Zero Punctuation: Sonic Unleashed

[Super Racer Z]

Silly Yahtzee. Did Star Wars: The Force Unleashed teach you nothing? Never buy the Wii version of multi-platform games. After all, the 360 version of Sonic Unleashed has enormous, well detailed levels; better werehog gameplay, and a better world map from what I hear.

QFT

No. You're both completely wrong. The Wii vesion is the "good" version of this game. (But it's still not very good.)

http://www.metacritic.com/search/process?sort=relevance&termType=all&ts=Sonic+Unleashed&ty=0&x=0&y=0

I call bull, as it is selling more, and by the Wii, we all know crap sells more.

BTW, this review is done very well and if it means anything is the review with the most paragraphs and characters and words and is the most descriptive.

http://www.hardcoregamer.com/index.php?option=com_magazine&id_rubrique=1&type=article&id_article=228

Oh, and look at the reader reviews.

http://www.metacritic.com/games/platforms/xbox360/sonicunleashed?q=sonic%20unleashed#users

2 points higher than the Wii. Critics = Bumbling monkeys. Fans = mix of bumbling monkeys and reasonable people.

Ha ha ha, wow, that's pretty sad. You're going by user reviews. Right. The user reviews that ranked Gears of War 2 at a 6 before the game actually came out.

Pro tip: Most of the people who submit user reviews have never actually played the game they're reviewing.

While that is true sometimes, it's better than the always biased against sonic critics who actually lie and make up reasons to hate it (i.e. gamespot and definitely Hilary's "review").

2 points higher than the Wii. Critics = Bumbling monkeys. Fans = mix of bumbling monkeys and reasonable people.

Wrong, there are no such thing as reasonable people that like Sonic. ...

That's fanism right thar. Just because someone likes something that a lot of brain dead zombies likes doesn't mean he WILL be a brain dead zombie, just that he is most likely to be one. Of course, it's better to talk to one and learn if he's reasonable than to trust a reviewer/stranger who may or may not be as sane as a brain damaged child.

 

[Roto13]

So you're just one of those people who thinks everyone who doesn't agree with you is biased, then?

K.

 

[Typecast]

I really liked Sonic and Knuckles when I was a kid. That was the game that made me a gamer, and convinced me to convince my parents to get me a Mega Drive. Although at that point I didn't know Tails existed and I found the novelty of being able to climb up walls better than sliced bread.

As soon as I saw humans and heard the shitty dialogue of Sonic Adventure, I was out. The DS games are good little platformers, but the never ending need to cater for 3 year old Japanese kids and bang on and on about 'friendship' drives me insane! Sonic is about stomping on robots, freeing useless fuzzy little sprites and collecting rings instead of stomping mushrooms and turtles and collecting coins.

Bring us bot stomping, ring gathering, emerald-mini games, outerspace death star final zones, and cut the kiddy bs, because you're not even brining new kids to your franchise.

Sonic... *Sigh*... requiescat in pace

 

[Super Racer Z]

So you're just one of those people who thinks everyone who doesn't agree with you is biased, then?

K.

Well yes, if you disagree with someones opinion, you are biased against their opinion. I really shouldn't use the word Bias, because it's virtually a directed opinion. If you go in reviewing a game expecting it to be bad and expecting to hate it, you are biased against it. Of course, the opposite is still biased aswell, just for him.

Know what, just forget I mentioned that word.

 

[ZombieFace]

i found it brilliant and extremely correct. also i mightve peed a little

 

[SuperGoomba64]

And if this wasn't enough I think they're working on ANOTHER ONE, but in this there are...swords...
Oh, and King Arthur is evil and the leader of the Black Knights...yeah...

I figured before too long Sonic's going to pilot mechs and have rechargeable shields.

Oh, and getting on topic of the review. I expected this much, I've kinda avoided sonic games after they jumped on the 3D train. Mainly it was Sonic Adventure or one of those that just killed it for me. Yet, I keep seeing sonic games sprout up like some kind of vile weed that won't die.

The sad/funny thing about it though, Sonic is Sega's mascot, too (not too good for the company image if your representing series blows). So that's probably why they're so frantic to keep him from flat-lining, although they're not doing a very good job (ex. Sonic and the Secret Rings). Unless they can pull off some kind of amazing miracle *chuckles to self*, they might have to start looking at a new mascot
(if they haven't already).

 

[Auron555]

Poor sonic...
Woo Game Damage!

 

[Super Racer Z]

And if this wasn't enough I think they're working on ANOTHER ONE, but in this there are...swords...
Oh, and King Arthur is evil and the leader of the Black Knights...yeah...

I figured before too long Sonic's going to pilot mechs and have rechargeable shields.

I wish everyone would shut the hell up about that. It's a sequel to Secret Rings that will supposedly fix the problems of it. It's also the second game in the story book series and it's in midevil times. Just because he has a sword doesn't mean he'll be slow and have to stop and start dueling during it or something. Plus Mario does it all the god damn time and no one cares that he does it...ugh, damn Sonic fandom...it's messing with my logic and reasoning.

 

[Heroic One]

I quite liked Sonic Adventure 2: Battle.

 

[Sasha Janre]

2 points higher than the Wii. Critics = Bumbling monkeys. Fans = mix of bumbling monkeys and reasonable people.

Wrong, there are no such thing as reasonable people that like Sonic.

