Zero Punctuation: Mercenaries 2

Mariena

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Sep 25, 2008
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Well, to be honest, the concept was great.. mindlessly blowing up stuff.. but gah, so buggy and so repetitive. :(
 

TheVoyager

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Aug 13, 2008
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That was some funny stuff.

I tried playing the first game, but it was so mindless that I couldn't play it.

Bleh. The video was funny though.
 

cutekittenkyti

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Dec 12, 2007
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WE MISSED YOU YAHTZEE
(in the 15 minutes of panic sweat and horrible sense of impending doom that was before the video was finally uploaded)



(i do not wants to go through yahtzee withdrawal again D:)
 

Zeldy

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Sep 26, 2007
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Haven't played this one. Don't think I will, though.

Hilarious review as usual.
 

Mark B

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FChavez post=6.72937.778069 said:
Ew... I thought you were going to do something cool like SW:TFU
Well thats crap as well enjoy the DLC which is out next week (3 weeks after the release date)
 

ThePlasmatizer

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Great review, I laughed at a couple of gags and it brought a smile to my face which is rare.

Keep up the good work.
 

Surggical_Scar

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I came within a nager's breadth of buying Mercs 2 a short while ago, and many of the reasons as to why I didn't buy it were pretty much summed up in Yahtzee's review.

Although channelling most open-world games to an extent is fine, it needs decent AI to back it up. Add to that unrealisticly forgiving/punishing physics and some of the worst voice acting I've ever heard and, well, I can't feel the slightest bit glad I skipped this and decided to reserve a clutch of games that've got me all hot and steamy.

Like Far Cry 2.

*Shiver*
 

ZerodMikestar

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May 14, 2008
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who wouldn't miss a video full of bile and ire!

I would that's for sure! don't be so insecure yahtzee tut tut

boo Mercenaries Game in flames. demo was fun indeed but i couldn't stretch that out any longer than the five minutes it took to die a lot
 

katsabas

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Apr 23, 2008
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Oh my god the part with hostage and the air support NPCs was preety hilarious. The best so far. And yeah, we would sincerely miss him.
 

Splitter

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Definitely the best in a while.
Doesn't beat Alone in the Dark though, that was too funny!
 

Cyberionius

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Oct 1, 2008
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Well DOne! Another masterful review. I had the same thing happen to me with the helipad, and i called in 5 more just to see it happen again.

BTW, ur right, i would miss u if you were gone.
 

juraigamer

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Sep 3, 2008
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Yes, fix those damn airstrikes and slap a patch over those bugs "BEFORE" release and you have a good game... instead its what he said
 

airsoftmanic

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Aug 6, 2008
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i had to sell mercs 2 for the simple fact that mercs 1 was better and when the precursor is better than the current one that shows something about the game devs.
and the fact that the world in flames mode (or cheat mode to people who dont know) is not availible on 360 or PS3 was the final nail in the coffin. they had made it, included it in the PS2 version but couldnt be bothered putting it into the versions that actually matter and wanted more money so made it DLC and will obviously want money for it.
mercs 2 = epic fail.....but it was fun at points :)
 

Lupie

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May 14, 2008
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Mmm, delicious. Thank you! I have to say, I'm not a stranger to the "Yippee, tanks" factor. I ...may have done that a lot on GTA, but who didn't? Fuckin' tanks!
 

Praelanthor

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"I LIEK YOU, YOU LIEK ME? I LIKE SEX IT"S NIACE"

sublime as always you charismatic stallion and yes i find quick time events just insulting now.
 

Kermi

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Nov 7, 2007
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Ah, greatness. I've seen one previous review for Mercs 2 before this one and it shares the same problem as Army of Two did - which is that once I actually saw the game in action, all interest I had in it went straight out the window.

Based on this review I kind of want to rent Mercenaries 2 for the laughs, but I don't need yet another 360 game where I've unlocked 20 achievement points and then watched the bloody title sink down my games playlist in the fashboard until it's nestled in on top of Chromehounds and the arcade game that came preinstalled on my hard drive.
 

Jman1236

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Jul 29, 2008
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I thought that Mercenaries 2 was good, it better than the original anyway. The part with the Hostage remebering you and walking off the building was priceless in the review.

I can't wait for next weeks review, your videos are the big highlight of my week Yahtzee.
 

Mariena

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Sep 25, 2008
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I think something went wrong. There are about 8 duplicates of this thread.

Mercenaries 2 has a fun concept. Lots of blowing stuff up, freedom, tons of vehicles.. but it is realized so poorly......

He's completely right. The "support operative" is a whiny constantly nagging Australian accented chick that reminds you every 2 minutes to come to the PMC if you're lost and need suggestions. And I used either an overpowered Fuel Air RPG to blow up tanks.. or I'd just run up to it, do some button mashing and presto; another tank in my hands.

Repetition, poor controls and implementation, bad voice acting and complete frustration on the last levels (yes you're still on your own.. Oh surely I can handle 50 Strykers with miniguns humping on my leg?) AND horrible glitches, bugs and missing features turn this into .. a rather shit game.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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I think i figured out why Yahtee hasn't reviewed SW:TFU. He must have enjoyed it and he can't think of any funny big problems with the game. Also this review was awesome.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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After two missions or so I thought the main character was so damn annoying that I switched over to the black guy and haven't looked back since. Pity since last game I thought he was really cool.
Oh well it's been so long since the game came out that I thought you weren't going to review it, although I haven't had much chances to play the game so it still seems new to me.

Thanks for alerting me to the apparently horrible AI, although I haven't experienced anything THAT bad yet.

Oh well, great review.

Not even Yahtzee could deny the fun of blowing things to kingdom come.
 

Duraji

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Aug 14, 2008
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FChavez post=6.72937.778069 said:
Ew... I thought you were going to do something cool like SW:TFU
My guess is that's coming next week, and most likely Silent Hill: Homecoming will be the week afterward. :D

Yes, we'll miss Yahtzee when he's gone... hopefully that wasn't an implication that he's planning to quit anytime soon...
 

Ophiuchus

8 miles high and falling fast
Mar 31, 2008
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The_root_of_all_evil post=6.72937.778096 said:
Ok, that's a return to form. Funny, witty and the crashing together of highbrow and lowbrow.
Indeed. I like the intro, though.

I've been feeling lately that I'm a bit out of touch, a fact which seems to be reflected by ZP. The last Yahtzee-reviewed game I've actually played is Braid, and before that it was Oblivion back in June... and before that, GTA4, though I didn't play it until long after the ZP review. I don't know what this says about me - I'm missing out, perhaps, I need to take more notice of the big releases? Hmm.

Until then, I'm quite happy listening to someone verbally castrating games I've never heard of and don't care to play, the humour is never wasted.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Ok, i was in the middle of drinking a nice Lost Energy drink, when it came to the point in the review about your backup in the helecopter.

Thanks to you i am now forced to go clean my monitors due to the gut hilarity reaction.


ps. Im also at work so now i have to explain to my boss why i was slacking off watching Zero Punctuation on company time.

Ill just blame you for it i suppose, that should get me off the hook. Right?
 

KaiRai

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I personally think this is more along the lines of burnout's game styling; in that it's only supposed to be played every so often for shits and giggles.
 

Iron Mal

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I agreed with most of what was said (I always knew I was onto something when I said Mercs was a GTA clone) and it is relieving to know that I'm not the only one who wouldn't volintarily buy this game.

Keep up the good work.
 

