A Fanboy's Guide to Fanboying

[Sylocat]

You're not allowed to have an opinion on a game until you've played it.

It's unfair to judge a game before it comes out, or to decide you don't want to get a game when you haven't tried it.

Um... why is this rule in with the rest of the sarcastic rules? Why is this an unfair rule to hold critics to, exactly?

 

[Badger Kyre]

You snarky, snarky bastard, you.

 

[auronvi]

What else am I going to do? Let them continue being wrong?

This exact comic came to mind when I read this.

So true... all of it.

 

[wonkify]

"Which is why it was invented in the first place.

Sadly the fanboys truly seem to believe this is why the internet exists, to spew filth and rage all over people they would never approach in real life for fear of incurring grievous bodily harm.

I continue to believe that an inexpensive punching bag, either speed bag or heavy bag in their basement or garage, would do them more good than a million characters of fanboy typing.

They'd feel better and the internet as a whole would improve as well. Everybody wins.

And game reviewers would go gray later and live longer, happier lives too. I wouldn't want that job for all the free games in existence. Too expensive at the price.

 

[kouriichi]

So basically Kane And Lynch 2 is the best game for the consoles right now?
I always knew i was right. xD

 

[Jared]

Heh- Very true. Fanboys are so annoying - especilly when you know they are wrong, but you also know they wont back down

 

[Snotnarok]

Well a real aid would be, you gotta be a member of gamefaqs to be a REAL fan of anything. This way you can not only bash someone for being wrong about a game you can have an entire community join in and it becomes a war.

Okay jokes aside about that awful site, you might have forgotten one rule, though it may only apply to a smaller group.

You can't judge/review a game till you've seen the bribe figures aka "gifts"

A game may be mediocre or have some glaring flaws but if you get the special edition a few posters, and heck a giant figure of the games hero, with a check with a sum of money, sure you can get that score bumped from a 6 to an 8, maybe an 8.5 if it's a big name series.

 

[HT_Black]

Thanks to the miracle of Poe's law, I totally agree with your first two points. Reviewing something you're determined to hate is bad form for numerous reasons, as I think nearly every critic on the face of the planet can attest; and forming an opinion on gameplay videos and screenshots is uninspired, to say the least.

...On the other hand, however, I think it's safe to say-- with the best intentions at heart and the highest opinion of your work in my mind-- that you, Mr. Young, are about as subtle a satirist as Jonathan Swift. Your points are definitely solid, but (however you may choose to interpret this) they are what our comrades at TvTropes would call "Anvilicious". Either way, it was an amusing and informative article, so...one for team TwentySided, I guess.

 

[Generic_Dave]

I believe the apposite phrase is "lulz"...

Brilliant article man...though I cringe that I've found myself guilty of at least one of these Deadly Sins...

You're not allowed to judge games by their single-player gameplay.

When haters complain that the gameplay is poor, all they're really saying is that they suck at the game. They're terrible at playing and probably died a thousand times in the tutorial. Maybe they just suck too bad to see how awesome the game is? It's the job of the player to make the game fun, not the game designer.

Best Experienced Points in ages! Well done

 

[RelexCryo]

Experienced Points: A Fanboy's Guide to Fanboying

Follow these few simple rules to avoid the wrath of the fanboy.

Read Full Article

Hate to dissagree with you Shamus, but your satier was off on the first two points.

1)You're not allowed to review games you know you won't like.

Why review a game if it's not for you? If you're not going to like a game, then don't play it. Leave the reviews to the true fans.

You're not allowed to have an opinion on a game until you've played it.

2)It's unfair to judge a game before it comes out, or to decide you don't want to get a game when you haven't tried it. For a reviewer, this is incredibly unprofessional. Reviewers that do this are just attention-starved hacks.

Nobody should say anything negative about a game until they've played it themselves and have formed an opinion. Until then, they should only be allowed to say nice things.


Both of those 2 attempts at satire are wrong.

