Zero Punctuation: iPhone Games

Strain42

Strain42

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Mar 2, 2009
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My definition of a casual game is one where you can put down the controller (or phone) without pausing and walk away to answer the phone or make a sandwich.

This applies to a lot of turn based rpgs for example

Just one where I can walk away and come back without a game over up on the screen.

I personally like games like this. Fun little games that can just kill some time when all you have is your phone on you.

I don't own an iPhone, but on my normal cell phone I have 3 games right now. Final Fantasy 1, Hangman and Sonic 2.

And Hangman is really the only one I have fun playing anymore.

Honestly, I'm tempted to buy an iPod Touch now just to play some of these games that Yahtzee reviewed (and more)
 
Thief King

Thief King

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Dec 7, 2010
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Dear Yahtzee,

I doubt you'll read this but all the same I had to say something. I would like to start by stating that I am one of those people that has learn to breath on Mars. Mostly because I'm lazy but also because I hate when people can get a hold of me whenever they like.
I've watched your videos for a long time and never thought that you could possibly be a sell out. This last video put the thought in my mind that perhaps there might be a small chance. Not that I would blame you, one must pay the bills in some manner. I-phone's are one of satins greatest creations, right up there with Blizzard Entertainment and jelly filled donuts. I believe your opinion of the games you played are spot on to your beliefs but do you really consider the I-phone a console worth looking into purchasing or did they buy you out? Or perhaps there's another reason to the sudden interest in I-phones. Whatever the reason I would like to know.
 
K

Kanakotka

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Jun 4, 2010
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This episode of ZP is nothing short of a commercial for iPhone, isn't it nice taking the moneycheck? When i watch ZP, i kind of want to see Yahtzee make inane rants about games, whether he's correct or not, he is so annoyed about some things it's funny. What i don't expect, is a paid advertisement for the iPhone.

I can breathe on Mars by simple fact of not having my lips puckered around Apple's brown starfish.

iPhone games are neither innovative or creative, and there's simply nothing going for them, or within the iPhone market for games. They're just cheap copies of FREE flash games, which are avaible for proper and responsive control system (keyboard and mouse), and nothing more. That Crush The Castle game predates angry birds and iPhone by year(s), for instance.
If you want to credit something for innovation in games, do so to the Flash game community, both around Newgrounds and Kongregate, don't credit something that has done nothing to forward it. Newgrounds has published hundreds of thousands of intriguing, innovative, and interesting flash games during the last 12 or so year period.
In addition, these flash games have been heavily watered down to fit the 'durrhurr' crowd, and horrid controls of the iPhone. I don't agree that Doodle God is a game, but it entertained me and a couple of friends for a few hours a few months ago (on PC, obviously), so i digress.

I have had a better, more powerful and more functional phone than iPhone for the last 7 years. Why would i want an overrated toy? Even N-Gage made a better gaming platform, at least it had the hardware and controls, which iPhone doesn't.

Bloody sellout.
 
D

destinationundefined

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May 22, 2009
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I've never played Fruit Ninjas. But I love it. Guess I'd better explain that statement:

I'm studying to be an ODP at the moment (helping out either the anaesthetist/surgeon) and one of our hospitals anaesthetists has an iPad and bought Fruit Ninjas. This same anaesthetists also does a lot of paediatrics work (and trust me, they will kick, bite, scratch and punch to stop us putting a cannula in their hand).

So she gets mum or dad to hold the screen, we grab the other hand and get to work whilst letting them use the over hand to play away, before the little gits know it, their fast asleep with a needle in the back of their hand, enough propofol in their system to make sure they don't wake up on us. And my balls remain unkicked for yet another patient. Thank God.

So, to whoever developed Fruit Ninja . . .I LOVE YOU!!!
 
yourbeliefs

yourbeliefs

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Jan 30, 2009
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I'm surprised he didn't like Sonic Colors and chose not to review it. I thought it was the best Sonic game in over a decade.

I don't have an iPhone but I have played the 3 games he listed (AB + FN on my Android, CTR on an iPad at Best Buy) and while the games are undoubtedly simplistic, they a number of them are quite fun and easily suck away time like a Call of Duty can, and at least with that you don't have to deal with other 12 year olds yelling in your ear. I think it would have been more appropriate to call this "Cell Phone Games" as opposed to "iPhone Games" considering numerous games are available on about 6 different cell phone OSes I can think of, although iOS clearly has the most. I do wish they would finally make a damn Android port of Cut the Rope because I really did enjoy playing that but I'm not buying an iPad/iPhone/iPod to do so.
 
Aesir23

Aesir23

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Breathing on Mars is quite easy actually. I get scuba tanks shipped to me every week or so which really comes in handy during the dust storms.
 
krgskks

krgskks

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Jan 11, 2010
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Not reviewing a game to talk about games only stupid people pay money for is a new low for ZP. Seriously? Damn iPhone games? I've played all but one of them as flash games, without paying anything. Why not play the flash game on your phone... wait, why even buy an iPhone?
Anyway worst episode to this day. If this is your idea of good games with good ideas then I rather play a ton of waggle games like Metroid Prime or Sin and Punishment.
 
Aeshi

Aeshi

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Dec 22, 2009
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I love how this thread is basically everyone whining how Yahtzee must be an Apple worshiper because he doesn't mindlessly bash Apple for things every company do like every other mindless fanatic.
 
V

Vor@Tan

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Apr 29, 2009
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i don't have an iPhone and i'm living quite well without it, as for breathing on mars - wouldn't actually know as all the space crap up there keeps bashing my rocket to bits ^^

is it me or is Yahtzee talking about vaginas..alot more then usual? (the past 3 (???) videos had them in a whole lot then he normally does...)
i think he must have a fetish about them if he keeps bang on about them every minute

also noticed, that either because of the lack of original titles or lagging release dates, Yahtz videos seem to be becoming more... well LESS about the topic at hand - like he's running out of ideas, or there's not enough good stuff to go on....

he could always do older titles (if he can get his hands on them?) till something pops up that seems intresting? (if the problem is the latter)

me personally would love to see a review of Legacy of Kain (not bothered which, even if it's BO2) from Yahtz and Unskippable! ^^ i'd love to see how they'd both take the piss ^.0 lol
 
K

knobbly

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Sep 12, 2009
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That stupid play button gets in the way when you pause it to read the final joke! Fuck it in the..... sorry these videos get me a little carried away
 
Belbe

Belbe

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Oct 12, 2009
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How did Robot Unicorn Attack not even get a mention? Mind boggling mystery there!
 
kenjamen

kenjamen

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Aug 22, 2010
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OKOK. First off that crap at the end about me supposed to have an iphone makes me want to shove that phone up your ass but in order to do so you'd probably have to remove that granny smith that Apple inserted first.

Iphones are ok but I'm never going to buy that proprietary apple piece of shit. Now the app world on the iphone is pretty amazing and close to that pure market you're talking about which is cool but it's just not worth the money imo.
 
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