A Fanboy's Guide to Fanboying

[onelifecrisis]

Hilarious article

BTW, for the record, it's not sexist to say "fanboy" because there are no fangirls anywhere ever.

 

[MasterSplinter]

I don't know how to read this article, most of it is obvious opposing axioms "satire" but the first couple of points where ok by me.

And then you come to the comments and look down on peolpe that didn't understood you, did it occur to you maybe you are not perfect at making "satire"?

 

[SageRuffin]

You're not allowed to criticize a game unless you've played the entire series.

It's a simple rule. If you didn't play the first eight installments going all the way back to 1993, plus the handheld versions, the rail-shooter spinoff, the MMO, and the next-gen remakes, then your opinion is invalid. You're not allowed to form opinions or discuss the game until you know what you're talking about.

You forgot the anime/manga tie-in, the soundtracks, the artbooks and character files, and the hentai doujin (read: sexually explicit fan-comics). Then and only then will your opinion will be given a damn.

 

[crimson sickle2]

The article is oddly true. However, now someone must create the "A Haters Guide to Hating." After all, everyone knows that if you say anything opinion based on the internet someone will disagree and another will agree. Thus, balance is preserved.

 

[VanityGirl]

Ha! Hilarious, though I actually do agree that you cannot make a review on a game/form a real opinion on it until you've played it.

Playing through the entire series would be excessive.

 

[Ghengis John]

You're not allowed to have an opinion on a game until you've played it.

No, you're not allowed to have an opinion on a game until you've played it. Publicly. That's what separates someone who has the stones/gall to call themselves a journalist from a gossip. Report the facts on something you haven't played, not conjecture. If you haven't played it at least be sure to mention you haven't. Bare minimum. Unless you don't have a problem with the fact that what you think might be wrong. As somebody who has in the past, admittedly found himself to be totally wrong after becoming informed about something I know first hand it would behoove me not to stick my foot in my mouth where people's jobs and reputation are at stake. To say nothing of the fact that we've all done it and it's embarrassing.

You don't know how many times I've hated on something when I knew little about it. Found out it was great and I'd been a fool. Or found out I hated something I thought I would hate for reasons totally different than I thought I would hate it for and felt like a fool. Because ultimately that's what some one who speaks without knowing what they're talking about is really. That said, writing anything on the internet is a pain in the ass. Ten people will jump on you for making a simple joke. Not to make your job any tougher with that in mind but the fact you think it's okay ruffles my feathers. Is it avoidable not to make conjectures as a professional writer? I'd like to think I'd avoid it but ironically I've never been one.

 

[Lyx]

I find it amusing how many people in this thread have issues with understanding logics.

Of course you can have an opinion on something that isn't released yet. And it also makes sense to have an opinion if you have information on that game. You get to see trailers, screenshots, comments from the devs/studio/publisher, perhaps even got your hands on an early techdemo. You may not know yet what it definatelly will be like when it is released, but you do have information on what according to current information it looks like.

Are we going to not have any opinion on what information studios release before releasing the game? So, what then - no preview articles anymore at all? Or just restating the press releases that the publisher prewrote for us? Or do we do the hidden joke of what shamus mentioned at the end "Only say good things about a game until it is released", which indeed is the most ridiculous option: You may not have an opinion about an unreleased game, but you may have a good opinion of it.... riiiiiiight!

P.S.: In case i didn't explain the difference clear enough: It may not make sense to have a *final* opinion on what the *final* game will be like. But this is not what shamus said: He (sarcastically) said that you may have no opinion at all (but a good opinion) of a game that isn't released yet - and that indeed makes no sense, unless you're simply trying to forbid criticism of something you like (and thus have an opinion about

 

[perpetualburn]

This article is great, but it is made less funny because an agonizing amount of people follow these rules.

 

[Ghengis John]

But this is not what shamus said: He (sarcastically) said that you may have no opinion at all (but a good opinion) of a game that isn't released yet - and that indeed makes no sense, unless you're simply trying to forbid criticism of something you like (and thus have an opinion about

Actually what you said is not what Shamus said either. He said:

"Nobody should say anything negative about a game until they've played it themselves and have formed an opinion. Until then, they should only be allowed to say nice things."

This doesn't limit the stance to games in development. And in that regard (development) I can empathize. It's hard to know where you will cross the line with people and playing the game is rarely an option. I'm always perplexed to run into aggressive, hard-core fans of new IP's before the IP is even released. That's the most boggling fan element for me of all. I was roundly (and rudely) shouted down for saying "I dunno guys, Brutal Legend may not have the kind of gameplay you think it does." Then nobody bought it.