Madrak the Red

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gamer_award post=6.72937.778102 said:
Jesus I wated The Force Unleashed not this.
Did you join to post this? Hands up how many people joined to post for ZP. Hmmm?

Also, who the hell are you to tell him what to do? You don't watch a stand-up comedian and go, awww, I wished he ragged on the Japanese instead, you fussy pleb. Plus, if you wanted reviews, go to a serious magazine and/or website. These are comedy. It sounds as if he like no game. And therein lies the funny.
 

AceDiamond

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While I liked the game I knew it was horribly flawed when they kept telling me I needed 4 times as many weapons as I actually did need to complete missions. Hilariously true, the best kind of truth.
 

Beefjerky

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One of your best reviews imo.

But I was waiting for a joke about Swedish people, guess I'll keep waiting.
 

gamer_award

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ok sory. but I am a big star wars fan and a big zero punctuation fan and I wanted to see yahtze's opinion on TFU. hafter all, he is the best.
 

YYZed

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Jun 25, 2008
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alright there were people besides me panting and clicking refresh over and over again >_>.

Great video.
 

Arbitrary13

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No more embedded ads (except the shameless self-promotion T-shirt sale business, which I forgive)! Thank you, Escapist.

I preferred the tone of this review to several of the previous "I need to pad this out to 4 minutes" ones. Maintain this.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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gamer_award post=6.72937.778133 said:
is just I was waiting 2 weks for a review of TFU
And I've been waiting for weeks for a review of Mercenaries 2. One more week won't kill you.
 

Undead Dragon King

Evil Spacefaring Mantis
Apr 25, 2008
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Well done, Yatzee. You're returning to form! Funny from start to finish, especially the part about the broken AI. I'll just write off the last few weeks as just a temporary dip in the awesomeness that is ZP.

Hostages walking off of skyscrapers and soldiers falling to their deaths right off the helipad will ensure that I never play this game. I bet it all was funny to see though.
 

Bellvedere

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gamer_award post=6.72937.778133 said:
is just I was waiting 2 weks for a review of TFU
Yahtzee doesn't like starwars or QTEs so it wouldn't suprise me if he doesn't review it at all, or maybe he will just to be cruel.
 

gigastrike

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Jul 13, 2008
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I really thought he was gonna use this one last week.

Anyway, Not the best review. The jokes about the AI are absolutely hilarious but that's about all it's got.
 

LordCraigus

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May 21, 2008
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I found this on very funny, especially the bits involving AI companions walking off of buildings and stuff.

I've also just discovered if you click the slider to random points in the movie you can make Yahtzee say some hilarious shit.
 

SomeBritishDude

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Nov 1, 2007
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Best 1 for awhile yahtzee, good job. I love it when you nit pick and this was a nit pick fest. Good job
 

Eipok Kruden

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Aug 29, 2008
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I've got it and I agree with Yahtzee. It has so many bugs, glitches, and bad design choices, but the fact that you can call a MOAB, Daisy Cutter, Fuel Air Bomb, Tactical Nuke (yes, you can call in nukes), and many other airstrikes really makes up for it. You give me a game where I can annihilate every single inch of some country with a friend and I'm happy. :) Great review as always (although I didn't like the EVE Review. It didn't seem like you spent enough time to go see anything interesting in it).
 

Baby Tea

Just Ask Frankie
Sep 18, 2008
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Hilarious indeed!

ZP is the reason I started coming to this site, but I stay for the creamy, gooey, lemon flavored filling that is the forum.

Plus I also really like Unforgotten Realms, but that's neither here nor there.

Back on topic: Very funny. I couldn't stand the game myself (After loving the first one).
 

ert3

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May 21, 2008
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You know I just love the fact that the latest episode to lack all the buggering advertisements that length my wait to view your page I have to say this is one of your better reviews.

Now if you will excuse me I have my own review site where I must tear the shit out of some similarly broken games.
 

Stabby Joe

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Jul 30, 2008
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Good times.

Whats odd is while we all know this game is flawed, some of the bugs make the game more fun IE suicidal AI, better when its the enemy but of course it could have been as good as the first but instead is rushed.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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I saw a guy playing at the PCG showdown lan event last weekend, as soon as i walked over and started to watch his Character dressed in a chicken outfit fell through the floor.

He spend the next 5mins falling into nothing, while it was funny to watch it kinda didn't make me want to buy the game.
 

BlueInkAlchemist

Ridiculously Awesome
Jun 4, 2008
2,231
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Very good review of another mediocre mindless self-indulgent boomfest.

Even better news is the disappearance of the annoying and unnecessary tack-on adverts after Yahtzee finishes running his mouth. This made me every bit as happy as the Half-Life 2 reference.
 

VMerken

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*tugs at pipe, blows a few smoke puffs*

Mmm old chap, this review was all but QUNT.
 

LazyAza

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Another rushed shitty game where the only positive thing to say is 'blowing up shit is fun'. Its a shame it gets boring really fast in mercs 2. If the game did have decent ai it probably wouldn't have been anywhere near as horrible, maybe. Guess the programmers were out back wanking off or something.

Funny review yahtzee. I hope for force unleashed next, oh just think of all the nerd jokes. hehehehe
 

Meagen

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GLEE! Finally, they got rid of the stupid commercials before and after each episode! That made me so happy I almost forgot about the review itself. :) Some nifty visuals in here, especially "bold-facedly claim", half the designers not being in communication with the other half, and hijacking vehicles "with quick-time events".
 

Nitro 288

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Jun 5, 2008
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Finally, one that is entertaining and informative. Thanks you. While i never planned to buy Mercenaries 2, this review itself was really hilarious, though I'm not sure if it was an improvement on your part, or the terrible designs in the game itself.

Also, I feel like playing Rampage now.
 

Kwedeth

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Shiuz91 post=6.72937.778119 said:
I think i figured out why Yahtee hasn't reviewed SW:TFU. He must have enjoyed it and he can't think of any funny big problems with the game.
LOL! Yes, that must be it!

Wow, I can't believe the lack of video ads this time around. Impressive!
 

Adrasta

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Shiuz91 post=6.72937.778119 said:
I think i figured out why Yahtee hasn't reviewed SW:TFU. He must have enjoyed it and he can't think of any funny big problems with the game. Also this review was awesome.
LOL, yeah, that is a likely scenario.
Especially since TFU is just one funny big problem.

So yeah, I hope for Yahtzee to review it, too, and gives it the beating it deserves. Given his (well-deserved) hate for the crap that Lucasarts is spitting out, I think I can hope for a fun ride if he decides to do so. :p

But one way or the other, I don't care that much. I always have a great time watching these videos, even if I never heard of the game before, it's always hilarious. :)
 

Longcat

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Damn Yahtzee, I wanted you to review WAR this week, with the Escaptist teasing me about it everywhere it's kinda fucked up you didn't review it. :/
 

sky14kemea

Deus Ex-Mod
Jun 26, 2008
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I'd miss you if you were gone too yahtzee XD
that video was fantastic! so worth the wait :p
cant wait for next weeks video
 

Khanco

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Jul 8, 2008
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This one made me laugh.

What is it witn hijakced vehicles in games, seriously? You steal an enemy vehicle and somehow everyone knows it's you. It would at least be more believable if enemies stopped shooting at you and allies started freindly firing.
 

TaboriHK

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Sep 15, 2008
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I can't believe that for once you were actually nicer to a game than I was. Review hilarious and every point you brought up I ran into a minimum of ten times before finally permanently loaning this game to an unlucky friend.
 

