Zero Punctuation: Mercenaries 2

[UltraBlumpkin]

Mercs 2 was sort of fun, but had some incredibly annoying missions. Not that they were hard, but the AI kept killing the hostages one way or another. I think the best way to sum this game up is to say it was made by EA GAMES. That's always a red flag for me. Sure it might be worth renting for a day or two, but you will probably get sick of it after a couple hours.

 

[UltraBlumpkin]

By the way, in Mercs 2, money is so easy to come by that you might as well just use the airstrikes even when you don't think you'll need them. They are great for clearing out bases if you have the laser guided ones with a large tank or bunker buster, which costs about 500,000 each. Not too bad considering all the money you make. Funny thing is, you can buy airstikes from each faction and then have them drop the bombs on their own people! =D

 

[Vromnir]

I think i figured out why Yahtee hasn't reviewed SW:TFU. He must have enjoyed it and he can't think of any funny big problems with the game. Also this review was awesome.

I dont think that would stop him from doing a review, becouse if you remember his orange box and phyconauts reviews, he really liked those games and the rewiew was still just as good as any other ones.

 

[Vromnir]

Yay!!!! A return to the greatness of.........3 weeks ago. This is the kind of rewiew that everyone was looking foward to.






You're not reviewing The Force Unleased just becouse we keep mentioning it aren't you Yahtzee?

 

[daedrick]

Are you like waiting for stalker to be completly bug less before reviewing it or you just wont review it?! Because, you know its a great game ( IMO ) and Im curious to know what you are thinking about it.

On another note, I havent played merc 2 since I played merc 1 and as I can see, its the very same thing as the firts one. So I didnt miss much.

That is all.

over.

 

[Vromnir]

Just wondering: Why does everyone hate The Force Unleashed? It didn't seem like that bad of a game to me. No bugs, the quick-time events actually made sense(when the game told you to push "Y" the guy actually shot lightning instead of doing something totally unrelated), the force powers were fun, the boss fights were challanging, and it gives us some part of the story between the originals and the prequels.

The wookies in the first level were so retarded that it was funny though.

 

[jsouth88]

Great review. I felt like the last fiew were a bit lacking, but you're on point with this one.

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

You're late.

No, You're late. And this game does suck balls.

Didn't you watch the review? The game is fun!

Everything he said about the game is absolutely correct.

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

By the way, in Mercs 2, money is so easy to come by that you might as well just use the airstrikes even when you don't think you'll need them. They are great for clearing out bases if you have the laser guided ones with a large tank or bunker buster, which costs about 500,000 each. Not too bad considering all the money you make. Funny thing is, you can buy airstikes from each faction and then have them drop the bombs on their own people! =D

Well, if your a nit like me then you're too fixated with the concept of earning 1 Billion dollars to even buy the bunker busters.

FYI - MOAB on the tin shed shanty town = awesome

 

[badazz5001]

It sounds like mercenary's 2 is just like mercenary's 1

 

[pcgamermasterrace]

Not a single person has mentioned that there was no way of getting out of water unless there is a ladder, a boat, or a really low tide! Most broken and stupid game of this year.

 

[OuroborosChoked]

*waits outside for Yahtzee*

At least I can finish Bionic Commando, Ben.

I'd like to see how he would try to defend his position on first-person shooters. The only things that have changed since the days of Doom are:
- fully 3D character models
- speech
- physics engines that consist of more than just a gravity variable.
- enhanced lighting techniques
- the ability to aim in all directions

Apart from those five things (three of which are basically cosmetic), first-person shooters are basically the SAME games they have been since Doom. You still have to solve puzzles / find keys to progress. You still have to fight nigh endless hordes of carbon-copy malevolent forces. Hardly anything has changed. It's almost like FPS game developers are afraid of even nudging the envelope... lest they shatter the formula that has proven successful since *gasp* the days of DOOM.

People talk about HL2 as if it was a revolution in gaming. It wasn't. It was a standard-fare shooter with a good physics engine and up-to-date graphics, now dated, trying to be HL1 (which, while unique in a sea of Doom clones, was still not "revolutionary" as the basic gameplay stayed EXACTLY the same). There are other FPSs with gameplay that's more in depth and flexible, such as Deus Ex, Thief, and Metroid Prime, to name three off the top of my head, and it's a shame that so much praise is showered on the HL series when there are much better games out there...

