Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[Beauwight]

Lets sum this up:

Those who already liked the series have played previous versions, were going to play this one, and were going to like it and persevere through it no matter what. Hence they are going to hate Yahtzee for his review.

Those who have never played it before, or stopped playing it long before this, will agree with the points Yahtzee is raising, and probably still never play it. Unless you're into masochism...

These people will not mix. Ever.

I disagree completely. I like the series, but disliked a couple of the games, planned to play XII, have enjoyed parts more and some parts less. I enjoy Yahtzee's reviews and I had high hopes for this one. But five hours is not enough in my opinion to generate a decent review--biting criticism or not. This game is a major release, on par with God of War III. I think the FF XIII review was subpar, not because of bashing the game, but that the bashing deserved more consideration: lesbian jokes, roller derby goblin jokes, Vanille's handsy summon jokes--all these I hoped for. Yes, Yahtzee has done short-term reviews of other games: The Witcher (a PC only release) and EVE and Conan (2 MMOs): these don't seem to be in the same level of release as the first FF game on this generation of consoles.

Plus, we're mixing right now, aren't we?

 

[Jallis370]

I think the problem Yahtzee had with the game is that he played it on X-box 360. Try any other console and then come back to us.

no, he hated the game because he played it, and got bored, nothing to do with the console, grow up, it wouldn't make a difference, same hours, same characters, same fucking corridors, but a slight change in graphics. woopdy fucking doo -_-'

maybe you should come back to us when you have a brain that can comprehend that? =)

Wow, you actually flamed me for making a joke? Take it easy, hotshot. You don't need to correct every pixle on your frame...

 

[the_bearpelt]

*shrugs* I'm not much of a Final Fantasy person, I never got to play the older stuff so I'm familiar with X and XII. X was allright, I guess. Ish. But XII was a *****, for me. I hated the goddamn cave at the beginning and the story made little to no sense, and no matter how much I leveled up, I kept ending up in an area with, say, a level 50 boss I needed to beat, I'm level 40, and everything else in the area is level 30, and it wouldn't be worth the time to head out of the area. And it's the highest-level area. I just got sick of it.
So I guess I wasn't expecting anything better out of XIII.

 

[blahfacerollblahh]

I laughed which is why I watch your videos, but this was like a dream card match in boxing and all I saw was you pulling your punches. You didnt even try! You owe us a more brutal review.

 

[KennyNOL]

I'd say he was pretty wise to stop playing at the 5 hour mark. Speaking as someone who owns it and is on the 13th hour.

 

[IamStrange]

One of the best recent episodes of Zero Punctuation. Well done!

 

[jaketheripper]

Now i know why mw2 annoys me... Even the multiplayer is as linear as this game XD

 

[Swmystery]

Lets sum this up:

Those who already liked the series have played previous versions, were going to play this one, and were going to like it and persevere through it no matter what. Hence they are going to hate Yahtzee for his review.

Those who have never played it before, or stopped playing it long before this, will agree with the points Yahtzee is raising, and probably still never play it. Unless you're into masochism...

These people will not mix. Ever.

I disagree completely. I like the series, but disliked a couple of the games, planned to play XII, have enjoyed parts more and some parts less. I enjoy Yahtzee's reviews and I had high hopes for this one. But five hours is not enough in my opinion to generate a decent review--biting criticism or not. This game is a major release, on par with God of War III. I think the FF XIII review was subpar, not because of bashing the game, but that the bashing deserved more consideration: lesbian jokes, roller derby goblin jokes, Vanille's handsy summon jokes--all these I hoped for. Yes, Yahtzee has done short-term reviews of other games: The Witcher (a PC only release) and EVE and Conan (2 MMOs): these don't seem to be in the same level of release as the first FF game on this generation of consoles.

Plus, we're mixing right now, aren't we?

