Zero Punctuation: Split Second: Velocity

[Swifteye]

What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.

Yes. You aren't supposed to do that. How long have you been here? You had to have picked up on that rule by now.

Split second looked fun but judging from this review it sounds like mod nation or blur would be better. I'm probably going to get mod nation even though it too has some serious problems.

 

[Morti]

Since too many people seem to be traking ZP as a proper review instead of a humerous rant, I'll address a couple of the issues he brought up.

Premise:
1) It's not a city, it's all built explicitly for the "show".
2) The "On the next episode" stuff is not there to tell a story or recap or anything, it's just to create a sense of emersion so that you actually feel like you're actually participating in/watching the show.
3) The "Don't Try this at Home" is meant to be tongue in cheek and tie it into the "TV Show" theme.

Tracks:
4) Yes, there do need to be more, but there release is staggered accross the entire season, so you won't see them all till the final couple of episodes.
5) Reverse tracks would not be simple as 90% of the PowerPlays (explosions, route changes, etc) wouldn't work anymore.

Gameplay:
6) If you're being blown up 10m from the finish it's because you suck. Either hang back in second and blow the person in front up or put your foot down and pull far enough ahead to be out of range.
7) The PowerPlays aren't random, they're in the exact same place each time you race. If you fail to remember where then that's not the games fault.
8) There are multiple tracks in one location. a) it's all the same city b) there are three main areas in which the tracks are located: downtown, dock/powerplant and the desert. Using the route change powerplays will have you shifting between the diferent tracks mid race.

 

[Zerbye]

Fun game. I'm a huge fan of the Burnout series, and this feels extremely familiar. It definitely has its quirks...Burnout is a much more aggressive game, while Split Second is more a "passive aggressive" game. It's the difference between smacking someone with your car vs. pressing a button to activate explosives that may or may not connect. I found Burnout more road rage inducing, while in Split Second, you barely care who caused the gas station next to you explode. Spectacular ride though, and worth at least a rent.

 

[Cgull]

The pregnant women fighting for the right to chow down on some tasty foetus was an interesting idea, I give it a decade (tops) before it becomes a staple of Saturday night television.

On a mildly related note, 23rd birthday today and my girlfriend got me a Zero Punctuation T-shirt as one of my gifts. This made me really rather cheerful.

 

[Queen Michael]

Hey, Yahtzee? That part where you point out how incredibly stupid it is to use a "/" where a "-" would be more appropriate? THANK YOU. I hate it when they do that.

 

[Zerbye]

Hey, Yahtzee? That part where you point out how incredibly stupid it is to use a "/" where a "-" would be more appropriate? THANK YOU. I hate it when they do that.

Absolutely right. It should have been Sec/ond. Ha!

 

[EchetusXe]

The cartoon version of Yahtzee in a car is really cute.

 

[Uberpig]

I want to hear more about this driving instructor story...

 

[EchetusXe]

Raging virgins like Yahtzee make me proud to be a raging virgin myself

You mean you both can't drive or you're both virgins who are really pissed off about life?

 

[Abnaxus]

That with the moms eating babies was one hell of a joke

 

[Therumancer]

until Scrooge Mcduck tells Mickey that his analysis of the market dictates that it's the ideal time for a release.

Scrooge actually employed someome for stuff like market analysis, money counting, and other number crunching stuff when he's not in his robocop-on-a-unicycle armor. Scrooge himself was an adventurer until the end (if you count the EU ending as canon in the NA Disney franchise).

This wasn't intended as a serious analysis of Disney characters. Though I suppose in the spirit of my original post I could claim that Scrooge was simply acting in a TV show similar to how Mickey was given what he was apparently really like.

Besides if you wanted to get really technical back in Disney's "A Christmas Carol" where he was Scrooge (you know, the original point), Mickey was playing the Bob Cratchett role and acting as his clerk...

That would mean that Yahtzee's image might be Scrooge dressing up in mouse ears as Mickey to do this kind of stuff, while the actual Mickey comes up with the market analysis for when to release the car tracks.... but such thoughts rapidly get too disturbing for even me to contemplate long. You don't need Cthulhu to shatter minds when you can put Disney characters into warped roles.....

 

[dunnace]

... but the game isn't based on luck at all, in fact the smart player won't take first until the final lap, constantly hang back until they can spring a powerful trap towards the end and then win. The trick is in playing the course and keeping pace, not only that but the power-ups are earned, not randomly distributed.

Methinks you missed the point.

 

[StriderShinryu]

Gotta say I'm in the same boat. I really don't mind racing games but I'm just not very good at them.. and that is only exacerbated by the need for most racing games to include luck based mechanics or rubber band AI. Even when I do get in a good racing groove and am doing well, it's beyond frustrating to know that one tiny mistake, or the game apparently deciding you're just doing too well at it, will knock you out of first with no chance to recover.

 

[Jared]

Hehe...Good ep. I liked the racing action, but I got some strange glitches at points...

 

[Rickyvantof]

I laughed at the part of the pregnant ladies having to eat eachothers foetusses.

 

[ben---neb]

I find your lack of starcraft 2 disturbing....

Achievement unlocked: Star Worded - Star Wars reference + humour

 

[A_Person]

Note to self: Dont buy this game.

 

[wonkify]

Yahtzee's mum can give me a ride to the corner market anytime if we get to enjoy massive, property destroying 'splosions and mayhem on the way.

And the Thatcher joke made me laugh, the timing on that line's delivery was spot on.

 

[SAMAS]

Mirror Tits.

Can someone get a picture of that?

I hate to break it to Mr. Croshaw, but he just reviewed Mario Kart.

If you replace "Shipping Crate" with "Blue Shell", you have a point!

 

[WiDEEyeDSmILes]

Just throwing out my opinion.

Racing games never caught my fancy, there's so little ways to vary it and keep the game from being repetitive that they are rarely done well.

The Need for Speed games kept their business with the ability to customize and tune your vehicle, giving you a feeling of satisfaction and pride when you see your crayon scribbled on vehicle with all the engine upgrades easily beat your npc opponents. That and of course the god awful movies that all kept the same name as some pricks idea of good marketing, it all ended up looking like some terrible inbred family tree, each and ever one having at least one deformity that made them hideously second rate in whatever genre competition they entered in.

Then there are games that try to mix it up a bit, like Burn Out, where you do a Evil Knievel like stunt to crash your vehicle in a way to rack up as much casualty damage as possible. Or the classic, combat(stroke)racing games, where gatling guns spawn from the sides of your car and the back hood pops open to launch off a spray of small lemon sized heat seeking missiles. Almost all of which controls end up being a bit awkward and difficult to control while driving a good 90 down a bendy road. Some to better then others, but in the end they all end up focusing more on how big a caliber weapon you can ducktape to your hood then the actual racing aspect.


P.S.

I will keep posting this until I see a review on it.

Yahtzee, you should play Rule of Rose.