Zero Punctuation: Darksiders

[seyirci]

I almost lost it laughing when the blue and orange portals appeared. He isn't making that up, is he? Wow, game designers.

And I concur with the majority of the thread, this was one hilarious ZP.

 

[Codeman90]

All this proection of Warhammer and 40k from the people here is just going to prompt an Extra punctuation of why Warhammer 40k is bad.

and then we will all hate Yahtzee for 10 minutes, remember its the internet, and watch the next Zero Punctuation.

PS: The fact that Yahtzee didn't think of Arthas makes me sad, and I lose faith in his ability to make fun of WoW.

Nah it'll just be a paragraph about his opinion on 40k. Which will probably be about the generic over the top nature of 40k. Which is fine, the response should be interesting anyway.

 

[samuraixyz]

...how exactly do you get Bayonetta = God of War, and NOT Devil May Cry?

I mean, the comparison still works, but still...it seems so much more obvious to go with DMC

After DMC 4, I think Yahtzee would rather forget the DMC series.

That's not a very good excuse to not reference Bayonetta to DMC series (excluding 4; it felt like a rehash of DMC3 with a bad story) because that's really the best representation between them; possibly the only representation. I guess Yathzee just threw it in there merely because it just happened to be the very few action-adventure games being released (not a good reason to begin with)... or it's because the reference between Bayonetta and GOW is that there's, god forbid, quick time events; the only major difference is that Bayonetta doesn't make QTE as a core concept so expect watching a cutscene then "QTE, OH NOES PRESS X NAO!!!"; then there's button mashing but Bayonetta does it so well with it personally once you find the pattern... so I'm going to assume the former.

But aside from Yathzee rather thoughtless rage of Bayonetta as a GOW clone, it was a good video. I hope in his review in Bayonetta he doesn't gab about "GOW clone this and that" and rant big time about the other main stuff like the massive sexual innuendo that try too hard to be funny, random CAPCOM references, pointless weapon and its combination you lug around, and SEGA being a shitty console port company (personal rant) or something.

 

[yeah_so_no]

This review really, really, really makes me look forward to when he reviews Bayonetta and EA's "Dante's Inferno."

 

[Crouton]

All this proection of Warhammer and 40k from the people here is just going to prompt an Extra punctuation of why Warhammer 40k is bad.

and then we will all hate Yahtzee for 10 minutes, remember its the internet, and watch the next Zero Punctuation.

PS: The fact that Yahtzee didn't think of Arthas makes me sad, and I lose faith in his ability to make fun of WoW.

Nah it'll just be a paragraph about his opinion on 40k. Which will probably be about the generic over the top nature of 40k. Which is fine, the response should be interesting anyway.

Lol at the thought of Yahtzee bashing this game for being unoriginal, only to use unoriginal arguments. Though I suppose its a fault in logic to think he should have to come up with new arguments, its funny none the less.

 

[mrdude2010]

venting out alot of frustrations over this game eh? understandable since it rips off so many games. heh heh, wait till you play bayonetta which i still don't understand why reviewers praised it so much for "originality" while calling darksiders derivative

because if you look carefully bayonetta takes God of War's 4x^2 + 3x + 5 and copies it directly, whereas darksiders turns it into 8x + 3 (^.^)

 

[Aptspire]

Shweet
lol GoW rip-off :_)

 

[Kurtz]

So...
Yahtzee hates quicktime events unless a game makes combos easy,
Yahtzee hates games with only shooty guns until a game has zelda grappling hooks, boomerangs, scythes, etc,
Yahtzee hates drab, bleak, and monochromatic characters until a game has extremely detailed ones,
Yahtzee hates pseudo open worlds until a game legitimately lets you backtrack using new items,
Yahtzee hates characters that whine all the time until a game has characters that speak clearly and sound good,
Yahtzee hates games where you kill things with a sword unless you're kratos - then it's ok,
Yahtzee hates instant-kill enemies unless enemies actually have counter-able attacks,
and Yahtzee hates portals if they don't have the valve logo glued to them.

What a letdown. It's one thing to rag on games that suck, it's another to be actively hypocritical. If these 'reviews' are just going to be him searching for stuff to insult then I can find better ways to spend 3 minutes.

 

[Saxon-Mercenary]

You are yet again my hero.
What an accurate review.

 

[Crouton]

So...
Yahtzee hates quicktime events unless a game makes combos easy,
Yahtzee hates games with only shooty guns until a game has zelda grappling hooks, boomerangs, scythes, etc,
Yahtzee hates drab, bleak, and monochromatic characters until a game has extremely detailed ones,
Yahtzee hates pseudo open worlds until a game legitimately lets you backtrack using new items,
Yahtzee hates characters that whine all the time until a game has characters that speak clearly and sound good,
Yahtzee hates games where you kill things with a sword unless you're kratos - then it's ok,
Yahtzee hates instant-kill enemies unless enemies actually have counter-able attacks,
and Yahtzee hates portals if they don't have the valve logo glued to them.

