Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[Les Awesome]

Lol ff13 porn

these people gotta get laid

 

[Onyx Oblivion]

And let's not forget the JRPG Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter, which was a survival RPG that took place entirely underground and favored the RE4 approach to inventory management..

That got horrid reviews for NOT living up to the cliches.

*goes to buy it*

 

[tobyornottoby]

I agree. I don't hate FFVII or anything, but I am a bit sick of people saying it's literally the best game ever made when there are so many things obviously wrong with it. I kinda think it would take a Yahtzee review to finally knock some common sense into some of these people. (And that was going to sound like a flame no matter how I worded it, so whatever.)

A turd with a flag on top is still a turd, of course you couldn't word it better because it keeps being utter bullshit =)

 

[Autocracy]

One thing I have to absolutely agree with is "it gets better twenty hours in" is not a valid point. It's a flimsy excuse designed to, more than anything, to reassure and justify a purchase that a person was uncertain about.

It's like. . . beer. I know some people like beer but I don't. I hate the stuff. I'll throw back whiskey or sake or whatever but beer? No. I'm told you have to acquire the taste, that you have to get use to it or something. Why? If I didn't like it the first few sips or the first whole bottle, why should I revisit with the promise that it "gets better"?

I can understand if a game starts slow. It happens. You have to wait an hour, maybe, for it to pick up. Maybe two. Three at most but if it takes any more than that? It's ridiculous. More so that Final Fantasy 13 is so linear. It ends up being one long corridor. The game may as well be just ten hours long with a few fights, some story, and a lot of cinematics. And a friend of mine asked "why isn't this just a movie".

I like the game just fine but I don't disagree with the flaws that Yahtzee pointed out.

 

[Virtual_Dom]

hoping for God of War 3 but oh well.
LMAO at its about as well paced as an ant pusing a brick across a desert.

 

[The Iconnorclast]

Awesome review, I laughed more than I usually do at these. I loved the credits animation to.

 

[Mirroga]

I'm getting a slight hunch that Yahtzee is not a fan of Vanille.

Who the fuck is a fan of Vanille, besides those gamers who think mindless, kooky, underaged girls with no visible contribution to the storyline are cute and thinks they're comic relief. They're not comic relief, they're annoying and more of a joke. The only thing I see from the "Kooky spices" are as further bait to satisfy the hungers of perverted fan-artists.

If you are a fan of Vanille or will otherwise prove me wrong in some fashion, I have no reason to respond back because this is what I consider as fact. I do not want fillers/filler characters in my games or in my animes. Also, if there's some good explanation as to why she acts like that, then please reply back as to how she also contributes heavily to the storyline outside gameplay.

 

[Rayjay06]

If you took Yahtzee's reviews seriously, you would play one game every 5 years.

If a game series does nothing to address the inherent flaws within its own genre and continually reuses the same ideas to its own detriment, most of the problems with said game will be of a highly unoriginal nature... Folks can like whatever they want, I'm just saying a "cliche" objection to a problem which tends to plague certain game genres can't be brushed off simply because it has been heard before.

My sentiments exactly, QFT since you beat me to the punch. To add to it, the typical JRPG genre flaws were widely established by earlier iterations of the FF series. Therefore a game is not only avoiding flaws in its own genre, but in its own series. That, my friends, is a real shame.

 

[Autocracy]

If you took Yahtzee's reviews seriously, you would play one game every 5 years.

Actually there are a lot of games he likes or kinda likes, but they don't get nearly as much attention from either himself or the Yahtzee fans as the ones he despises.

Somebody else mentioned that Yahtzee's complaints about FFXIII seem to be largely issues with JRPG cliches, and therefore his opinion is irrelevant or some such. I don't profess to know anything about that the man, but I'd like to address that here anyway:

If a game series does nothing to address the inherent flaws within its own genre and continually reuses the same ideas to its own detriment, most of the problems with said game will be of a highly unoriginal nature. For example, an FPS shooter series that keeps ripping off the Aliens/Star Wars franchises at every turn, with every installment and never stops doing this will always have the same complaints leveled at its story. This does not mean the complaints become worthless after the 500th time because they are now "cliche."

Besides, JRPGs vary wildly in gameplay and story. Persona 3 adheres to some anime cliches but purges some of the most offensive of the typical JRPG problems. Persona 4 fixed still more issues. And let's not forget the JRPG Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter, which was a survival RPG that took place entirely underground and favored the RE4 approach to inventory management.

