Zero Punctuation: Halo 4

[Sergey Sund]

Sidenote: I saw Eddie Izzard in The Secret Agent (1996) today.
I almost exclaimed "EDDIE?!?" in sheer disbelief that he was a) in this movie and b) not on the DVD cover.
Guess who played the would-be suicide bomber/bomb maker?
If you would have guessed Robin Williams there is something wrong with your head but you wouldn't BE wrong.
This utterly bizzare casting choice was also not announced on the cover sheet, so imagine my surprise when the most deadly man in the movie turns out to be Patch Adams.
Imagine that for the big reveal in Halo VI: Master Chief's helmet comes of for the first time and BOOYAH it is the face of Jerry from accounting.

 

[SnakeCL]

They two pretty different tones. Half-Life 2 has a tendency toward horror, even if it's simply a car drive through the sunny remains of civilization. It's the sense that life has taken a wrong turn here and you're exploring a world that shouldn't be. It's about seeing a familiar world transformed into something slightly alien, making it all just slightly creepy and unsettling.

Aside from the "bash you over the head HORRROOOOOR of Ravenholm" I personally don't consider much in Half-Life 2 horror. I wouldn't consider Planet of the Apes horror, but it uses many of the same ideas of HL2.

Halo veers more toward jingoistic military action movie. You're in a sci-fi world where the most horrifying thing is a bunch of exploding aliens that charge you from every direction and makes those levels suck. ODST seems to be the one game that really attempts to match the moody horror of HL2 as you explore a deserted city, but largely the series occupies the space Michael Bay has claimed as his own in movies: military porn.

Now see, that's where I disagree. There's this propensity for people to generalize Halo into "military shooter" without actually taking into account much of the nuanced story that goes with it. Heck, for most of the games, humanity is on the losing side of this conflict, getting beaten back planet by planet, entire population centers being lost.

But take a good hard look at the games he likes and dislikes. How many of his favorite games are moody horror games? How many of his most hated games are jingoistic military shooters? And the ones he does like tend to be the ones that undercut the military cliches by turning your indestructible U.S. marine into a walking radiation fatality or the ones forcing you to deal with the horrors you've unleashed. There's not a whole lot of moral ambiguity in Halo. The humans are all undeniably good, the aliens are mostly undeniably bad (save for the ones in Halo 2 which don't bother to suit up for future games), and it's your job to kill as many of the non-humans as you possibly can without the slightest hint that this diminishes your humanity.

"The humans are good, except the ones who are bad (and tried for warcrimes) and the aliens are bad, except the ones living on earth that are good, and the big one who is trying to kill humans which is bad, except for his wife which is trying to save humans which is good..." I think there's more ambiguity in Halo than you're willing to give credit for.

Yes, I know there's plenty of people who like to go on about the rich lore of the Halo Universe, and I'll take your word that the Extended Universe is a magical land of brilliant science fiction, but the actual games have so very little of that. It's quite a lot of go here, blow this shit up, and excuse my stiffy as I watch these helicopters fly off into the horizon while the music soars.

I almost wonder if you've ever actually played a Halo game (or at least a game since CE), because it sounds thoroughly like you're talking from your arse. Heck, there's a LOT of lore within the games themselves, but it seems people don't want to acknowledge it in favor of an easy reason to dump on the franchise.

And I'm not exactly biased. I hated Halo with a passion, until I played Reach, and realized how much deeper the universe and games were than I originally believed.

They're both fun FPS games, but this idea that Half-Life is some intellectual golden child of gaming, and Halo is "just some scifi military shooter" is just plain wrong. They're both fun games, and great experiences to play,

 

[Netrigan]

Now see, that's where I disagree. There's this propensity for people to generalize Halo into "military shooter" without actually taking into account much of the nuanced story that goes with it. Heck, for most of the games, humanity is on the losing side of this conflict, getting beaten back planet by planet, entire population centers being lost.

"The humans are good, except the ones who are bad (and tried for warcrimes) and the aliens are bad, except the ones living on earth that are good, and the big one who is trying to kill humans which is bad, except for his wife which is trying to save humans which is good..." I think there's more ambiguity in Halo than you're willing to give credit for.

I almost wonder if you've ever actually played a Halo game (or at least a game since CE), because it sounds thoroughly like you're talking from your arse. Heck, there's a LOT of lore within the games themselves, but it seems people don't want to acknowledge it in favor of an easy reason to dump on the franchise.

And I'm not exactly biased. I hated Halo with a passion, until I played Reach, and realized how much deeper the universe and games were than I originally believed.

They're both fun FPS games, but this idea that Half-Life is some intellectual golden child of gaming, and Halo is "just some scifi military shooter" is just plain wrong. They're both fun games, and great experiences to play,

I played Combat Evolved and Reach... unless there was a bunch of stuff hidden away in collectibles, it was basically moving me from one objective to the next, not unlike the Call of Duty games do. The great bulk of the characters being stock military cliches, not unlike the Call of Duty games.