I must agree with Beau entirely. Not all FF fans are mindless unthinking apologists who defend the games where they really ought not to be defended. Yahtzee's review is poor simply because only playing the first five hours does not give you an accurate picture of the game in any sense- not its characters or plot, and you've barely had access to most of the battle system. It annoys me because it will put people off the game without just cause. If he'd wanted to filibuster about the JRPG genre for five minutes he could have easily done so elsewhere and not use it to ruin a review of what's actually a decent (not great, but solid) game. Yes, the man may have been busy, but he could easily have waited until he had more time to give the thing a proper look over. "I call it efficency" is not a workable defence. The whole reason he was able to tell people Heavy Rain got better over time was because he'd actually played that far, despite it making you far more detached from the game then FFXIII ever does.

As far as it getting good 20 hours in not being a good thing...I'd say it is, quite frankly. Just because some people don't have the patience to make it that far doesn't mean it's a point against the game. Most of the characters are likeable enough from the start...and those that aren't grow on you as they change and develop, a fact Yahtzee completly ignores because what he's done here is jugding an entire novel by its first few chapters. It might be funny in places, but it's useless to anyone who actually wants to use this as a hint about whether the game's any good or not.

 

[Yelchor]

Oh dear. I thought Yathzee reviewing this would be too much for him, as if he hasn't gone through enough!

An excellent episode with a level of humor not seen for a while, I'll definantly watch this many times over.

I do wonder why the character concepts were designed in this ridicolous way. On trailers and the like the setting of the game looks epic if not a bit strange, only for the good parts of the concept becoming dumbed down by a script and execution that seems to have been done by a little kid.

Unless ofcourse it's made for younger audiences. Then again I've seen things made for minors and still containing a level of depth that's rarily seen.

 

[derpa]

Lets sum this up:

Those who already liked the series have played previous versions, were going to play this one, and were going to like it and persevere through it no matter what. Hence they are going to hate Yahtzee for his review.

Those who have never played it before, or stopped playing it long before this, will agree with the points Yahtzee is raising, and probably still never play it. Unless you're into masochism...

These people will not mix. Ever.

I disagree completely. I like the series, but disliked a couple of the games, planned to play XII, have enjoyed parts more and some parts less. I enjoy Yahtzee's reviews and I had high hopes for this one. But five hours is not enough in my opinion to generate a decent review--biting criticism or not. This game is a major release, on par with God of War III. I think the FF XIII review was subpar, not because of bashing the game, but that the bashing deserved more consideration: lesbian jokes, roller derby goblin jokes, Vanille's handsy summon jokes--all these I hoped for. Yes, Yahtzee has done short-term reviews of other games: The Witcher (a PC only release) and EVE and Conan (2 MMOs): these don't seem to be in the same level of release as the first FF game on this generation of consoles.

Plus, we're mixing right now, aren't we?

I must agree with Beau entirely. Not all FF fans are mindless unthinking apologists who defend the games where they really ought not to be defended. Yahtzee's review is poor simply because only playing the first five hours does not give you an accurate picture of the game in any sense- not its characters or plot, and you've barely had access to most of the battle system. It annoys me because it will put people off the game without just cause. If he'd wanted to filibuster about the JRPG genre for five minutes he could have easily done so elsewhere and not use it to ruin a review of what's actually a decent (not great, but solid) game. Yes, the man may have been busy, but he could easily have waited until he had more time to give the thing a proper look over. "I call it efficency" is not a workable defence. The whole reason he was able to tell people Heavy Rain got better over time was because he'd actually played that far, despite it making you far more detached from the game then FFXIII ever does.

As far as it getting good 20 hours in not being a good thing...I'd say it is, quite frankly. Just because some people don't have the patience to make it that far doesn't mean it's a point against the game. Most of the characters are likeable enough from the start...and those that aren't grow on you as they change and develop, a fact Yahtzee completly ignores because what he's done here is jugding an entire novel by its first few chapters. It might be funny in places, but it's useless to anyone who actually wants to use this as a hint about whether the game's any good or not.

I smell a FFFB.

Seems you miss the part where a "novel" or "game" by the length he played it should have hooked, which this game doesn't even attempt to do.

Pretty much this game plays with itself, with annoying characters, along a sub-par story that looks damn amazing.

 

[Vianyte]

I liked FF XIII overall but I can understand why people would really hate it.

