Zero Punctuation: Gears of War 3

[Cid Silverwing]

first Zero Punc I've disagreed with.

Gears has a story and it has nuance. but it's hard to notice it between all the explosions and screaming.

You can say the story was badly delivered (and then delve into a critique of why/how the devs failed).

but it's pretty lame to admit you just weren't paying attention and couldn't follow the story (or remember names).

and it's even worse to claim there is no story (or characters).
ugh.

Absolutely not. If a storyteller makes you fall asleep as s/he's narrating, s/he's not making you feel invested in the aforementioned story. The audience is well justified in falling asleep if the story isn't compelling them to follow.

 

[JSRT]

I think the entirety of Gears of Wars series runs on bayonet chainsaw vasectomy, because of the whole "HOLY SHIT BAYONET CHAINSAW VASECTOMY LOLOLOLOLOLZ!!" mentality of both the producers and the audience who bought them. It was only when they see the later games that comes after GoW that they go, "Hmm...you know, this 'plot' thing might not be such a bad idea after all!"

Well done, boys. Well done.

And sadly "BAYONET CHAINSAW VASECTOMY" now gets exported and ruins other games by dumbing them down go get that audience. Mass Effect 3 being the most recent example.
Thank you guys for ruining video games...

LOL! So now Gear is ruining games? WOW! Gotta love that hyperbole. Yeah lets blame other developers whose games have nothing to do with them for Bioware's fuck ups! While we are at it lets blame Epic for Final Fantasy 13 and 14 being such turds as well. Funny thing is while they talk about "dumbing something down" for a certain audience , Mass Effect was never a complex game in the first place.

I'm a Mass Effect fanboy and thoroughly agree with your last comment.
Plus anyone who's spent a decent amount of time with the Gears series knows that the chainsaw bayonet isn't an insta-win button. Try rushing a Theron with it on anything greater than hardcore and you'll be cut down by gun fire before you close half the distance. Either that or they'll just go around you.

Yeah i am a huge Mass Effect fan myself, can't wait for ME3. Also yeah just randomly rushing every enemy with a chainsaw in single and especially multi will get you taken down pretty quickly.

 

[duchaked]

Resistance 3 as a model for Gears 3? ehhhh let's not go there

but man, does Yahtzee read IGN game reviews? can't help but get the feeling...

 

[honshuwolf]

1. The planet's gonna "explode". Don't know where he got that from.

He means the bomb that is going to kill everyone.

2. "Were the lambent introduced in the earlier games?" Yes, all the way back in Gears 1.

The Nu-Lambent was introduced at the end of GOW2 with no explanation and at the end of GOW3 there is still no explanation what it is.

The Lambent Wretches from GOW were just a different type of enemy that was never discussed.

3. "Was Anya there in the games before this one?" Again, back in GoW1.

I had to google this at first because he has a totally different look. Apparently he didnt bother to try to find out.

Yup, he's definitely qualified to criticize the story aspect of the game (of all the fucking things to talk about in a Gears game).

Because he is not a Gearhead like you are it doesnt mean that he cannot discuss this. And you are really falling into what he said fans were going to do.

Mind you, I did like Yahtzee's earlier reviews, where he actually knew what he's talking about, but his constant negativity is just getting stale at this point. His act of not liking anything is just plain boring now.

And yes, it is an act. Let's face that fact. No one who complains about games to this extent can also say that he likes them as an art form.

Oh yeah you did.

Anyway, you didnt really need to remember what happened in GOW 2 to follow this game at all since a lot of stuff was dropped and only the most basic things stayed.

 

[honshuwolf]

Yahtzee, you were positive to Gears 2 to because it had excellent pacing. Gears 3 had even better pacing, so I guess fuck all for reviewer consistency.

The first two Gears had good stories of doom and actual endings, in Gears 3 you spend a chapter going to a grocery store to get supplies that goes nowhere because the ship blows up and no one told them to come back from the start of the attack for some reason.And then the several chapters of you looking for fuel for the sub that you never end up getting only to find fuel in the same dock where the sub is. Some one should have sent a scout team to see if the dock had all the stuff they needed from the start but that would have just cut the story down by a third.

 

[Random7]

Wow, what a shitty review. Its like all he does now is just complain nonstop to please his fans. I'm not even sure he knew what he was talking about I doubt he even played the game ay this point if the plot confused him that much.

