Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[Beauwight]

Wow, completely aside from Yahtzee's review, this game never had a chance. First, there's the FF/Square/Enix/Squenix haters. Then, on one hand, if the game wasn't 40+ hours long, people would complain that it wasn't worth the money. If they draw a plot throughout the game, it's boring. I expect an FPS to give me the major chunk of the plot in the first hour, but not an RPG.

I don't get the linear comments--most RPGs are linear in nature: FFVIII punished you for going outside of the linear plot for quite a while into the game. It's not a sandbox game--it's an RPG. The seeming lack of involvement with combat bothered me at first, but based on previous experience, I believed it would evolve--and it did. Is it perfect? No, but my perfection and others' perfection are most certainly not the same.

Also, the character debate is bewildering. I've enjoyed the development of the characters in FF XIII, similarly to the enjoyment I got from IV, VI, VII, IX and X--even X-2. Part of me wonders if some of the Hope haters doth protest too much. I'd love to have an actual discussion, but it doesn't seem likely.

Finally, the datalog plot listing. It became pretty obvious to me that the entries were created to cover the loading screens and they just gave access to them for the heck of it. There's no reason to read them unless you want to. You don't even have to access them unless you want to lose the ! icon.

As to Yahtzee's review--As I've said in earlier posts, I don't think it's wrong to expect a reviewer/critic--especially one who's known for picking on games--to actually play the game. I'm willing to bet that Yahtzee spent more than five hours on Wii Sports Resort. Some other poster said that he felt this review was to piss off the FFanboys. I hope that's not as true as it seems.

If he really didn't want or have time to play FFXII, he could have gone the Unskippable route and done VI instead. He could have done a different game or even done a spot on the bar. I'll still watch and be amused, but it'll just be with a bit less esteem--at least for a while.

 

[AgentLex]

From the way things look, if you agree with Yahtzee you're a Yahtzee fanboy with no intellect on seeing games for what they really are and are blindly following the advice of a game critic. But if you disagree with it you're a FFXIII fanboy who's only moaning and complaining because you're poor delicate feelings were hurt. I wish we could find a middle man.

I would like to make a point though: too many people want to brush this review off as unprofessional for Yahtzee only putting in a few hours really need to think for a minute. It's a known fact Yahtzee has given his impressions after only playing them for a brief amount of time on numerous occasions. It's happened with Conan, the Witcher, Eve Online, ect. He's stated there's nothing wrong (in his opinion) with stating a game is terrible after a couple of hours just like there's nothing wrong with assuming a good game will stay good.

And last I checked, Yahtzee is popular because of the style HE chose to review games. Not to the way you think it should be done.

 

[ReaganForce]

I'm surprised Yahtzee even got five hours in. If he had played it any further he probably would have killed himself because he probably just got up to the end of Ch4 and Ch5 is god damned awful. Chapter 10, which is about twenty hours in, and the one before the game finally "gets good", is like The Library from Halo 1 stretched over two hours.

In other words, there is no fucking way Yahtzee would have been able to play the whole game before reviewing it, he would have killed himself or broken his PS3/Xbox first. Anyone saying he should have completed it before reviewing it is deluded. (I sort-of enjoy FFXIII by the way, don't get me wrong).

Also, FFVI is an overrated piece of nostalgiaware and I'm pretty surprised he likes it. It's so damn boring; it has a nice soundtrack for an SNES game but the battle system is a yawnfest and the characters and setting are so uninteresting. I cannot see what seemingly every other person on the internet can see in it; everywhere I look there is constant praise for this bland game. I'm disappointed that Yahtzee likes it, and that he kind of stumbled all over himself in that one part of the review where he praised FFVI for doing a lot of things that he typically slams video games for, and even went on to attack FFXIII for doing some of the things FFVI did. Makes me think there's some kind of April Fools' thing going on, but whatever.

This is a lot of words about video games!! I am a little ashamed.

 

[Gregor Hakha]

what the bollocks?
"you might like this one?"
they're the same crappy game being produced every time the typical socially retarded idiots get worried they may actually get %100 completion and get scared that they will have to face that dreaded end-of-game horror known as "the real world".
i've tried to like the final fantasy games but to me it's the same as trying to like battery acid being dripped on your tongue. no matter how much you do it,you won't like it.
glad to see Yahtzee rip the games arms off then kick it down some stairs.

 

[DubMan]

2 minutes in: There's actually a very good reason why Vanille acts way out of the game's established social context: she's not from the same f***ing world! Had he played the game for more than 5 hours, he'd know that. That's why you don't review games you don't know dick about.

This does not justify how awful and absolutely unrelatable of a character she is. There are really beyond fucking excellent characters in video games in films that don't act "normally" that are still entirely functional characters. Hal 9000 and Yoda come to mind. She doesn't act as "weird" as much as she acts like every other shitty anime character that acts entirely unrealistically and schizophrenically.

3 minutes in: "How about we just walk up to the enemy and press one button that bonks them on the head."

Later on...

3:40: "You only control the party leader directly and even then I just picked auto-attack every round."

