Zero Punctuation: Splinter Cell: Conviction

[Owen Easter]

i have got splinter cell conviction and i think its the greatest game ever since
rainbow six Vegas 2 ! and i have played every splinter cell game and complete them all on the hardest difficulty and i think that splinter cell conviction really sucked you into the story

BUT ! - never take ANYONE'S word for a game
Example :

I LOVE - Command and conquer Tibuireame wars 4(and all the others) but i tell my friend he HATES it

HE LOVES - Final fantasy (all of them) he tells me all about them so i played the new one's and i thought they sucked SO HARD !

do you see what i mean ? (the example wasn't very good but oH well so's your mum in bed )

 

[Shamanic Rhythm]

In advance, I would like to apologize for the application of the universal "we". I think that very few people on this form can claim to both be American, and not enjoy a sarcastic quip about America. However, as one who has seen all the Zero Punctuation and read all the Extra Punctuation (a fact I am not sure I should be proud or ashamed of), the joke is a bit long in the tooth. Its old and several reviews (video or otherwise) later, it seems that a George Lucas has been pulled. The charm of making fun of the big 5000000000000 pound gorilla as it lumbers throughout the global political area leaving waste and commercialism in its wake is lost when you have made the joke 12 times already. If you take something you have already done better, and do it again just to shove in more useless crap you are left with a net sum of useless crap. Yes, taken completely out of context, I can appreciate the joke; no, I refuse to allow that to pass unchecked when there are dozens of other jokes he could have used that are new and original; better, not necessarily, but interesting and creative, yes. And I especially expect Ben Croshaw to maintain that level of creative dignity when he refuses to allow anyone else to get away with it (see extra punctuation: on remakes and nostalgia).

I'm going to wait here for you to link to where he's made this same analogy before.

Waiting.

 

[jetsterjinx]

This is pure gold. Yahtzee, have I ever told you how much I love you?

 

[CartilageJones]

There's nothing exiting about this game, mainly because stealth just isn't usually necessary. Silenced weapons are only necessary in situations with civilians and when there are no civilians, anyone vaguely skilled at stealth can be unstoppable.

 

[Your once and future Fanboy]

I totally see what Yathzee means when he says he never could quite behind Splinter cell.
I love the stealth em up games, especially the Hitman and MGS series, but Splinter Cell wasnt really fun for me, it just felt like i was passing from one checkpoint to the next, not playing it because it was fun, I was just trying to beat the game.

A friend of mine ,who enjoy the same stealth games as me, loves the splinter cell games (except Conviction, he said it was crap).

 

[Nomanslander]

I just couldn't get into the splinter cell series.

Neither could I, I remember trying the first one when everyone was calling it a MGS killer (back when MGS mattered) and I found the game way too linear, the story completely dull and unoriginal, and the gameplay cheap forcing you to progress through trail and error which I completely hated.

With this game all they did was take out the trail and error difficulty which was the only thing making the game challenging and worth while for people into that sort of silliness, and replaced it with easy mode cover base shooting mechanics that just makes you want to play Gears instead.

I'm sorry, but if it wasn't for Michael Ironside and is awesome voice acting I really don't think this series would have survived as long as it has.


Hmmm, I feel like watching Total Recall now....lol

 

[Abedeus]

So, out of 3 last games I cared about, Assassin's Creed 2, Prince of Persia and Splinter Cell Conviction, only one of them isn't a piss-easy quick-time-event and DRM-broken game.

Color me surprised.

 

[Count_Zer0]

Laughed out loud at the "why would anyone want to take over America" part.

Splinter Cell always looked like it should be awesome but was so linear it might have coined itself a new genre, 'Rail Stealther'.

 

[KidKarolus]

In advance, I would like to apologize for the application of the universal "we". I think that very few people on this form can claim to both be American, and not enjoy a sarcastic quip about America. However, as one who has seen all the Zero Punctuation and read all the Extra Punctuation (a fact I am not sure I should be proud or ashamed of), the joke is a bit long in the tooth. Its old and several reviews (video or otherwise) later, it seems that a George Lucas has been pulled. The charm of making fun of the big 5000000000000 pound gorilla as it lumbers throughout the global political area leaving waste and commercialism in its wake is lost when you have made the joke 12 times already. If you take something you have already done better, and do it again just to shove in more useless crap you are left with a net sum of useless crap. Yes, taken completely out of context, I can appreciate the joke; no, I refuse to allow that to pass unchecked when there are dozens of other jokes he could have used that are new and original; better, not necessarily, but interesting and creative, yes. And I especially expect Ben Croshaw to maintain that level of creative dignity when he refuses to allow anyone else to get away with it (see extra punctuation: on remakes and nostalgia).

