Zero Punctuation: Oblivion

[MorganL4]

Huh? where do you talk to this person?

and are you telling my That the head of the tiefs guild mages guild fighters guild and the Grand Champion of Cyrodill spends her spare time jamming a dead guys rod down her twat?

SERIOUSLY??? thats what they came up with

again where do I find this npc to talk to them?

 

[MorganL4]

fd

 

[MorganL4]

Huh? where do you talk to this person?

and are you telling my That the head of the tiefs guild mages guild fighters guild and the Grand Champion of Cyrodill spends her spare time jamming a dead guys rod down her twat?

SERIOUSLY??? thats what they came up with

again where do I find this npc to talk to them?

 

[locater16]

Damned bang on review.

I've always thought of Bethesda (makers of Oblivity) as a bunch of wankers. Partially because they take a great idea like Oblivion and then not only unfulfill it's massive potential but make key areas so bad it's just not any fun to play. Also because when it comes to their fans they are unmitigated gits.

Can you believe that people complained to them about things like fast travel for 6 months before the game was released, asking for something like WOW's fast travel system, and all Beth did was tell them to fuck off. Hell they did the same thing when people asked for something as simple as an option to turn it off. A thing that would have, and did take all of 5 minutes of coding (thanks to a modder). Of course at this suggestion they got insulted that these ungrateful wanks could think differently from them, and subsequently told them to stfu and fork over $50+ for the game anyway.

In terms of public relations with their fans they are the equivalent of Hitler at a Jewish Banking convention.

 

[conzy]

Good Review, I tried to play Oblivion several times (yes tried and gave up after like 3 hours of boredom) and could never get into it... And considering the hardware requirements it looks a bit crap, Interiors and Buildings look great, but the environments, especially grass look AWFUL

Anyway, thanks again for providing lolworthy material, I think I will play through Condemned again after that cat joke

 

[BlueInkAlchemist]

Uh-oh.

This is the second review in a row where Yahtzee reviews an RPG. And the second where he has something kind to say about World of Warcraft.

Either he needs to spend a weekend marathon playing an FPS, or he is even now developing his own Painkiller and Electrodriver to commence a murderous rampage throughout the entire South Pacific.

The results should be amusing one way or another.

 

[MrNoseReaman]

Oh my god that review tickled me something rotten. I am so hungover and have no energy what-so-ever, but still i found myself screaming with laughter at some parts. I literally jumped out of my seat at the cat/piss bit. Spot on Yahtzee.

 

[TheMadDoctorsCat]

I actually agree with him on the whole "lack of immersion" the telling moment for me was when I actually got REALLY caught up in the game and came across a group of guards desperately fighting for their lives against a suddenly opened Oblivion Gate, there was only one survivor standing heroicly on the bodies of his fallen comrades, desperately trying to hold back the tide of demonic invasion. So I charge in, kill the demons, then go to talk to the guard and he promptly responds with...

"Good day citizen"

As if nothing had happened... that just broke the immersion factor right then and there.

Thank you! Exactly! 100% agree! etc, etc, etc...

And don't wolves usually hunt in packs?

And what's the point of a bow, or any long-range weapon come to that, if every single thing you meet, no matter whether it's a human bandit or an oversized rat, immediately dashes at you and lunges at your throat? Ever heard of tactics?

IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR GAMES TO INCLUDE THIS NEW TECHNOLOGY CALLED "ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE" THAT'S BEEN AROUND FOR THIRTY YEARS OR SO??!!!

(Actually Oblivion is easily my favourite of the five "new" games I've bought recently. And in many ways it's a great game, I just wish that someone somewhere would come up with a realistic way for characters to interact in a game that's, you know, about characters interacting with one another!)

 

[Dr Faust]

"Try "upgrading" Cyrodiil. Clone lots of silverware (easily gotten from guild halls) and swap it with cheap clay pots, etc, that you find lying about. [...] [Y]ou can brag about how your Waterfront is the best with all the good stuff in it."

What. The. Fuck.

I thought I had problems, but apparently, someone out there is ON A MISSION.

 

[ear8dmg]

Bang on. Exactly how I feel about the game - although I'm trying to like it more.

