Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[starwarsgeek]

I only made it to the second boss before giving up on the game. I really wish Square would play through their single digit games and try to incorporate the best qualities of those again.
...or make another Chrono game...please

 

[reg42]

Yeah... That was pretty unprofessional. I'm a fan and everything, but I mean c'mon. I'm still gonna pick up this game, it looks awesome.

P.S.: I did however enjoy the credit animation.

 

[Vorpal Chill]

Although I like the game I do have to agree about one thing, the footsteps really are very loud!

Deafening. I could hear them in my sleep as my roommate was playing it.

 

[Ultress]

It was an enjoyable review and it seems I'll love it for all the reasons Yahtzee hates.At this point though it's also getting a bit boring to listen to people rip on FFXIII and FF in general.

 

[Pearwood]

I kind of feel for Yahtzee on this, I mean personally I love the game but he hates the genre and since he's an entertainer he doesn't really have any choice but to review it given how popular it is. What I liked about it was that the opening was essentially FF13 with a protagonist with more emotion than a fucking potato.

"The linearity in this instalment kills me too.
At least in prior games I had the feeling of a fairly large, open world from the word go, but eh..."

I agree to a point, the world of Cocoon does seem small and boxed in but the linearity did give a sense that my characters had one objective didn't care about anything else, it wouldn't exactly be in character for Lightning to talk about bringing down the entire government then seconds later run off on an irrelevant side quest to help NPC X. The stuff with Hope you can explain just by saying he's a l'Cie, he doesn't have any choice but to grab a boomerang and join the fray as Yahtzee puts it.

 

[DTWolfwood]

neat another person who like 6 most

yes sir u are funnier when u dont like the game.

 

[awatkins]

I think Yahtzee's hidden message here is he will have everyone is his bar play FFXII, since its such a long game it will definatly keep customers in the bar, and since they will all (well mostly all) hate it, Yahtzee will really start pushing the booze on them claiming 'the game definatly gets better 20hours in, so stay a while and have a shot or two of whiskey everytime something angsty and over emotional happens'.

 

[Fox242]

This video was as entertaining as always. Loved the part about the stove. I hope that next week we will finally see his God of War III review. If he actually is reviewing the game that is. Does anyone know if he is reviewing God of War III?

 

[stok3r]

Well theres bits i do agree with and bits i dont agree with.
And i hardly call it a fair review of playing 5 hours of it. (Yes he was busy and all that blah i know ¬¬)

I mean if they guy can play through Heavy Rain then he should pull up his big boy trousers and stop whining about the old days! Its modern day, things need to change and hey at least Square have tried!.........though they have lost their way when they merged with Enix.

Dude.. Enix is like the best company, mainly for their Star Ocean games, and I like the combo, you know, X-2 and shit. EH.

Meh if you like those games, thats fine with me.
Just merely pointing out how the level of awesome dropped when that merge happened. Think about it

In terms of FF, yeah maybe, but in general older games tend to be better than new ones. Also there were alot more FFs before the merge than after.

But still, FFVIII is one of the best, so your right in that respect lol

But still, FFVIII is one of the best

wat

You heard me. Final Fantasy VIII. Is one of the Best. Final Fantasys

 

[_Janny_]

I'm disappointed in Yahtzee for reviewing a game he only played for 5 hours. I mean come on, you can't properly form an opinion about something until you've got at least half way through.

Also, I don't get why he said that FF13 and the rest of the games in the series start the same (with the protagonist on a train etcetera). The only one that did that was FF7, if I recall correctly. Yeah, I'm probably taking this too seriously, but gimme a break. Just 5h? Even I could have played more than that.

 

[Yopaz]

I'm surprised to hear that he liked the games before Final Fantasy VII, not that I would understand anyone liking the games after or VII, since 7 is kinda bad. I like the older games and the remakes for the DS, but I haven't played a lot of them to be honest. The games after did get pretty bad though. 7 and 8 are popular to hate, but I put my money on hating 10, man how I hated that one.

Great review as always, I'm going to check out this game when I have time (going to borrow it from a friend, NOT buy it).

 

[ZippyDSMlee]

Like Dragon age FF13 is a more simple than it should be action game disguised as a AAA RPG............