*waves hands* I'm a reasonable person that likes Sonic! Why don't I count? T_T

 

[Erazor521]

He reviewed it as though he played the 360 version yet only showed images of the Wii version. Odd. I especially liked the part wheere he mentioned "poorly disguised countries" (or however it was said).

The Sonic fan in me disagrees. And then the Sonic fan in me laughs because this video was hilarious.

 

[ThaBenMan]

Has anyone watched the Gamedamage pilot? Ugh, it's horrible. I closed the tab after 3 minutes.

 

[Erazor521]

Has anyone watched the Gamedamage pilot? Ugh, it's horrible. I closed the tab after 3 minutes.

I'm watching it now. So far it's better than X-play. But... what isn't?

 

[NCHammer326]

I just saw the gamedamage trailer. Did I just see Yahtzee with a chainsaw? If yes, then I feel the need to quote Roger Daltrey: "YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

 

[CoverYourHead]

Did anyone actually expect this to be good? If so; stop kidding yourself.

Nice rant as always.

 

[SuperGoomba64]

And if this wasn't enough I think they're working on ANOTHER ONE, but in this there are...swords...
Oh, and King Arthur is evil and the leader of the Black Knights...yeah...

I figured before too long Sonic's going to pilot mechs and have rechargeable shields.

I wish everyone would shut the hell up about that. It's a sequel to Secret Rings that will supposedly fix the problems of it. It's also the second game in the story book series and it's in midevil times. Just because he has a sword doesn't mean he'll be slow and have to stop and start dueling during it or something. Plus Mario does it all the god damn time and no one cares that he does it...ugh, damn Sonic fandom...it's messing with my logic and reasoning.

Notice I mentioned nothing of slowness or dueling (-_-

Anyways, I'm just saying it seems kinda strange that one day at Sega Headquarters, they'd suddenly decide to give Sonic the ability to become a cross between a werewolf and Mr. Fantastic. Then ship him straight to medievil times to take up swordsmanship (why he even needs a sword is beyond me though, when he can take down skyscraper-sized robots anyways).

Also I'd like to bring up Sega Superstar *Tennis*...do I sense a trend?

 

[Super Racer Z]

Hey, how many of you have actually played the game? Just wondering, because a lot of people like to talk between their teeth and bad mouth a game to jump on the bandwagon before they even play a game. I like to say that if you haven't played more than 2 hours of the game (one hour is only a first impression), your opinion on a game isn't credible. With a demo, it's around 30 minutes minimum. Err, IMO that is.

And stop making comments insulting people who like the game. It's annoying, to say the least.

 

[Proto Cloud]

Jeez that was pretty harsh, I almost felt like I had to defend the game from such harsh criticism. Of course I haven't played it so I'd probably feel the same way if I had played it.

I do have to agree with him though the franchise just never seems to get it right (His analogy to washed-up rock bands is well put). But I doubt Sonic Team gives a shit anyway, they still make great sales regardless because the kids and loyal fanboys (how many are still around?) still play the darn things.

EDIT:^^ Hey buddy, chill out man! I can see you're a Sonic fanboy. Here's my advise, just ignore opinions. If you like the game, fine, more power to ya, but don't start stressing yourself over it...

 

[Super Racer Z]

And if this wasn't enough I think they're working on ANOTHER ONE, but in this there are...swords...
Oh, and King Arthur is evil and the leader of the Black Knights...yeah...

I figured before too long Sonic's going to pilot mechs and have rechargeable shields.

I wish everyone would shut the hell up about that. It's a sequel to Secret Rings that will supposedly fix the problems of it. It's also the second game in the story book series and it's in midevil times. Just because he has a sword doesn't mean he'll be slow and have to stop and start dueling during it or something. Plus Mario does it all the god damn time and no one cares that he does it...ugh, damn Sonic fandom...it's messing with my logic and reasoning.

Notice I mentioned nothing of slowness or dueling (-_-

Anyways, I'm just saying it seems kinda strange that one day at Sega Headquarters, they'd suddenly decide to give Sonic the ability to become a cross between a werewolf and Mr. Fantastic. Then ship him straight to medievil times to take up swordsmanship (why he even needs a sword is beyond me though, when he can take down skyscraper-sized robots anyways).

Also I'd like to bring up Sega Superstar *Tennis*...do I sense a trend?

Well you have to remember, Mario is guilty of way more of this way before Sonic did it. And if you think about it, how the hell did they come up with a blue spiky humanoid that has red shoes, can run at the speed of sound, has a villain who is a fat evil genius with a big mustache and a hover mobile and takes over the place and builds a bunch of robots use his animal friend inside of them for their power? It's staggering really, especially how it came out to be a hedgehog. Basically I'm saying it's not too fantastic. Maybe he got the idea from Ristar and.....all I can come up with is drugs. I think that's how Sonic came to be too...

 

[SuperGoomba64]

I do have to agree with him though the franchise just never seems to get it right (His analogy to washed-up rock bands is well put). But I doubt Sonic Team gives a shit anyway, they still make great sales regardless because the kids and loyal fanboys (how many are still around?) still play the darn things.

Yeah, you pretty much have it down. As long as people are throwing money, the developers will just sit back and soak it in, figuring they have the winning formula. If only game developers today had the passion of some of those modders out there (emphasis on some). They make these amazing creations, yet charge nothing.
They feel content with the accomplishment and the happy gamers being their reward, and they even keep maintenance on it (fixing exploits and bugs) while others would slap it on the shelf to start filling their wallets as soon as possible.

*sigh* Money...such corruption and evil it carries inside it's seemingly harmless paper exterior...