Zero Punctuation: Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days

[-[c0Ka|Ne]-]

hahaha, brilliant!!

 

[Bourne Endeavor]

Can someone explain to me what happened with Gamespot and the first one? Were they bribing them for good reviews or something?

Apparently Jeff Gerstmann (a 10-year Gamespot veteran) was fired shortly after giving a highly accurate negative review of the first Kane & Lynch game (6/10 counts as negative, these days, I guess). Internal leaks indicate that the developer of the game (IO Interactive) had paid a large amount to GameSpot to make this one of the site's "sponsored" games. In a disappointing change from the way the site used to work, that now means not only does the game get advertising space, but it also is supposed to get positive reviews. So Jeff goes bye-bye. He still does reviews at Giantbomb.com

Some theorize that this wasn't just an individual firing but more sending a message to the rest of the wage-slaves at GameSpot that there was a new way of doing business.

The funny part is that the GameSpot review for the sequel also got panned for pretty much all the same reasons - and was lucky to get a 6.5.

Actually, about five or so other employees quit following Jeff's departure, one even citing he could no longer be a part of the new direction the company was moving towards, or so I recall. Essentially that was a "between the lines" way of saying he had no desire to work for a website that was bribed off. Gamespot was relative quick in restoring Jeff's review when the backlash caused nearly two thousand member cancellations within a few hours, and nowadays no one ever believes a word they say. Good decision there Gamespot =p

Anyhow, love the review. Easily his most amusing in a while. Nice to have someone say this piece of worthless trash is given the treatment it deserves.

 

[Varrdy]

Bloody hell! I know describing Yahtzee as "scathing" is on par with describing Bill O'Reilly as "a little behind the times" but he really went for the jugular on this one. I can't remember the last video that generated that much seething hate*...Too Human, maybe?

Wardy
* By that I mean noticeably more than usual

 

[Sikachu]

I wonder if the lead designer commits suicide when he hears this.

This is very difficult to parse. I'm pretty sure that you're using the wrong tense - it reads like you are wondering if the lead designer commits suicide every time he hears it.

 

[KimberlyGoreHound]

That's why they were put on probation. People who add absolutely nothing with a comment to a ZP video at a time which it would be impossible to have seen any substantial amount of the video get put on probation. Happens every Wednesday.

Oh dear, delicious irony...

I logged on today to find about 8 or 9 messages quoting me with something like this.

Hey, if I'm going to go on probation, at least I'm popular, eh? Not quite as popular as when I was put on probation for suggesting someone...well...let's no go there, to prevent a banning.

 

[Merklez]

This is amazing.

Yahtzee is going to be the leader of 2012 mayan video game metamorphosis ... our first step closer to the gods. P

 

[znix]

Oh I chuckled hard at this one. It really was a great review

 

[FightThePower]

I am so glad you decided to rip the shit out of this game because the excessive viral marketing it had pissed me off so much, especially since I could just look at the game and realise it was an absolute turd. So yeah, this was pretty cathartic to watch.

 

[JunebugJuJuBee]

It's a real shame it isn't even fun to play. At least then I could have enjoyed the awful story ironically. I'm off to play Hitman.

 

[Sholmes]

wow.. this site is asking for a shitstorm with the way it hands out probations... it's just bad administrating

 

[MadMajk]

Another spot on review by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw! Great work. I see the vacation did You good Yahtzee. I lasted like 5 minutes playing the demo so I just couldn't wait for this review. My feelings for this frenchise are depicted very well in this one. Cheers chap!

 

[Motakikurushi]

This game is so monotonously bland that I didn't even acknowledge its existence until this very review. It seems so deliriously cliched and hideous it defies generic shooter standards and creates its own, the 'Kane and Lynch' genre, where everything is ripped off of everything.

So where did it Rip-Off the camera style? Or the characters? Right ... you're full of it.

Yep, full of it. Full of blood and oxygen and bodily fluids. Just because they are new characters doesn't mean they are new archetypes, their personalities and motives have been repeated time and time again in video games. The camera style is simply an unoriginal gimmick mumblecore directors like to use. Maybe the camera-style hasn't been ripped off of another game per se, but with good reason, because it's so terrible no other game should have it. In that sense, it's an original concept.

 

[Dirkie]

Obviously Yatzhee enjoyed his vacation, he definately came back with rested reviewmuscles.

 

[Wackiest]

This brings me back to a point I keep reiterating: 'IO, where the fuck is our next gen Hitman? And why do you continue to produce this bullshit?' Oh wait I'm supposed to be mad at Square Enix now aren't I?