Yeah, I thought Final Fantasy VI was the peak of the series too.

Ditto.

FF9 was the best mechanic wise FF6 story wise.

I enjoyed FF9, but that was the last one I could possibility play. FF10 was where I drew the line.

FF9 was great it was the last true FF game the rest are Jrock fantasies that use emoy spectacle for everything.

I did finish FF8 and it was neat despite the horrible magic system and wonky romance story focus.FF7 was better in just about everything. FF10 was linear, the sphere grid was solid and blitz ball was more fun than the game itself.Equipment customization was cute but came to late to really help the game. Summons was nice but the game was crippled by the story and linearity. FF12 was linear not in level design in fact in that regard its the best FF yet but between equipment and skills it was not only linear but broken. FF13 feels like a discarded mess and its quick fall from fame in japan mirrors that at least.

Yahtzee hating a JRPG? I am surprise!!


in all seriousness I really like the game, because the story has actually engaged my (HELL of a lot more than I can say about 7, 8, 10 or to a lesser extent 12) and the combat is awesome.

FF 7,8, 10,12 have better combat and a better everything else....

 

[TheSquirrelisKing]

The review was hilarious as usual, but I do have something to say.
He is not an unbiased game critic. There is no such thing. Specifically, some of his complaints (the menu based combat for instance) are part of the JRPG genre, which he has previously stated to not be a fan of. I loved Final Fantasy 7, and 8 is my personal favorite RPG of all time after Chrono Trigger. That being said, I think his most rousing point is the story. It is single handedly the most important element in an RPG, or at least the most devastating if you cock it up. From the way he describes it, the story in this game is practically optional.
Really, I never planned on buying another Final Fantasy after 9 which for some reason left a bad taste in my mouth, but I am rather tempted after the description of "Cooky Spice". I am intrigued by the potential for completely insane characters. I'm just going to assume that he was using hyperbole and stay away from FF13 like I was planning on doing anyway.

 

[solarsenshi]

22+ hours in, liking the chars besides sazh a little better... oh it's getting faster now. Then I got stuck at a boss battle, and I have to grind to defeat it? What...

Also, disappointing review, I was really hoping for a good bashing but it could've been so much nicer and more original (yeah yeah every one hates vanille already >_> ).

 

[Tiesonthewall]

I was somwhat disappointed that he didn't point out the semi-aussie voices on Fang and Kookie Spice, but this was still an awesome review, and i'm a fan of the games.

LOL, He only played 5 hours haha, he never even saw Fang! Also, For the first 5 hours Kookie Spice (lol) doesn't exactly talk much.. she just runs around with her arms in the air making those odd 'ohh' and 'Ahh' noises... kind of like a baby haha.

OT: Completely agree with what Y said about Hope... Man that boy annoys the crap out of me... I realize that I don't think I have ever hated any video game character until now, and he is the one. Even after he gets past his 'I want to kill Snow' phase...

Other than that, I think he should have at least given the game 8 - 10 hours. Since that really is the average that most games are beatable in. Even though FFXIII obviously isn't.

Funny as always though. =D

And whoever said 'Frocobo' YES!! LOL

 

[Resin213]

Yahtzee reviews a game we all know he'll hate. Several violent analogies later....

 

[tkioz]

I'm sure he's going to get a lot of flak over this, but honestly, if you're not enjoying a game even a little after the first hour it's not a game for you and/or it's really bad.

 

[starwarsgeek]

Your complaints are like a man who walks out at the beginning of star wars complaining about having to read all the flying words and claiming no emotional connection to the characters in aforementioned flying dialogue.

The Star Wars comparison is a little funny. At lunch a couple days ago, I was describing the beginning of the game as watching The Empire Strikes Back, except you start at the battle of Hoth, missing the floating backstory, and had never seen anything Star Wars related before in your life.

Of course the full story does not need to be revealed at the start, but ~some~ backstory or context would make the plot a lot more enjoyable.

 

[The Great JT]

I still hold the gold standard for the Final Fantasy series at VI, mostly because I enjoyed the characters and the fact that Kefka, though looking like a Cirque de Soliel member who just ransacked Elton John's closet, was the one thing big bads these days don't seem to be: competent.

 

[pirateninj4]

Yea...bang on the money. Nice one.