Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[acgoodspeed]

i only got through 20mins lol then sent it back

 

[kordo]

Well that was a pointless waste of time. He hated FF13 - who saw that coming? *groan*

FFS Yahtzee pull your finger out I mean geezus.

 

[Vohn_exel]

Yahtzee opened a bar?!?! Who, what when and more importantly where?

It's called the Mana Bar, it is in Autsrila(sp, sorry, but I'm half asleep right now) and it has video games!

Where abouts in Australia? God help him if it's in Sydney

http://www.manabar.com.au/

I haven't been keeping up with the bar, since I live in Texas. I hope it goes well for him, and I have to say I'm suprised Matt's not part of it, at least judging by thier website.

 

[silasbufu]

ammm... am i the only one that noticed he played the harp wrong? you're actually supposed to sit on the other side (where the pedals are and lean it on your shoulder...

Yes you are

 

[ohwell]

what's this "cock out of my eyesockets please" business about?

i understand its a commentary on his own fans, but i just came to burn four minutes of my life before i get on with my morning walk.

fucking attitude gets me. suddenly the man is king of the world and everyone who likes his videos is a cocksucker? well, there's what he thinks of you, just so you know.

what a dick

as for the review, was okay... original format. not always you get that.

 

[Kelthurin]

I'm dissapointed. Not because you hated it, we all knew very well that you would, but because you couldn't summon more anger when reviewing it. ;P

 

[Vergedood]

Brilliant as always. I haven't played an FF game since 6 for all the reasons you listed.

No surprise that this 13th abomination was nothing more than bright lights, stupid haircuts and tits.

 

[EagleShard]

I was let down by FFXIII as well, however 10 sec or so into this article I'd had it. The author is one the most pretentious and self admiring I've ever read, spending entirely to much time trying to be clever . Maybe I should have stuck it out a little longer and tried to find some redeeming qualities. Then again it's not like I'm getting paid, is it fella ?

LOL, you said it.


I haven't played FFXIII yet, but from what I'm hearing I shouldn't bother. I loved III and VI, but I stopped playing at X. I got almost all of the way through until the game taught me that unless I 'ground' more, then I wasn't getting any further.
They're just far too slowly paced, with not enough story to make up for that fact.

 

[Motakikurushi]

All valid points, but it doesn't stop the fact that I played 60 hours of the game and got something out of it, that being the astoundingly beautiful parts which all occur after the 5 hour mark (ironically), such as the Gapra Whitewood, Oerba; all which provided me a unique experience. If anything, it deserves credit just for that. I liked it. Either I have astounding god-like patience or I was willing to give it a try. Hell, I hated everyone apart from Snow and Sahz, and the plot was nonsensical typical JRPG mumbling, but at least the linear experience kept the game in a forward motion. It's true, once the 30 hour mark is reached the game jumps in quality like a flea on a trampoline (and the difficulty mind); whether or not it's worth it up to that point is questionable.

For me, the most beautiful game ever created, and that's about all it has going for it. Combat was nice, I suppose, when I wasn't getting my ass kicked for choosing to have characters I liked in my team. If yahtzee is one of the prophets of 'games are art' then perhaps more than 5 hours would have captivated him. Or not. Fuck it, I liked it, I'm obviously insane and need to be segregated from human contact.

 

[drakenabarion]

Odd question (or maybe not that odd after all): Does whining about how characters whine not make you somewhat like those whining characters you so despise?

I have to say that the last few ZP have been a little underwhelming for me. I laughed my ass off for Bayonetta and Mass Effect 2, and there are some episodes that I often go back to just for sheer humour. (e.g. Peggle, for when people ask me why I hate casual games, and TRUnderworld for when I just need a giggle).

But to be honest, I would rather have a 10 second aprils fools episode with a snappy pun and intelligent quip than a half hearted groan about a game that its obvious from the beginning would not be something you'd like. It may not always be possible to do, but, its always funnier when you are reviewing games that you do have a chance of liking, and much funny when the game has a chance to disappoint you. Starting with the mind frame already set to "I will not like this - groaaaaan" comes across as strongly as not paying attention to the plot being played out on screen.

I just want to say that what I am saying here is not about the game reviewed, but its about the apathy involved in reviewing it. Sure you were busy, but, who isnt . I happen to be a fan of the Final Fantasy series, and I would agree that FFXIII isnt the strongest in the series. It doesnt deserve a marching band playing fanfares and while FF fans would probably enjoy it but it has limited appeal outside that sample set. Oh well, the world isnt about to end because of this.

I also happen to be a fan of many other games that have been reviewed by ZP, and, loved those reviews. I started this paragraph to say something about not being fanboy, but, f*** it, nobody is reading at this point in the post anyway

p.s. Anyone else feel that the Leona Lewis song at the ending just felt glued in there? Really, it could be any song, so why her?

 

[yourbeliefs]

Wow this video hasn't even been posted for 24 hours yet it already has more than 830 comments..