Folks can like whatever they want, I'm just saying a "cliche" objection to a problem which tends to plague certain game genres can't be brushed off simply because it has been heard before.

High five.

 

[Autocracy]

CITIZEN SNIPSSSSSSSSSSSS!

wait, wait, wait. you liked Zell? Really? not gonna lie, I find this disturbing.


OT: Actually agree with yahtzee for once. I too haven't liked a Final Fantasy since 6. Ever since 7 it really has been more about the spectacle and "pushing the visual limits" instead of making a good game and writing a good story. 8 and 10 in particular had some of the worst story/writing in any game I've played in ages, though they did look pretty for when they were released.

I'm going to dissent and say I actually liked Final Fantasy 7, 8, and 10. I don't claim they are the greatest thing since sliced bread but I do enjoy them. Emo or no Emo. I am, of course, against the remaking of Final Fantasy 7 because I see that as a terrible idea. No one fan group will ever be pleased with it and I fear the hype will be so great that any credibility will be destroyed when it doesn't meet it.

 

[MegaManOfNumbers]

wait, yahtzee LIKED JRPGs at some point?

whatever, I'm still pretty shocked he reviewed the game.

 

[rembrandtqeinstein]

Only one disk on ps3, higher resolution graphics on ps3. No reason to play on xbox if you have a ps3 handy.

Sadly I don't have a ps3 so I'll have to wait 7 years for the pc release.

 

[Demongeneral109]

I'm twelve hours in and I'm enjoying it so far, what everyone (including Yahtzee) seems to forget is that not everyone is in the army and saves the world for some arbitrary reason or for the sake of killing shit. In this case, the angst comes from a recent tragedy that drives the plot forward. The combat is interesting if not engaging and the subtle characterization and pacing is gradual, rather than the Halo or Mass effect 'I will unleash either torrents of words at once to cover characterization or just forgat the entire buisness altogether.'

That and the soundtrack kicks ass. XD
While Yatzee's critisizims are valid for alot of the game, it didn't make it any less fun for me.

 

[xqxm]

Nice review. The Final Fantasy series, and indeed most other games originating from Japan sucks harder than a black hole.

 

[MegaManOfNumbers]

Oh, and ya I hated Hope too:

1. because HOPE is a fucking girl's name.
2. his hair is garrishly retarded, dumber than Neku from TWEWY.
3. and he's TOO emo.

I did like Vanille, if only for her HILARIOUS idiocracy.

 

[roostuf]

I'm a FF fan and i love all of them but now 13 is my faverite, I exspected as much from Yahzee and stil love his work and hope the ''Mama Bar'' goes well. And I also seen some 13adultary gotta say high graph or what.

 

[EnzoHonda]

There was a shift when the game went from SNES to Playstation. I'm glad he noticed it. How many SNES Final Fantasy fans had to be told "Wait 'til you get out of Midgar, it gets good then," when they played VII? That seems to be a common thread with FF games VII to XIII: slog through the first 5-20 hours then you'll start to enjoy it. Like dating a hippie.

 

[Samurai Goomba]

And let's not forget the JRPG Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter, which was a survival RPG that took place entirely underground and favored the RE4 approach to inventory management..

That got horrid reviews for NOT living up to the cliches.

*goes to buy it*

It takes some dedication to get into how different everything is, but the game is so worth it. The feeling of oppression in the levels, the genuinely fascinating enemy design, the way every level is different (despite it all being underground) and the brilliant battle system (my favorite in any RPG) make Dragon Quarter well worth getting into.

The one detractor is you need to play for at least an hour in between saves. If you live in the US you can temp save anywhere, and if you live in the UK they give you more save tokens (think typewriters from Resident Evil) than in the US version.

And let's not forget the JRPG Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter, which was a survival RPG that took place entirely underground and favored the RE4 approach to inventory management..

That got horrid reviews for NOT living up to the cliches.

*goes to buy it*

so would this mean all JRPGs that get bad scores are actually good games? that'd be a wacky twist.

It's not about whether or not the score is bad, but why. Some games that defy established trends get praised, others get bashed. Sometimes I fail to distinguish the difference in quality between titles which merits this.

Baten Kaitos, BoF: Dragon Quarter, Persona 3, Valkyrie Profile 2, Chrono Cross and Deus Ex were all games that tackled the role-playing idea from unique angles. In some cases they were loved for this very quality, in some situations hated because of how "different" they were. I'm not saying none of these games had flaws, but I would consider all of them to be good and original games (with a massive asterisk next to that statement as it applies to Chrono Cross.)