Aptspire

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I expected SH5, but Konami, being douchewankers, moved it tomorrow
conclusion: Yahtzee is more influential than a game company!
jk, I liked this review too ^-^
 

ChaosStep

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Shiuz91 post=6.72937.778119 said:
I think i figured out why Yahtee hasn't reviewed SW:TFU. He must have enjoyed it and he can't think of any funny big problems with the game. Also this review was awesome.
Force has a catalogue of problems, but no one wants to bring them up in fear of lucas arts releasing another, and another, and another with better effects instead of a simple patch.


Anyway, onto mercs2

I bought this on its release because i enjoyed the first and XBL didn't release a demo until a month after it came out because 'thats how they roll' and over all, its not that bad, it delivers what it promised, big ass explosions.

Story?
Game Mechanics?
Pfft, got other games for that... excuse me while i call in those airstrikes i keep finding by the side of the road.

The only issue i have is that its glitchy, i dunno if its like this with the other platforms but on 360 it has several issues, mostly concerning online and achievements.
 

SGT Marksman332

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Jul 13, 2008
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lmao awesome review I loved mercs 2 but then again I get so into the game I dont notice its bugs or sloppy stuff unless its obvious enough as a nuke going off in ur face
 

PureChaos

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Aug 16, 2008
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very good review, especially liked the part about rescuing the hostage, great stuff
 

Digikid

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Now THIS is what a proper episode should be like...no retarded ads in it. PERFECT.

However though it is still not funny.

Yathzee you double poster you.
 

kateatsmouse

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Apr 15, 2008
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I don't think the game is super good or anything. But I did have fun playing bits of it.
Awesome review, though. XD
 

agerdemon

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Finally no adverts at the end, the Escapist has learnt its lesson. Also the reviews are gonna get good as a massive line of highly anticipated games to be praised or (more likely) destroyed are coming out.
 

gamegod25

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Jul 10, 2008
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Merc's 2 is the most broken game I've ever played. At one point I was just driving along and suddenly fell through the ground. My char fell over and over in limbo and I had to reset my whole system to fix it.
 

clubhaus

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Sep 18, 2008
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I have watched every review and I am amused time and time again. Rock on Yahtzee!!
 

corporate_gamer

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Apr 17, 2008
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'have fun blowing buildings up and remember kids, its only called terrorism if the occupants are white'

comic gold :)
 

crazy guy532

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Oct 1, 2008
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If you were gone I would have nothing to watch! These videos are hilarious and keep getting better. (Did anyone else notice this one was shorter than usual though?)
 

Dagaran

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I rented Mercenaries 2 from my local Movie Gallery when it was first released, and I have to say it was a complete waste of time and money. While Yahtzee was dead on in picking out the game's faults (which in my opinion the game's existence in itself should be considered a fault), it still felt like he was going rather easy is on it. I suppose there is only so many times you can verbally abuse shit, I.E. games like this, before it gets a tad monotonous. Disregarding the absence of aggression, his review was very sound and thorough and I give it a big thumbs up as always.

Keep up the good work Yahtzee
 

MattyboyJ

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Sep 11, 2008
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loved the bit about the soldiers falling off the hele-pad and dying straight away beings described as "unhelpful, but fucking funny"

And "Cloth-eared Nonce" brilliant insult.
 

Vlane

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crazy guy532 post=6.72937.778716 said:
If you were gone I would have nothing to watch! These videos are hilarious and keep getting better. (Did anyone else notice this one was shorter than usual though?)
This one was actually pretty long (for ZP standards of course). With credits almost 5 mins. The longest was the "Yahtzee goes to GDC" video with about 6 mins and the shortest about 3 min 47 seconds.

Anyway very funny review Yahtzee but please review SW:TFU (maybe it's no even released in australia?)
 

xpirate20

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Aug 14, 2008
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i was wondering why the intro and end got stuck with the crap music instead of picking 2 sings that have a similarity about them and using those as intro and outro songs?
 

Galletea

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Sep 27, 2008
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xpirate20 post=6.72937.778757 said:
i was wondering why the intro and end got stuck with the crap music instead of picking 2 sings that have a similarity about them and using those as intro and outro songs?
i agree. tho i guess it's a bit of a chore considering that so many games have the same themes now.
I mean how many obviously war themed songs are there?
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Aug 8, 2007
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Looks good, I'm still not gonna get it. I'm only getting one stupid destructive game this year, and the odds are its gonna be Destroy All Humans: PAth of the Furon.

And a good thing The Escapist got rid of the 6 minutes of ads.
 

Death Magnetic

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Aug 10, 2008
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galletea post=6.72937.778771 said:
xpirate20 post=6.72937.778757 said:
i was wondering why the intro and end got stuck with the crap music instead of picking 2 sings that have a similarity about them and using those as intro and outro songs?
i agree. tho i guess it's a bit of a chore considering that so many games have the same themes now.
I mean how many obviously war themed songs are there?
It's because of copyright issues.

-Ricky
 

Entharion

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Nov 13, 2007
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I kinda enjoyed the game, but yes, there were things that pissed me off, and those were the things you pointed out :p good review I'd say.
 

EtanG911

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Oct 1, 2008
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What the hell is that sound in the background, at 3:42 right after he says "broken game gets to fuck off!"

Sounds like someone.. wheezing.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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gamer_award post=6.72937.778102 said:
Jesus I wated The Force Unleashed not this.
I wanted TFU last week, but seeing as it only just came out in AUS on the 17th, I'll just patiently wait.
Yahtzee has actually done the impossible and changed my mind about a game. With those annoying "Oh no you didn't!" commercials polluting the airwaves, I was completely ready to write Mercenaries 2 off and go back to waiting for Fable II. But after watching Yahtzee's review, I'm planning on at least giving Mercs 2 a try. CoD4 wasn't half bad (and thanks to the fact that I'm a "fat and stupid American", I managed to play it several weeks before Yahtzee) and if there's anything that would pick up my spirits (and my Gamerscore) about now, it's a buggy, sandbox-trolling destroy-fest.
 

Ripshot

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Aug 5, 2008
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Ahahahhhaaahhah

That... that was one of your better ones.

Well done Yahtzee
 

Xyzgon

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Jul 2, 2008
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Wow that was fantastic. That was actually the first ZP in a while that truly made me laugh out loud. To think I was actually hoping you wouldn't review this. Well done.
 

Metalix Knightmare

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Sep 27, 2007
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Meh. I'll probably still buy this game just out of respect of that awesome song from the commercials.

Brilliant review by the way.
 

darmey

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Sep 10, 2008
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No ads!? Well...not counting the t-shirts?

To what do we owe this rare pleasure?
 

Iggy Rufflebar

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Mar 26, 2008
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Great review as always, must admit this game dissapointed me, from the actual design of the display case to the broken gameplay, the original is much better which is a shame as it was such a promising start.
 

burnside65

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Apr 29, 2008
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Holy shit, that was the funniest review in months, AND there were no ads! What more could you ask for?
 

ElephantGuts

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Jul 9, 2008
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It's funny how varied people's opinions of Mercs2 are. I personally like it, in that I think it's fun. Sure, it's fucked up, repetetive missions, dumbass AI, and of course it has to be the glitchiest game I've ever heard of. But it still manages to be fun, especially playing coop with a friend. You've got to try coop.
 

smallharmlesskitten

Not David Bowie
Apr 3, 2008
2,645
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It's because they are too busy advertising their film festival (fingers crossed FTW)

But I think this is truly back to form for Mr Croshaw... Good job
 

ElArabDeMagnifico

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Dec 20, 2007
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lol, he called airstrikes useless, I guess it's safe to say "You're doing it wrong!"

