The unexplained insanity of those homeless people was very nice.. shame they ruined it in the second installment....
Zero Punctuation: Condemned 2: Bloodshot
- Thread starter Yahtzee Croshaw
- Start date
Actually Condemned 1 explains why every retard goes insane + the whole cult thing you just have to collect all the metal pieces hidden in the levels. I guess our friendly neighbourhood reviewer just didn't want to bother. But I can't blame him really ,I only did it , becouse I'm into playing a game untill senseless. That and I really liked the stick a pipe in a hobo's head fighting system 
I was just asking someone in the forums about this game. Thanks for the hilarious review! I think i'll still get this game for the combat system and spooky atmosphere. (Once it comes for PC . )
I also signed up for Zero Punctuation specifially and found the forums to be interesting. I read every post, it's just so damn good!
. )I also signed up for Zero Punctuation specifially and found the forums to be interesting. I read every post, it's just so damn good!
Yup, this review oozed out of every orifice what is known as "Awesome".
We all know what "awesome" is because of the "branston pickle" poured over a particular item and what would occur. And I mean this in the positive way.
I read other reviews and even tried it out on a friend's. He was already past the "dbz powers initiation" part and I remember blasting away the baddies with a sense of boredom. Sure it was a fun for the first...kill. Then it got stale. Finally it began to rot and then bubble with gases before I finally tossed the controller down and went out for some fresh air.
Awesome job Yahtzee! I don't know if he even reads these, but The Escapist did a a brilliant job bringing this unique critic to the masses!
We all know what "awesome" is because of the "branston pickle" poured over a particular item and what would occur. And I mean this in the positive way.
I read other reviews and even tried it out on a friend's. He was already past the "dbz powers initiation" part and I remember blasting away the baddies with a sense of boredom. Sure it was a fun for the first...kill. Then it got stale. Finally it began to rot and then bubble with gases before I finally tossed the controller down and went out for some fresh air.
Awesome job Yahtzee! I don't know if he even reads these, but The Escapist did a a brilliant job bringing this unique critic to the masses!
Lovely as always.
Oh, and Mulder/Scully DID get it on.
I've always wanted to be the annoying fact-checker on an internet forum. Now that I've done it I can retire to the mountains, writing my life's story, relaxing in the sunlight...
Oh, and Mulder/Scully DID get it on.
I've always wanted to be the annoying fact-checker on an internet forum. Now that I've done it I can retire to the mountains, writing my life's story, relaxing in the sunlight...
AHAHA "Ima cut you *****!" that was priceless.
But i'm surprised he didn't mention the health bar they used. That was pretty lame.
But i'm surprised he didn't mention the health bar they used. That was pretty lame.
Mostly valid criticism, though I did thiink Condemned 2 was pretty good, even at the end, but that might just have been an adrenaline high left over from being chased by a fucking bear.
ZP t-shirts ftw.
As long as they have really tiny writing that you can only see from up close, like if you're kneeling in front of me.
Possibly "Whilst you're down there..."
As long as they have really tiny writing that you can only see from up close, like if you're kneeling in front of me.
Possibly "Whilst you're down there..."
The review was awesome as usual, what else to expect?
Now about the game, indeed the 1st half was the best, it had a really nice feeling to it although I expected it to be a bit more scary (although I almots crapped my pants when I walked in just another hotel chamber to get a healthpack from a medicine cabinete and when I turn around so I looked at the mirror, a junky popped up). I was really looking forward to the doll-factory level, I was waiting for my pants to get wet....but it stayed dry, it really was a great dissapointment. Really, it was almost written on the walls, so clear it was: this level has craploads of potential, and could've ripped your soul to scared little shreds, but we didn't have the time/money/caring to make it that way.
I dissagree a bit with Yathzee though on the "Crazy ancient cult did it" plot turn. I could've lived with that (I can't stand it if mystery's like why all the hobo's would've gone crazy stay unsolved forever), if they just worked it out properly. Fact is indeed, they didn't. Some kind of cult behind it all is 1 thing, but why the hell does it have to be a high-tech/magic-ish combination again? It would've been fine if it would've stayed a bit more real, and the sudden superpowers from Ethan really made me go "wtf?" as well, they're even discouraging (well, making it impossible) the awesome melee combat in those last levels because you can't go near the damned baddies or your brain explodes so you háve to use your uber power.
