Zero Punctuation: Hitman: Absolution

jpoon

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Mar 26, 2009
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Hah, awesome review. Pretty damn glad I didn't buy this crap so far, doesn't look like I missed anything worthy.
 

Remus

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And now we know how bloody bunny got so bloody. He wasn't too fuzzy was he?
 

scott91575

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Jun 8, 2009
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Yep, pretty dead on. Blood Money was an absolute masterpiece. This game, not so much. There are a couple of fun levels that are reminiscent of Blood Money, but for the most part it's mediocre. I would recommend picking it up on sale.

Oh, and the story feels like it was written by Bevis and Butthead. It wasn't even over the top funny or clever. It was just stupid and often crude for the sake of being crude.

I also couldn't get the image of Keith Carradine out of my head when the villain talked, and they really don't match up. I guess he needed the money, because Carradine has done some good acting in his day but his dialogue in Hitman was pants on head stupid. No decent actor in their right mind would look at the script and think "oh, this is a chance to really challenge my acting skills." Nope, more like "well, it pays enough, ok, I'll do it. Luckily enough most of the people I know don't play video games."
 

Saika Renegade

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Nov 18, 2009
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The Jarate reference made me burst out laughing.

I have to admit, the main reason I played Hitman in the past was to find new and interesting ways to off someone (or everyone), and from the sounds of it I suspect there will be disappointment in my future with regards to the creative murdering if I give this one a go.
 

duchaked

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Dec 25, 2008
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looked pretty fun to me, tho I haven't played the previous games since I'm not generally good at stealth games. but I guess the game would simply give a worse score for more messy playthroughs huh? xD i.e. killing half the people because I panicked
 

Jacked Assassin

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Jun 4, 2010
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I'm surprised Yahtzee wants to kill a lot of mascots despite not caring for that in Saints Row The Third.

But beyond that I'm glad that I had to make another budget cut to games like Absolution in order to save money. Because a certain bald guy had to have another prequel called Ascension.

Edit
Posted at 3:16 AM & reminding me of another bald guy....
 

Milanezi

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Mar 2, 2009
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I'm near the end of Absolution, and though it's a great game, it's not quite the Hitman I once knew. It takes a Tarantino style bringing a story that looks out of place in the real world, such as The Saints, who show up out of nowhere for no real good reason, as if they were thrown in the game because "they looked cool". But that's not a problem, the problem is the way the game was modernized...

In what i can only guess was an attempt to keep Hitman alive with modern audiences, the game was made much less strategic and much more action oriented. For instance, remember when you had a HUGE environment with a few windows of opportunity (some which you could only get wrong or right ONCE) to take down a target? So you'd walk up and down on your suit, until you decided to get a look backstage, meaning you'd have to disguise yourself, and so on. This no longer happens. Those "windows of opportunity" happen often in the game, the targets staying right on spot as if shouting "look I can be killed here!", and to make matters worse, the environments are small: you often begin in point A, and have to arrive on point B (the game will usually give you about 2 ways to get there, noticed or unnoticed, really, like Metal Gear), then that changes the level for point B to C, and when you arrive at C you get a slightly bigger scenario to plot the target's assassination. It all feels very straightforward and unprofessional, not to mention that most missions take place in environments you can't be in, so you're always hiding, and not like just use the disguise, cause they end up getting even more attention to yourself.

I know, it sounds like I hated the game, i didn't, I'm enjoying it a lot. But the gameplay is totally different from what hitman used to be, and as someone else aptly put, makes it feel like a cheap knock-off of MGS and Deus Ex.
 

Milanezi

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duchaked said:
looked pretty fun to me, tho I haven't played the previous games since I'm not generally good at stealth games. but I guess the game would simply give a worse score for more messy playthroughs huh? xD i.e. killing half the people because I panicked
That's right, but it's VERY hard if you don't go on stealth
 

impocalyptic

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Oct 31, 2011
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It does seem like the games do get better. Hitman 2 was weak in gameplay and barely serviceable in story. Blood money was freakin' sweet though. Contracts was pretty good though. It does kind of feel like contracts got lost in the shift from crap to awesome. But definitely worth one play through. It also saves the trouble of having to play through hitman 1.
 