Anyway, this one was funny, and since the game is pretty much broken it doesn't really matter what is said about it.
 

Unreal Freak354

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Oct 1, 2008
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0
yea this game was good... for this first day then it just got repetitive really quick for some reason, i had hopes for this game but i was sadly disapointed.

probly going to beat it get most of the achievements and trade it in to get get Far Cry 2 and Fable 2.

and that's another thing the achievements im missing like 7 achievements that i should have already gotten like tattooed millionaire (have 1 million dollars) i have 10 million and still don't have it. WTF!?
 

Aries_Split

New member
May 12, 2008
2,097
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yay! your funny again! I like you actually review games now, instead of spewing mindless bullshit.
 

Archetype

New member
Oct 1, 2008
45
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Haha! I'm glad to see you comment on the AI like that. You made some concrete statements there.
 

darkeasterbunny

New member
Jul 11, 2008
4
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0
Bit sad he didn't go into the bugs a bit more, cause it's buggy like hell


You hijack a boat (ok), then you decide you don't want it (still ok) you push the button to exit the vehicle... and suddenly your standin in the cabin. It was amusin for 2 seconds since it's the only way to ever be able to walk around in the cabin.....just sad you can't get out..EVER!
A helicopter lands on your head (huh) suddenly you stand in it and can't get out

But i liked it, better then part one... more to blow up, and who cares the mission are repetetive, i had loads of fun annihalatin one outpost after another...


if they got rid of the bugs, slightly more different missions and did somethin bout that aim, improved the sound part.. it would have been great
 

Dommyboy

New member
Jul 20, 2008
2,439
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0
I actually love the game with its pointless destruction, funny bugs, sticking C4 on moving buses and badly placed one liners like falling 200feet and your character will say "Just a scratch."
 

FSK405K

New member
Apr 21, 2008
15
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0
Thank you Yahtzee for removing those horrible ads and other crap at the end no one ever watched. Could we get some more Intro Sequence Theater?
 

Archetype

New member
Oct 1, 2008
45
0
0
FSK405K post=6.72937.779462 said:
Thank you Yahtzee for removing those horrible ads and other crap at the end no one ever watched. Could we get some more Intro Sequence Theater?
I don't think he put those there.
 

Raxdor

New member
Oct 1, 2008
1
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0
I came sooo close to almost laughing at this one so it's definitely a step up.
 

Colodomoko

New member
Feb 22, 2008
726
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I found Mercenaries 2 to be very Funny and Destructive in most cases, but to be honest I don't know why people would complain about it having a Story to it because games like this don't have a Story. Plus you left out the Devestator "AKA the pink bike".

Also if you were implying that Saints Row sucked for most reasons then I dont blame you, but if your smart like me you would know that they were setting you up to have doub't for Saints Row 2, yet when it comes out on the 16 you will find it to be the best game you ever played.

BTW, open world games are the future and we should be looking foward to them.
 

zoozilla

New member
Dec 3, 2007
959
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0
Nothing as instantly memorable as "hammer of wank" was (or maybe that's just me), but good nontheless.

ZP is actually one of the more consistent video series on the Internet. Which isn't saying much, but it is a genuine compliment.
 

ShyHulud

New member
Jul 9, 2008
4
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Excellent, as always - I'm curious about 3:42 too - is your flatmate doing something untoward in the background?
 

RTR

New member
Mar 22, 2008
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I think Yahtzee delivers his best reviews depending on the material he has in hand. This is a clear example of it.
 

DannyDamage

New member
Aug 27, 2008
851
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For the first time in about a month I haven't been sat with my laptop waiting for the video to get uploaded (I went to see Dylan Moran live tonight! Awesome) And from people freaking out that the video was 15 minutes late, it's maybe for the best.

Great review, awesome humour (as always) and an even better call losing the 6 minute advert at the end of it all.

Not that I ever watched more than 1 of them, but looking at the time line and seeing how much ZP I'm going to actually get seems a lot more honest.

Now all that's left is getting rid of the new theme music and going back to the wonderful weekly choices :p

Take it easy.
 

TheZaius

New member
May 7, 2008
72
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0
Niiice, no ads. Additionally, this review is the funniest yet. I guess it's because the game is sorta like some of the older games that have been reviewed, I don't know. Reminds me of Army of Two.
 

CriMs0nC0bra

New member
Feb 22, 2008
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The past few reviews were a bit dry on humor and I thought maybe you had hired someone new to write your jokes.. but this was a great one and has me fully interested again.

ALSO.. Am I the only one who wants the old intros back, where yahtzee put in his own music? The new intro is okay but, meh.. I liked the old ones.
Shouldn't have said that.. Now they'll never come back.

Anyway, good to have you back in prime Yahtzee. Looking forward to next week.
 

Dragon_Nexus

New member
Jul 17, 2008
45
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0
Gotta love how every new video is a "return to form".

A *little* disappointed more time wasn't spent pondering the peculiar design decision to hire 200 voice actors to all say just 5 lines, meaning you hear the same crap repeatedly, but in several different voices.

Can't wait for the inevitable Force Unleashed vid.
I assume Yahtzee is phyching himself up for it. Or was that what all the George Lucas hating in recent times was for?

Aw hell, Lucas is the new Ben Affleck, you don't even NEED a reaso to hate him anymore, just the fact he still exists is enough.
 

El Mexicutioner

New member
Jun 11, 2008
8
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0
The best part of the whole review, was the fact that there no Ad's at the end of it! :eek:


...and it was still pretty awesome review as always.
 

Ultrajoe

Omnichairman
Apr 24, 2008
4,719
0
0
Ah, a return to 'Old Yahtzee' it would seem

I am very happy, this was awesome.
 

steveo_justice

New member
Apr 4, 2008
86
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0
Spot bloody on, mate!

He's right, if you want to get past the surface shittiness of the game, it's pretty great. I think a lot of the games are actually a lot better than he reveiws them,jsut Yahtzee figured out after about his second interveiw that saying nice things = bad ratings.

After all, everybody loves a good train wreck (which is both the premise of the reveiws and Merc2's gameplay mechanic).
 

144_v1legacy

New member
Apr 25, 2008
648
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0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ha. Heheh. ... Ha. ... ... ... Hoo, that was a barrel of laughs and chuckles about a game I've never heard of. Nice.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Aug 8, 2007
11,049
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I seriously don't see why people hate this game. So what if the AI is slow, or if Ewen is only useful after you kill everyone, or if stealing enemy vehicles is easy, or if the story is slow. THATS NOT WHAT THIS KIND OF GAME IS ABOUT! Its about blowing stuff up and total destruction and enjoying youself while you doing it. So to all of you who condemned this game without even trying to enjoy it (that means you as well Yahtzee) I say FUCK YOU!

You wanna know the ultimate irony? If they didnt put those quick time events in and just left it with a single button push you'd be ripping on it for being even MORE easy. You idiots.
 

Slingback78

New member
Apr 16, 2008
29
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0
Nice to see the ads have been cut back to a few relevant seconds at the end...where they can be safely ignored.
 

