Zero Punctuation: Nintendo 3DS

[AusGamer44]

I knew Yahtzee lived in Australia,but I didn't realize he lived in my hometown of Brisbane.This makes Bris-Vegas 99% more cool now.If I'd known,I'd have begged him to join up with me for the 'Professor Portal' achievement.
So,Yahtzee,when ARE we going to get a Portal 2 review?

 

[Nostalgia]

I wonder if Microsoft decided to give (sell) Rare back to Nintendo, and if that would cause some creative explosion that propelled Nintendo to do something other than rehash with one hand while tantalizing the crowd with some "twist" using the other. The games sound like such a throw-back to the N64 that they're basically saying "Look, that was the best it ever got, so deal with it."

You do know that Rare's most recent game is Kinect Sports, right?

 

[DarkhoIlow]

After seeing this review I can say that I won't be buying a 3DS now or anytime soon.

Now,waiting one more week for Portal 2 review(maybe?).

Or is it bait like with Halo Reach

 

[AusGamer44]

please don't do portal 2 yet! just give it like 2 more weeks! i really like watching your videos, but i want to beat the game and form my own opinions before seeing yours. this is probably just making you want to review it more, but please wait! portal 1 was perfect for me and i would like to play the second with that same mentality.

It shouldn't take you too long.I'm the lousiest gamer in the world-and it took me longer than the supposed 8 hours of gameplay but over the course of about a week I finished the single-player campaign.If you want to finish the co-op as well it may take longer. Anyhoo,all of Yahtzee's vids are on back catalogue on The Escapist,so you won't miss his review if you stop visiting the site 'til you finish.Problem solved!
Oh,and not to give spoilers,but you are sooooo gonna LOVE the ending!!!

 

[matt87_50]

ugh... worst portal 2 review evarrr...

 

[Nate-ndo]

I understand that Zero Punctuation is more of a humor thing than an actual review series, but apparently a lot of users don't get it. When I see comments like, "Thanks for the review; I was going to get one but I guess I won't now" it really makes me question my faith in humanity.

Look, Yahtzee, we get that Nintendo murdered your parents and raped your kittens when you were young, but it's time to move on. You can't hate Nintendo products for simply being Nintendo products, which is the definition of a fanboy.

A lot of viewers understand not to take your work seriously, but a lot don't. Just as The Daily Show tries to get out of its responsibilities by saying, "But we're a comedy show!" or how Kotaku tries to shrug its journalistic responsibilities by claiming, "We aren't a news site, we're a blog!" you have the same problem. But you have a following, some of which will listen to whatever you say, even when it's misguided or even wrong.

Oh, and it's bad for business. As numerous other commenters have pointed out, there isn't much need to click on a Nintendo review anymore. The criticisms are always the same: motion controls, rehashes, etc.

 

[Nate-ndo]

Oh, and to comment specifically on the 3DS:

1) Anyone complaining about needing to hold it in a very specific postition to not break the 3D has likely not played the 3DS (or is trolling). Not only can it be moved a variable distance from the face (seems to be about a six inch leeway) but it can actually be rotated almost entirely on its side without breaking the 3D. Rotating it left and right seems to be the least tolerated, but that's also the least likely movement and still has a couple inches of play before breaking.

2) It's fairly amusing to watch 3D (glasses-less, no less!) be derided as a gimmick (which it is, to the extent that it doesn't improve gameplay) but hear HD hailed as the savior of the medium in the same breath. 3D and HD are both graphical gimmicks designed to appeal to the seventh grader in all of us, where the only thing that matters is graphics.

3) Continuing to harp on the 3DS for its "weak launch" is misleading by amateurs, and dishonest by professionals (or anyone with access to Wikipedia). The 3DS has one of the largest launch line-ups of any system (I believe only tieing with the NES) and as a whole are a lot higher quality than is typically seen of a launch. This is also ignoring the gigantic list of confirmed games for the system, most of which will be released by the end of the year.

Do you honestly think that Nintendo couldn't have had OoT 3D ready for launch? They held it back so that 3rd parties could find their footing on the system. Look at Capcom; they had great success putting out a solid AAA experience on the 3DS, a lesson Nintendo hopes more publishers learn. I'll bet $50 that Cafe also launches without a AAA 1st party Nintendo game for the same reason.

4) The 3DS is amazing (not something you would pick up on from the video, obviously) but is also clearly not perfect. A lot of the button placements are awkward, as is the location of the stylus (which makes it nigh-impossible to remove it and play at the same time which you could do on the DS). The battery life is atrocious, and almost necessitates playing it while connected to a power source. But you didn't see any of these legit complaints covered in the review (and only one of the positives, and only briefly - the pre-installed software).

I'm only posting this for the HURR DURRs saying they aren't getting a 3DS now, based alone on this negative review from a comedian known for his negative reviews. The review was quite hilarious (as usual) but a terrible basis for making an informed buyer's decision (as usual).