What a letdown. It's one thing to rag on games that suck, it's another to be actively hypocritical. If these 'reviews' are just going to be him searching for stuff to insult then I can find better ways to spend 3 minutes.

thats basically the entire point. If you watch them he does occasionally say "and anything I don't mention is usually good". or something to that affect. the only review he never insulted was Portal.

 

[TyroSe7en]

LOL!!! He just owned everything my friend likes about this game

 

[Kurtz]

So...
Yahtzee hates quicktime events unless a game makes combos easy,
Yahtzee hates games with only shooty guns until a game has zelda grappling hooks, boomerangs, scythes, etc,
Yahtzee hates drab, bleak, and monochromatic characters until a game has extremely detailed ones,
Yahtzee hates pseudo open worlds until a game legitimately lets you backtrack using new items,
Yahtzee hates characters that whine all the time until a game has characters that speak clearly and sound good,
Yahtzee hates games where you kill things with a sword unless you're kratos - then it's ok,
Yahtzee hates instant-kill enemies unless enemies actually have counter-able attacks,
and Yahtzee hates portals if they don't have the valve logo glued to them.

What a letdown. It's one thing to rag on games that suck, it's another to be actively hypocritical. If these 'reviews' are just going to be him searching for stuff to insult then I can find better ways to spend 3 minutes.

thats basically the entire point. If you watch them he does occasionally say "and anything I don't mention is usually good". or something to that affect. the only review he never insulted was Portal.

But you're missing my point. It's one thing to only mention negatives, but he hates things in this review that he wishes for in others. You can't have your cake and eat it too - and like I said, there's no reason to watch if Yahtzee's reaction to everything is going to be disapproval regardless.

It's great to be bitingly truthful and witty. But this video was just hypocritical and forced - like Yahtzee knows he has to deliver the angry (no matter what he said before), or else he won't get the escapist page views.

 

[The Noble Shade]

I remember back in his review of Tomb Raider: Anniversary, he expressed disdain at the fact that games are no longer fun or original, merely sequels or (god forbid) remakes. I see that most games released these days are either sequels, remakes, or (a NEW addition!) rip-offs of good games. Maybe I'm being too cynical here, but it's still something to worry about.

 

[Plurralbles]

Never let it be said that Yahtzee follows the trend of other reviewers.
And also never let it be said that it's not realllllllllly fucking satisfying when he rips the balls off a game you hate.

Really? i thought everyone with a brain could have seen what he did....

 

[BloodSquirrel]

Awesome review! I've played Darksiders and it's not a bad game, but as always. You can't deny anything Yahtzee says in his reviews >.

Unless you've figured that whole "independent thought" thing out.

 

[docbox1567]

The idea of Darksiders didn?t appeal to me. Kratos is a bit of a psychotic, but his feelings about his family as he murders makes him relatable-ish, just as long as you can relate to someone who can relate to dismemberment and buckets of blood as latest fashionable throw rug. The thing about War is that he?s completely unfeeling, because that?s what war is; uninteresting in human like form.

Plus watching the development team handle biblical mythology is like watching a child find his mommy?s dildo and use it like a sword. It may make him feel masculine and powerful, but there will always be a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that there is a cock in his hand. Next they?ll put Jesus in a space marine suit the size of four brick shithouses stacked together in order for him to save Zelda of Nazareth.

 

[RJ Dalton]

Somebody's probably already said this, but I'm trying to keep my title as Nerd King, so I'll say it anyway.
Majora's Mask actually was not a remake. It was a sequel. A crapy sequel that never should have been made, but that's so often the case with sequels it's not really worth mentioning. It killed my dog, though, that's a new one.

 

[PrototypeC]

Yeah, it certainly did have more life in it than the previous 4 or so reviews. Good to see Yahtzee's getting back into the swing of things. I'm a little peeved that he didn't do Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, but I'm not going to get worked about it A: because if I did I'd have to re-evaluate my life, B: because he's going to do it anyway, and C: because it's not his fault it'll appear in Australia about the same time hell will actually be freezing over.

 

[T3H-F1GM3NT]

I dunno why but I haven't laughed this hard at a ZP in a good couple of months. I was damn near crying from laughing so hard, and yet I honestly dunno why. Maybe the cracks at ripping off GoW, Zelda, and Portal or summat, I unno. But nice work there Mr. Croshaw

Oh and Off topic...

@RJ Dalton- I have to disagree with you about Majora's Mask being a crappy sequel. I honestly rank that as #2 on my top Zelda games list (below OoT obviously). But then again everyone has their own opinion on it. Gotta admit though it's better than some other sequels they've tried doing for Zelda *hint hint* Phantom Hourglass *hint hint*

 

[deviltry]

Seems I'm the only one thinking that this is one of the worst episodes. :/