Uszi

New member
Feb 10, 2008
1,214
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Ha, very good review this week.
Yahtzee avoids trying to intentionally piss off some group of gamers, and win insues.
Nice to have old Yahtzee back.
 

L4Y Duke

New member
Nov 24, 2007
1,085
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Man, I loved today's episode! Especially the platoon/hostage parts.

Good work Mr. Croshaw!
 

justdan

New member
Jan 28, 2008
14
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0
Great timing. Fucking hilarious. In fact, this is my favorite so far. Never before have I laughed so much. Perhaps it has something to do, however, with the 5 or 10 (I can't remember) whiskey+coke's I've had tonight in a vain attempt to forget about my pathetic existence. Well, whatever; laughed constantly, great job, and it is true: I would miss you if you were gone.
 

dave.k

New member
Mar 7, 2008
12
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0
Anti-helicopter scones, FTW!! Now that would be a great weapon to add to an FPS.

Excellent review as always. I shall never again see in the same way, a wooden box of rockets lying by the road.

Toss away the generic theme song, bring back the theme songs with the witty association! They make the reviews much more special.
 

TheTemby

New member
May 29, 2008
221
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0
TheHecatomb post=6.72937.778047 said:
And this game does suck balls.
Yeah but its sounds fun tho, who doesnt like blowing stuff up!
Gta 4 was a peice o shit and we all had fun torturing dimitri over it so s'all good
 

MikePhilbin

New member
Mar 15, 2008
50
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0
QUNT - now that's special spelling.

one wonders if the real mercenaries (the American people) realise they're to be called up to shoot their own comrades, on the streets of USA in the name of martial law [http://mikephilbin.blogspot.com/2008/10/mexamericanada.html]? Remember, the instantaneous pressure differential of those spectacular airstrikes dissolve your innards to mushy wushy if you stand too close - they don't tell you that in this entertaining urban-warfare recruitment package either.
 

redivivus

New member
Oct 2, 2008
9
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0
I would miss you if you went away, you amuse me greatly and the animations are delightful. And that does seem to be the definition of terrorism these days, 'tis a pity.
 

Wargamer

New member
Apr 2, 2008
973
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Woohoo! I got what I wanted!

Mercs 2 is like 300 to my mind. Even I can see how horribly flawed it is, but that doesn't stop it being mindless fun. The day I grow tired of sticking C4 onto a motorbike, jumping it off a cliff, leaping off said bike and detonating it as it slams into the side of a Hummer is the day I have become and old and boring bastard... or possibly the day I've unlocked the MOAB.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Aug 8, 2007
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The_root_of_all_evil post=6.72937.778096 said:
Ok, that's a return to form. Funny, witty and the crashing together of highbrow and lowbrow.

Intro still sux though.
Yep, what he said. I still want to play it though. Sounds like just the kind of stress release I need after a hard days work...
 

Georgie2x4

New member
Oct 1, 2008
28
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Pretty funny review, I thought Merc2 was ok, it didn't really do anything to "wow" me. Im always surprised when Yahtzee can so easily fit phrases like "dick pavlova" into a review.

Keep up the good work!
 

yourkie1921

New member
Jul 24, 2008
305
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0
Russian Redneck post=6.72937.780349 said:
yourkie1921 post=6.72937.779624 said:
Please, no more MMO's.
Fuck, man! Since when has it mattered what kind of game Yahtzee reviews? Honest to Pete.
I tend not to like his MMO reviews as much as I like the other ones and for every MMO yahtzee reviews 10% of the escapist leaves.
 

Bootang

New member
Oct 2, 2008
1
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0
Haha great review as per usual. Oh by the way, love that you let Octale and Hordak use your NOOOOO attack, awesom dude!
 

anti_strunt

New member
Aug 26, 2008
253
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0
Wait, where the hell are my ads? I specifically come here for the ads. How else am I suppose to know what to buy? Now I feel cheated.

And confused.

And afraid...
 

Stammer

New member
Apr 16, 2008
1,726
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lol, FFXI does that whole "Stockpile" thing. Every job-class in the game has its own special ability that you get at level 1. This ability is known as a "two-hour" ability because of its ridiculously long cooldown timer of 2:00:00. Of course, it's not often people use these because it's stockpiled, and in the cases it's really necessary, no one seems to use them anyway, because you just don't remember they exist.
 

UltraBlumpkin

New member
Aug 1, 2008
138
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Mercs 2 was sort of fun, but had some incredibly annoying missions. Not that they were hard, but the AI kept killing the hostages one way or another. I think the best way to sum this game up is to say it was made by EA GAMES. That's always a red flag for me. Sure it might be worth renting for a day or two, but you will probably get sick of it after a couple hours.
 

UltraBlumpkin

New member
Aug 1, 2008
138
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By the way, in Mercs 2, money is so easy to come by that you might as well just use the airstrikes even when you don't think you'll need them. They are great for clearing out bases if you have the laser guided ones with a large tank or bunker buster, which costs about 500,000 each. Not too bad considering all the money you make. Funny thing is, you can buy airstikes from each faction and then have them drop the bombs on their own people! =D
 

Vromnir

New member
Sep 23, 2008
106
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0
Shiuz91 post=6.72937.778119 said:
I think i figured out why Yahtee hasn't reviewed SW:TFU. He must have enjoyed it and he can't think of any funny big problems with the game. Also this review was awesome.
I dont think that would stop him from doing a review, becouse if you remember his orange box and phyconauts reviews, he really liked those games and the rewiew was still just as good as any other ones.
 

Vromnir

New member
Sep 23, 2008
106
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Yay!!!! A return to the greatness of.........3 weeks ago. This is the kind of rewiew that everyone was looking foward to.






You're not reviewing The Force Unleased just becouse we keep mentioning it aren't you Yahtzee?
 

daedrick

New member
Jul 23, 2008
212
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0
Are you like waiting for stalker to be completly bug less before reviewing it or you just wont review it?! Because, you know its a great game ( IMO ) and Im curious to know what you are thinking about it.

On another note, I havent played merc 2 since I played merc 1 and as I can see, its the very same thing as the firts one. So I didnt miss much.

That is all.

over.
 

Vromnir

New member
Sep 23, 2008
106
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0
Just wondering: Why does everyone hate The Force Unleashed? It didn't seem like that bad of a game to me. No bugs, the quick-time events actually made sense(when the game told you to push "Y" the guy actually shot lightning instead of doing something totally unrelated), the force powers were fun, the boss fights were challanging, and it gives us some part of the story between the originals and the prequels.

The wookies in the first level were so retarded that it was funny though.
 

jsouth88

New member
Sep 29, 2008
52
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Great review. I felt like the last fiew were a bit lacking, but you're on point with this one.
 

BallPtPenTheif

New member
Jun 11, 2008
1,468
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UltraBlumpkin post=6.72937.781814 said:
By the way, in Mercs 2, money is so easy to come by that you might as well just use the airstrikes even when you don't think you'll need them. They are great for clearing out bases if you have the laser guided ones with a large tank or bunker buster, which costs about 500,000 each. Not too bad considering all the money you make. Funny thing is, you can buy airstikes from each faction and then have them drop the bombs on their own people! =D
Well, if your a nit like me then you're too fixated with the concept of earning 1 Billion dollars to even buy the bunker busters.

FYI - MOAB on the tin shed shanty town = awesome
 

pcgamermasterrace

New member
Oct 2, 2008
1
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0
Not a single person has mentioned that there was no way of getting out of water unless there is a ladder, a boat, or a really low tide! Most broken and stupid game of this year.
 