SnowBurst

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its square enix... your going to be disappointed a lot more than impressed by those guys
 

PsychedelicDiamond

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Racecarlock said:
PsychedelicDiamond said:
I hoped you wouldn't be too harsh on Absolution.It's a good game and it tries its best to combine classic Hitman gameplay with the gameplay of more conventional stealth-games to create a more varied and more storydriven experience.
If gameplay matters so little in comparison to story, why not have all games just be virtual books that you turn pages on?
Oh, actually i think, gameplay is more important than the plot. It's what distinguishes games as a medium.
 

Racecarlock

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PsychedelicDiamond said:
Racecarlock said:
PsychedelicDiamond said:
I hoped you wouldn't be too harsh on Absolution.It's a good game and it tries its best to combine classic Hitman gameplay with the gameplay of more conventional stealth-games to create a more varied and more storydriven experience.
If gameplay matters so little in comparison to story, why not have all games just be virtual books that you turn pages on?
Oh, actually i think, gameplay is more important than the plot. It's what distinguishes games as a medium.
Well, thing is, I don't think yahtzee really wanted a more conventional stealth game. He wanted a massive open map blood money style game, but they shrunk everything to fit a story. Story is nice, but I think it should stop at the point where the world and gameplay are both being compromised to fit one. At least when it comes to games like this. And GTA type games too. There was way too much scripted crap in GTA IV.
 

PsychedelicDiamond

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Racecarlock said:
Well, thing is, I don't think yahtzee really wanted a more conventional stealth game. He wanted a massive open map blood money style game, but they shrunk everything to fit a story. Story is nice, but I think it should stop at the point where the world and gameplay are both being compromised to fit one. At least when it comes to games like this. And GTA type games too. There was way too much scripted crap in GTA IV.
Absolution is not as good as Blood Money... i'm not gonna argue that. But i respect Eidos for trying to do something different with the franchise without failing as hard as they could have. Yes, there's room for improvement but i think they managed to preserve what made Blood Money great while adding some variety to the way missions are designed. Yes, the game could have done without the more linear sections but i can't say i didn't have fun with them too.
 

Steveypoos

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Sep 8, 2011
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47 isn't an assassin, Yahtzee. An assassin and hitman are both separate with regard motivation and ethics.
 

Standby

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Hitman 2 was the worst game? Oh Yahtzee, now I just KNOW you're trying to be controversial.
 

MalkHead

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Jun 30, 2010
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Good point by Yahtzee about Hitman 2, can't stand it.
Blood Money > Codename 47 > Contracts > Absolution > a fish skeleton down the cockhole > Silent Assassin
What's all this hate on Codename 47, anyway? I bet it's because it's too hard for you without mid-mission saves. The jungle levels are weak, true, but all the other levels are quite diverse and have a very distinct atmosphere. Coupled with refreshingly wonderful soundtrack, it is surpassed only by Blood Money.
 

The Night Shade

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Oct 15, 2009
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I liked this one, the things that they changed were for the story, i admit i would have preferred a game based more on gameplay than story since that is why i play the hitman games but is quite a nice change comparing it to recent games, I miss having to chose your own equipment and upgrading it for a mission since it made the game more fun and added replayability, some levels are more linear and pretty easy to do except on Purist difficulty if you want to play a badass hitman game get this one and use purist difficulty only it won't disappoint.I didn't mind to much the score bar on top of the screen because it pushes you to be more careful and in the end you get a lot better thanks to it,i have to admit i had a lot of fun with this one. I advise you to play the other games first, blood Money is amazing, Hitman 2 has the best levels, contracts is kinda bland but fun and codename 47 is interesting.
 

Biodeamon

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Apr 11, 2011
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speaking of tf2...
http://cdn.trilogy.hk/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/spy-disguise.jpg
It seems that clothes actually do make the mann in video games.

(seriously why has nobody thought of this reference?)
 

TheUnbeholden

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Dec 13, 2007
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Theirs the issues that bring it down from Blood Money like manual saves replaced with that "checkpoints" bullcheese, and also removes your ability to choose your loadout though story wise it does make some sense though you'd think 47 would have some armament stash somewhere.
& the stuff ZP says about the story focus which slightly sacrifices gameplay, where most of the levels are a bit to small.

Don't care about "instinct mode" or the score bar at the top, I can ignore that.