1) I have seen people give games negative reviews(or at least deduct points on a review) simply because of conventions that are inherent to the genre/sub-genre. For example, I have seen people complain that you become too powerful and the game loses challenge in Role Playing games like Jade Empire where becoming an extremely powerful badass(greatest Martial Artist in the World in Jade Empire's case.) and curbstomping everything endgame is a significant part of the games appeal. Some people don't like that sub-genre of roleplaying game, and they will actually give negative reviews simply because a game is part of that genre- even though this is pretty much the only way to effectively roleplay as someone like Musashi. Many people believe that games *must* become more difficult as time goes by, and will give negative reviews if a game actually becomes less difficult endgame, when you are a maxed out insanely powerful badass. Building up to becoming the most powerful badass in the world is a legitimate sub-genre of roleplaying games, but many people will give negative reviews simply because a game is part of that sub-genre.

2) Reviewing a game you haven't played is unprofessional. Deal with it.

That said, I love your stuff in general Shamus.

 

[hyperhammy]

I think this explains it all. Hilarious shit.

You have been ninja'd! ON DA INTERWEBZ!

 

[sylekage]

All of those points have some truth in them, even though it was almost pure sarcasm throughout . Good article though, funny stuff.

 

[chozo_hybrid]

My sarcasm detector is going off the charts!

A sarcasm detector... What a useful invention. cookie for reference

Thank you, I haven't had a cookie in ages. I tried to find the youtube clip, but it was only in German for some reason...

Still, this article is awesome XD

 

[Mr Companion]

Let's keep a running count of how many people completely miss the satire.

The count is at: 1

Yeah I bet you are gonna get a lot of that for this. Because as clever as most people on the escapist are there is always a select few who just don't understand good humour. See those who misunderstood the Duke Nukem zp review.

 

[Zukhramm]

1) I have seen people give games negative reviews(or at least deduct points on a review) simply because of conventions that are inherent to the genre/sub-genre. For example, I have seen people complain that you become too powerful and the game loses challenge in Role Playing games like Jade Empire where becoming an extremely powerful badass(greatest Martial Artist in the World in Jade Empire's case.) and curbstomping everything endgame is a significant part of the games appeal. Some people don't like that sub-genre of roleplaying game, and they will actually give negative reviews simply because a game is part of that genre- even though this is pretty much the only way to effectively roleplay as someone like Musashi. Many people believe that games *must* become more difficult as time goes by, and will give negative reviews if a game actually becomes less difficult endgame, when you are a maxed out insanely powerful badass. Building up to becoming the most powerful badass in the world is a legitimate sub-genre of roleplaying games, but many people will give negative reviews simply because a game is part of that sub-genre.

How would someone know the game is of this "get very strong sub-genre" before playing it? In the end, if that is something the review does not like, is not the point of a review to point out what you like and dislike about the game?

2) Reviewing a game you haven't played is unprofessional. Deal with it.

But he didn't say "You're not allowed to review a game until you've played it.", but rather "You're not allowed to have an opinion on a game until you've played it.".

 

[Chrinik]

Fun how many people missed the point entirely XD
Although some points sound like valid arguements. Afterall, the best satirist has knowledge in the specific field so he can mock it more.

BUT, I have my own thought about fanboyism...
/ignore...

I just ignore most fanboy hate...I watch reviews of a game I might like, I read reviews, maybe download the demo and play for a bit.
But I judge a game by how much it entertained me through story, gameplay or the little picture on the box (XD) by my PERSONAL Standarts...not some made up standarts chart everything has to be measured with...
I liked the Halo series, and I´d probably get Reach, altho I had XLB Gold for about 3 months before turning back to SP or offline MP entirely.
I liked the CoD Games.
I liked Kane and Lynch, both parts.
Etc etc etc...
And I´m not going to dictate my opinion, I´m not going to make shallow points or whatever to claim these games be "BESTEST GAMES EVAR!!!"

