Zero Punctuation: Splatterhouse

[DaxStrife]

Sound quality was fine, Yahtzee. But if you're shopping for a new mic, may I be so bold as to suggest an AT2020 USB cardiod? It's fairly cheap (can usually be found for under $100 American, not sure about AU), easy to use, solid, and delivers great sound even without a wind screen.

 

[calvincaplan]

umm. it was ok

 

[Imp Poster]

I enjoyed Yahtzee enjoy giving a Poo-a-licious, delightful review. Yes, poo is on sale this time of year. It's a gift that keeps on smelling.

 

[Tonimata]

Nice review, but is there really a point in reviewin games other people in The Escapist have already reviewed?

I suppose Yahtzee's hatred of repetition had been crushed under the heel of corporative needs.

ZP isn't really a review, no matter what people call it. It's more a humourous op-ed from a Brit in a sweet hat who makes a lot of gay and shit jokes.

Sort of unsurprising this game is terrible, though. I saw Giant Bomb's gameplay deal, and I couldn't hep but think "Wow, this will get old in three minutes."

Mr. Croshaw must have a much longer attention span than me.

How, exactly, is it not a review, when he himself has called his videos so several times and he calls himself and has been called reviewer by others? Hell, even the little footnote on his videos always say "This week, Yahtzee reviews (INSERT NAME HERE). Although, I find the fact you expressed it as though this was my first Zero Punctuation quite amusing. More to the point, be it a review or not, it doesn't detract from my main argument. I agree with your point and with the guy that made the other review, blood and boobs do not a game make.

 

[tehweave]

Sigh... "Once you can do all the things you couldn't as a child, you'll no longer want to." WHY THE FUCK IS THIS TRUE GODDAMMIT I HATE MY LIFE.

Seriously. How many of us want to play with legos still? How many of us want to go back to our parents house, find that big box full of toys we used to play with, and go back and play with them again? How many of us want to eat an entire box of goddamn cocoa puffs with chocolate milk? But no... We need to fucking BEHAVE. FUCK IT. FUCK IT ALL.

Ugh... Now if you'll excuse me, I have a final I'm taking in an hour for my sociology class which will be followed later by liberal drinking of irish whiskey.

 

[Sonicron]

So it's some kind of cross between every slasher flick ever made, Hellraiser, and The Mask?

Actually, if you read The Mask comics you'll see that mentioning slasher flicks and Hellraiser is redundant in this case. The Mask got a crossover with Lobo, and for good reason.

Heh, somehow I was expecting this. The game was just begging for his attention with that kind of garish presentation.

 

[solidstatemind]

Sigh... "Once you can do all the things you couldn't as a child, you'll no longer want to." WHY THE FUCK IS THIS TRUE GODDAMMIT I HATE MY LIFE.

Seriously. How many of us want to play with legos still? How many of us want to go back to our parents house, find that big box full of toys we used to play with, and go back and play with them again? How many of us want to eat an entire box of goddamn cocoa puffs with chocolate milk? But no... We need to fucking BEHAVE. FUCK IT. FUCK IT ALL.

Ugh... Now if you'll excuse me, I have a final I'm taking in an hour for my sociology class which will be followed later by liberal drinking of irish whiskey.

Dude, it gets worse. Instead of intervals of tedium broken up by occasional periods of freedom every day, you get to spend 8 hours (or more) a day at a desk, toiling away on something you don't really like to pay for shit that you never get to use because you're always at fuCKING WORK! All you really have going for you is that irish whiskey.

Oh, and sex. The sex is nice.

OT-
Seriously tho: the quality of the background 'action' was way, wayyy up over most of the more recent reviews, I'm happy to say. Hollandaise on a sandwich? WTF? and I almost did a spit-take at the Silent Movie card of the final bossfight!

 

[Something Amyss]

How, exactly, is it not a review, when he himself has called his videos so several times and he calls himself and has been called reviewer by others? Hell, even the little footnote on his videos always say "This week, Yahtzee reviews (INSERT NAME HERE). Although, I find the fact you expressed it as though this was my first Zero Punctuation quite amusing. More to the point, be it a review or not, it doesn't detract from my main argument. I agree with your point and with the guy that made the other review, blood and boobs do not a game make.

Please try and keep your inferences to a minimum.

But reviews as defined solely by people calling them it? Sweet. If I call myself a waffle and can get people to agree, would you argue so strongly that I was in fact not a mammal? Sweet. Do you believe Fox News is "Fair and Balanced?" Because they say so and have people agreeing? That Ke$ha is an awesome musician? That the Earth is flat? Advertisement slogans? Memes?

