Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[TraumaHound]

As with most FF games I can remember, the advertising is all about the pre-rendered cinematics, never the actual gameplay. This, alone, is what makes me shy away from so many games. When their major selling point is how pretty & shiny the wrapping is only to find the game inside is blocky, klunky, and more often than not the same pixellated stuff one's seen in countless other JRPGs (granted, the newer ones look nicer, but still...) it's just not for me. Same goes for non-JRPGs, too.

Bravo to Yahtzee for toughing it out for the 5 hours that he did. That's 6 more than I'd have devoted to it.

 

[capacollo]

Good review. I have the same feeling toward JRPGs(albeit without the dramatic flare and delivery that Yahtzee can only do). That being said I can understand the appeal it has to some so I wouldn't knock it.

 

[ben---neb]

Ahhh, that review reminded me of just about ever other 'epic' game of film produced within the last three or four years.

For some reason no one seems to understand that the audience/gamers would actually quite like a plot that doesn't need much extra effort to make sense. It's like the writers were trying to show off to one another.

 

[PhiMed]

Yes, we know you dislike JRPGs, and we know why. Thank you for restating your position after not finishing the game. It wasn't a bad review, but it just wasn't as good as some of his recent ones (DUST!)

 

[CyricZ]

Yeah, frankly, I didn't even expect Yahtzee to bother with this. We all knew from the get-go he doesn't like JRPGs, so I figure getting it out of the way in as little effort as possible, while cheap, does count as a tickmark next to that box.

On the other hand, it's good to get some insight to the fact that he HAS played JRPGs in the past, and even enjoyed some. There seems to be the opinion that Yahtzee hates JRPGs out of some genetic disposition, or perhaps his mum was shouted at by one once. I didn't cotton to that, frankly, as I figure the man usually comes up with proper reasons for not liking, and a reason-less dislike seemed a bit out of character.

So, had you continued, Mr. 'Tzee, you'd have ended up discovering (as I have 20 hours down the line) that the only really relate-able and likable character is the black guy, Sazh. He's the only one who seems to have a sense of self-preservation, a rather obvious conflict over the choices he makes, and a simple, yet "makes sense" past to explain his motivations.

Like I said, 20 hours in, haven't even touched down on the "world at large", yet, so maybe my opinions will change once the game decides to give some flavor to the bland characters.

 

[TimeLord]

He hated the game?

WHAT A TWIST!

My mind was blown that he didn't like it...

 

[Jamesigh]

disappointing. i was looking forward to this review, but only playing five hours of the game makes it completely pointless.

 

[HelbrechtBT]

I gotta say i am that noone has mentioned Yahtzee likeing a final fantasy yet. Besides that little revelation it was a pretty good epsisode and he did not have to say "Like God of War but" at all.
Edit ninjad.=p

 

[ziggy161]

Did he say he loved FF6, yet shown a image of FF 3? or did i miss something? xD

US version of 3 WAS 6. Previous games banned/missed... I think they started at the Japanese 3?

 

[Archemetis]

I played for 30 hours, because I was really anticipating the game and oddly I enjoyed it, I intend to complete it too, someday.

But even I would be lying if I were to say that Yahtzee got most if not all points right on the money on this one.

Although I would've preferred an opinion built up on a worthwhile amount of time spent with the game.

Granted he hasn't got the time in a week for the full 50+ hour experience but somewhere between 10 and 15 hours would've been reasonable.

As for the exposition:

Spoiler: totally with him on that one...

Yes I am aware it's in the game manual and the datalogs, but that doesn't excuse a lack of in-story exposition on the matter.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

I've reached Chapter 11 where the gameplay is supposed to have gotten better and, much like the fountain of youth or holy grail, haven't found it. If I can beat this game it'll be out of spite but I've been having more fun with a recently acquired copy of Final Fantasy III for the DS

 

[Sonicron]

Well, I'm still playing the game, but I agree, it takes a lot of conscious effort to make yourself go through the first few hours because every single character is unlikable at that point (with the possible exception of the chocobo chick) and the important story bits are held back far too long. Seeing how Yahtzee has a less-than-sunny predisposition for this genre I can't really blame him for tossing the disc out the window after 5 hours, especially considering all the Mana Bar business.

 

[Brotherofwill]

Hahah, seeing him viciously murder Vanille was the best part.

Ciao!

 

[JakeX]

Well theres bits i do agree with and bits i dont agree with.
And i hardly call it a fair review of playing 5 hours of it. (Yes he was busy and all that blah i know ¬¬)

I mean if they guy can play through Heavy Rain then he should pull up his big boy trousers and stop whining about the old days! Its modern day, things need to change and hey at least Square have tried!.........though they have lost their way when they merged with Enix.

Dude.. Enix is like the best company, mainly for their Star Ocean games, and I like the combo, you know, X-2 and shit. EH.

Meh if you like those games, thats fine with me.
Just merely pointing out how the level of awesome dropped when that merge happened. Think about it

 

[hawk533]

How has no one mentioned the Monty Python reference in there.

I enjoyed the review and since I don't have a 360 or a ps3 I definitely don't plan on getting this game any time soon.

 

[Parivir]

Eh I got damn far into this game (36 hours) and well what I played I enjoyed being a fan of turn based combat but when the bosses health started shooting into the mid hundred thousands the first warning light started beeping in the back of my mind.
Then when the bosses got passed 1 mil I started finding the boss fights mighty tedious.
Finally when the generic mobs started having over half a million hp and had spells to reduce my damage output to nigh on nil (I'm looking a you vetala) my interest disappeared.

Now I'm playing a much more satisfying game, namely Tatsunoko vs. Capcom

 

[DarkhoIlow]

Another great and funny review Mr.Croshaw!

Having to play more than 5h to see if you like the game or not shouldn't happen.Each with their own I guess..

 

[Brad Shepard]

shocker, he dident like it. the thing i am shocked about is the fact he liked FF6.

funny review as always, i wanted to bead that red head with a hammer as well... then throw her remains into a B-52's turbine.

 

[Muon]

Twenty hours in I can finally say "the game's actually STARTED!"

 

[Uszi]

Hilarious!

Above average quality this time. When I saw what it was, I prepared for boredom to set in as I prepared for Yahtzee to get onto his favorite sand box.

But not only did he climb onto that sand box, he did it with such flourish, finesse and comedic insight that I was awed by a monologue I'd heard like 50 times before from him.

When you can make your audience laugh at the same material years later, that's pretty good.