But what I absolutely don´t like is when the "haters" go about hating and rambling about a certain plothole that has been explained in like the first few minutes, or the game before, and they just didn´t get it because they skip cutscenes with bathroombreaks or skipped the game entirely, whatever<.<
I don´t watch a serries mid season and complain about how I don´t know what the fuck is going on<.<

But afterall, both sides are massive Nerds...

 

[Cherry Cola]

Experienced Points: A Fanboy's Guide to Fanboying

Follow these few simple rules to avoid the wrath of the fanboy.

Read Full Article

Hate to dissagree with you Shamus, but your satier was off on the first two points.

1)You're not allowed to review games you know you won't like.

Why review a game if it's not for you? If you're not going to like a game, then don't play it. Leave the reviews to the true fans.

You're not allowed to have an opinion on a game until you've played it.

2)It's unfair to judge a game before it comes out, or to decide you don't want to get a game when you haven't tried it. For a reviewer, this is incredibly unprofessional. Reviewers that do this are just attention-starved hacks.

Nobody should say anything negative about a game until they've played it themselves and have formed an opinion. Until then, they should only be allowed to say nice things.


Both of those 2 attempts at satire are wrong.

1) I have seen people give games negative reviews(or at least deduct points on a review) simply because of conventions that are inherent to the genre/sub-genre. For example, I have seen people complain that you become too powerful and the game loses challenge in Role Playing games like Jade Empire where becoming an extremely powerful badass(greatest Martial Artist in the World in Jade Empire's case.) and curbstomping everything endgame is a significant part of the games appeal. Some people don't like that sub-genre of roleplaying game, and they will actually give negative reviews simply because a game is part of that genre- even though this is pretty much the only way to effectively roleplay as someone like Musashi. Many people believe that games *must* become more difficult as time goes by, and will give negative reviews if a game actually becomes less difficult endgame, when you are a maxed out insanely powerful badass. Building up to becoming the most powerful badass in the world is a legitimate sub-genre of roleplaying games, but many people will give negative reviews simply because a game is part of that sub-genre.

Many people will give negative reviews because it's a bad sub-genre.

If a game stops being challenging by the end, then it severely undermines the climax, and ruins much of the experience. Talk about how it's a legitimate sub-genre all you want, it doesn't mean it's a good sub-genre or that the game is free from criticism.

Besides, you need to criticize the sub-genre anyway, because people reading should be able to understand why you don't think that sub-genre works. It's professional to criticize a game for being part of a sub-genre you don't like if you explain why it doesn't work in the game and how it makes the game worse. Fanboys ignore that and simply argue that the game isn't your cup of tea. That is the point Shamus is making, and it's a real, legitimate point.

2) Reviewing a game you haven't played is unprofessional. Deal with it.

He never said "reviewing" a game if you haven't played it. He said judging a game.

A reviewer is fully capable of judging a game before he's played it. Yahtzee did it to Starcraft 2 when he explained why he didn't want to play it. Like it or not, reviewers have opinions too (their entire job is about expressing their opinions after all), and if they don't want to play a game, it's in no way unprofessional.

To quote George Orwell from his "In Defence of the Novel": "there can be no such thing as good novel criticism so long as it is assumed that every novel is worth reviewing." This statement works just as well with games as it does with novels.

 

[Swaki]

I agree on 2 of the points you made in your oh so witty ways, It's not fair to criticize a multiplayer game if the community is horrible. sure i have been called terrible names in every multiplayer game i have ever played, something that made my experience less enjoyable, but it didn't make the game worse, and you shouldn't criticize a game before it gets out, heck i have even had fun with a rebellion game.

 

[Ashsaver]

"You're not allowed to criticize a game unless you've played the entire series."

I have to lol at this thinking there are bazillion of Pokemon games out there, One must wonder how many Pokemon fans are actually allowed to criticize Pokemon.

 

[Cgull]

It's a little concerning that some people have missed the satrical entirely.

Still, 'twas a funny, and worryingly accurate, article either way.