Zero Punctuation: Splatterhouse

[Bender Rodriguez]

Nice review!

Get the Yeti USB Mic, its great and as a bonus... THX certified ^^

 

[SextusMaximus]

Beautiful mix of gory and sinister adjectives as usual! Great review.

 

[JayDeth]

Thank you so much Yahtzee. This shitty game ruined one of my afternoons. You're doing God's work, my boy.

 

[flyingwithsharks]

congrats for not mentioning GOW though...

He did. "In classic 'Wad of Gore (GoW) fasion"...

 

[Grahav]

...Ah, well there goes my chance to be impressed with the game. I hate repetitive games that just repeat it's progress and have no meaning to the end. All I got from it was "Kill everything, don't care why, and even though my girlfriend was kidnapped I will look at other girl's"... Haha fail game I say.

But nice review as always, giving perfect examples. One line you gave made me laugh a whole lot XD I think it was "Once you become an adult, you choose rather not to" while having the character in a barrel about to go down hill...that was actually me once and I was like "Nah" Lol

Yeah, it is a shame how violenceand porn loses a lot of its appeal once the hormones stop raging.

 

[SimuLord]

"Limbs flying off like graduation caps" belongs in the pantheon of Yahtzee's greatest lines. A masterful simile!

 

[Cap'n Moe]

I didn't find anything remotely wrong with the mic. Sounded better than the last time a mic went bad some odd months ago, I thought you were sick.

Anyway, the game is...well...horrid, borrowed it from a friend, and I actually fell asleep mid-game...wow, that's bad.

Funny review as always Yahtzee! Keep up the good work.

 

[duchaked]

LOL yes...that is true. finish strong...and in the face

 

[Assassin Xaero]

Gory, repetitive, same stuff over and over again... sounds a lot like MadWorld.

I could say that about a lot of M-rated gorefest styled brawlers.

I liked MadWorld for the first few levels, but it's major problem was that it was the same damn thing over and over again. The only real 'new' thing that came with each level was the stuff like the train (don't remember what it was called... challenges or environmental stuff or something).

 

[SadisticPretzel]

"Always, always love you more if you finish into their face." That's the kind fo stuff we want to hear.

Seriously, I found that hilarious.

I promise, he's lying.

 

[Andaxay]

My colleague played this and said it's one of those games that's so terrible, it's brilliant. I'm not very inclined to believe him, haha. Gore for the sake of it doesn't make a very good game.

 

[The Noble Shade]

Why do you need a new mic? Your voice sounds fine to me.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

So it's some kind of cross between every slasher flick ever made, Hellraiser, and The Mask?

Actually, if you read The Mask comics you'll see that mentioning slasher flicks and Hellraiser is redundant in this case. The Mask got a crossover with Lobo, and for good reason.

Heh, somehow I was expecting this. The game was just begging for his attention with that kind of garish presentation.

Lobo? As in the Zarnian Bounty Hunter Lobo? That had to have been interesting.

 

[Dfskelleton]

I'll probably only get this game because it includes Splatterhouse 1, 2 and 3. That's not a bad deal in my oppinion, and I'll probably still end up playing the new one even if it does suck.

 

[JoshGod]

Doesn't Yahtzee get sick of deliberately reviewing crap games? Anyway good review.

 

[gillebro]

Sounds like an awful game. Not a bad review, but I can't say I was the hugest fan of the terminally-ill-children jokes at the beginning. But he obviously would have known that people would find those tactless.

 

[Drakmeire]

Dammit! I wanted this game to be good! WHY MUST LIFE DISAPPOINT?!?

 

[realslimshadowen]

I love this review. One of the funniest in recent months.

 

[Jelly ^.^]

I had no idea that i cause diarrhoea until today

 

[Porecomesis]

Yahtzee, was that part at the start really that necessary? I mean the rubbing-it-in-terminally-ill-children's-faces thing? It didn't work for the Chasers and their Make a Realistic Wish skit, so what made you think it would work for you? It's definitely not funny. And while we're on the subject, how does it take you a whole minute to focus on the game instead of the jokes?

Why is it that games try to be too hardcore? After Yahtzee's superb XP articles, you'd think that the video game industry would have learnt that blood and gore can't hold up a game by itself.

I was against the R18+ at first because I felt that it would just encourage game developers to focus more on spectacle rather than substance (please refer to the declining state of the Final Fantasy series) but now I feel that after this court case, the industry's going to be more careful from there on. Thank god for that.