 

[The Iron Ninja]

Honestly I don't think he was hard enough on this game. Mercenaries 2 was one of the most pretentious, broken and depressingly short games I've played in quite a while.
You get hold of these things called "Nuclear Bunker Busters" at the end, before I used them I was trying to find a vantage point ages away from my target, thinking "well it's Nuclear, I doubt standing thirty metres away from it is going to be very healthy."
But unfortunately the range of the laser designator is only thirty metres, so I had to stand right next to it. And I wasn't hurt, my Swedish guy just covered his eyes and said "oh bother, this bright nuclear explosion is really quite an annoyance, I sure hope it dissipates soon." When I could actually see again the bunker in question was slightly cracked, but for some reason all the surrounding trees (which can be destroyed by wayward cars veering off the road) were all still standing. This supposedly Nuclear weapon has a damage radius of about twenty metres. Couple that with the very short range from which you can call one in, and you end up with having the exact same thing happen each time.
Bomb comes down, big flash of light, sometimes able to see the outline of a mushroom cloud through the brightness, and then your vision returns and you see that only the building you targeted is damaged, the others (in a tightly packed city street) are all fine.
When I heard that you could get nukes I figured that meant I could stand on a far away hill and watch as a ,mushroom cloud signalled the defeat on an entire city. Not only is the damage it causes pathetic, but I can't even see what little damage it is doing due to the (inescapable) bright light.

Now my only fear is that if I continue bad mouth this most heinous of games in the other forums, that I will automatically be seen as blindly picking up Yahtzee's banner of scorn and dancing around like a sheep.
I should go back and bookmark all the previous posts I have made about this game... just in case, then I can shove them (and more importantly the date of said posts) in whoever's face it is needed to be shoved.

 

[Muphin_Mann]

You're late.

And for this he must die.

Nice use of first post btw. Very constructive/supportive. Let me try:

Its'a review.

 

[Seamus8]

*waits outside for Yahtzee*

At least I can finish Bionic Commando, Ben.

I'd like to see how he would try to defend his position on first-person shooters. The only things that have changed since the days of Doom are:
- fully 3D character models
- speech
- physics engines that consist of more than just a gravity variable.
- enhanced lighting techniques
- the ability to aim in all directions

Apart from those five things (three of which are basically cosmetic), first-person shooters are basically the SAME games they have been since Doom. You still have to solve puzzles / find keys to progress. You still have to fight nigh endless hordes of carbon-copy malevolent forces. Hardly anything has changed. It's almost like FPS game developers are afraid of even nudging the envelope... lest they shatter the formula that has proven successful since *gasp* the days of DOOM.

People talk about HL2 as if it was a revolution in gaming. It wasn't. It was a standard-fare shooter with a good physics engine and up-to-date graphics, now dated, trying to be HL1 (which, while unique in a sea of Doom clones, was still not "revolutionary" as the basic gameplay stayed EXACTLY the same). There are other FPSs with gameplay that's more in depth and flexible, such as Deus Ex, Thief, and Metroid Prime, to name three off the top of my head, and it's a shame that so much praise is showered on the HL series when there are much better games out there...

The big to-do over the original Half Life was the fact that wounded enemies would not just stand there and take abuse, but run around a corner and ambush you. This was not in the original doom... nor was the level of interaction with the environment, emphasis on mobility and jumping, vehicle sections, a workable and mildly intiguing storyline, secondary damage effects....

Come to think of it the only thing modern FPSs have in common with DOOM is being first person, having guns, and having health and ammo on the ground.

 

[captainazul]

Bless you, sir! The last couple reviews, while scathingly accurate, have just not seemed quite as funny. This one is right back on form.

I especially love the Irish helicopter pilot. JAYSIS BEGORAH! Gets me every time.

 

[ThornBrain]

Definately a much better review than the previous few. Relaying weird things that happened in-game are much funnier than forcing humor, (which I'm not totally convinced Yahtzee is finished with doing).

 

[DannyDeparted]

Loved it this week bloody hilarious. *smiles*....now off to unforgotten realms....

 

[MasterOfHisOwnDomain]

Better than the last couple I have to say. Very good altogether, and I love the final closing quips.