Zero Punctuation: Halo: Reach

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br0d

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Aug 15, 2009
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I paid $4 for the Move starter pack due to trade deal profiteering. Does that count?

ps. Bungie hated the 'Combat Evolved' subtitle - it was forced on them by MS.
 

LordXel

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I forgot to say: YES YAHTZEE! You are so damn right! We need more games that have space ship battles!
 

Flauros

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A documentary on the megacunts who play Halo Reach


http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/549991


Good job as always yahtzee. Make fun of the ways games suck, but can at least admit when some parts are good.
 

Buizel91

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Caradinist said:
I completely forgot that Oni was made by Bungie.

Other than that, he pretty much voiced the same stuff i was thinking about Halo:Reach. Also I never really thought about the whole lack of seat belts.

What DOES bug me is. Why do we have fall damage, if Spartan can survive fucking re-entry into a planet?
Remember Halo 3? Master Chief re-entering earth?

Noble 6's armour might have locked up. just not as bad.

Hell good point though :p
 

Kungfu_Teddybear

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HankMan said:
Tenkage said:
Ok that is fair, he destroy the game but he didn't hate it, so That must mean this is one of the best shooter games on the market, I mean come on if Yahtzee can enjoy it almost anyone can LOL
Almost anyone
GamesB2 said:
Ha brilliant.

To everyone complaining about Halo Reach because it is a Halo game.

Bad ¬_¬ Very bad... you go learn stuff before commenting.
I played this game and I can think a whole number of reasons why I didn't like besides it being a Halo game:
Limited weapon selection
The pistol not having enough amo
paints-on-head-retarded driving mechanics
Brain damaged friendly A.I.
Only getting two grenades at a time
Power shield won't let you move
stamina worn out faster than a fat man on a stair master

Limited weapon selection - There's plenty of weapons you obviously just weren't looking hard enough
The pistol not having enough ammo - I thought the amount of ammo for the pistol was enough
Pants-on-head-retarded driving mechanics - There's nothing wrong with the driving mechanics
Brain damaged friendly A.I. - I'll give you that one
Only getting two grenades at a time - Two grenades is plenty and if you were able to carry more multiplayer would get a little annoying because everyone would be grenade spamming
Power Shield won't let you move - If you were able to run around with the Power Shield active that would be a bit overpowered don't you think? I mean just think of multiplayer people would be running round killing people while also being invincible and if that was the case that would also be the only Armour Ability that would get used.
Stamina worn out faster than a fat man on a stair master - If you're referring to the duration you can sprint then let me ask this: How long do you think you could sprint for in power armour?
 

Sixties Spidey

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Jan 24, 2008
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Unsurprising, really. I knew he was going to call out Reach on Noble Team and the soldiers that populated it from the get-go. The funny thing is that I'm pretty sure with or without the multiplayer, I would've enjoyed it all the same.

Good luck to Bungie, and awesome as always Yahtzee. Didn't know he liked ONI.
 

DannibalG36

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I expected as much from you Yahtzee, as your hate of Halo is fairly well known. I know that I will be playing Halo: Reach for at least a year to come and enjoying every minute of it. Your reasons for not liking Halo are understandable, but I just don't see some games the way you do.
 

Martin Toy

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I gave up with Halo a loooogn time ago. The only way I like my Halo now is Red vs Blue. ^___^
 

General Vagueness

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I don't think I could've liked this review much more unless he liked the game much more, except while he demonstrated he knows a thing or two about Halo and isn't blinding lashing out at what's popular (although it seemed like stuff he could've picked up pretty easily on Wikipedia) he doesn't seem to know some things that could've made a difference, like that Reach wasn't the first contact with the Covenant (although it is odd more people weren't more surprised or at least frightened to see them there), or that Mjolnir armor weighs half a ton and thus isn't that prone to sliding off anything EDIT: completely forgot about the magnets, which are evident enough given you see weapons on Spartans' backs with nothing visible holding them there, and except the seemingly quite large oversights, like how he mentioned the space combat and placed the jet-packing in the same category but left out the level where you spend most of your time in a helicopter-ish vehicle, or not realizing that these super-soldiers, and apparently regular soldiers in the Haloverse, would be trained in the operation of enemy materiel, although that kind of goes back to my first point-- and back at my first points is the biggest screw-up: Halo 2 was the top played on-line original Xbox game from when it was released until the day the service was shut down and Halo 3 has been in the top three (maybe top four for a little while) most played on-line 360 games since it came out, and all indications are Reach is a real successor-- the servers, or rather the playlists, won't be wastelands in three months or three years.
 

Anstrup

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bew11 said:
In the future, insted of seat belts everyone has magnetic boots, DUH!
Yeah but really? seriosly? How are we supposed to know that? None of the halo games explain this to us.

Back on track.
I like, and have always liked halo for its multiplayer, campaign is fun with a freind, but thats about as far as it goes.

EDIT
Someboyd said something about bad AI for your allies? I second that. Alot. Those space marines are idiots.
 

General Vagueness

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arc1991 said:
Caradinist said:
I completely forgot that Oni was made by Bungie.

Other than that, he pretty much voiced the same stuff i was thinking about Halo:Reach. Also I never really thought about the whole lack of seat belts.

What DOES bug me is. Why do we have fall damage, if Spartan can survive fucking re-entry into a planet?
Remember Halo 3? Master Chief re-entering earth?

Noble 6's armour might have locked up. just not as bad.

Hell good point though :p
If you pay attention during the cutscene where he docks the Saber with Anchor 9 an automated voice (not Auntie Dot IIRC) points out that he's got re-entry gear on.
 

Lord Beautiful

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Aug 13, 2008
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The funny part is that in my multiplayer experiences with this game, which is fairly extensive, I've only had one match with the aforementioned metacunts, and boy were they pathetic examples of our species. But that's it. All the other matches had pretty polite players.
 

Danpascooch

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Apr 16, 2009
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I am confused, what did he WANT exactly? Most of the faults he mentioned are things we see in just about every game, what did he expect here?

I know saying Yahtzee's standards are too high is like saying water is wet, but "no seatbelts"? Seriously? Come on Yahtzee, you're going to have to do better than that if you want to hate something just because it's popular.

Of course it's alright to dislike Halo, but no seatbelts? Really?
 

Mr. Sparzy

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Aug 28, 2010
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Anstrup said:
bew11 said:
In the future, insted of seat belts everyone has magnetic boots, DUH!
Yeah but really? seriosly? How are we supposed to know that? None of the halo games explain this to us.

Back on track.
I like, and have always liked halo for its multiplayer, campaign is fun with a freind, but thats about as far as it goes.
I just found out by reading the book, but at Halo 3, i thought it was obvious when you had weapons stick magnetically to you and that you would assume they have magnetic armor.
 

Wolf Devastator

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Nov 12, 2008
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"So the squad was called Noble Team, and they all die noble deaths. Holy shit, I just got that"

Hilarious.