I rented this game and have played it for about the same amount of time as Yahtzee and watching this review actually convinced me to send it back (it was a GF rental.) I'm sure this game is PROBABLY worth pushing through past the 20-25 hours of linearity, but at this stage in my life I just don't have the time or patience to plod through this sort of adventure. It's hard to choose to play FF XIII when I could play GoW 1-3 or Mass Effect 2 or Dragon Age: Origins (hopefully soon) instead...

 

[Video Gone]

Never played a FF game in my life, but that was as predictable as they come. Even before seeing the same point re-iterated for the fifth time with different wording.

If Jim Sterling got flak for only playing up until the last boss fight, I wonder how much flak Yahtzee will get

It's Yahtzee, people will tell him he's a unique genius and boycott the game.

People seem to be overly obsessed now, not with delivering enough praising comments that, if printed and stacked, would let Yahtzee climb into space, but with being bitter about how much praise he gets.
It's the old 'fashionable "criticism"' thing rearing its ugly head again. Halo, Yahtzee's fans, Gears of War, World of Warcraft, Dungeons and Dragons, reading comics (Knightfall is absolutely amazing by the way. Just finished reading Batman 500 and realised what I've been missing all these years. Battlepope ftw also.), anything that is either popular or regularly associated with geekery is always dumped on by two different groups. First you have the people who often only sign up to gaming forums so they can ***** about popular games, then there's the assholes who only sign up to forums so they can troll around the place throwing about clichés which are nowhere near as pathetic as they are made to seem regularly, for a few examples: Dungeons and Dragons is actually very fun if you get into it, some people don't like it, that's fine. Halo has not just excellent multiplayer, but a great campaign as well, World of Warcraft is played by everyone and their mum, and if you have not read at least one issue of Batman in your life, you must do it. NOW. Seriously, I'll wait.
Anyway, Yahtzee may have his share of mindless zombie clones, but there's no point criticising him for that. It's OK to praise something, just as long as you don't go overboard.

Well, that commented on that. I guess I was aided by the fact that I'm wearing this:

Oh yeeeeeeah.

 

[sepher2010]

Well... can't say I was surprised. And after hearing what I have about this game and having my concerns that they focused too much on flash and flair rather than the story telling confirmed, (which was what grabbed me by the balls on this series anyways), I'm glad I haven't picked this up yet. *sigh*

 

[Aiberg]

Who is surprised that Yahtzee totally destroyed this game? There was no way a FF game with its awkward structures to make into Yahtzee's book, I'd say.

 

[jackelbeaver]

Okay yeah final fantasy and all that but judging an RPG of all things on the first five hours, as ridiculous as this sounds, is ridiculous. If that were the norm then everyone would assume that Mass effect is nothing but a horribly large space station that is comprised entirely of elevator rides and people who hate guys named Fist and Banes.

RPG's if anything really are something you have to "really try to get far in" before they open up and potentially become good, unfortunately. They're the one genre that actually CAN start out bad and get good later because that's how it almost ALWAYS IS.


Edit: Also I doubt Yahtzee is going to bother taking any user feedback from TWENTY PAGES into a topic....I know I wouldn't.

 

[carpathic]

"Like the bourne identity projected on a fat jogger's tits."

BRILLIANT!

Not sure how else to continue wtih this..I hate JRPG's and it was nice to see one savaged so thoroughly. But that is really just petty.

 

[Bosola]

I love the way the diehards pull the old 'NO I R RAEGIN NOT COS IM A FANBOI BUT COS OF AESTHETICS HONEST AND THIS IS JUST A BAD EPISODE honest AND THE FACT THE FIRST TIME I'VE SAID THIS IS WHEN WATCHING YAHTZEE OBLITERATE MY OWN PERSONAL FAVE IS A COMPLEET COINCIDENCE AND NOT RELATED HONEST!!!1!!!1'.

Reminds me of the old SSBB 'controversy'.

 

[Seneschal]

Wow, 25 pages. I think this is a record for ZP videos. Even the 30-second "I'm on holiday" video had less. Interesting how Yahtzee gets the most attention when he's doing the least work.

I like the review, but I'm also surprised it made me want to play the game, but in the same way people (including me) watch bad movies for fun. Are people doing that with games? I mean, is there like a Nostalgia Critic for bad games? (Yahtzee doesn't count, he just happens to rip on a lot of games although he reviews AAA titles)

I guess the upcoming Game Damage show might do something like that, but other than that?

 

[Orekoya]

I'm tired of people saying that Final Fantasy stop being good around VI.

If that's true then the Final Fantasy series would have been died by now, but its hasno't. That's because the new Final Fantasy games are good.

I love XIII, XII, X, IX, VIII and VII.

I think this game is amazing, and Yahthzee should have played more of the game.

I'm tired of those who cannot properly express their opinions that they treat as unbiased fact.

 

[Cheesebob]

Great review, I love it when he rips the anus out of 'good' games, even if they are ones I like