British Zombies Attack Unprepared City Council

Earnest Cavalli

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British Zombies Attack Unprepared City Council



If there's one thing zombies love more than delicious human brains, it's the hubris of British government employees.

On June 10 we ran a piece on the Leicester City Council [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/7.290681-British-City-Council-Unprepared-For-Walking-Dead], detailing the local government's bemused reaction to a letter asking if they had a contingency plan in case hell should ever become full, prompting the dead to again walk the earth.

In its official statement the council was polite, exhibiting a stoic reserve worthy of Alfred Tennyson, though spokeswoman Lynn Wyeth did admit to giggling at the query.

That was a mistake.

One week later, the Leicester City Council was overrun by a horde of 150 shambling corpses, clawing hungrily at the windows in a lethargic bid to sup upon a buffet of tasty frontal lobes and piquant hippocampi.

Fortunately for Council employees, no one was messily devoured, likely because the stunt was the brainchild of one James Dixon, a citizen who organized the "mass shamble" via Facebook.

"We went for a shamble. We shambled from the clock to the city council offices -- about half a mile through the city centre," Dixon told the BBC.

"There were just a couple of security guards at the building. We didn't try to get inside -- just pressed ourselves up against the glass like zombies do."

"A few of us are in the pub now -- it's been a really good day," Dixon added.

The event attracted stares from onlookers, including one Chris Porter. "People were going about their normal routine when all of a sudden a steady horde of zombies came lumbering into view," Porter said.

"It was astonishing how everyone just seemed to stop and stare. Of course, if it had been a real zombie attack I think folk would be running for their lives," he added.

Meanwhile, here in The States, zombie attacks are at an all-time low thanks to Frank West [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/7.284967-Center-for-Disease-Control-Reveals-Zombie-Apocalypse-Plan]).

Source: BBC [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-13823427]

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Dec 14, 2009
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Bah, a British zombie apocalypse wouldn't work very well anyway.

We don't like to bother people. It's impolite.

Unless you're inbred chavvy trash of course, but hey, the only thing that seperates them from zombies is the whole being dead thing.
 

imnot

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Apr 23, 2010
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I love Britain sometimes, Id love it more if it stopped raaining for 1 bloody minuite!
/rage

And is it bad that I found a perfect zombie proof house to stay in should the event arrise.
It has a cat and everything!
 

DaHero

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Jan 10, 2011
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Everyone knows the US will be the first country to fall from the zombie apocalypse (congress will spend too much time debating if they can afford to fight it while PETA will try to sanction zombies as a rare species) but once the zombies get boats, Australia will go next, because their government doesn't know how to handle violence. Africa will be next (not racist here, just a wild guess *obligatoryresidentevil5reference*) and the final stand of humanity will be? Soviet Union of course! Haven't you played Metro 2033? >.>
 

Shoggoth2588

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Aug 31, 2009
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I really wish I could have been there for that. Sadly, I live in the U.S. where a zombie flash-mob like that would more than likely end in a hail of gunfire.
 

Sniper Team 4

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Hee hee hee. This is pretty funny. Did anyone tape it? Put it up on youtube so we can see it. I am surprised that there wasn't any actual trouble. Perhaps living in the U.S. has made me simply expect something to go wrong with an event like this.

And come on people. A horde of zombies comes walking down the street, and you simply stop and stare? At the very least, back up quickly, if not full out run. You may look like an idiot, but those people will quickly be food so their opinions won't matter.
 

viranimus

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Nov 20, 2009
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LOL... Good thing this was Britain because well doing this in some parts of the US would have got a bunch of kids dressed up in halloween get up shot.
 

Citizen Snips

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May 13, 2009
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DaHero said:
Everyone knows the US will be the first country to fall from the zombie apocalypse (congress will spend too much time debating if they can afford to fight it while PETA will try to sanction zombies as a rare species) but once the zombies get boats, Australia will go next, because their government doesn't know how to handle violence. Africa will be next (not racist here, just a wild guess *obligatoryresidentevil5reference*) and the final stand of humanity will be? Soviet Union of course! Haven't you played Metro 2033? >.>
Somebody hasn't been reading their Zombie Survival Guide! Louisiana, and in particular Lafayette and Baton Rouge (my home town), will survive because the hot humid weather will break down flesh in a matter of weeks if not days. -1 for forensic teams, but +100 for the Z-Day Survivor!

Russia is screwed because after the snow melts all of the zombicicles will thaw and prey on the rooskies like undead hibernating bears.

....I swear I don't think about this a lot.
 

lukeyk

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Feb 10, 2010
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All I could imagine is shaun of the dead :/ Cracking movie :p And how I hope a zombie apocalypse will be :D
 

Cap'n Ninja

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Jan 16, 2011
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Daystar Clarion said:
Bah, a British zombie apocalypse wouldn't work very well anyway.

We don't like to bother people. It's impolite.

Unless you're inbred chavvy trash of course, but hey, the only thing that seperates them from zombies is the whole being dead thing.
I'd rather Chavs were replaced by zombies. Less chance of ending up dead, less awful music, they smell better, they look better, and overall, are just better to be around.

OT: And then, next week, when the zombies attacked Leicester, no-one took any notice, and the entire city was down within four days.
 

rancher of monsters

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Oct 31, 2010
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I can imagine the horror now.

"Terribly sorry, I don't mean to trouble you, but I'm a bit peckish. Could I perhaps have a bite of your brain?"
 
Dec 14, 2009
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Cap said:
Daystar Clarion said:
Bah, a British zombie apocalypse wouldn't work very well anyway.

We don't like to bother people. It's impolite.

Unless you're inbred chavvy trash of course, but hey, the only thing that seperates them from zombies is the whole being dead thing.
I'd rather Chavs were replaced by zombies. Less chance of ending up dead, less awful music, they smell better, they look better, and overall, are just better to be around.

OT: And then, next week, when the zombies attacked Leicester, no-one took any notice, and the entire city was down within four days.
Their language skills are better too.

When a zombie tells me he wants brain, I understand that he wants brains.


I have no clue what chavs are talking about 99% of the time.
 

Zac Smith

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Apr 25, 2010
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Daystar Clarion said:
Bah, a British zombie apocalypse wouldn't work very well anyway.

We don't like to bother people. It's impolite.

Unless you're inbred chavvy trash of course, but hey, the only thing that seperates them from zombies is the whole being dead thing.
You don't sound very British at all, if someone has upset me, I will indeed bother them with a nice stern letter via her majesty's royal postal service, and patiently wait for a reply
 

whiteshark12

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Jan 30, 2011
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imnotparanoid said:
I love Britain sometimes, Id love it more if it stopped raaining for 1 bloody minuite!
Don't know where the fuck you ended up, most of the UK has been under emergency drought laws because it hadn't rained since march (excluding this last week)
 

gCrusher

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Mar 17, 2011
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rancher of monsters said:
I can imagine the horror now.

"Terribly sorry, I don't mean to trouble you, but I'm a bit peckish. Could I perhaps have a bite of your brain?"
It'd be really hard to say no to that. So polite. But y'know he likely wouldn't stop there.

And what about football hooligans becoming zombies? o_O The fear for the flesh has increased.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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And it had to be the one day I wasn't in Leicester. Gah.

Oh Good grief...the Clock Tower during the European Market? There's only Goths hanging around outside the Body Shop normally anyway, no-one would know the difference.