OuroborosChoked

New member
Aug 20, 2008
558
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0
*waits outside for Yahtzee*

At least I can finish Bionic Commando, Ben.

I'd like to see how he would try to defend his position on first-person shooters. The only things that have changed since the days of Doom are:
- fully 3D character models
- speech
- physics engines that consist of more than just a gravity variable.
- enhanced lighting techniques
- the ability to aim in all directions

Apart from those five things (three of which are basically cosmetic), first-person shooters are basically the SAME games they have been since Doom. You still have to solve puzzles / find keys to progress. You still have to fight nigh endless hordes of carbon-copy malevolent forces. Hardly anything has changed. It's almost like FPS game developers are afraid of even nudging the envelope... lest they shatter the formula that has proven successful since *gasp* the days of DOOM.

People talk about HL2 as if it was a revolution in gaming. It wasn't. It was a standard-fare shooter with a good physics engine and up-to-date graphics, now dated, trying to be HL1 (which, while unique in a sea of Doom clones, was still not "revolutionary" as the basic gameplay stayed EXACTLY the same). There are other FPSs with gameplay that's more in depth and flexible, such as Deus Ex, Thief, and Metroid Prime, to name three off the top of my head, and it's a shame that so much praise is showered on the HL series when there are much better games out there...
 

The Iron Ninja

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Aug 13, 2008
2,868
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Honestly I don't think he was hard enough on this game. Mercenaries 2 was one of the most pretentious, broken and depressingly short games I've played in quite a while.
You get hold of these things called "Nuclear Bunker Busters" at the end, before I used them I was trying to find a vantage point ages away from my target, thinking "well it's Nuclear, I doubt standing thirty metres away from it is going to be very healthy."
But unfortunately the range of the laser designator is only thirty metres, so I had to stand right next to it. And I wasn't hurt, my Swedish guy just covered his eyes and said "oh bother, this bright nuclear explosion is really quite an annoyance, I sure hope it dissipates soon." When I could actually see again the bunker in question was slightly cracked, but for some reason all the surrounding trees (which can be destroyed by wayward cars veering off the road) were all still standing. This supposedly Nuclear weapon has a damage radius of about twenty metres. Couple that with the very short range from which you can call one in, and you end up with having the exact same thing happen each time.
Bomb comes down, big flash of light, sometimes able to see the outline of a mushroom cloud through the brightness, and then your vision returns and you see that only the building you targeted is damaged, the others (in a tightly packed city street) are all fine.
When I heard that you could get nukes I figured that meant I could stand on a far away hill and watch as a ,mushroom cloud signalled the defeat on an entire city. Not only is the damage it causes pathetic, but I can't even see what little damage it is doing due to the (inescapable) bright light.

Now my only fear is that if I continue bad mouth this most heinous of games in the other forums, that I will automatically be seen as blindly picking up Yahtzee's banner of scorn and dancing around like a sheep.
I should go back and bookmark all the previous posts I have made about this game... just in case, then I can shove them (and more importantly the date of said posts) in whoever's face it is needed to be shoved.
 

Muphin_Mann

New member
Oct 4, 2007
285
0
0
TheHecatomb post=6.72937.778047 said:
You're late.
And for this he must die.

Nice use of first post btw. Very constructive/supportive. Let me try:

Its'a review.
 

Seamus8

New member
Mar 26, 2008
152
0
0
OuroborosChoked post=6.72937.782367 said:
*waits outside for Yahtzee*

At least I can finish Bionic Commando, Ben.

I'd like to see how he would try to defend his position on first-person shooters. The only things that have changed since the days of Doom are:
- fully 3D character models
- speech
- physics engines that consist of more than just a gravity variable.
- enhanced lighting techniques
- the ability to aim in all directions

Apart from those five things (three of which are basically cosmetic), first-person shooters are basically the SAME games they have been since Doom. You still have to solve puzzles / find keys to progress. You still have to fight nigh endless hordes of carbon-copy malevolent forces. Hardly anything has changed. It's almost like FPS game developers are afraid of even nudging the envelope... lest they shatter the formula that has proven successful since *gasp* the days of DOOM.

People talk about HL2 as if it was a revolution in gaming. It wasn't. It was a standard-fare shooter with a good physics engine and up-to-date graphics, now dated, trying to be HL1 (which, while unique in a sea of Doom clones, was still not "revolutionary" as the basic gameplay stayed EXACTLY the same). There are other FPSs with gameplay that's more in depth and flexible, such as Deus Ex, Thief, and Metroid Prime, to name three off the top of my head, and it's a shame that so much praise is showered on the HL series when there are much better games out there...
The big to-do over the original Half Life was the fact that wounded enemies would not just stand there and take abuse, but run around a corner and ambush you. This was not in the original doom... nor was the level of interaction with the environment, emphasis on mobility and jumping, vehicle sections, a workable and mildly intiguing storyline, secondary damage effects....

Come to think of it the only thing modern FPSs have in common with DOOM is being first person, having guns, and having health and ammo on the ground.
 

captainazul

New member
Oct 3, 2008
1
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0
Bless you, sir! The last couple reviews, while scathingly accurate, have just not seemed quite as funny. This one is right back on form.

I especially love the Irish helicopter pilot. JAYSIS BEGORAH! Gets me every time.
 

ThornBrain

New member
Jul 29, 2008
4
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0
Definately a much better review than the previous few. Relaying weird things that happened in-game are much funnier than forcing humor, (which I'm not totally convinced Yahtzee is finished with doing).
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

New member
Aug 8, 2007
11,049
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0
ElephantGuts post=6.72937.779126 said:
You've got to try coop.
you've got to try pouring lemon juice and salt into your eyes coz thats what merc's 2 graphics engine does to yo eyeballs cuzzzz
 

Aurora219

New member
Aug 31, 2008
970
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0
I think Mercenaries are a good addition to the world of gaming.

Storyline THATAWAY >>>

<<< Depth THATAWAY

Blowing shit up here. Stay or move on, s'up to you.

Vromnir post=6.72937.781936 said:
Shiuz91 post=6.72937.778119 said:
I think i figured out why Yahtee hasn't reviewed SW:TFU. He must have enjoyed it and he can't think of any funny big problems with the game. Also this review was awesome.
I dont think that would stop him from doing a review, becouse if you remember his orange box and phyconauts reviews, he really liked those games and the rewiew was still just as good as any other ones.
TFU is one of the easiest games to rip into in a long time..
 

yourkie1921

New member
Jul 24, 2008
305
0
0
bigWilly post=6.72937.784336 said:
ElephantGuts post=6.72937.779126 said:
You've got to try coop.
you've got to try pouring lemon juice and salt into your eyes coz thats what merc's 2 graphics engine does to yo eyeballs cuzzzz
*sigh* I never wanted to be exposed to this kind of idiocy on the escapist. People like you are the reason that all games must now have a brown tint.
 

WhiteTigerShiro

New member
Sep 26, 2008
2,366
0
0
Heroic One post=6.72937.778580 said:
It... it actually WALKED OFF the building? Wow.

That's damn impressive AI.
Clumsy AI like that makes for great stories years down the road when reminiscing about games of ole. Joking with friends about funny things that have happened in games is one reason why I secretly enjoy playing poorly-made games. You just can't get comedy like that from a good game. :D

Edit: Also, where's our Force Unleashed review? :3
 

Anaphyis

New member
Jun 17, 2008
115
0
0
Great review.

