Zero Punctuation: Gears of War 3

[Yosarian2]

Remember when Yahtzee said something on the lines of "It's not funny or interesting to like a game".

It's getting equally obnoxious to hear a guy hate stuff all the time.

Also I completely agree with this. It will be his undoing in the end, people will just get sick of it. I know its funny for some people watching people get upset because a game which they spent big money on gets trashed but its just getting old. I remember reading the thread where he smashed WH40K and there were many unhappy faces that night.

To conclude. Its just not funny anymore.

He's "always negative"? Did you guys miss that he gave the last game he reviewed a very positive review just last week?

Or do you just get really angry when someone points out that the game you "spent big money on" was a pretty terrible game?

Personally, I have yet to see a review of his I disagreed with. Quite a few times now I've ignored him and bought a game he said was terrible, and every time, I've regretted it.

 

[Benarikun]

Speaking as one of the story enthusiasts who actually went out and bought the books, the plot makes a degree more sense with the 18-24 months of time between 2 and 3 actually explained in more than a two minute cutscene where Stroud can paint a crimson omen on her Lancer. They're pretty well written to be fair, and although there is a lot of brakka dakka dakka *insert gunfight here to remind readers this is a gears of war story*, a lot of the characters end up getting serious development, especially in the backstory sections.

Having gone through the game, a lot of people will probably have reactions such as:
- Who the hell is Sam?
- When did Anya armour up?
- Who the **** are the Gorasni?
- Anvil Gate, is this significant?
- Old lady with dreads screwing Hoffman?

etc.

While it's not a good formula for a game to have a massive plot dump over literature, I still found them a good read, and would recommend them to fans who're interested.

 

[Erttheking]

I think the entirety of Gears of Wars series runs on bayonet chainsaw vasectomy, because of the whole "HOLY SHIT BAYONET CHAINSAW VASECTOMY LOLOLOLOLOLZ!!" mentality of both the producers and the audience who bought them. It was only when they see the later games that comes after GoW that they go, "Hmm...you know, this 'plot' thing might not be such a bad idea after all!"

Well done, boys. Well done.

And sadly "BAYONET CHAINSAW VASECTOMY" now gets exported and ruins other games by dumbing them down go get that audience. Mass Effect 3 being the most recent example.
Thank you guys for ruining video games...

There is a big, A BIG, gap between a Lancer and an omni-tool blade...how the Hell did you even make that leap?

Lets see.
A lot of simple minded people buy GoW because of brutal melee finishers (itz kewl...) and praise it for being the best game ever. Other companies see that people care more about brutal melee finishers than story or good gameplay and start to add brutal melee finishers to their games too while neglecting everything else.

Mass Effect is one of the few games that not only makes their story and gameplay good, they make both of them fucking outstanding, take it from someone who has played both of them. The thing is ME3 is the only one to have a finishing move like that and you can't really judge it due to it having a bad case of not being fucking out yet! Half a year buddy, way too freaking soon to jump the gun and say Bioware sacrificed their story and gameplay to make it look kewl. Next time try to judge something when there is actually something to judge.

 

[XUnsafeNormalX]

Great to see Yahtzee ripping this series. Gameplay from the 360's launch doesn't really hold up in modern day.

Still the one thing I can always attest to is Gear's uniqueness in this sea of modern day shooters.

 

[Ixal]

Great to see Yahtzee ripping this series. Gameplay from the 360's launch doesn't really hold up in modern day.

Still the one thing I can always attest to is Gear's uniqueness in this sea of modern day shooters.

Sea of modern day shooters?
Deus Ex, Hard Reset, Rage, Bulletstorm, Killzone, Resistance, DNF,...

 

[JSRT]

Great to see Yahtzee ripping this series. Gameplay from the 360's launch doesn't really hold up in modern day.

Still the one thing I can always attest to is Gear's uniqueness in this sea of modern day shooters.