In Reach, I'm plopped down on a planet with some ill-defined "rebel activity", of which there is no real explanation or follow-through, because almost immediately I discover a Covenant massacre and spend the rest of the game hopping from one military objective to the next. Defend this, attack that, the hope of humanity must escape. I struggle to remember one thing any of my fellow Spartans said that wasn't mission related.

It's effective at what it does, but, quite frankly, I learn more about the Gears of War cogs in any given game than I learned about any character in either of the two games I played. There's an odd pathos to a character like Cole-Train, someone who is more than just a soldier carrying a gun, a guy with hopes and dreams. And I don't even like the douche-nozzle.

And HL2's reputation as intellectual masterpiece is beyond over-blown. The game is as shallow as a puddle and the plot is little more than a series of overly complicated objectives, but there's a decent amount of depth to characters. I haven't played the game in forever (and only once), but I can still remember quite a number of characters. I played Reach last year and can only remember "bitchy scientist".

 

[Hagi]

I'm always bewildered how Cortana gets more unnecessarily sexy and voluptuous each installment.

Does she have like special firmware updates?

I guess you could say they implanted new bits of code.

They certainly increased her mammaries capacity.

 

[Samus Aran but a man]

Could someone explain the "gay African mammoth" line? Something about that line felt a little off.

 

[Hyakunin Isshu]

Dear Mr. Ben Croshaw, is it too much to ask for you to NOT talk about dicks and balls and ass, when reviewing a game? It's not funny anymore. It wasn't funny for years. It's not even shocking anymore, it's just gross.

To anyone else, can you please send this to Mr. Ben Croshaw.

 

[Uber Waddles]

Yahtzee, you should have probably played the multiplayer before mentioning it in your review.

Both multiplayer modes were built to have their own, and take place several months after the story of Halo 4. NONE of the multiplayer maps appear as single player maps, and vice-versa. In fact, they kind of explain that in the intro to multiplayer. Your on a ship, roaming the galaxy because humanity got sick of aliens taking a dump on earth. The multiplayer sessions are virtual training excercises, on new terrains. Although some maps are recycled throughout the Spartan Ops and Multiplayer, the same is not true for single player.

I can handle if a reviewer doesn't like a game, and a lot of the points you levied against Halo 4 are fairly accurate. The fact that a badguy shows up, never says anything, and EVERYONE knows who he is got on my nerves to no end. And the story was boring, even for Halo's standards. But the last part of your review doesn't add up with the rest, because, frankly, its a lie. I can understand you don't like multiplayer, but just say you didn't play the multiplayer. Don't assume that because the other games did, this one did too. The other games weren't even that bad when it came down to copying maps.

 

[legendp]

There was a lot of story elements not explained well, it was very short, and I'll agree whith a few things he said. but as for gameplay I find it difficult to take him seriously after he said normal was difficult, normal difficulty was a joke it was that easy, heroic was even a bit on the easy side. it sounds like you just suck at halo if your having trouble with normal, and thats may be why you hated it gameplay.

Additionally if your getting confused yahtzee from playing the fourth game in a franchise without playing the first two than you really only have yourself to blame, playing halo 3 without the first two would be like watching lord of the rings 3 (return of the king) without watching the first two, off course your not going to care about any of the charachters if you skipped half the franchise in a moderately based story game.

 

[legendp]

Now see, that's where I disagree. There's this propensity for people to generalize Halo into "military shooter" without actually taking into account much of the nuanced story that goes with it. Heck, for most of the games, humanity is on the losing side of this conflict, getting beaten back planet by planet, entire population centers being lost.

"The humans are good, except the ones who are bad (and tried for warcrimes) and the aliens are bad, except the ones living on earth that are good, and the big one who is trying to kill humans which is bad, except for his wife which is trying to save humans which is good..." I think there's more ambiguity in Halo than you're willing to give credit for.

I almost wonder if you've ever actually played a Halo game (or at least a game since CE), because it sounds thoroughly like you're talking from your arse. Heck, there's a LOT of lore within the games themselves, but it seems people don't want to acknowledge it in favor of an easy reason to dump on the franchise.

And I'm not exactly biased. I hated Halo with a passion, until I played Reach, and realized how much deeper the universe and games were than I originally believed.

They're both fun FPS games, but this idea that Half-Life is some intellectual golden child of gaming, and Halo is "just some scifi military shooter" is just plain wrong. They're both fun games, and great experiences to play,

I played Combat Evolved and Reach... unless there was a bunch of stuff hidden away in collectibles, it was basically moving me from one objective to the next, not unlike the Call of Duty games do. The great bulk of the characters being stock military cliches, not unlike the Call of Duty games.

In Reach, I'm plopped down on a planet with some ill-defined "rebel activity", of which there is no real explanation or follow-through, because almost immediately I discover a Covenant massacre and spend the rest of the game hopping from one military objective to the next. Defend this, attack that, the hope of humanity must escape. I struggle to remember one thing any of my fellow Spartans said that wasn't mission related.