And the ads will be back and I'll tell you why: Because things tend to cost money in the real world and especially the people bitching and moaning the loudest about it are the people the least likely to pay for the content if they were given this alternative.

Nothing beats spoiled and ungratefull internet retards, demanding everything should be free, free of ads and of course exactly what they want. Unfortunatly no one beats them. With a big lead pipe.
 

JoeNut

New member
Aug 27, 2008
29
0
0
very good, i liked your "steal the enemy helicopter so they don't recognise me" plan, shame it didnt work.

Glad you got rid of the Ads.
 

Conkergs

New member
Sep 10, 2008
4
0
0
The only thing that makes mercenaries 2 fun for me it's that i live in venezuela so it fells somewhat terapeutic to blow all my neihborgs to tiny wee pieces
 

Vromnir

New member
Sep 23, 2008
106
0
0
Aurora219 post=6.72937.784893 said:
I think Mercenaries are a good addition to the world of gaming.

Storyline THATAWAY >>>

<<< Depth THATAWAY

Blowing shit up here. Stay or move on, s'up to you.

Vromnir post=6.72937.781936 said:
Shiuz91 post=6.72937.778119 said:
I think i figured out why Yahtee hasn't reviewed SW:TFU. He must have enjoyed it and he can't think of any funny big problems with the game. Also this review was awesome.
I dont think that would stop him from doing a review, becouse if you remember his orange box and phyconauts reviews, he really liked those games and the rewiew was still just as good as any other ones.
TFU is one of the easiest games to rip into in a long time..
Why? It seems good to me.
 

AceDiamond

New member
Jul 7, 2008
2,293
0
0
The Iron Ninja post=6.72937.782734 said:
Honestly I don't think he was hard enough on this game. Mercenaries 2 was one of the most pretentious, broken and depressingly short games I've played in quite a while.
You get hold of these things called "Nuclear Bunker Busters" at the end, before I used them I was trying to find a vantage point ages away from my target, thinking "well it's Nuclear, I doubt standing thirty metres away from it is going to be very healthy."
But unfortunately the range of the laser designator is only thirty metres, so I had to stand right next to it. And I wasn't hurt, my Swedish guy just covered his eyes and said "oh bother, this bright nuclear explosion is really quite an annoyance, I sure hope it dissipates soon." When I could actually see again the bunker in question was slightly cracked, but for some reason all the surrounding trees (which can be destroyed by wayward cars veering off the road) were all still standing. This supposedly Nuclear weapon has a damage radius of about twenty metres. Couple that with the very short range from which you can call one in, and you end up with having the exact same thing happen each time.
Bomb comes down, big flash of light, sometimes able to see the outline of a mushroom cloud through the brightness, and then your vision returns and you see that only the building you targeted is damaged, the others (in a tightly packed city street) are all fine.
When I heard that you could get nukes I figured that meant I could stand on a far away hill and watch as a ,mushroom cloud signalled the defeat on an entire city. Not only is the damage it causes pathetic, but I can't even see what little damage it is doing due to the (inescapable) bright light.

Now my only fear is that if I continue bad mouth this most heinous of games in the other forums, that I will automatically be seen as blindly picking up Yahtzee's banner of scorn and dancing around like a sheep.
I should go back and bookmark all the previous posts I have made about this game... just in case, then I can shove them (and more importantly the date of said posts) in whoever's face it is needed to be shoved.
Just because a weapon is nuclear does not mean it's high-yield. Especially when you're trying to hit a target that might be within a city, you don't want a lot of collateral damage (in theory), thus most of the blast is really channeled through underground and will take out a lot of the surrounding area but not reduce it to a nuclear smoking crater.

Of course there's the other, simpler way to say it, which goes something like this: "You're hijacking helicopters with a grappling hook gun and taking down whole armored divisions armed only with a pistol and a couple grenades and the most unrealistic thing you could think about in this game was the capabilities of a tactical nuclear weapon? It's a game, it doesn't have to be steeped in hard science."
 

The Iron Ninja

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Aug 13, 2008
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AceDiamond post=6.72937.789311 said:
Just because a weapon is nuclear does not mean it's high-yield. Especially when you're trying to hit a target that might be within a city, you don't want a lot of collateral damage (in theory), thus most of the blast is really channeled through underground and will take out a lot of the surrounding area but not reduce it to a nuclear smoking crater.

Of course there's the other, simpler way to say it, which goes something like this: "You're hijacking helicopters with a grappling hook gun and taking down whole armored divisions armed only with a pistol and a couple grenades and the most unrealistic thing you could think about in this game was the capabilities of a tactical nuclear weapon? It's a game, it doesn't have to be steeped in hard science."
I don't think "Nuclear explosions hurt things" is really considered 'hard science.'
I would think it would be more of an inescapable fact.
The Nuclear Bunker buster is essentially just a normal bunker buster with a (completely cosmetic) mushroom cloud. And at least you can actually see the normal bunker buster taking effect, when I use a nuke on something I actually want to see the destruction. Not just the aftermath (which as stated earlier, is also pretty pathetic.)
It's not like they needed to scale it down for balancing reasons or anything, you only unlock it at the end of the game, if it's supposed to be some kind of reward for those (admittedly rather few) hours of playing. Then it might as well be spectacular.

you said:
most of the blast is really channeled through underground and will take out a lot of the surrounding area but not reduce it to a nuclear smoking crater.
That's the thing though, it doesn't take out a lot of the surounding area, at most it can take out two buildings (if they're placed close enough to each other. Soldiers caught in the blast often walk out of it unscathed.

Edit: Well this is a new low for me... I'm arguing on a Featured Content thread.
On that note, I'd just like say that I don't care what you have to say next, and I wont respond to it. (unless of course if it's "Man... he sure made a good point, I agree with you wholeheartedly sir")
 

Melaisis

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Dec 9, 2007
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Back to form, Yahtz. Its the changes in your speed, pitch and tone which really make it funny.
 

AceDiamond

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Jul 7, 2008
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The Iron Ninja post=6.72937.789884 said:
While your points are valid the nuclear bunker buster is a plot device first, and done correctly actually. The blast is again, channeled into the ground, or more correctly (since I admit I screwed that up) supposed to be channeled at the bunker it's fired at, at least that's what i'm getting from wikipedia so consider the source. Therefore it's really not going to devastate large portions of cityscape anyway.

EDIT: I also wouldn't say we're full-on arguing. It's not like we've degenerated to name-calling yet
 

Perpetr8r

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Apr 24, 2008
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Whee! Look at me, I'm a comment Yahtzee won't read!

Um... why do we even get the chance to comment on these things anyway? It almost seems like an excuse for people to get into internet arguments with each other or to make believe that we're part of the development process of Zero Punctuation and not just masses of people with too much free time on our hands. Hmmm...
 

Jamanticus

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Perpetr8r post=6.72937.793036 said:
Whee! Look at me, I'm a comment Yahtzee won't read!

Um... why do we even get the chance to comment on these things anyway? It almost seems like an excuse for people to get into internet arguments with each other or to make believe that we're part of the development process of Zero Punctuation and not just masses of people with too much free time on our hands. Hmmm...
It's just for us to express our opinions, Perpetr8r. Debates and the like are really the reason that forums exist. Yes, Yahtzee won't pay attention to any of this (thankfully), but at least we get to see other peoples' views on Yahtzee's material and we can have discussions.
 