Otherwise, who says you have to say something nice or something negative? There is always the mysterious fourth option. Not saying anything at all. I know, this seems to be a real leap of imagination but just follow me here. What if, instead of saying "this game looks lousy to me" or feeling like you're risking your journalistic integrity by saying "It's great! ... I suspect. Under protest." You just say "I know nothing about it. I will say something if I ever do." Woah. Woah. Shocker. You can do that? Yes.

I mean seriously. You're defending opinions built upon ignorance. Seriously? You've just pardoned every form of bigot in the world then. It's not that hard to display a little tact.

Then again, if you were tactful and they still went into a frothing rage, mock away.

 

[hoockhand]

So I can't judge a story based game by its story.. ok... oh wait you said what if it is about the story later on.. WTF DO I DO?

Don't judge by single player or multiplayer? hm.. so what do I judge a game by? The loading screen?

Don't judge it by bad gfx or good... So I can only judge a game if the gfx are okay not good or bad?

Don't judge a game by its realism? So you are telling me that if a game that wanted a realystic enviroment but FAILED completly that I should just ingore it?

 

[ChupathingyX]

Most games do need a story because they give you reason as to why you're trying to kill that guy or trying to acquire that magical sword. They also add some extra interesting backstory to events and characters to the game which or me makes the game much more enjoyable.

 

[Boba Frag]

heh, brilliant work, Shamus!

The satire is crisp, slightly bitter and delicious.

It circles in slowly like an angel of death....

I think this article should be made required reading before people join the Forums

 

[The Journey]

I loved this. Bravo Shamus! You may be a twisted cynic but bugger it if you don't entertain me.

A story of my own below.

Spoiler

Fanboys aggravate the hell out of me. I was at the midnight launch of Reach even though I'm not a Halo fan. I hate 99% of the entire series, but Reach is good. Then get into a massive argument (x2 if you count my best mate there with me having the exact same thing happen to him just over my shoulder) as a Halo fanboy comes and accosts me and begins telling me how deep and meaningful the story is and how it's the best game ever.

I eventually told him to shut up unless he had something else to talk about except Halo. Apparently I was a CoD fanboy for not loving the Halo series off the bat.

 

[whaleswiththumbs]

What else am I going to do? Let them continue being wrong?

i thought i remembered something like that.

OT:
Nice Shamus, we should all get to work on setting the haters right. Hopefully their feeble minds can stand our amazing games.

Although i think one or two on the first page actually do make alot of sense. I'll go back and find which ones i'm thinking of.

EDIT:
Turns out just one...

You're not allowed to have an opinion on a game until you've played it.

-snip-

.... I don't know what is wrong with you... Or how to fix it..... I'll just leave it at, your post is a swing and a miss.

 

[little bear]

hehe...shamus you crazy kook and ur thick satire.
EDIT: how many people missed the point of this, 5?

 

[drivel]

Brilliant.

When you think about it, the level of discourse on the Internet about the latest Halo game isn't all that different from the political discourse on Fox News, or the political arena in general.

Guest on show: I respectfully disagree with you.
Beck (douche): Well you must be a godless, socialist Nazi, then!
Guest: Nazis and Socialists aren't one and...
Beck: Only a Socialist would know that... or a Nazi...

 

[TerranReaper]

Satire at its finest. There is some truth to this though, sadly enough. One thing I find irriating, is people criticizing a multiplayer-oriented game for having a horrible storyline or the single-player for being terrible.

 

[nipsen]

..well, you know.. the real satire is that the people inside the industry would read this story and go: "of course, that makes so much sense! It's like I've always said, we need to have no opinions, and go the way of the least amount of resistance to please everyone! And that's how a good game is made - and noise on the internet proves it!".

To everyone else, something like this will seem a bit strange. After all, why spend time pointing out that the only way to please everyone, according to this very well known logic, is to say absolutely nothing? Everyone understands intuitively that you just will not be able to please everyone all of the time - no matter how much you whore yourself to popular suggestions.

But promoters in the industry do not understand it. And will probably read something like this with extreme interest, and use it as a baseline for their next marketing push.

 

[Twilight_guy]

Nice bit of satire there. Although I really do think people should try to not form opinions until playing a game. I've seen games that looked bad be good and games that look good be bad you really can't tell till you've tried.

 

[someotherguy]

You lost me at "it's not about the story" OFCOURSE it's about the story - games and we have evolved so far luckily that we can, and should, demand a good story and storytelling from games. I don't care if the game has incredible gameplay mechanics like Modern Warfare 2, if the story is horrible then I have no reason to play it. Same goes for movies and books, if the story isn't there, I'm not watching/reading any further, no matter how good the technical side is.

I lol'd. You just failed it. And MW2 has incredible mechanics? Since when is dying every 3 seconds a mechanic?