Zero Punctuation: Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days
- Thread starter Yahtzee Croshaw
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The game had S*** story and semi-decent gameplay. Versus the first game that had semi-decent story and S*** gameplay. Premise ain't bad if IO were worth a damn anymore these days.
After a ho-hum day of classes on things I really couldn't give two farts about, this review was just what I needed. Some unabashed 'telling it like it is'. K&L2 wasn't on my list of games to eventually get to and now it's on my list of 'games that if I see it in someones collection I'm going to look at them like they have two heads and ask "Why?"' Thanks Y.
Terrible game, which gives me an undeserved sense of entitlement for having stuck it out and beaten it. Spot-on review.
It looked great, except that they used that great system to make areas look bugs-crawling-all-over-you disgusting. And populated it with hundreds of copies of an overweight balding Chinese man wearing half a shirt. And pixelated half of the gore and all of the nudity.
On that tangent, it's gotta be the most inane, puerile, nonsensical (With some more redundant insults thrown in for good measure; this deserves them all) move to treat the game as if some mystery person is watching it on YouTube. The loading screens are purposefully (Why?) reminiscent of buffering a video from ten years ago, violence and nudity is instantly pixelated as if it's a news video, and there's a cameraman holding your point of view and doing it terribly. Except he is invisible, and obviously doesn't exist anywhere in reality. So the entire presentation is at odds with itself, as it's made up of at least three (I think I would go up to "four") wholly incompatible realities. Apparently the creators were just told to mash any viral-video-related concepts they could think of into the presentation?
Your alert that a fresh wave of fat barely-shirted men is approaching is to hear one of the characters yell "FUUUUCK" again, in a "God-DAMN I'm getting annoyed at having to shoot even more of these guys, is there nothing else to do in this game?" tone of voice.
So it is an unintentionally hilarious game, I suppose. I had a good time mocking it. I had a good time hearing Yahtzee mock it. I know exactly what he's talking about with those dogs at the end, too (Fortunately, I was playing co-op. My brother held back -- while I sprinted hell-bent-for-airplane -- to shoot them, so we could finally stop replaying that retarded final level. Many groans of frustration were had that night, and absolutely not just because of that one part. However, being forced to fail due to shitty game mechanics did extend the playtime considerably. Which was not a good thing, except on paper).
It looked great, except that they used that great system to make areas look bugs-crawling-all-over-you disgusting. And populated it with hundreds of copies of an overweight balding Chinese man wearing half a shirt. And pixelated half of the gore and all of the nudity.
On that tangent, it's gotta be the most inane, puerile, nonsensical (With some more redundant insults thrown in for good measure; this deserves them all) move to treat the game as if some mystery person is watching it on YouTube. The loading screens are purposefully (Why?) reminiscent of buffering a video from ten years ago, violence and nudity is instantly pixelated as if it's a news video, and there's a cameraman holding your point of view and doing it terribly. Except he is invisible, and obviously doesn't exist anywhere in reality. So the entire presentation is at odds with itself, as it's made up of at least three (I think I would go up to "four") wholly incompatible realities. Apparently the creators were just told to mash any viral-video-related concepts they could think of into the presentation?
Your alert that a fresh wave of fat barely-shirted men is approaching is to hear one of the characters yell "FUUUUCK" again, in a "God-DAMN I'm getting annoyed at having to shoot even more of these guys, is there nothing else to do in this game?" tone of voice.
So it is an unintentionally hilarious game, I suppose. I had a good time mocking it. I had a good time hearing Yahtzee mock it. I know exactly what he's talking about with those dogs at the end, too (Fortunately, I was playing co-op. My brother held back -- while I sprinted hell-bent-for-airplane -- to shoot them, so we could finally stop replaying that retarded final level. Many groans of frustration were had that night, and absolutely not just because of that one part. However, being forced to fail due to shitty game mechanics did extend the playtime considerably. Which was not a good thing, except on paper).