It's effective at what it does, but, quite frankly, I learn more about the Gears of War cogs in any given game than I learned about any character in either of the two games I played. There's an odd pathos to a character like Cole-Train, someone who is more than just a soldier carrying a gun, a guy with hopes and dreams. And I don't even like the douche-nozzle.

And HL2's reputation as intellectual masterpiece is beyond over-blown. The game is as shallow as a puddle and the plot is little more than a series of overly complicated objectives, but there's a decent amount of depth to characters. I haven't played the game in forever (and only once), but I can still remember quite a number of characters. I played Reach last year and can only remember "bitchy scientist".

Try playing halo 2, that really mixed things up with the whole covenant religion thing, something which most people seemed to have missed, or atleast watch the opening cutscene for halo 2

 

[xdiesp]

Isn't it ironic, how Halo fell out of fashion and suddenly fanboys realize how shit the game was in the first place, after a full decade that pc gamers tried to tell them so?

 

[Dansen]

Isn't it ironic, how Halo fell out of fashion and suddenly fanboys realize how shit the game was in the first place, after a full decade that pc gamers tried to tell them so?

What? Did Bungie kill your parents or something?

The amount of hate being hurled towards Halo in this thread is baffling, its just a decent shooter game and the last remaining triple A arena shooter on the market. I really don't understand how anyone can muster up enough bile to attack such a meh game. It hasn't set any bad precedent or anything. What gives?

 

[shieldheart204]

Man, totally agree, only I quit much sooner. I got bored at the start menu. That dull choir music? I never even bothered playing past that start menu 'cause it was so boring. What a dull game, all in space and stuff with its "Ahhhhs" and violins. I need more dubstep and grunge-rock. Throw some Skrillex in that sh*t. How could anyone make a franchise on this series when the start menu alone is so bland and dull. Sheesh.

You do realize that the entire Halo franchise is based around the epic feeling of being in SPACE right? Anyway, no dubstep or even Grunge Rock could correctly fit into the game. I know that there is the Mjolnir mix, which is great and is metal, but it isn't Halo Campaign music. I always liked the score, it helped enlarge your epic quest to save humanity. If you want dubstep and grunge, look for games dedicated to these genres. Like all music, there are people who love it and there are those who don't.

 

[Trishbot]

Man, totally agree, only I quit much sooner. I got bored at the start menu. That dull choir music? I never even bothered playing past that start menu 'cause it was so boring. What a dull game, all in space and stuff with its "Ahhhhs" and violins. I need more dubstep and grunge-rock. Throw some Skrillex in that sh*t. How could anyone make a franchise on this series when the start menu alone is so bland and dull. Sheesh.

You do realize that the entire Halo franchise is based around the epic feeling of being in SPACE right? Anyway, no dubstep or even Grunge Rock could correctly fit into the game. I know that there is the Mjolnir mix, which is great and is metal, but it isn't Halo Campaign music. I always liked the score, it helped enlarge your epic quest to save humanity. If you want dubstep and grunge, look for games dedicated to these genres. Like all music, there are people who love it and there are those who don't.

That was a joke...

 

[Netrigan]

Try playing halo 2, that really mixed things up with the whole covenant religion thing, something which most people seemed to have missed, or atleast watch the opening cutscene for halo 2

I did watch the cutscenes for Halo 2 and 3 on YouTube.

At the beginning of 2, I was convinced that this was what all those Halo fans had been talking about when they mentioned its great story, but it ended up being a convoluted mess before the halfway point. It's all fairly standard sci-fi stuff, most notable from cobbling together ideas from a wide variety of novels and not just Aliens, Predator, Starship Troopers, and Terminator, which is the usual practice of sci-fi shooters.

I will say that Combat Evolved is probably the best execution of pure plot up until its release, with a pretty tight story that moves from one set piece to another fairly effectively without subjecting the player to endless cut-scenes. Largely this is through utilizing a bunch of tricks that were pretty common, such as much of the story being told via a voice-over character. But where most games told a long, rambling tale with lots of needless digressions, Halo didn't have an ounce of fat on it. Every chapter followed logically from the one before and was always moving forward.

I wasn't interested in the story, mostly because I thought Cortana was the only interesting character in it, but I can appreciate a well-constructed game plot when I see one.

 

[Orzene]

I hope this is the last Halo game with Master "Chef" ... I could rant, but I'm just going to day that his story arch is done, and should stay done.

 

[LazyGlader]

~deleted~

 

[MajFauxPas]

Here in the U.S., most people think 'bell-end' is a telephone. It's not, by the way. It's actually a joystick, much like the one Yahtzee used to beat himself up with in the last installment. It's my favorite scene because his hands form this rather fitting accompaniment on either side.
I wonder if he meant to do that.