Zero Punctuation: Gears of War 3

[Riecharus]

I do really like the Gears of War Trilogy, but I couldnt help but laugh at his review and the many points he brings up.

I was slightly disapointed by some of the plot though as a lot of it is explained in the book series that is written on the side, such as where the lambent come from why the locust are here who Bernie and Sam are as well as a lot of Character development for everyone.

The books are actually a really good read by Karen Traviss who does the story for the game as well, along with quite a few Halo and Star wars books and I have to say I haven't picked up a book of hers that I didn't like.

In conclusion I am still a huge fan of Gears of War in all it's forms even with all its chest high walls.

 

[Wisdom Thumbs]

I was really hoping for the line:

"At least they're only wearing HALF a car now."

But sadly, nothing. Just something about people wearing refrigerators.

Anyway, as I said earlier, this review is seriously lacking any review-ness. I feel as though Yahtzee forced himself to slog through the game on the lowest difficulty just to get this review done for the fans, and the game fell victim to that review-style.

Nobody seems to realize that Gears is a theme-driven series, not really character or event-driven like most games. And that theme is loss, death, and grief in a world of destroyed beauty. In this regard it is truly a powerful narrative experience. The characters are just means to an end.

(but dammit, Epic Games... it's "Brothers to the End", could you at LEAST have killed off a few more people? Don't get all stingy with your characters now)

 

[Titan Buttons]

One of my mates was so taken in by the story he actually cried in Act 3. Bastard won't lend me the game though.

 

[Spoonius]

Above all else, Gears is fun. You can go in whining about everything you don't like, or you can enjoy the visceral pleasure of blowing a bad guy's brain out his arse with a shotty. Put scientifically.

 

[rickicker]

I think the entirety of Gears of Wars series runs on bayonet chainsaw vasectomy, because of the whole "HOLY SHIT BAYONET CHAINSAW VASECTOMY LOLOLOLOLOLZ!!" mentality of both the producers and the audience who bought them. It was only when they see the later games that comes after GoW that they go, "Hmm...you know, this 'plot' thing might not be such a bad idea after all!"

Well done, boys. Well done.

 

[Kingme18]

When in the game did they EVER say anything about the world blowing up? You sir, are terribly misinformed.

 

[kenu12345]

Lol every exclusive game the bias argument pops up

 

[duchaked]

I'm rather taken back by this...but ah well it'll please a lot of Escapists

 

[duchaked]

I played the crap out of the first one, the second one was ok, and the 3rd one I thought was the worst one. I played the 3rd one because I played the others and enjoyed them to an extent, never once did I say that the whole series was bad, simply that this was the worst one.

You don't need to disagree with Yahtzee to be a fanboy, simply replying to every person who didn't like it. If you like it so much and think it's so great, why aren't you playing it? Must be a better use of your time than telling people their opinion is wrong.

I'm playing it right now! well...no taking a food break atm. but I'm not here to argue lol

funny tho, I say the same thing to lotsa people online. "if you think your ___ is so much better than my ___ then why aren't you playing it instead of arguing about it with me?!?!"
but only when I get too tired to game and just sit at my computer haha

not sure why we're all still accusing each other fanboyism...we all love something soooo...I offer my simplest of respects to your opinions and will look away

 

[Waaghpowa]

I'm playing it right now! well...no taking a food break atm. but I'm not here to argue lol

funny tho, I say the same thing to lotsa people online. "if you think your ___ is so much better than my ___ then why aren't you playing it instead of arguing about it with me?!?!"
but only when I get too tired to game and just sit at my computer haha

not sure why we're all still accusing each other fanboyism...we all love something soooo...I offer my simplest of respects to your opinions and will look away

I have no problem with someone enjoying the game, I have a problem with people telling me that I'm wrong for not liking it. Apparently thinking that Gears of War 3 is boring compared to the other ones is some deep offensive heresy that some people take personally.

And it's like I said in previous posts, he can't, or wont accept that some people don't like it and has made it his duty to go and tell them they're wrong and furiously defend it. Which is the loose definition of a fanboy.

 

[ThunderCavalier]

I went into this review thinking "I'll probably agree with whatever Yahtzee says, but will still love the game regardless of his critiques."



Yeah, I still pretty much have that opinion. Yahtzee's seen too many games that stuff like GoW 3 just really seems to fall into the background and doesn't stimulate much for him, but I still enjoyed GoW 3 for all that it's worth. It's certainly not a bad game, but by Yahtzee's standards, and of which I will agree with, it's certainly not winning any Game of the Year contests or any contests for Innovation.

 

[Sudenak]

I am honestly wondering if most of the people here have actually payed this game. The AI is stupid? lol. How are the bodies "Disproportionate" exactly? Even in the first Gears where they wore heavy bdy armor the only really big guy was Cole, Marcus only really got bigger in the third game. If you'd actually played it ( which clearly you didn't) you could see the difference with the "classic marcus" Gears 1 skin in multiplayer is smaller that the newer version. It's funny nearly all of the complaints here seen pretty damned baseless and i bet if Gears was a PS3 exclusive it wouldn't be getting as much flak. You could harp on the story all you want, the FACT of the matter is gameplay wise Gears is a cut above 90% of the shooters out now. Most TPS this gen including the all mighty sacred cow, Uncharted 2 copies mechanics that Gears of War perfected. It was as influential to shooters this gen as Halo was last gen. This is fact....