The "modern day"? When do you think the 360 launched? ( also Gears of war came out in 2006, it didn't launch with the 360) What are these "modern day" shooters out that Gears gameplay doesn't hold up to? Even Resistance 3 which Yahtzee praised , plays exactly like the last two resistance games. Why isn't he "ripping" that series?

 

[ChildishLegacy]

Who is it that buys these shooters for campaign and single player purposes? How much different can you make a shooter campaign from the hundreds that have already been released?

If you're looking for single play experience you're choosing the wrong genre, never mind game. I don't see why yahtzee bothers with reviewing these games if all he cares about is single player, they're made for multiplayer imo. Don't give me the "It has to stand up on it's single player" speech either, because if every game was made with a really good single player, what would people who wanted multiplayer buy?

Gears of War has always been about the non noob friendly multiplayer, and thats why i love the franchise, it's a multiplayer that actually takes a bit of getting used to rather than POINT THE FUCK AT THAT ENEMY AND KILL HIM IN A SECOND.

It's your own fault if you bought this game for £40 for a mediocre 10 hour campaign, go enjoy the multiplayer or sell it if you did.

 

[Sushewakka]

You know what I find funny? People on the Escapist complain constantly about "brown shooters" but don't have a problem with Fallout 3's visuals, which is nothing but brown and grey, with the addition of shit textures.

Well, being able to run around in a leopard strip night gown and wearing a stovepipe hat tends to alleviate the brownness a bit.

Deus Ex, Hard Reset, Rage, Bulletstorm, Killzone, Resistance, DNF,...

If you play Deus Ex as a shooter, you're doing it wrong.

 

[Babitz]

This review was kind of "meh", but that's because the game itself is like that. There was really nothing to say about it since it's just a quick cash grab. Sadly, this won't stop it from being one of the best selling titles of the year.

"Quick cash grab"? First of all, three years to make a game does not count as quick. Second, the campaign was pretty decent with varying locations. Third, dedicated servers. Fourth, beast and horde mode are fucking awesome. And finally fifth, fuck you.
Also, no where in the campaign did anyone say that the world would explode. People said that the human race would go extinct, they said the planet itself was dying, but not exploding. Talk about pulling things out your ass.

Yes, indeed. The things you listed add exceptional variety to the game. Had it not been for these things, I would have thought it was just a map pack for Gears of War, like the sequel was. It's remarkable you have dedicated servers now. I guess that required three years of work from the developer's end. After all, dedicated servers are such a novelty, a very rare and exceptional thing among the console crowd people actually started to list it as a feature.
Funny really. Using such lackluster arguments and accusing me of pulling stuff out of my ass. I'm not a bleeding vagina, so I won't report you for that insult over there, a move you would undoubtedly perform yourself had the situations been reversed.

Come on now, entertain me more. Please explain in great detail how the game isn't (just) another cover based, brown, health regenerating, third person shooter with a laughably bad story and narrative; all the while you add insults as arguments.

 

[cbert]

...I live on a planet?

HOLY SHIT!!

 

[duchaked]

And it's like I said in previous posts, he can't, or wont accept that some people don't like it and has made it his duty to go and tell them they're wrong and furiously defend it. Which is the loose definition of a fanboy.

oh gosh yeah totally. it's annoying on any side

I mean, at the end of the day it's just not worth the energy (but maybe that's just an old person thing LOL)

 

[Dexiro]

Plus i find it odd that Yahtzee has been so positive to PS3 games lately... i mean first inFamous 2 and then using Resistance 3 as a standard that Gears of War 3 should of been aiming for...

Umm.. He's not being positive towards them because they're on the PS3, he's being positive towards them because they're good games.

Great episode though, I had no intentions of ever playing Gears of War but this summed up my expectations. I'm not a massive fan of FPS games~

 

[Mooninaut]

While I love the video as always, I found the unexpected and unprecedented appearance of actual punctuation at 03:19 shockingly dismaying, or possibly dismayingly shocking, or something.

Keep up the good^W work!