At first i didnt like the story but when i started to just go with it i realized that is was brilliant. cant really explain why but it's the same thing as watching lost highway and try to explain that. Also the weaponhandling was really good the moment you realized that is isn't modern warfares shitty rodeospray but a quite good realistic recoil that pushes the gun upwards and needs to be constantly adjusted to hit something. Something new for most consolers i think ^^
The only shame is the game being so short and lacking in variation.
The only shame is the game being so short and lacking in variation.
I do not understand how people think this a shitty game. it isnt great, but its not bad either. The storyline is simple, how is it in anyway confusing? Thats just bullshit.
"Derp, Chest high walls" I agree on this, but it seems like you're going for a quick laugh by making more chest-high walls puns.
There is an option to turn the shaky cam off you know, not that hard.
I liked this game, it was fun even though the gameplay seemed to linger-on for the longest time.
"Derp, Chest high walls" I agree on this, but it seems like you're going for a quick laugh by making more chest-high walls puns.
There is an option to turn the shaky cam off you know, not that hard.
I liked this game, it was fun even though the gameplay seemed to linger-on for the longest time.
Hmmm, well, I guess all I can say to you, Yahtzee, is that angrier doesn't = funnier.
Because that really got boring to listen to there...=(
Because that really got boring to listen to there...=(
Ya know, his whole comment on the ending...I think was the point. Kane and Lynch were never supposed to be very...fortuitious. Hell, if not for the sequal, Lynch would be dead, as would Kane's daughter. And a lack of a joke about that shows he did not beat the first game.
Holy crap, I've never seen him review a game like this before. Even 'Too Human' and 'Sonic Unleashed' got off lighter than this! How could a game be THIS awful?
Curious; why would the shaky camera be on by default? I know it makes sense because your vision wobbles when you're running, but this is a THIRD-PERSON shooter!
And how is it fun? Aren't there better games to be playing that are more fun than this? 'Gears of War'? 'Painkiller'? 'Bioshock'? 'Call of Duty 4'? 'Half-Life'? 'Dark Void'? 'inFAMOUS'?
By the way Yahtzee, if you wanna play a game that is not completely crap and you wanna blow off some steam and mellow out, I recommend '3D Dot Game Heroes', provided Europe actually decides to bring it here! Christ, we have Michael Atkinson complaining about everything related to gaming. How about not giving him anything to complain about, Europe?
It's not the plot's coherence; it's the plot's logic. Let's rewind a bit. Instead of escorting Kane and Lynch via one car and hand cuffed, they are instead shipped away in a fleet of helicopters that'll chew up their fuel budget like no tomorrow.JohnGoodmansTongueV2 said:
Curious; why would the shaky camera be on by default? I know it makes sense because your vision wobbles when you're running, but this is a THIRD-PERSON shooter!
And how is it fun? Aren't there better games to be playing that are more fun than this? 'Gears of War'? 'Painkiller'? 'Bioshock'? 'Call of Duty 4'? 'Half-Life'? 'Dark Void'? 'inFAMOUS'?
By the way Yahtzee, if you wanna play a game that is not completely crap and you wanna blow off some steam and mellow out, I recommend '3D Dot Game Heroes', provided Europe actually decides to bring it here! Christ, we have Michael Atkinson complaining about everything related to gaming. How about not giving him anything to complain about, Europe?
He hit all the major flaws of the game, except maybe for the silly mechanic of throwing the heroes protagonists villains wankers into relatively difficult shootouts from a cutscene only to restart from said cutscene if you fail to live up to the challenge, meaning you'll be forced to watch the same 30 seconds of Kane and Lynch's brain-hemorrhaging stupidity over and over again if you don't wise up. You could say that I've been playing at a difficulty level beyond my own chest-high-wall-shootarama skills, but I finished Mass Effect 2 several times on insane with very little effort, so that theory falls flatter than the jokes in this review.
