Zero Punctuation: Splatterhouse

Rigs83

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Feb 10, 2009
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This mike looks good and I found an Australian review

Blue Yetti USB Mic [http://www.mactalk.com.au/2010/08/21/blue-yeti-usb-microphone-review/]​
 

CheckD3

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Dec 9, 2009
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No mention of the voice of the mask being Jim Cummings? Huh, I was hoping that he at least liked the voice

I actually liked the game. It was zen-like playing it, I didn't feel like acting out the finishing moves like I did for God of War, and the ending was kinda suckish...but the mask being Jim Cummings and imaging Pete calling things pussies and swearing was kinda nice. Plus I felt like near the end there were points that the mask wasn't just talking to Rick, but me, the gamer, the one controlling the man behind the monster.

It wasn't the greatest game, but I had fun with it, though I imagined Yahtzee's opening words something like "For anyone who argues that gaming has evolved beyond being just mindless, excess gore and titties would be absolutely wrong because anyone who tries to argue this can be reminded of Splatterhouse, a game about excess gore and titties."

It was genereic, but again, I had fun in a zen-like state, so I consider that a win for the game

Plus you can unlock the original 3 games and there's an arcade mode of nothing but excess more and more titties. 40 bucks new I'd buy it, but I'm asking for it for xmas because I'm smart (rented the game, btw)
 

FallenMessiah88

So fucking thrilled to be here!
Jan 8, 2010
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Well this is another one of those games that i didn't really care about until recently. Sadly it seems like a mild disappointment. Still gonna get it eventually, but there are other games right now that i am more interested in.
 

vincentninja68

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Sep 20, 2010
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I was kinda hoping he'd dive into sonic colors some more. I heard nothing but good things about sonic colors, i wish real skeptic would emerge..
 

Porecomesis

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Jul 10, 2010
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rickicker said:
That's just his schtick, man. I mean, hey, he poked at MY buttons with his whole "YMCA" thing, but I still recognize comedy for what it is, no matter how dark. And besides, he probably doesn't read the forums anyway.

And about the whole R18+ thing, I think the way to make the industry actually listen is to hit them where it hurts: their pockets. People need to spread the word about calling bullshit when they see one, and I salute everybody in the Escapist and other gaming-centric websites like it for being on the forefront of doing as such. If we could get just enough people to shout "AWW HELL NO!" whenever the industry decided to be stupid, I think this beloved medium of ours could grow up to encompass some very interesting potentials.

Wishful thinking, yes, but maybe just for now. I mean, after all, whoever thought that a niche market that was started by a yellow blob eating pellets and ghosts could transform into multi-national, multi-million dollars industry as it is today, right?
I know that's his style, but... *sigh* I do miss the times when he wasn't trying too hard to be funny, when he didn't pay attention to the forums complaining en masse when he wasn't being funny. He's a goddamn game critic, he's not a comedian! I know he's funny, but I do like humour and intelligent criticism to be balanced appropriately, and the scales are tipping in the favour of the former.

That's a good plan- I do agree with you- but we have the die-hard fans that will follow Final Fantasy, Star Wars, Metal Gear Solid, Pokemon, Mario and the like to the ends of the Earth. Mind you, Mario is still good, but the fans won't admit that the franchises that they loved since birth are stagnating. I've tried arguing that Final Fantasy XIII sucks, but no-one listens to me.
 

Sonicron

Do the buttwalk!
Mar 11, 2009
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canadamus_prime said:
Sonicron said:
canadamus_prime said:
So it's some kind of cross between every slasher flick ever made, Hellraiser, and The Mask?
Actually, if you read The Mask comics you'll see that mentioning slasher flicks and Hellraiser is redundant in this case. The Mask got a crossover with Lobo, and for good reason.

Heh, somehow I was expecting this. The game was just begging for his attention with that kind of garish presentation.
Lobo? As in the Zarnian Bounty Hunter Lobo? That had to have been interesting.
Indeed it was. By and large, The Mask has always been presented to the broad public as a crazy, but ultimately benign prankster - but the source material does not skimp on the blood and guts. Double the 'crazy' with (slim to) none of the 'benign' there. If you can get your hands on some of these, grab 'em.
 

NeoShinGundam

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May 2, 2009
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Hrm, ZP on iPod/iPhone/iPad. Very tempting, Escapist. If I only I actually owned any of those devices.

But nice try! You almost got me to open up my wallet for you. Almost.
 

duck-man

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Mar 17, 2009
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Yay! Yahtzee meets contempt, albeit very much self-aware contempt, but fun none the less! Poor Splatterhouse.
 

DarkPanda XIII

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Nov 3, 2009
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mechanixis said:
I want a poster that says "MISSION STATEMENT: EAT ALL THE PIES"
Heh, same here, same here

I already heard once before that the game wasn't going to be that great, so I wasn't disappointed by this :3
 

Wilbot666

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Aug 21, 2009
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Damn, I was kind of hoping against hope that this would be good and remind me of the frustrating old games. Oh well, maybe I'll give it a rent and see how I feel after.
 

lokiduck

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Jun 5, 2010
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YAY Caligula reference :3

Funny one of the LPers I watch loved Splatterhouse 9 as a kid. Even did a Lp on it. XD
 

Shadowfaze

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Jul 15, 2009
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Nice review as ever, but if he wants pointless gore he should review one of the Saw games. Next week Donkey Kong please, Meester Crosshaw?
 

Dyme

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Nov 18, 2009
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Heraklitus said:
That was one of his worst ones. One too many REALLY tasteless, not very funny jokes.
I thought it was extremely entertaining, informing and funny.
 

cefm

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Mar 26, 2010
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bjj hero said:
I really don't like this sort of game. There are just far too many of them. Its dull. congrats for not mentioning GOW though...
Game needs to to be just a little bit GOOD to get the LGOWB tag.
 

cefm

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Mar 26, 2010
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Ahhhhh.... Just like a remake of Tron and the Star Wars 'sequels', the remake of Splatterhouse is yet another cruel buggering of my childhood memories.

I remember when the TurboGrafix16 came out and it was like "holy shit this thing blows Nintendo out of the water - just look at those freaking graphics!". And Splatterhouse had all the right elements to take full advantage of it - it was dripping with gore and pre-adolescent angst. The sounds actually sounded like something, and the graphics actually looked like what they claimed to be. Plus it was on that expensive new system that you had to RENT at the video store because your cheap parents wouldn't buy you one. Sure, the game was juvenile, low on plot, had bad controls, was hard and repetitious as hell, and ultimately wasn't good or rewarding, but dammit you were beating monsters in the face with a chainsaw and damn wasn't that fun!

But why re-make it if it isn't going to be good? Also all the juvenile appeal of that original game has been repeated and exceeded by countless games since, so who exactly did the designers think they were appealing to? The current generation of young gamers? There's nothing new here for them that they haven't seen 1,000 times already. The original Splatterhouse fans? They're middle-aged at this point and realize that the orignial game sucked and this one will too.

Poorly conceived, poorly executed garbage. Kind of like new Tron and new Star Wars.