 

[hendoben]

I've only played about two hours of GOW, the very first Gears, it was just so completely bland, bland dialogue, bland characters, bland game-play that I never felt even remotely compelled to return to it at any time. Easily one of the most overrated games of the last decade, the only reason it done so well is because of how it looked.

But then, i'm not much of an online shooter player, and i think this is where a lot of people have most fun with this game. Good luck to them.

Xbox really needs to start doing better with its exclusives heading into the next gen of consoles.

 

[Havik223]

I'm a HUGE Gears of War fan, I bought the first one on PC and I got an Xbox just so I could play the second one. I can say without hyperbole Yahtzee is right on many accounts. The lambent were introduced in the second game, but it was minor and glazed over in one small part of a chapter. To anybody who has no vested interest in the universe they wouldn't have noticed or easily would have forgotten. The Gears games have not done a very good job of explaining anything to a normal person. I know what Anvil gate is, who Berni is, what lambency is and I know that because I read stuff on line, I bought a book, I had an interest in the universe and I did more research into it. A regular person wouldn't care enough to and as a result they're left with a story line that just seems bland and ordinary.

I remember playing with a friend of mine a few days ago and he asked me what was going on in the story line. I said "uuuuhhhhhhh" and I gave him some vague answers, because honestly this game's campaign was forgettable. It was full of rail shooters and filler sections. Nothing of real importance happens, it's just a series of roadblocks on Marcus's way to finding his dad. As I write this I'm trying to figure out why there was a section where the Gears went through a Locust base. I cannot for the life of me remember why and that's a perfect example of a poorly written story (or too much weed).

 

[FallenMessiah88]

Personally I didn't like Gears Of War 3 that much either, though it really has nothing to do with any of the points that Yahtzee adressed. This was especially because of the ending. It just felt rushed, which is a shame because I was honestly curious to see what happens next, but I suppose that is reserved for Gears Of War 4...

 

[Programmed_For_Damage]

I think the entirety of Gears of Wars series runs on bayonet chainsaw vasectomy, because of the whole "HOLY SHIT BAYONET CHAINSAW VASECTOMY LOLOLOLOLOLZ!!" mentality of both the producers and the audience who bought them. It was only when they see the later games that comes after GoW that they go, "Hmm...you know, this 'plot' thing might not be such a bad idea after all!"

Well done, boys. Well done.

And sadly "BAYONET CHAINSAW VASECTOMY" now gets exported and ruins other games by dumbing them down go get that audience. Mass Effect 3 being the most recent example.
Thank you guys for ruining video games...

LOL! So now Gear is ruining games? WOW! Gotta love that hyperbole. Yeah lets blame other developers whose games have nothing to do with them for Bioware's fuck ups! While we are at it lets blame Epic for Final Fantasy 13 and 14 being such turds as well. Funny thing is while they talk about "dumbing something down" for a certain audience , Mass Effect was never a complex game in the first place.

I'm a Mass Effect fanboy and thoroughly agree with your last comment.
Plus anyone who's spent a decent amount of time with the Gears series knows that the chainsaw bayonet isn't an insta-win button. Try rushing a Theron with it on anything greater than hardcore and you'll be cut down by gun fire before you close half the distance. Either that or they'll just go around you.

 

[internetzealot1]

Yahtzee, you were positive to Gears 2 to because it had excellent pacing. Gears 3 had even better pacing, so I guess fuck all for reviewer consistency.

 

[Erttheking]

Yahtzee, you were positive to Gears 2 to because it had excellent pacing. Gears 3 had even better pacing, so I guess fuck all for reviewer consistency.

Glad to see I'm not the only one who felt that this review was off, I kind of thought that he would like Gears 3 because he like Gears 2, guess I forgot who we were dealing with

 

[Uncle_Brainhorn]

Before I saw this review, I wanted the game. After I saw this review, I bought the game and have been loving it so far.

And I know better than to take these reviews seriously, but this one wasn't funny so much as kind of whiny.

Also, I don't ever remember them saying anything about the planet being destroyed.