I agree with Yahtzee that the combat involves the player as little as possible and that it is very badly designed. Always when I change a character's role to a medic and another to sentinel, who is there to direct attacks towards him/her, the medic will walk up and stand next to the sentinel getting hit as the sentinel is getting hit. That completely ruins the point of having a sentinel and medics should be staying well away from enemies. It's utterly stupid and really annoying. I don't know why you can't direct the character away from some thrashing enemy and instead watch them stupidly walk into them.

 

[Michael826]

Let's face it, noone actually expected him to play up to chapter 11, did they...

I hoped he would. I'm sure he knew its a long game before it started it. If he doesn't have the time to play it for a proper review then why bother? All he's doing is jerking off the anti-Final fantasy crowd.

This.

Whether you think it is invalid to ask someone to play for more than 5 hours for a game to "get good" or not is irrelevant. it's a final fantasy game, what did you expect? People who enjoy the series know what to expect, and they either put up with it or actually enjoy it.

This review was lacklustre, and if he honestly didn't have the time to play it, he shouldn't have. There are other games he could've reviewed, and anyone who likes the series shouldn't need yahtzees nod of approval before buying it (we all knew that was never going to happen, anyway).

 

[Your once and future Fanboy]

it seems wierd that people ***** about why they wouldt care about a game where you must play a while for it to get better, but they will suffer trough shitty tv-series like Lost and Prison Break for hours on hours, even though they admidt that its usualy pure shit.
yeah and i know that im automaticly branded as a fanboy for this, but this doesnt just count for JRPGs, many good games have this same issue.

 

[Hollywood Knights]

I usually agree with most of what Yahtzee has to say, certainly as far as story-led games go, but I feel I've got to leap to the defence of this franchise a little bit.

Now I'll freely admit I love Final Fantasy (although I don't think they've made a truly great one since 2001, but anyway), and I think it's a great shame that Yahtzee thinks otherwise. However, I'm not here to say what bits of the games I think are brilliant and how he's so wrong blah blah, because we'll go round and round all day - everyone knows it's a game that polarises audiences. However, I do think there's an aspect to this debate, and to his slamming of the franchise staples, that he's overlooked. There's this common view that most Square Enix fans are half-blind idiots who'll lap up any old rubbish as long as it has spiky hair and big swords, and then tell the world how utterly brilliant it all is, to the accompanying sound of incredulous forehead-slapping from its critics. While these people think we're morons, in actuality, they just don't quite understand why we like the games. So:

The angsty drama, the complicated and unwieldy combat system, the ridiculous names, the separation of combat from gameplay, the over-the-top outfits (although I think Vaan's probably went a bit TOO far), the immensely slow pacing of the story... as FF fans we're not apologising for these things and trying to claim they either don't exist or that they're the finest examples of game design right across the board. Sure there would probably be smoother ways to make a battle system (if that's what you want), and more subtle ways of telling the story. But then it just wouldn't be Final Fantasy. We like the games BECAUSE of those things - they're as comfortable, familiar, and as much part of the franchise as Chocobos and Tonberries, and we'll always come to a new game in the series with an understanding of what it's going to be like, both in the gameplay and story elements.

So when the collected, smug FF haters go on about all of the game's various 'flaws'... yes, we know. We like it like that.

 

[Bosola]

As far as it getting good 20 hours in not being a good thing...I'd say it is, quite frankly. Just because some people don't have the patience to make it that far doesn't mean it's a point against the game. Most of the characters are likeable enough from the start...and those that aren't grow on you as they change and develop, a fact Yahtzee completly ignores because what he's done here is jugding an entire novel by its first few chapters. It might be funny in places, but it's useless to anyone who actually wants to use this as a hint about whether the game's any good or not.

And there was I thinking games were about entertainment, and that we should applaud designers and directors who have the skill to weave narrative into games, rather than clunky storytelling and primitive delineation of plot ("here's a dry, prose summary, because we don't know how to do our jobs and produce stories that enthrall. Can I have your hard earned cash now, please?").

 

[maximara]

Well done, Yahtzee. This is exactly why I couldn't stand Final Fantasy 7, I shouldn't have to play through a game for three or four hours before it gets good, it should start out good and get its tedious parts out in the middle when we're already committed.