 

[WalkableBuffalo]

The Senior Cock on face (or whatever) was the most hilarious thing I have seen in a while
At least now I know who to target if I'm looking for some friends for my Mii

 

[duchaked]

...was about time Yahtzee referenced his child stalking history again

but lol nice...the 3DS has been long and far from my mind, and to my knowledge I can only think of one person who owns it but I'm not a close friend with him...so I guess I have pretty good friends then

 

[Sarcastic_Applause]

i know this is off topic but: Majora's Mask an Ocarina of Time Re-Paste? How dare you sir.
But seriously this confirms what i believe about the 3ds: a hastily brought out cashcow where the one gimmick people are supposed to be buying it for doesnt even work properly, and uses an archaic method of making you get into an exact position, isnt that the opposite reason people got a DS? So they'd be able to get up and just wander round with one? The only games that lured me to it were the Zelda and Lylat War remakes, but i could just cut out the middle-man and get them on wii store and save a ton of money.

Going back to what Yahtzee was saying about Nintendo neandering about and us not noticing, i think it was more of a case that we were aware; we just got some popcorn and enjoyed the show.

 

[JohnTomorrow]

I've never really understood the facination with the 3DS, or 3D aspects of life as it is. A 3D TV? 3D cinema? What a frickin waste of time and effort, rehashing something they failed to do during the 70's and 80's.

And this 'review' (does Yahtzee actually review, or does he just give an opinion really scatchingly? Would he lambast McDonalds equally for mucking up his Happy Meal?) seals the deal. What is the point of a 3D handheld device that you need to hold at a perfect angle to see properly? I remember you had to do the same with the ancient Gameboy - you'd have to stand right behind your mate whilst he played, otherwise you wouldn't be able to see what was going on.

 

[GuiltBlade]

Well I could always drop by your planet later Yahtzee but I've been hiding on a nearby asteroid for the last few years and don't know when its orbit will bring me close enough.

As fun as ever, that was actually less fire and bile then I was expecting from you.

 

[sarttan]

@Yatzee: Uh, Yatzee... You've just given everyone on the internet Senior Koquonfaes. I'm expecting him to appear within the next 24 hours.

@Everyone complaining that this isn't Portal 2: Well, what did you expect? It came out last week. Yatzee needs time to play both parts the game. Besides, the world is (supposedly) ending near the end of 2012, not next week.

 

[DefinitelyPsychotic]

One of his worst videos in my opinion. I found the humor to be very dry, and I wound up stopping the video about halfway through due to boredom.

Hopefully Yahtzee can redeem himself next week with Portal 2...

 

[The Lugz]

Congrats, yahtzee
i think that was your best work yet, i particularly liked 'plannet yahtzee' perhaps you can set another episode there sometime

 

[CrawlingPastaHellion]

I think you're severely overestimating the problem there. Especially on a handheld system. Also remember that its still early days for 3D yet. This is even the first 3D consumer product of its type afaik (glasses free).

Well, one of my unwritten rules: "It's better to overestimate the problem than to underestimate it". And yes, I was talking about the current state of affairs with 3D. The future might differ. But for the migraines due to 3D usage to be taken seriously, thus being recognized as a problem, more people have to raise the question. Otherwise it will go on unaddressed in the future.

Just because you don't suffer from 3D migraines doesn't mean nobody does. I know a couple of people that do and according to them it's anything but pleasant, something that's entertainment is supposedly all about.

 

[Tiswas]

While I kinda agree with the 3D being a gimmick (I had once since launch and only really use it with some of the games like pilotwings. Samurai Warriors, Street Fighter and Ghost Recon I just switched it off and conserve battery power (which I'm surprised wasn't touched on.)

Launch lineup isn't terrible but not great either. Samurai Warriors and Ghost Recon are the only two I still play. However as I have said before and will say many times again. The same people bashing the launch lineup will be THE SAME people who would have bashed the launch if Zelda/Starfox/Kid Icarus was launched. Although I am disappointed that all of said games were pushed back after this 3 month window they promised. Although they are kinda apologising and bribing us with free Excitebike 3D soon. (I wonder if Sony will bribe anyone as apology for PSN. I THINK NOT)

 

[Titan Buttons]

Actually that wii plane game reminds me of a really shit nintendo 64 game that has the same gimics

 

[engineermk2004]

I have a question...

What is the meaning of "Cor".

I've heard it on Topgear and here...I'm not up on my new British Idioms.

 

[RollingThunder]

I've got one and am happy with it. But I agree there is not much on it for the moment. Well the DS didn't have much at the start either and got tons of good games later, so let's be patient for now.

With DS it's appear in the market as a new innovative way to play, two screens, a touch screen, voice command and wi-fi help the DS becoming as successful as it is today, 3DS however, maybe revamped its graphic quality, but what else? 3D? some people prefer to turn it off, motion control? not every game use motion control.

Tbh I'm quite disappointed with Nintendo when I see 3DS, too much "wow!" gimmicks, I prefer to use my good ol' DS.