 

[The Breadcrab]

Wow... this is honestly IMO the worst review Yahtzee has ever done. And yes, I absolutely love his older episodes; I just watched a few recently and laughed my polka-dotted trousers off.

All I can recount from this review is blabbering about mainstream shooters, a few recycled jokes that are not even that funny, and completely misused references to Freud. Does Yahtzee even know who he is? I'm not sure he even used any metaphors here, at least not good ones.

What happened, Yahtzee? You used to be my favorite critic ever, but now your reviews are getting seriously lackluster. Recent reviews like SotD, inFAMOUS 2, Zelda 3DS, etc didn't wow me either. The Resistance 3 review was especially disappointing. Oh, it's like Half-life 2. Brilliant. Any other joke you got? Step up your game, man. For your sake and ours.

 

[The Breadcrab]

Wow... this is honestly IMO the worst review Yahtzee has ever done. And yes, I absolutely love his older episodes; I just watched a few recently and laughed my polka-dotted trousers off.

All I can recount from this review is blabbering about mainstream shooters, a few recycled jokes that are not even that funny, and completely misused references to Freud. Does Yahtzee even know who he is? I'm not sure he even used any metaphors here, at least not good ones.

What happened, Yahtzee? You used to be my favorite critic ever, but now your reviews are getting seriously lackluster. Recent reviews like SotD, inFAMOUS 2, Zelda 3DS, etc didn't wow me either. The Resistance 3 review was especially disappointing. Oh, it's like Half-life 2. Brilliant. Any other joke you got? Step up your game, man. For your sake and ours.

Ah. I always enjoy returning to controversial reviews about a month after they've been posted. You know why? There's always one person making a heart-felt, venomous speech that they've spent about a week nicely wording. An attack on someone who doesn't care, that nobody's going to read, all because you can't accept *gasp* someone else having a different opinion that you can ignore if you dislike. Thanks man, this made my day.

Why, you're welcome. Wish I could say the same for your comment, but then again you did completely miss the point of my argument, so no worries.

 

[VanityGirl]

Did I just miss where a bomb was going to blow up the planet? There was no bomb in Gears 3. XD

 

[Erttheking]

Wow... this is honestly IMO the worst review Yahtzee has ever done. And yes, I absolutely love his older episodes; I just watched a few recently and laughed my polka-dotted trousers off.

All I can recount from this review is blabbering about mainstream shooters, a few recycled jokes that are not even that funny, and completely misused references to Freud. Does Yahtzee even know who he is? I'm not sure he even used any metaphors here, at least not good ones.

What happened, Yahtzee? You used to be my favorite critic ever, but now your reviews are getting seriously lackluster. Recent reviews like SotD, inFAMOUS 2, Zelda 3DS, etc didn't wow me either. The Resistance 3 review was especially disappointing. Oh, it's like Half-life 2. Brilliant. Any other joke you got? Step up your game, man. For your sake and ours.

Ah. I always enjoy returning to controversial reviews about a month after they've been posted. You know why? There's always one person making a heart-felt, venomous speech that they've spent about a week nicely wording. An attack on someone who doesn't care, that nobody's going to read, all because you can't accept *gasp* someone else having a different opinion that you can ignore if you dislike. Thanks man, this made my day.

No one is going to read this...says the guy who just wrote half a paragraph about it.

 

[Neiloken]

im sorry i would like to propose a name change for this game:

Gears of War 3: GO GET THE FUEL!!!

I honestly think this game is a waste of space in my xbox collection, i spent 5 hours trying to get fuel for a submarine!!! First some idiot blows it up, then some other idiot takes it away, eventually some GENIUS decides "you know what, maybe there's fuel right where the bloody submarine is kept!!!"

So quite frankly Gears of War 3: Arse Around With Chainsaws can bugger right off...

Crap game, dont buy, spend your money on a game with actual depth...

 

[Neiloken]

Yahtzee, you were positive to Gears 2 to because it had excellent pacing. Gears 3 had even better pacing, so I guess fuck all for reviewer consistency.

gears of war 3 had better pacing? Piss around till the idea bucket of "why we just cant seem to get hold of submarine fuel" dries up is not pacing... its stalling!

 

[jinroom]

Well, i like these reviews of yours, but i also liked the game.
and i do think is the same of before, only with more shiny stuff

 

[Hutzpah Chicken]

So, the Gears of War series ends with a subtle whimper. Cool.