Zero Punctuation: Halo: Reach

[lwm3398]

Gee, Yahtzee likes shooters that don't depend on cover based combat? Especially if they have with characters, story and writing? As well as some space-dogfights?

Hmm, what does that remind me of?

Spoiler: Spoiler: Click for awesome.

 

[mr_rubino]

I didn't need Yahtzee to tell ME that this game is a dud!

I still can't believe that people still play Halo when there are sooooo many other games that are soooo much better.

GAH! *quotes self*

Really, some people make me so damn annoyed. They seem to have made it their life's mission to try and destroy any games they don't like (and usually this means "games not made by Valve" on these forums). Do they care that some people don't give a shit about comparing Halo to some old game which supposedly has greater depth and more change, because they've got a positive enough outlook on life to be satisfied with a game which is just fun? No. They will not rest until every person in the world has been utterly convinced that Halo is an abomination and we should all be playing Half-Life, and are convinced that anybody who prefers Halo is a casual dipshit with no taste. It's the very worst kind of fanboyism, and I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, and I just wish these people would see reason and stop.

This militant, elitist and extreme fanboyism of Half Life 2 is incidentally why I hate the game and franchise despite never having played it.

Halo fanboys: Thinnest skins in the west. Saying anything needs improvement is mean, and Halo shouldn't be compared to other games, because that's unfair. It should be judged on its own merits, and every feature of the game judged on how it perfectly matches past Halo games.

And here we go again. You misunderstand me to the extent that you're probably just trolling, and you have no idea how much it is taking me to remain civil here.

As I said, there are some of us with positive enough outlooks on life to be satisfied with a game. For us apparently privileged few, every game doesn't need to be absolutely perfect, totally deep, and completely innovative. We possess the apparently unusual ability to focus on what we think the game does well, and how it's fun. This is why I don't envy game critics - they're paid to be the opposite of this mindset, pointing out every niggling flaw in a game.

There, understand me now?

Yeah... You sure showed me with that post. I'm not at all thinking of an chimpanzee going into a hysterical giggling fit when someone jingles their keys.
I apologize for having standards that require a piece of media to have some amount of substance before I can enjoy it, or as Halo fanboys call it: "trolling".

Man, you people are bad at this. "YOR STOOPID. Now respond to my non-thought-out point, YU STUPED MEENY!" You're the kind that read the novels and considered them high art, aren't you?

 

[repeating integers]

I didn't need Yahtzee to tell ME that this game is a dud!

I still can't believe that people still play Halo when there are sooooo many other games that are soooo much better.

GAH! *quotes self*

Really, some people make me so damn annoyed. They seem to have made it their life's mission to try and destroy any games they don't like (and usually this means "games not made by Valve" on these forums). Do they care that some people don't give a shit about comparing Halo to some old game which supposedly has greater depth and more change, because they've got a positive enough outlook on life to be satisfied with a game which is just fun? No. They will not rest until every person in the world has been utterly convinced that Halo is an abomination and we should all be playing Half-Life, and are convinced that anybody who prefers Halo is a casual dipshit with no taste. It's the very worst kind of fanboyism, and I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, and I just wish these people would see reason and stop.

This militant, elitist and extreme fanboyism of Half Life 2 is incidentally why I hate the game and franchise despite never having played it.

Halo fanboys: Thinnest skins in the west. Saying anything needs improvement is mean, and Halo shouldn't be compared to other games, because that's unfair. It should be judged on its own merits, and every feature of the game judged on how it perfectly matches past Halo games.

And here we go again. You misunderstand me to the extent that you're probably just trolling, and you have no idea how much it is taking me to remain civil here.

As I said, there are some of us with positive enough outlooks on life to be satisfied with a game. For us apparently privileged few, every game doesn't need to be absolutely perfect, totally deep, and completely innovative. We possess the apparently unusual ability to focus on what we think the game does well, and how it's fun. This is why I don't envy game critics - they're paid to be the opposite of this mindset, pointing out every niggling flaw in a game.

There, understand me now?