The gun-only levels were a dissapointment as well, it's not that they were bad or something, it's just that they were easy and not what Condemned should be known about.
Ofcourse, the "boss" fight is nothing more then an annoying piece of shit. It's not even the boss wich is dangerous, it's the 3 baddies who spawn and totally beat the sh!t outa you (half a life bar each direct blow).
In the end, it's not that the mythic plot twist is really bad, it's just that it's not what you expected from Condemned: I feel kinda screwed in the ass by it. I still can't wait for 3 though, the last scene you see is really cool, at least now I know what to expect and I can anticipate on it.
Now about the game, indeed the 1st half was the best, it had a really nice feeling to it although I expected it to be a bit more scary (although I almots crapped my pants when I walked in just another hotel chamber to get a healthpack from a medicine cabinete and when I turn around so I looked at the mirror, a junky popped up). I was really looking forward to the doll-factory level, I was waiting for my pants to get wet....but it stayed dry, it really was a great dissapointment. Really, it was almost written on the walls, so clear it was: this level has craploads of potential, and could've ripped your soul to scared little shreds, but we didn't have the time/money/caring to make it that way.
I dissagree a bit with Yathzee though on the "Crazy ancient cult did it" plot turn. I could've lived with that (I can't stand it if mystery's like why all the hobo's would've gone crazy stay unsolved forever), if they just worked it out properly. Fact is indeed, they didn't. Some kind of cult behind it all is 1 thing, but why the hell does it have to be a high-tech/magic-ish combination again? It would've been fine if it would've stayed a bit more real, and the sudden superpowers from Ethan really made me go "wtf?" as well, they're even discouraging (well, making it impossible) the awesome melee combat in those last levels because you can't go near the damned baddies or your brain explodes so you háve to use your uber power.
The gun-only levels were a dissapointment as well, it's not that they were bad or something, it's just that they were easy and not what Condemned should be known about.
Ofcourse, the "boss" fight is nothing more then an annoying piece of shit. It's not even the boss wich is dangerous, it's the 3 baddies who spawn and totally beat the sh!t outa you (half a life bar each direct blow).
In the end, it's not that the mythic plot twist is really bad, it's just that it's not what you expected from Condemned: I feel kinda screwed in the ass by it. I still can't wait for 3 though, the last scene you see is really cool, at least now I know what to expect and I can anticipate on it.
His reviews have again become funny thankfully as I was worrying he was losing his charm. A good review, but many of the points he made were grossly inaccurate. Pretty much 95% of the bad things he said about the game were untrue. Funny review though.
Excellent review. My warning lights operate on the same system as Yahtzee's, it seems. Dolls? Okay. Knights? Sure. Then I got on the barge and found the Crossbow of Robot Slaying. (Don't ask. No, really.)
It was easy to forgive both the suicide babies (I refuse to call them "blow-up dolls") and the rabid bear because those levels were scary as hucking fell and I could forgive the deviation in an otherwise tight story.
...But the real warning sign for me was, sadly, the Warner Bros. logo when I turn the game on. I haven't trusted the WB with any sort of horror endeavor because of their uncanny power to cock up every "Exorcist" sequel in every way possible.
Epiphany Edit: I just had a terrible theory why this game HAS stupid giant robots or whatever they are. I'm guessing some suit at Warner Bros. thought Big Daddy from BioShock was TOTALLY AWESOME and DEMANDED that Condemned 2 get some too? ARRRGGHHHH...
It was easy to forgive both the suicide babies (I refuse to call them "blow-up dolls") and the rabid bear because those levels were scary as hucking fell and I could forgive the deviation in an otherwise tight story.
...But the real warning sign for me was, sadly, the Warner Bros. logo when I turn the game on. I haven't trusted the WB with any sort of horror endeavor because of their uncanny power to cock up every "Exorcist" sequel in every way possible.
Epiphany Edit: I just had a terrible theory why this game HAS stupid giant robots or whatever they are. I'm guessing some suit at Warner Bros. thought Big Daddy from BioShock was TOTALLY AWESOME and DEMANDED that Condemned 2 get some too? ARRRGGHHHH...
Major props for the whole "Indigo Prophecy Syndrome" piece. Having played that, I could totally relate to the reviewer.