did that because I could find little different in the gameplay compared to CoD 2, which at some point in the campaign of I saw some annoyances in the AI scripts, on top of everything you guys have already mentioned. This would mean that you 'teammates' would only defend an area around you, leaving the enemy free to come up behind you out of an unguarded path. When you respawn and move to compensate, the whole team moves and it all repeats. Very annoying. That and a difficulty setting that is more of a 'pain and masochism' setting essentially broke this type of gameplay for me.

Seeing as I only played the demo, I can't really comment on the Hollywood style flashness, although when the gunships came overhead to clear the buildings at the end of it, I could only wonder "would real helicopters ever come that low?.." (For reference the demo level is USMC getting to the stuck tank 'War Pig'.)

So I don't want to play CoD 4. Even with all the reveiwer reccomendations. AND some from friends. This might be different if they had released a multiplayer demo, but noooooo.

 

[Helix Falks]

A Good review.

I have to agree the ending was some what abrupt.

Some one stated that we Brits don't drink warm Stella I think you will find we do if pushed.

Well executed as alway Croshaw keep it up.

 

[thisnameok]

i think the simple fact they added so much loss and sadness to the game is what made it so much better than the other cookie cutter FPS games that came out as far as single player goes... although im basically just quoting Yahtzee