[quote/]I'm going to wait here for you to link to where he's made this same analogy before.

Waiting.[/quote]

Aha, I see what you have done hear. While he does not ever make the SAME analogy before, he continues to harp on the SAME subject matter, America and the fact that it is a big easy way to generate jokes and controversy (maybe). For most other critics, I would accept this joke as merely another in a running tally of "mandatory poke fun at America Joke", however, I hold Mr. Croshaw to a higher standard, as I have found he can be far more eloquent and insightful than that. Now call me unfair (because I am being unfair) but my distress is more of a response to the fact that Mr. Croshaw himself has repeatedly expressed that "living up to expectations" is a submission to mediocrity because one never planned to better, to exceed; rather one strives to placate. To me, this felt like that, the review lacked the flash and thunder of other reviews, it felt rather sterile (fecal jokes aside) and that is not what I have come to expect from Mr. Croshaw.

On a side not, I do not think any less of him for it. It was not some egregious error that has irreproachably harmed my image of him, I will still watch the videos and read his column, I am not above posting criticism about what I feel is lazy. Insulting American in this manner is lazy and for spectacular laziness, I will and feel justified saying that I expect, nay demand, more.

 

[Jay Cee]

I honestly can't get enough of this game, although I concur Yahtzee's criticisms.

It's a bit unbalanced but hey, you can shoot a Splinter Cell in the face.
Sort'd.

 

[Autocracy]

I will agrea the SC series has been very weak on it stealth game play. As you said it only one thing to do in the game not very big on options and Sam does play very sluggies. Great review. Glad I am not the only one wjo has a brain and can see the flaws in the game as clear a day.

I disagree. Splinter Cell does a lot more for stealth than some people give it credit for. It takes into account not just line of sight but "sound" and "lighting" as well. Obviously cover plays a factor in it.

And by "flaws", you mean by your bias and preferences which, by the way, you are entitled to but by no means law or fact. Some people will disagree with you and they have every right to. Doesn't mean you're wrong but it definitely doesn't mean you are right.

 

[Desert Tiger]

Snip

The game is based in America. He made a pretty relevant point then elaborated with a joke. When he's done other games he always jokes about the regions they're in and the accents, culture etc - it's just most games are based in America so they're usually the subject of the treatment.

He even makes fun of England and Australia (where he's born and where he lives) on a regular basis, too. You want him to stop making jokes about Americans? Get on the horn to a games company and get them to stop making games based in America.

 

[Shamanic Rhythm]

Aha, I see what you have done hear. While he does not ever make the SAME analogy before, he continues to harp on the SAME subject matter, America and the fact that it is a big easy way to generate jokes and controversy (maybe). For most other critics, I would accept this joke as merely another in a running tally of "mandatory poke fun at America Joke", however, I hold Mr. Croshaw to a higher standard, as I have found he can be far more eloquent and insightful than that. Now call me unfair (because I am being unfair) but my distress is more of a response to the fact that Mr. Croshaw himself has repeatedly expressed that "living up to expectations" is a submission to mediocrity because one never planned to better, to exceed; rather one strives to placate. To me, this felt like that, the review lacked the flash and thunder of other reviews, it felt rather sterile (fecal jokes aside) and that is not what I have come to expect from Mr. Croshaw.

On a side not, I do not think any less of him for it. It was not some egregious error that has irreproachably harmed my image of him, I will still watch the videos and read his column, I am not above posting criticism about what I feel is lazy. Insulting American in this manner is lazy and for spectacular laziness, I will and feel justified saying that I expect, nay demand, more.

I'm going to stand by my first comment. If you actually feel insulted by this joke, you need to learn to laugh at yourself. And I dispute the claim that it's 'old hat'. It's topical humour, what with all the malarky surrounding the introduction of free health care.