For all of his critique's accuracy, there just wasn't enough funny. He doesn't go off into a rapid-fire vitriolic rant the way he did with Borderlands, the similes and metaphors were forced, and the visual puns were uninspired, if not entirely nonexistent.
Yahtzee, please don't go on holiday again, the stress relief hobbles your nerd rage. I was expecting so much more creative hate for K&L2
D, especially since the double irony of enforced-shittiness-for-purposes-of-immersion conceit making the game suck even more than your average caveman-IQ cover-based shooter was such a comedic goldmine of possibilities.
For all of his critique's accuracy, there just wasn't enough funny. He doesn't go off into a rapid-fire vitriolic rant the way he did with Borderlands, the similes and metaphors were forced, and the visual puns were uninspired, if not entirely nonexistent.
Yahtzee, please don't go on holiday again, the stress relief hobbles your nerd rage. I was expecting so much more creative hate for K&L2
D, especially since the double irony of enforced-shittiness-for-purposes-of-immersion conceit making the game suck even more than your average caveman-IQ cover-based shooter was such a comedic goldmine of possibilities.
I did forget to touch on the ridiculous story. Yahtzee covered the essentials, there, but there is also a long part that goes "There is some other girl, and I guess she's Kane's (Or Lynch's? I can't keep them straight) daughter, or his girlfriend, or his mail-order bride. Somehow K&L's kill-as-many-Chinese-as-possible, whoops-killed-a-girl-and-will-later-regret-it-in-hindsight day trip turns into Kane (Or Lynch) constantly whining about his girl and that she's not safe. Now spend FOREVER trying to get to her". The entire story is centered around (As Yahtzee said) staggering coincidences and worse-than-moronic character choices. And just how do two big white guys, one of them who's been living locally for some time, manage to keep such a low profile in Shanghai (I assume. Maybe it's somewhere else in China; doesn't matter) when they seamlessly transition from "Shooting up Chinese gang members real quick" to "Shooting every Chinese police officer that arrives on the scene"? They are constantly getting away (Usually over the bodies of every law enforcement officer and gang member within ten miles), and never have a plan beyond "Act surly and old, complain about your situation, and above all don't ever clear up the plot for the player in any way!"
Except that shotguns are more accurate (And at longer range) than ANYTHING else, sniper rifles introduce a delay between shooting and the bullet reaching what you'd shot at (So you miss most of the time, thanks to enemies constantly twitching back behind cover), handguns are so weak that you sometimes have to empty an entire clip to permanently keep a enemy down (I'm not sure what bullets are made out of in this game. Rubber? Enemies climb to their feet after being shot until they fall down multiple times, leaving you constantly guessing as to if you really killed them or not), SMGs and rifles are woefully inaccurate (Almost equally, and SMGs pack less of a punch than handguns), and ammunition tends to be handled Halo-style -- i.e., you'll need to pick up a different gun before long.
So, yes, other than how completely ridiculous and counter-intuitive everything else about the shooting is, the recoil effect is decent (And not new at all).
Yeah, great weapon handling in K&L2.mollemannen said:
Except that shotguns are more accurate (And at longer range) than ANYTHING else, sniper rifles introduce a delay between shooting and the bullet reaching what you'd shot at (So you miss most of the time, thanks to enemies constantly twitching back behind cover), handguns are so weak that you sometimes have to empty an entire clip to permanently keep a enemy down (I'm not sure what bullets are made out of in this game. Rubber? Enemies climb to their feet after being shot until they fall down multiple times, leaving you constantly guessing as to if you really killed them or not), SMGs and rifles are woefully inaccurate (Almost equally, and SMGs pack less of a punch than handguns), and ammunition tends to be handled Halo-style -- i.e., you'll need to pick up a different gun before long.
So, yes, other than how completely ridiculous and counter-intuitive everything else about the shooting is, the recoil effect is decent (And not new at all).