Given what he said way back in his Condemned 2 review I am surprised that Yahtzee put up with the game for as long as he did. His review reminds me of a late night horror film I continued to watch in the hope it would get better--it never did.

That is my feeling toward the 'but it gets better later' crowd--why should I watemy time if they can't get it good from the beginning.

 

[Primus1985]

27 pages already? no need to go through it I can summerize 90%: "Yahtzee doesnt like JRPG's so he's opinon doesnt matter, Squareenix can do no wrong, im a fanboy wah wah wah."

Actually I cant belive Yahtzee lasted 5 hours, thats how I know he's completly unbiased. I only lasted 3.

FF13 worst FF of all time, i can name any other entry and it would be better.

 

[FLWD2L8]

I have to admit .. As much as i like the final fantasy range
Final fantasy 13 has seriously been dumbed down for those that have never played it before.
For the rest of us that have actually kept up with the combat and storyline
It just takes way too long to get to the open world.
I stopped at about 10 hours in and cannot be arse to go any further
I mean its probably gonna be one of those games that i play when im on holidays
Purely and simple for something to pass the time with ..
I mean i cant comment on the XBOX version of the game .. im only playing it on PS3 and its only one disc
And apparently its worse on XBOX ..
How the FRICKEN HELL can it be worse ..
I love FF games .. but i just cant stand this one ..
Im gonna agree with yahtzee on this ... It might have been worth it if there was so much linearity to the game ..

!! END RANT !!

 

[boholikeu]

As far as it getting good 20 hours in not being a good thing...I'd say it is, quite frankly. Just because some people don't have the patience to make it that far doesn't mean it's a point against the game. Most of the characters are likeable enough from the start...and those that aren't grow on you as they change and develop, a fact Yahtzee completly ignores because what he's done here is jugding an entire novel by its first few chapters.

The difference here is it rarely takes 5 hours to read the first few chapters of a novel. I know the stereotype is that gamers are supposed to have more free time to "get into" a long game like FF, but I think it's fair to expect some sort of pay off after playing for longer than two feature-length movies. If you can't get into the meat of the plot by then, that's just bad editing and game design.

 

[Zeni Geba]

F?? you for this review yahtzee, if you?re a RPG hater then ?STOP PLAYING? BI?.CH. Final Fantasy XIII was a very good game .your review was like leasing to an idiot talk ?trying to imitate Simon Cowell? just some wannabe game critic stick to what you do best review first-person shooting games ?where the plot is always terrorist attached .go kill them ? SHIT.And if you think you are good Enough to critic other people work try making a game as good as Final Fantasy XIII ? the 3d that you call flashy and if you look at from the side its 2d that alone shows what an ignorant small minded and un educated BI?.CH?

oh dear. did he hit one of your nerves?
you KNOW yahtzee hates this sort of game,and you knew he'd kick the shit out of it. so why watch it then get your knickers in twist over it?
oh,right,sorry. i forgot. the typical jrpg fan is an absolute cretin who wishes they lived in japan and praises anything that comes out of it. Japan could release a machine that grinds your dog into a pulp while brutally ramming you up the arse with a barbed,splintered piece of wood and you'd love it.
you watch anime all day long,clinging on to your pc desk in terror as you wonder if the main character will be able to overcome whatever's in their way,because you can't differentiate between cartoons and the real world,and you think the characters will somehow read your "helpful" advice in the comments page of the website. you play shitty games like this because you think you're as "awesome" as the characters in it,whereas picking up a real sword would wear you out in a second.

you don't have to be a game maker to say how shit another game is,especially if the game itself is bad.
what people like you need to realise is that because YOU (an unimportant speck among billions) like something,that doesn't make it a good thing.
some people like rape or pedophillia, that doesn't make those good things.
i am so sick of people like you. nintendo fans are just as bad.
"this game has shit graphics,boring,samey gameplay but the music is kind of good and my mum would only buy me the cheapest of the next gen consoles and because i like it that makes it good"

short version. fuck you.

ill replay on one thing only coz whatever you said is pointless if you think that the graphics is shit try making a 3 sec video that can come close to ff13 *****.and if you cant shut the fuck up.unless you a real graphics designer you won?t know