 

[matt87_50]

lol! I get it! because a subroutine is a baby program!

 

[Doomsday11]

that was great the jabs at America were quite true why would you want to take over america if your not american?

 

[KidKarolus]

Snip

The game is based in America. He made a pretty relevant point then elaborated with a joke. When he's done other games he always jokes about the regions they're in and the accents, culture etc - it's just most games are based in America so they're usually the subject of the treatment.

He even makes fun of England and Australia (where he's born and where he lives) on a regular basis, too. You want him to stop making jokes about Americans? Get on the horn to a games company and get them to stop making games based in America.

UGH. I have NO PROBLEM WITH MAKING FUN OF AMERICANS. You seem to have failed to read my last post so to reiterate, I have a problem with LAZINESS. The review felt lazy and having read and seen his other work, he has eloquently and humorously addressed Americans in their represented medium in a far more effective way. Once again, I don't care; I am currently based in Japan, and if I have ever heard more criticism openly and vigorously flung at Americans, it must have been during a semi-comatose state of watching CBS. And yet I, the baka gaijin I am (and American to boot), manage to get along just fine with my peers, because I am not setting a standard of excellence for their critique. Ben Croshaw is a game critic, and much like a film critic, if laziness is abound, I feel something is lazy, and have the means to address the person in question to say as much, I am well within my right to do so. And Mr. Croshaw is well within his rights to outright ignore my foolish, clearly xenophobic rant. But perhaps the problem is that I have failed to succinctly express myself so, in as few words as possible:

YAHTZEE, DON'T BE LAZY. THIS REVIEW FELT LAZY. *NERD RAGE*

 

[KidKarolus]

that was great the jabs at America were quite true why would you want to take over america if your not american?

Being an evil genius with plans for world domination, controlling the country with the world's larges GDP, with a state that taken alone has the fourth largest GDP in the world, coupled with an arsenal of nuclear weapons that are more than sufficient to nuke the entire surface of the planet several times over might be the reason.

But I digress, video game bad guy logic has almost always evaded me.

 

[Doomsday11]

that was great the jabs at America were quite true why would you want to take over america if your not american?

Being an evil genius with plans for world domination, controlling the country with the world's larges GDP, with a state, that taken alone has the fourth largest GDP in the world, coupled with an arsenal of nuclear weapons that are more than sufficient to nuke the entire surface of the planet several times over might be the reason.

But I digress, video game bad guy logic has almost always evaded me.

But surely if you want size or easy access to weapons and/or nukes why not take russia instead?
Also if your taking over the world who cares about money I personally plan to run a communist utopia when my death ray comes online.

 

[KidKarolus]

I'm going to stand by my first comment. If you actually feel insulted by this joke, you need to learn to laugh at yourself. And I dispute the claim that it's 'old hat'. It's topical humour, what with all the malarky surrounding the introduction of free health care.

If you would humor me, and if Yahtzee is reading this you as well, how much do you know about the proposed health care bill? Having several family members in the medical care sector, I have gotten a number of mixed, well informed opinions. Not to sound patronizing, but how much research have you done? If it is a fair degree, I am more than happy to debate the finer points of the proposed bill in a slightly less public setting; a private message maybe.

Further, the humor is supposed to be topical, but its just that... It's not funny. It isn't insulting, or insightful, or anything... it's bitching about something. Bitching isn't funny; if I want to hear bitching, I can call up my grandmother. If you have seen the Modern Warfare review, I was laughing at the interjection about the US Armed Forces. It was really funny. This wasn't; for a game critic whose main method of criticism is humor, not being funny is a pretty fatal flaw, in the same way that a horror game not being scary is a pretty fatal flaw.

 

[KidKarolus]

But surely if you want size or easy access to weapons and/or nukes why not take russia instead?
Also if your taking over the world who cares about money I personally plan to run a communist utopia when my death ray comes online.

The problem with Russia is finding the fucking things; in America it's easy, they have all been stockpiled in undesirable locations in the Midwest, hell, with the assistance of Google maps you could probably find the military bases for nearly two thirds of them. However, the second point I must concede, a death ray is truly the only superweapon befitting an evil genius, though in a communist utopia, you the conquer would have the same net worth and power as a street urchin.