Yeah... You sure showed me with that post. I'm not at all thinking of an chimpanzee going into a hysterical giggling fit when someone jingles their keys.
I apologize for having standards that require a piece of media to have some amount of substance before I can enjoy it, or as Halo fanboys call it: "trolling".

Man, you people are bad at this. "YOR STOOPID. Now respond to my non-thought-out point, YU STUPED MEENY!"

No no, merely having such standards isn't trolling. What you are doing is trying to assert that your views are correct and being demeaning (or rather, trying and failing to be demeaning) towards those who disagree with you. That right there is either trolling or flaming (or both), take your pick.

See, I would have had no problem with you if you just said "meh personally I don't like Halo, I prefer my games to be deep and all that". What you are instead doing is trying to make enemies by saying "My personal standards mean I look down upon this pathetic excuse for a game from my godly perch and lol at those noobs who like it".

Sometimes I think "the Escapist" should be renamed "the Elitist".

(And by the way, quit with the insults, they don't do much for your credibility or your argument).

 

[JPH330]

I didn't need Yahtzee to tell ME that this game is a dud!

I still can't believe that people still play Halo when there are sooooo many other games that are soooo much better.

GAH! *quotes self*

Really, some people make me so damn annoyed. They seem to have made it their life's mission to try and destroy any games they don't like (and usually this means "games not made by Valve" on these forums). Do they care that some people don't give a shit about comparing Halo to some old game which supposedly has greater depth and more change, because they've got a positive enough outlook on life to be satisfied with a game which is just fun? No. They will not rest until every person in the world has been utterly convinced that Halo is an abomination and we should all be playing Half-Life, and are convinced that anybody who prefers Halo is a casual dipshit with no taste. It's the very worst kind of fanboyism, and I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, and I just wish these people would see reason and stop.

This militant, elitist and extreme fanboyism of Half Life 2 is incidentally why I hate the game and franchise despite never having played it.

Halo fanboys: Thinnest skins in the west. Saying anything needs improvement is mean, and Halo shouldn't be compared to other games, because that's unfair. It should be judged on its own merits, and every feature of the game judged on how it perfectly matches past Halo games.

And here we go again. You misunderstand me to the extent that you're probably just trolling, and you have no idea how much it is taking me to remain civil here.

As I said, there are some of us with positive enough outlooks on life to be satisfied with a game. For us apparently privileged few, every game doesn't need to be absolutely perfect, totally deep, and completely innovative. We possess the apparently unusual ability to focus on what we think the game does well, and how it's fun. This is why I don't envy game critics - they're paid to be the opposite of this mindset, pointing out every niggling flaw in a game.

There, understand me now?

Yeah... You sure showed me with that post. I'm not at all thinking of an chimpanzee going into a hysterical giggling fit when someone jingles their keys.
I apologize for having standards that require a piece of media to have some amount of substance before I can enjoy it, or as Halo fanboys call it: "trolling".

Man, you people are bad at this. "YOR STOOPID. Now respond to my non-thought-out point, YU STUPED MEENY!" You're the kind that reads the novels and considered them high art, aren't you?

Hey now, what do you have against "the novels?"

 

[Netrigan]

Ok that is fair, he destroy the game but he didn't hate it, so That must mean this is one of the best shooter games on the market, I mean come on if Yahtzee can enjoy it almost anyone can LOL

By that logic, Gears Of War 2 is ten times better than Halo: Reach, because at the end of that review he pointed out that the reason why most things become popular is that they're good... or they star Will Smith.

His reaction to Reach sounds like a funnier version of mine to the first game. About a minute into any level, I'd already start getting a bit bored with the repetitive level design and combat. I very likely would have finished the game if not for having to replay the demo level (which had me getting lost for the second time in a bunch of samey looking corridors and ramps) and pushing the game past my boredom threshold. Which is not to say that the game was bad. The story and gameplay were solid enough, but the things I most valued in a FPS just weren't there... and it's quite obvious from every review I've ever read, they still aren't. I like a lot more variety in weapons, enemies, and levels than Halo offers.