I'm sorry, but the AI that I physically watched him fight against was running against a wall, getting stuck on objects, and standing around.

Also, call me when you meet anyone that isn't pumping obscene amounts of steroids that fits that body size. Even if the armor is bulking him up, it's really doubtful that he's a stringbean underneath that; that thick tree trunk of a neck isn't going to be supported unless he's also built like Chris Redfield from RE:5.

I'm also sorry that I hurt your delicate fanboy mindset. I don't own a PS3, I have no interest in a PS3, I hate all modern FPSes for being cover-hugging, generic, brown, unoriginal, manly testosterone fests.

Just because a steaming pile of crap was influential in creating an ocean of crap, doesn't mean it's good. It's crap, and it's to blame for this mountain of crap called modern FPS.

I watched a friend play it. It looked boring. There was nothing that caught my eye. No interesting gameplay that made me wanna try it. I'm sorry that this offends you so badly. I'll stick to my Heretic, thank you very much. Metroid Prime's pretty good, too.

 

[TheNaut131]

...welp, way to outdo yourself Yahtzee. This review has brought up one hell of a shitstorm in the comments.

People who don't like "brown, dull games," people tired of pointlessly having their games called dull and brown, crappy plot that isn't crappy, pointing out Yahtzee's own misinformation, lashing out at fanboys, accusations of this and that and pattywacks, people not actually playing the game, everyone just taking a bite of the pie, opinions, opinions, opinions, HELL we even have teachers giving their 2 cents about the American education system!

...wait, what?

Spoiler

 

[Nokterne]

It boggles the mind that this game has any fans.

I watched my roommate play while I was cooking dinner. He was at some part where they were fighting some big monster (I'm sure this is vague enough to not require a spoiler, as I imagine there were plenty of big monsters). Every second or third hit he would fall down, limping away, waiting for someone to pick him up. The repetitive battle theme in the background would have put Quest 64 to shame. Their terrible, guttural voices barking out "manly" lines grated against my ears. When I finished cooking dinner, he was still fighting the same big monster. When I finished eating, nearly thirty minutes later, he was done.

Granted, my forays into shooters in general have been limited, with Heretic being my shining example of a great, fun shooter. Is this....is this abomination considered good? With the awkward, clunky chest-high walls everywhere, the hilariously disproportionate bodies, the clunky manly-man dialogue...is this good? There was some multiplayer thing where he played as the bad guys, and 60% of the fight was reduced to him breaking down fences so he could kill stupid AI.

Is this fun?

Oh, you mean the game didn't look fun while you were half watching your friend play it from the kitchen? Interesting how you try to comment on the game while also emphasizing that you don't play it or understand any aspect of its mechanics.

The game is great. It's not the crown jewel of the medium, but it's definitely entertaining.

 

[Krion_Vark]

This review was kind of "meh", but that's because the game itself is like that. There was really nothing to say about it since it's just a quick cash grab. Sadly, this won't stop it from being one of the best selling titles of the year.

So a three year time between 2 and 3 is a quick cash grab? If this was something about Halo 4 or any other Halo game now I would agree with you on it being a cash grab.

I will defend Gears 3 to a point in that Sam (the girl who reminds us shes a chick every 6 seconds) is a new character but he makes NO mention of Jace the new black guy. Also Anya (Fenix's love interest) has been there since game 1 and has also been shown as a love interest in passing since game 1 as well.

The Lambent were introduced about 3/4 the way through Gears 2 and the final "boss" is a Lambent Brumock.

Yahtzee has never said he likes these games. He even makes them out to be shit. But Gears 3 didn't change anything in terms of combat but improved on what it already had. You don't need to add shit to a sequel when its going to be finishing a series. Gears has been said to be a trilogy from the get go and this was finishing it. I am not surprised that Yahtzee didn't like this or that he doesn't remember anything from the first two because he plays so many games a year that if he doesn't like a game he will forget about it.

 

[Metalrocks]

good thing that the game is not available for pc. cant say i will miss it.
since he is playing hard reset, maybe he will review it next week. its a good game. played it already twice. just the story is not really amazing but gameplay wise its fun.

 

[Metalrocks]

I'm surprised people actually use these videos as reviews. Yahtzee himself said that his videos are not reviews; they're critiques. If you followed his advice, you'd end up playing 2-3 games every year.

review or not, its still informative what and how the game is ruffly. but it doesnt tell me what i should play or not.
i buy games i think are ok but i am very careful these days what i buy. this year i only got my self 4 games. last year only 1. and yahtzees critics had nothing to do with it.

 

[Cid Silverwing]

"None of you MOTHERFUCKING fanboys-" took me completely by surprise and subsequently killed me with inside rofling.