I want a new Hitman!!

 

[Slangeveld]

This was FUNNY. xD

 

[FuQ Halo]

Best review ever

 

[mollemannen]

Yeah, great weapon handling in K&L2.

Except that shotguns are more accurate (And at longer range) than ANYTHING else, sniper rifles introduce a delay between shooting and the bullet reaching what you'd shot at (So you miss most of the time, thanks to enemies constantly twitching back behind cover), handguns are so weak that you sometimes have to empty an entire clip to permanently keep a enemy down (I'm not sure what bullets are made out of in this game. Rubber? Enemies climb to their feet after being shot until they fall down multiple times, leaving you constantly guessing as to if you really killed them or not), SMGs and rifles are woefully inaccurate (Almost equally, and SMGs pack less of a punch than handguns), and ammunition tends to be handled Halo-style -- i.e., you'll need to pick up a different gun before long.

So, yes, other than how completely ridiculous and counter-intuitive everything else about the shooting is, the recoil effect is decent (And not new at all).

I didn't notice any of this. Might have been a difference on pc and console? After i learned how the weapons handle i had no trouble att all killing several enemies on each magazine. also i had the AK47 from the point i got it trough the rest of the game (almost). also the shotguns suck in comparison.

I think IO should stop be wannabe storytellers though if it means we get the hitman series back.

 

[adderseal]

That's why they were put on probation. People who add absolutely nothing with a comment to a ZP video at a time which it would be impossible to have seen any substantial amount of the video get put on probation. Happens every Wednesday.

Oh dear, delicious irony...

I logged on today to find about 8 or 9 messages quoting me with something like this.

Hey, if I'm going to go on probation, at least I'm popular, eh? Not quite as popular as when I was put on probation for suggesting someone...well...let's no go there, to prevent a banning.

Absolutely! Go down in a blaze of glory!

 

[pepperman]

So, I know the latest zero punctuations just came out and all (funny and agreeable as most Yahtzee's reviews are), but do you think he's gonna review Amnesia: The Dark Descent? I mean, considering he loves Silent Hill 2 so much, I think that by not reviewing it he'd be passing up a rare chance to actually fill a game with praises instead of hate. I mean, in terms of atmosphere Silent Hill 2 is, really, the only game I can think of that is capable of competing with it. Ok, maybe not the only game, but it's still a pretty awesome horror game.

This game is so monotonously bland that I didn't even acknowledge its existence until this very review. It seems so deliriously cliched and hideous it defies generic shooter standards and creates its own, the 'Kane and Lynch' genre, where everything is ripped off of everything.

So where did it Rip-Off the camera style? Or the characters? Right ... you're full of it.

Yep, full of it. Full of blood and oxygen and bodily fluids. Just because they are new characters doesn't mean they are new archetypes, their personalities and motives have been repeated time and time again in video games. The camera style is simply an unoriginal gimmick mumblecore directors like to use. Maybe the camera-style hasn't been ripped off of another game per se, but with good reason, because it's so terrible no other game should have it. In that sense, it's an original concept.

While agreeing with Yahtzee that the game does indeed suck (it's boring as hell at least), I cannot agree with you in the ripping off part. I could go on and analyze every single aspect of the game in order to try to prove it to you, but I think I'll just say that, in my opinion, the game does innovate... The problem is, every single "innovation" in it is the wrong one; the game just becomes so weird and unlikeable that you just can't... like it, I guess... which, I think, was the objective, but... well whatever.
And another thing which I must say: The characters are certainly not ripped off from any other game. The fact that never before have I seen characters so unlikeable pretty much proves it. I mean, I've seen uninteresting characters and crappy characters, but these are just... weird.

 

[Smagge]

Meh & carebearstare -_-
Had to make a first ever post here about this since it was truly a total waste of my time.

OI M8! Reviewing a game which is said -by all of the intartubes and interweb plp- to be total poo poo is equal to saying that cpt. obvious is obvious.

The review seemed good though. Except for that the game is not relevant to my interests to say the least, thus is the review. Stating that a shitty game is shit while it is known to be shitty is no problem in itself. However all the puns and good illustrations you make does not make up for going into detail(!) about shit I do not and will not care about.
This happened before but still it was enjoyable to watch. Almost all of your other reviews I liked and some I regarded as epic, this one not, therefore my post. Hope it helps
Thanks for all the other reviews and all the best in future endeavours.