 

[lukemdizzle]

no surprise here, he didn't love it yet he didn't like any of the others. I loved it and all the others. just a matter of preference.

the only thing I thought was weird was when he said the story was impenetrable. I thought it was rather easy to follow even for a newcomer. but whatever.

lastly as a member of the "halo fan base" most of us are not ass holes. Its just that you only ever hear the ass holes because they're the loudest. same as every game fan base

 

[Drop_D-Bombshell]

Brilliant review as always. Love the bit about the stupid ways he kept dying. Can't wait for next week.

 

[Arcane Azmadi]

That first pun at the end credits was the best yet.

"I don't know why you say goodbye, I say Halo!"

That was a shout out to his Halo 3 review, one of his earliest videos when he still used licensed music for the opening and ending credits and he used that song ('Hello' by the Beatles for those too sad to recognise it) for the opening music, using that exact line.

 

[Mausenheimmer]

I thought he raised a number of fair points and I especially like the part about the whole "Noblest Death Contest". However, his critique of the story rings hollow when he won't even pay the most basic bit of attention to it. Specifically, he criticizes the game for being "the first battle" and the soldiers instantly knowing how to use Covenant weapons. All you have to do is look on the back of the box and it mentions that humanity has been "fighting the Covenant for decades". There are a few other nitpicky errors, but it wouldn't take away from his point.

I was kinda surprised he said "same weapons", because I thought Bungie did a changed a lot more weaponry than I expected. They retooled a lot of Human weapons (new pistol, new rifle, a grenade launcher, and an artillery target marker), got rid of a bunch of redundant Covenant weapons (like the battle rifle and sniper rifle knock offs), and added some new good ones (like the Needle Rifle). Though in fairness to Yahtzee, on regular difficulty, the game lets you work well within your comfort zone in regards to weapons and if you could probably get through it without trying many different weapons.

I'm still shocked he said that single player stood on its own. And he gets kudos for doing more than calling it "Halo 3 with Jetpacks" which is the lazy way of saying "I HATE HALO!".

Off Topic: I'm hoping they make a multiplayer spaceship mode in DLC. They'd need more maps than the two in the campaign, but I figure those are included to justify it as DLC.

 

[Geo88]

Wow, I'm actually surprised Yahtzee gave it as much credit as he did. I hated Reach's campaign with a passion (though I loved the stories from Halos 1, 2, and 3), but I guess that's why it's an opinion.

 

[solidstatemind]

Wow. Why do ZP comment threads always end up being Internet shouting matches??? I like the Escapist so much because usually that isn't the case... at least on other forums. But I will admit that it's been happening more and more lately.

Topic 1:

Y'all really need to learn the difference between subjective and objective. Having an opinion is fine and all, but spewing them about and touting them to be absolute fact makes you into as big (or bigger) a dickhead as the meta-cunts that Yahtzee refers to.

It also causes anyone with greater than a high school education to immediately discount your statements as being emotionally-based, biased homerism or hating. (Yes, the mandate for objectivity applies equally to both sides of a debate.)

The lone exception I saw was the dude above who complained about specific points and provided examples, like the pistol being too damaging and not having enough ammo. He was then rebutted by the guy or gal who pointed out that the power of the pistol is intentionally offset by limiting the ammo supply. Both are valid observations, and causes the reader to decide which constitutes 'good' in his own opinion: Big damage/limited ammo, or less damage/more ammo.

That's a good debate. (For myself, I kind of liked how Bungie switched it up: the 'big dmg/rare ammo' mechanic is what 99% of FPSs use for the sniper rifle. It was refreshing to me to see it with a "starting weapon".) Not this "LOMLOLOL!11!11 Haloz are teh sux!" "NO HALOP RULZ!!" childish blathering.

Second point, in re spoilers:

Third point, in re Advertisements:
You realize that the Escapist is a business venture, right? And that they have to pay the authors for all this content you enjoy so much? If the ads are so awful,
Read the 6th box down. [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/registration/subscribe]

And it costs far, far less than a video game.

Have a nice day!

 

[repeating integers]

More like Gay-lo Reach Around.

