Zero Punctuation: Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days

[Not G. Ivingname]

Snip

Where does Kane and Lynch 2 lie on your "worst games I ever reviewed" list? Would you say it is even worse then Too Human? While Too Human had the problem having all the game design problems down to its bone marrow, from how you presented it, the bones of Kane and Lynch 2 might be all right (even if a few are broken) but all the pours spew $%^@ and gets it everywhere.

 

[KreacherOfbloodandRank]

yeah, I never played the original. both games looked utterly bland and mediocre to me.\

So when are you reviewing Starcraft 2?

 

[TheEnglishman]

Yahtzee's so gonna get fired for this!

The Escapist wouldn't dare fire him, Yahtzee would have websites throwing themselves at him if the Escapist stopped employing him.

 

[2xDouble]

I think I've figured it out. Duke nukem was so good, it jumped backwards in time and landed in Yahtzees lap. Then magically disapeared making Yahtzee it's prophet for the amazingness to come.

I jest. It'll probably be good but I'll get a lot of games before I get the duke. Mostly cos I was a wolfenstein/ Doom player when I was young and I never really played the duke.

I do often wonder how bad games sell. Marketing only does so much in the gaming industry, with most games sales dependent on word of mouth and pre releases in the same genre. If the nfirst one was so succesful (and I dear hope to god it wasn't) how can it exist today as a sequel. Multiplayer sounds cool though, but that's not the basis on which to get a game on in my book.

Did you know Duke Nukem was a sweet series of action sidescrolling platformers long before Duke 3D? In fact it's the first game to my knowledge that let you use a flamethrower that doubled as a jetpack.

I only remember Duke 3D because, well, the strippers. ("omg! pixel bewbs!", what do you expect? I was 12.) It was the first mainstream 3D shooter (that I know of) that let you pull out a wad of cash, "shoot" it at a stripper, and watch her remove her top and spin pixelated tassels. (kinda like The Saboteur, if it was on the SNES... and starred an ass-kicking, foul-mouthed American killing aliens instead of Nazis with guns from DOOM. So, nothing like that game, really. heh.) Good times... (ah, nostalgia. such a sweet, sweet drug)

Actually OT: Never had any interest in Kane and Lynch. It seemed like an interesting premise, but nobody I knew had anything good to say about either game (and the demo I got to play sucked). Io and Squeenix are both better than this. You'd think at least Square would have learned to focus on perfecting core mechanics BEFORE the ridiculous and/or spectacular story (or high concept in this case). Especially after what happened with Dirge of Cerberus.

Do you feel better now, Yahtzee? It seems like you were suffering from some sort of insult constipation that cleared itself in this review. Great show and keep up the good work.

 

[David Eller]

Interesting how much he hated it and yet he still beat it.

Then again, there arent too many good games out at the moment.

 

[jp201]

Waiting for Yatzee to grow a pair and review SC2.

Yes because real men play starcraft 2......


played trial version of kane and lynch 2 and just hated it.

 

[Gralian]

Interesting how much he hated it and yet he still beat it.

Then again, there arent too many good games out at the moment.

Not surprising considering the entire game clocks in at... what was it? Four to six hours?
Bit different to the 20 hour tutorial of FFXIII.

I was expecting this trashy game to be torn apart and i'm so glad you did. Shitty sequels from even shittier franchises should just not be made, period.

 

[repeating integers]

I loved the review, some very funny moments. Also, now that he's found a new game to loathe, he might not be as harsh on Reach. I'm holding out hope. An overwhelmingly negative review of that game would probably send me into an unstoppable screaming fanboy rage and turn me against Yahtzee forever...

 

[Unhappy Crow]

I knew he was gonna hate this game. I saw the full gameplay on YouTube and man, did I feel bad for the guy who played it to end. Repititious shooting, bad cover system, and a weak story with a dumb ending that'll you go "What? That's it?"

At least the guy sold the game a couple of days ago cause he hated it with a passion.

 

[Whispering Death]

hahaha that was one of the best reviews in a long time! That vacation must have done wonders for Yahtzee's creative juices.

"The plot so flimsy it is painful like a man with no bones in his arms trying to serve you coffee"

I died laughing, had to pause the review for about 30 seconds, and then try again. How do you even come up with something like that?

 

[ForensicYOYO]

Ok you said you haven't reviewed a game starting with Q or Y. Well not sure about Y but not before to long you can review Quantum Theory. And about how some game focus on the cover system and fail to add anything else to it, you my might find this new game coming out called Vanquish might have that special something you're looking for. Dont get me wrong though. It won't be without its falts but if you simply download the demo you will see what I mean.
Good video by the way.

 

[Crazyshak48]

I think that vacation was good for him, as this is one of the best reviews I've seen in a while. Hate to say it, but his bilefests are always the most entertaining. Excellent work Yahtzee.

 

[TheScottishFella]

I actually loled through the whole vid

 

[YoungZer0]

Nice one, Yahtzee, i always thought you were too smart to blindly follow bullshit rumours. Guess i was wrong about that.

Yes, I'm talking about the Gerstmann-Gate Conspiracy. And just like with any Conspiracy, there isn't much too it if you look for the facts.

Disappointing to hear you're one of the monkeys who follows the crowd.

 

[Motakikurushi]

This game is so monotonously bland that I didn't even acknowledge its existence until this very review. It seems so deliriously cliched and hideous it defies generic shooter standards and creates its own, the 'Kane and Lynch' genre, where everything is ripped off of everything.

 

[Samus Aaron]

I was hoping there would be a more substantial acknowledgement about the irony in Duke Nukem Forever's re-reveal. Oh well, there's always Extra Punctuation.

Great rant, btw. Haven't seen Yahtzee get so angry at a game in a while, and I like it.

 

[Zudarkness]

Best review ever to date and sadly truthful at the same time.
LOL throughout the entire seqment while at work yet.

 

[YoungZer0]

This game is so monotonously bland that I didn't even acknowledge its existence until this very review. It seems so deliriously cliched and hideous it defies generic shooter standards and creates its own, the 'Kane and Lynch' genre, where everything is ripped off of everything.

So where did it Rip-Off the camera style? Or the characters? Right ... you're full of it.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

WOW! I think that's the most you've ever ripped on a game. This game must really be bad.

 

[WayOutThere]

This is the first time in a long time where I've noticed that Yahtzee really does talk quite fast.