There's just so much that screams "You are playing a game!!!" over and over again. I found FFVII's bad translation more immersive than the pathetically small troupe of voice actors.

I am sort of enjoying the current crack at Oblivion more than the two previous tries (which I gave up on). I'm playing with the following rules though:
- Do not play the mini-games especially the "do you like me pie" one.
- Do not use your non-combat related main skills or you will get owned very quickly as everything levels.
- Focus on the quest you're currently doing - if the word's about to end why are you off picking flowers?.
- Don't bother going into any of the random caves and whatnot - it doesn't change anything.
- Do not talk to non-quest related characters if you can avoid it - otherwise you will get reminded that you can count the number of voice actors on your fingers.

 

[lindsay40k]

Listen, right.

The Kinks are fucking awesome.

After leading off with them, Yahtzee could have took a poo on on my treasured copies of Tetris DX, Advance Wars and Street Fighter 2 Turbo and I'd still be smiling.

 

[RonaldBakbacon]

I had a lot of fun with Oblivion but Yahtzee pretty much hit the nail on the head with its biggest flaw (the immersion thingy). I was so happy when news of Fallout 3 came out and they said that they were dwindling down the number of NPCs so they could have individual voices and characterization for every NPC you meet. I can only hope they will actually do that, but my cynical nature makes me think it's going to come down with Fable Syndrome: Promise Everything, Deliver Mediocrity.

 

[cctoide]

I'm apparently one of the few people who liked Oblivion, but that's probably because i played it on the 360.

You weren't. I don't know if anybody else remembers the time around when Oblivion came out, but everywhere you turned you would bump up against praise for Oblivion. Basically, a year or two of aging coupled with the need to agree with HM Yahtzee's review in this thread will assure several dozen posts of bile with only a few people left wondering where all the excitement went all of a sudden.

That said, I did start playing it a few weeks ago and I didn't get past the first bridge you cross. I'm not a big RPG fan so this is the first "proper" RPG I have played in ages, and I didn't find it very fun, and I'll take Yahtzee's word as to the uniform look of the game world.

 

[Blayze]

Such a pity he didn't mention the annoyingly shit level-up system. Any game that enforces micromanagement of skill gains through use in order to get maximum stat points isn't one I want to play. And let's not forget the way that everything levels up with you and upgrades their gear as they go, meaning that everything just gets that much harder to kill. It defeats the whole point of levelling up at all.

Basically, to make the game playable at all, you need to install Oscuro's Oblivion Overhaul (Fuck off with your full Daedric, mobs), the Unofficial Oblivion Patch, the Unofficial Shivering Isles Patch, the Unofficial Oblivion Mods Patch (See a pattern here?) and the AF Level Mod (It unfucks the level-up system and allows you to max out your stats, skills and levels *as you play*.

The only thing you'd need to change would be to use the x1 skill increase file rather than the 1/5 one.

And that's just to make the game playable.

 

[haxer]

I don't want to get picky... well yes I do, so here. The proper code for "if nothing else remember this" should be as follows:

if(nothing())
{
}
else
{
remember(this);
}

/**EDIT**
Well, someone already caught that. I missed it when I went through the comments the first time sorry.*/

 

[The Thief]

It's weird that he did this review today since I only recently started playing Oblivion again. This is my third attempt to start and it's going a lot better than the last two. I think it's due to the right combination of mods + a better PC + lack of other games. It's still a fantastic game, just sooo flawed.

 

[Kehan Wann]

i am very saddend to say that i have been playing this game for over 300 hours. im sure yahtzee would have a field day with me

 

[KaiRai]

i like to think my character was put in there for numerous murders
i mean
NUMEROUS murders
which carried on through the game
and clearly the planet's didn't align enough, i personally think oblivion is (insert rude word beginning with 'f' here) awesome!
but then, as reviews have shown, yahtzee is a pretty big FPS fan, and anyway
oblivion is MUCH better if played on the xbox, although admittedly it was lacking in online multiplayer, i think being able to do quests with friends would have been awesome

 

[Alphavillain]

Don't agree with him about Oblivion. I loved it. But hey, he loves The Kinks, so how can I hate him?