Dommyboy

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Jul 20, 2008
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Perpetr8r post=6.72937.793036 said:
Whee! Look at me, I'm a comment Yahtzee won't read!

Um... why do we even get the chance to comment on these things anyway? It almost seems like an excuse for people to get into internet arguments with each other or to make believe that we're part of the development process of Zero Punctuation and not just masses of people with too much free time on our hands. Hmmm...
Eg. Youtube.
 

scmantis

New member
Oct 7, 2008
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Hi Yahtzee, excellent review. I played the original Mercenaries at a friend's house. I have to admit I absolutely loved it given that I only had an hour and I spent most of the time pissing off my allies.

But I have another problem. One that requires urgent attention. My parents bought me a Wii last Christmas. I so far have Wii Sports, Wii Play and Super Mario Galaxy, which I found strangely satisfying. However, being a former prehistorical Sega fan I'm not that interested in the Nintendo Francise, nor am I interested in the "We found something new with the Wii remote let's milk it for all its worth games!". In fact, given Nintendo's current target market is all over the god damn place I'm scared of buying any game at ridiculous prices in fear I will be grossly disappointed.

This is hence why I was looking forward to the recent release of Super Mario Kart Wii. It was the only upcoming game that seemed safe to buy but recently I've heard tragic rumours. Are they true? Perhaps you could cover this in your next review?
 

Galletea

Inexplicably Awesome
Sep 27, 2008
2,877
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I kinda want to play the game now. Maybe just to laugh at it and blow stuff up.
 

iKaze

New member
Oct 8, 2008
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Awesome reviews as always, the game is indeed terrible from what ive seen of it being played
 

chase211

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Sep 22, 2008
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Perhaps I'm spoiled...but why waste time reviewing this crap...couldn't you have at least found something that a blind man couldn't have seen the problems with in the first 5 min...or atleast pleased us all by doing star wars force unleashed which was terrible...

Or perhaps you just wanted to do an easy review so you could get back to being ballz deep in silent hill homecomming (I have very low expectations). I suggest skipping over the Lego Batman game for a review seeing as its just like lego starwarsindianajones
 

credop

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Oct 8, 2008
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good. and i hav summit to say wt r u all moaning about? " ID MISS YOU IF YOU WERE GONE" i mean your godlike dominatrix like abilities are amazing but i wouldnt miss you, u play a small/medium part in my life like chocolate sponge... well actually that is alot of ood chocolate sponge so screw it. anyway the morale of this story is i love chocolate sponge cake.
 

AtomiK99

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Oct 8, 2008
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Whats wrong with game developers these days? I was a huge fan of Mercenaries: Playground of Destruction so why does Mercs 2 suck the rigid flaming cock of satan? How can you make a sequel thats WORSE than the original? *cough* AvP 2, Halo 2, Operation Winback 2... *COUGH*

I remember watching a "behind the scenes" preview video and one of the developers said "the maps in Mercs 2 will be twice as big as the maps in the first game..." (take note he said MAPSSSSSS plural)

First off theres only one map, not two, like the first game.
Secondly If the map is twice as big, then why the hell is the game 10 times shorter?

Hello? Brain? Where are you?!

And another thing... vehicle physics. They went from normal vehicle physics in the first game to handling like a shopping cart in zero-G gravity!... what the hell happened?!?

And dont get me started on the End Boss... a friggen button mash sequence? How un-f**king-satisfying was that?

Jesus just writing this has made me hate the game even more!

Thanks Electronic Arts you really blew it out your arse this time... and then some!
 

ssgt splatter

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Oct 8, 2008
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thank you for bashing the lengendarlly thick AI, the one that pisses me off the most is when you're driving down the road and a civilian runs TOWARDS your car instead of away from it. But your right, it is funny as hell when you call for support and they step off the edge of the helipad and die
 

Qorn

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Oct 29, 2008
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I found the story fairly stupid and dragged out so they could bring some americans and chinese to run at each other along with the other factions. i decided to discard the story and blow the hell out of everything in m path and guess what it was fun and i didn't care to figure out how to get better bombs for blowing stuff up i just went out found some random bombs and used those even if there was only one person just to see the awesome explosions.
 

Qorn

New member
Oct 29, 2008
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ya it sucked, but it had enough fun to last me a couple hours before realizing how much it was missing in it. and who cares about stupidity in ai they're not there to truly be helpful. to make them smart would be a change for the better, but in these kinds of games we actually don't need it because they're job is to get killed by you, the enemies who decide to target them, or themselves (for which afterward they blame you).
 

Ryuzaki

The Public Face of L
Nov 5, 2008
199
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Great review. I liked the game, it was fun, but some of the missions got a bit tiresome towards the end. The wanten destruction in the game is great, but it was annoying when I placed several charges of C4 on a biulding I wanted to destroy and then have my allies park themselves right next to it as I pull the trigger and then blame me for it. That and allies stealing your helecopters and walking of piers to there deaths when you ask them to man the guns on your boat. Oh well, destroying the oil rigs was fun.
 

Ryuzaki

The Public Face of L
Nov 5, 2008
199
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The final boss fight was very unsatisfing and annoying. However you get the impression that they had almost thrown the story out the window by then. The actual story line could probably be done in a few hours if it were not for the endless side quests. Yahtzee's right though the game was fun, but the story could have been much better.
 

Naterstein

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Oct 18, 2008
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GAWD! This game blows. Only reason its even remotely difficult is due to the crappy physics, lame grenade throwing, and a merc who cannot shoot for shit.

More on throwing. Why is it that all the PC mercs throw like they are infants chucking a shotput? While the AI can hurl a 'nade with as much accuracy as John Elway can a football.

The game is mediocre at best due to all the poor mechanics. I wont even comment on teh story. Ive had a little fun, but more aggravation than anything.

Don't waste your money!
 

-bladerunner-

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Dec 22, 2008
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Possibly the worst game I have ever played I am sorry to say. The visual glitches were terrible and missions weren't fun.
 

D_987

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Jun 15, 2008
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AtomiK99 said:
Whats wrong with game developers these days? I was a huge fan of Mercenaries: Playground of Destruction so why does Mercs 2 suck the rigid flaming cock of satan? How can you make a sequel thats WORSE than the original? *cough* AvP 2, Halo 2, Operation Winback 2... *COUGH*
Because its entirely down to opionion...
 

RTR

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Mar 22, 2008
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"Actually, that's something I've been intending to bring up, Miss."
All those dick jokes make a lot more sense now.
Hilarious!
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Aug 8, 2007
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you didnt note the asian girl with the posh accent you can play as or the fun fun you can have by blowing up an oil rig and getting stuck underneath it
 

highoctan90

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Apr 27, 2009
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I have found it true ihat, i would be holding onto something that would kill every bad guy within 10 miles of me and i would still throwing pebbles and my empty soda can at a giant monster.
 

JourneyThroughHell

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Sep 21, 2009
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I always thought that Yahtzee was over-exaggerating about the whole "airstrikes business". Out of curiosity I downloaded the demo, died fast and the first tip I got was "use airstrikes as often as you can". Wow...
 

yaoinut

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Dec 17, 2010
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I found Merc 2 was fun, but only in short burst and only if I pretty much ignored the set missions. Running off, doing your own thing, causing damage, great fun! Bad voice-acting, broken AI, tedious missions, not so much.

I still think this is one of the best reviews. I love the whole throwing peas at a giant robot crab joke, simply because it is so true of many players.