Way to bash a game for doing exactly what you said you wanted it to do 40 f***ing seconds ago! Brilliant!

He was very very (very) obviously trying to explain that a streamlined combat system with less totally arduous waiting was preferable to a more "complicated" system that literally accomplishes the exact same thing. Pretense to intelligence through needless complexity, basically.

4:20: "This is not good storytelling! You're supposed to weave exposition into into the narrative not hand the audience a f***ing glossery in the theatre."

Yes, because nothing is better than when characters talk about the plot for the audience's sake in a movie. I'm sure Robert McKee and Joseph Campbell stand behind you 100% there.

This was a leap and a bound away from what he said. Joseph Campbell movies have narratives that are present within the context of the fucking film. FFXIII literally took you aside from the gameplay and the narrative in order to explain the plot and setting. In the context of a movie, the characters explain who they are, their motivations, and indirectly the world around them through all interactions they have with anything. This is an intrinsic part of all media that rely on narrative.

Ultimately, what I'm saying is that you have to develop your own opinion of something and not let some hilarious though well-read goofball from Australia validate your opinion for you, especially when his favorite game of the generation is Saints Row 2.

"Ultimately, what I'm saying is that you have to develop your own opinion of something and consequently acknowledge my standards as more valid than his."

 

[Wounded Melody]

I'll say FFVII is better than VI when someone can explain the plot of 7 in a straightforward manner free of plotholes.

 

[ReaganForce]

He was very very (very) obviously trying to explain that a streamlined combat system with less totally arduous waiting was preferable to a more "complicated" system that literally accomplishes the exact same thing. Pretense to intelligence through needless complexity, basically

Either way, you're still pressing attack when a bar fills up. The only difference is that in FFXIII you pile on commands instead of issuing them one at a time. The FFXIII system is not that radically different from the previous games.

I'll say FFVII is better than VI when someone can explain the plot of 7 in a straightforward manner free of plotholes.

Bad guy tries to become a god by channeling the souls of the dead into his own body.

 

[Summerspeak]

I knew Yahtzee wouldn't like Final Fantasy 13, and I don't blame him. I feel FF13 isn't doing anything new and is just stuck on repeat. I don't mind JRPG games I must say however I didn't even enjoy FF13. I stopped playing it also around 5-10 hours. Just bored me too much.

 

[JimmerDunda]

Jesus Christ the RPG fanboys are raging right now.

Regardless a decent review by Yathzee.

If I do study in the Gold Coast next year, I open my nerdiness for one night and stop by the mana bar. But just for one night... and you'd better be there.

 

[geizr]

Damn! I ran out of popcorn!

Great day in the morning people! It's just a video game. Decide you either like it or hate it, leave it at that, and then move on.

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

I expect a full Mail Bag Showdown from these current events.

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

F?? you for this review yahtzee, if you?re a RPG hater then ?STOP PLAYING? BI?.CH. Final Fantasy XIII was a very good game .your review was like leasing to an idiot talk ?trying to imitate Simon Cowell? just some wannabe game critic stick to what you do best review first-person shooting games ?where the plot is always terrorist attached .go kill them ? SHIT.And if you think you are good Enough to critic other people work try making a game as good as Final Fantasy XIII ? the 3d that you call flashy and if you look at from the side its 2d that alone shows what an ignorant small minded and un educated BI?.CH?

Okay, now your just trying a bit too hard to get him to answer you.

 

[Triforceformer]

I'm disappointed in Yahtzee for reviewing a game he only played for 5 hours. I mean come on, you can't properly form an opinion about something until you've got at least half way through.

Also, I don't get why he said that FF13 and the rest of the games in the series start the same (with the protagonist on a train etcetera). The only one that did that was FF7, if I recall correctly. Yeah, I'm probably taking this too seriously, but gimme a break. Just 5h? Even I could have played more than that.

Do you have a really tight schedule with game reviewing with running an extremely popular bar put on top of it? Thought not.

 

[topaztikal]

well, admittedly... i would have said pretty much the same things bout an FPS
to each his own

 

[Grand_Marquis]

There are OVER 900 comments.
That is all. The review was awesome.

 

[Audioave10]

Awesome review...funny as hell.

 

[CopperBoom]

The mine cart with disc wheels at the four minute mark looks like "boobie" wheels... I know, what a dumb thing to think. If you looked at it you would see it too... I hope.

Pretty funny review, but as I expected and nothing more.
I enjoyed how the format was switched a bit actually. The black screen of showing time passage made for some amusing moments.

 

[LionsFist]

Lets sum this up:

Those who already liked the series have played previous versions, were going to play this one, and were going to like it and persevere through it no matter what. Hence they are going to hate Yahtzee for his review.

Those who have never played it before, or stopped playing it long before this, will agree with the points Yahtzee is raising, and probably still never play it. Unless you're into masochism...

These people will not mix. Ever.

 

[skeliton112]

Almost 1000 comments

I dont like ff, and this vid sumed up my thoughts about the franchise