But I kid. I'm not a waffle. I'm actually a 6,000 year old dragon. Silly mammals.

 

[Tonimata]

How, exactly, is it not a review, when he himself has called his videos so several times and he calls himself and has been called reviewer by others? Hell, even the little footnote on his videos always say "This week, Yahtzee reviews (INSERT NAME HERE). Although, I find the fact you expressed it as though this was my first Zero Punctuation quite amusing. More to the point, be it a review or not, it doesn't detract from my main argument. I agree with your point and with the guy that made the other review, blood and boobs do not a game make.

Please try and keep your inferences to a minimum.

But reviews as defined solely by people calling them it? Sweet. If I call myself a waffle and can get people to agree, would you argue so strongly that I was in fact not a mammal? Sweet. Do you believe Fox News is "Fair and Balanced?" Because they say so and have people agreeing? That Ke$ha is an awesome musician? That the Earth is flat? Advertisement slogans? Memes?

But I kid. I'm not a waffle. I'm actually a 6,000 year old dragon. Silly mammals.

They are at a minimum, I only said Hell, mind. I can see your point thought, and it's a pretty good one at that. No, most definetly, popular opinion doesn't define something, or at least it shouldn't to people who have the mental capacity to debate with a dragon, but perhaps it would've been better to say that, in my opinion, and by my book of definitions, Zero Punctuation videos are reviews, even though if only in essence. More to the point, even if they aren't strictly reviews, they most definetly serve the same purpose. I suppose the argument that states he calls himself a reviewer should've had more weight, but since it didn't, I'll let it drop.

Also, watch out. I hunt dragons when I'm hungry or pissed. And I've been doing a sociological study on the effects of Twilight on society for close to 3 hours. You could say I'm not happy

 

[PhiMed]

"That's why girls will always, always love you more if you finish into their face".

Dammit, now I have coffee all over my shirt.

 

[daxterx2005]

How did Yahtzee know I have a big ass? D:

 

[JoJo]

Kind-of funny, though I don't really care about this game. I wish the Fable 3 review will come soon though, he can't be leaving it out can he?

 

[WolfenD]

He got rid of it.

 

[Electrogecko]

Games like this are about 15x more immature than any Mario game ever made.

I hope he will do Donkey Kong next week. But he seemed more possitive about this game then some other reviewers. And I Am looking forward to his next award giving episode.

I'm sure his DKCR review will consist almost entirely of ripping on the mandatory motion controls. That and how the game is relatively similar to those of 15 years ago. I'd much rather see him review Kirby, because even though I enjoyed DK more, I literally can't think of a single legitimate criticism for Kirby. He can say that it's too fluffy and colorful and it's the least challenging game of all time, but these gripes point to the fact that the game is intended for children, and if he dismisses the game for that reason, he'll just look like a huge turd.

 

[k-ossuburb]

Copy and paste the script used in this ZP and replace the word Splatterhouse with Duke Nukem: Forever and I don't think you'll be able to notice much difference when the real DN:F review comes around.

 

[Kittenmauler]

That was one of his worst ones. One too many REALLY tasteless, not very funny jokes.

100% disagree, I found that one funnier than anything he's done in months.

 

[DTWolfwood]

4:14 RoFL She'll remember you alright, not sure about love you more after. (less she into to that, in which case you have yourself a keeper)

 

[CopperBoom]

As funny as this was, I still think I might want to go through it once, not sure if it is a buy and if I bought it, it would be at no more than $20 in a few weeks'.

That silent final boss death slide card was endlessly amusing to me.

 

[Neferius]

Have Game-Studios seriously run out of Ideas, or is there really nothing better coming out this Christmas
I mean SERIOUSLY, all Yahtzee could find to do for his weekly tonsil-exercises was this? A remake of an Arcade game!?
We all know how usually turn-out :-/

This barely covers my weekly dose for sardonic British humor, and I NEED MY FIX!!! *foams*

 

[Swifteye]

I wish he'd stop reviewing all the currently coming out big titles and review some of the more obscure ones.

I had already seen previews for Splatterhouse and already decided that it looked like crap. I didn't need his review to reinforce that.

How about reviewing some lesser known titles so I can see if I'd rather buy those, eh?

Come back during the summer the does some lesser known game reviews during the dry season otherwise I believe the mission statement is to review new titles.