Really? That's the best you could come up with for the credits joke Yahtzee? That's 4th Grade humor there. But other than that, and I really hate to say this but, you pretty much just summed up everything I wanted to say about Halo Reach in one 4 minute video.

Really, some people make me so damn annoyed. They seem to have made it their life's mission to try and destroy any games they don't like (and usually this means "games not made by Valve" on these forums). Do they care that some people don't give a shit about comparing Halo to some old game which supposedly has greater depth and more change, because they've got a positive enough outlook on life to be satisfied with a game which is just fun? No. They will not rest until every person in the world has been utterly convinced that Halo is an abomination and we should all be playing Half-Life, and are convinced that anybody who prefers Halo is a casual dipshit with no taste. It's the very worst kind of fanboyism, and I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, and I just wish these people would see reason and stop.

Welcome to my world buddy. I've been saying that about the Wii from the start and I STILL see petty ass dipshits on YouTube say "this game deserves to be on a console where it could've gotten a more graphical leap." and other such garbage.

But still, as good as that point is, that doesn't change my views on Halo: It jumped the shark in the second game and just flat out couldn't recover. (Though Reach at least came close) I've played the games myself and reached that opinion on my own.

See, you're a perfectly reasonable and civil person who doesn't like Halo but doesn't try to force his views on other people. I have absolutely no problem whatsoever with people like you, and wish everyone could be like that. Yet here I am, getting into a debate with an elitist who apparently considers Halo fans to be chimpanzees. *sigh*

 

[s0m3th1ng]

Hahaha...Oni... Bungie's forgotten mutated stepchild.

 

[RexoftheFord]

Oh oh, by the way, I've seen a lot of people saying that or asking whether yahtzee liked the game. If you didn't happen to catch the first part about terrible plot, repetitive gameplay, and bland characters, no he didn't like the game. It was not a "good" game for him. It was maybe average at best.

 

[ProfessorLayton]

Not sure I've ever played or heard of an MMO where you have to do everything with another person

This isn't an MMO, but take Team Fortress 2. It's like judging it by the target practice mode thing that they've got. It's just a different style of game.

 

[SelectivelyEvil13]

snip

You're quite right. I think I should've made it clear that I wasn't counting in the price.
Then again, if you're buying a primarily multiplayer game you should know what you're paying for: a multiplayer experience
With Halo, you could argue that campaign mode is just an extra feature. Many Halo players don't even bother with it. It's like buying GTA IV for the multiplayer for them.

In the end, it doesn't really matter since this is just an opinion and some want their entire package to be flawless while others will be satisfied with just a stellar part of it.

Then again I have to pay ~$100 USD for a new console game so fuck, I have to enjoy everything.

No worries, I understood you well enough.

I sympathize with the cost situation, which is where I think that a lot of games run into "value" problems, leading to the whole used market dilemma. I would like to support Reach, but for $60, I may as well buy something else that will hold that price's value for the long term.

Like you said, the campaign is not going to be the meat of Halo. I beat Reach's storyline on a rental after a few days, so that online becomes really important.

 

[The Sorrow]

Anyone else get flashbacks to the Upperclass Twit of the Year when he had the coffins in first, second, and third?

 

[solidstatemind]

Yeah, I'll rent it. I can't believe some people actually reacted ti this game just like Egoraptor's Awesome Reach (look it up). This is NOT going to be the end of Halo, and there's something wrong with people who think otherwise.

One last thing, Escapsit. Please, please, please, please, PLEASE stop with that stupid Slim Jim commercial. I know they're giving you money, but can you please just put a banner ad or soemthing? It's too long, it's stupid, it's geared to six year olds, and it definatly doesn't make me want to buy any. Frankly, I'm insulted everytime I see it, and I have to put up with it almost every time I watch a damn movie here. I go on this site everyday, but I'm concidering stopping if this keeps up and I'm probably not the only one.

get {deleted}, never see an ad

well, hope you enjoyed your stay at the Escapist...

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[Ryokai]

Oni reference ftw

 

[starwarsgeek]

Am I the only one who laughed my figurative arse off at the imp crashing in on a ghost saying: "Sup y'all niggas"?

Yes. Yes you were