A Fanboy's Guide to Fanboying

[schroing]

New rule; use strawmen as often as possible.

You clearly understand every facet of your target's simple, uneducated logic, so making up their arguments for them to speed up the discussion is a no-brainer.

 

[nik3daz]

So, how to avoid the wrath of fanboys: don't post an opinion. Got it. I kinda knew that already though, but you get loads of points for the awesome way you said it.

You also forgot the "can't judge a game until you've played through until the end even if the first part is atrociously bad." (see the FF13 comments under Yahtzee's review)

Invalidated by the fact that he straight up told you at the start that he only played five hours. It's not like he was trying to fool anyone into thinking he played the entire thing and wanted them to think it was a shit festival from start to finish.

And also, he's right. Something bad getting better later doesn't excuse the bad part. For the 20 hours I'd have to waste to get to the "good" part of FF13, I could just play another game that's good from start to finish. And I will choose the other game every time, because I'm in this to have fun, not to be bored and annoyed.

I'm not saying he's wrong. He's a gamer reviewer, not a quality assurance guy. Nothing says he has to play the game to its conclusion.

Heh, what about games that go to shit after few hours. I'd hate to have bought Indigo Prophecy (or Fahrenheit) because of a half0spirited reviewer that didn't bother to play up to the half of the game where the story (and hence the gameplay) went to shit.

How would you know a game was good from start to finish unless the reviewer played it completely?

Maybe reviewers should be more upfront about how much of a game they played (usually they are anyways).

 

[Scuzzymcfi]

So, how to avoid the wrath of fanboys: don't post an opinion. Got it. I kinda knew that already though, but you get loads of points for the awesome way you said it.

You also forgot the "can't judge a game until you've played through until the end even if the first part is atrociously bad." (see the FF13 comments under Yahtzee's review)

Invalidated by the fact that he straight up told you at the start that he only played five hours. It's not like he was trying to fool anyone into thinking he played the entire thing and wanted them to think it was a shit festival from start to finish.

And also, he's right. Something bad getting better later doesn't excuse the bad part. For the 20 hours I'd have to waste to get to the "good" part of FF13, I could just play another game that's good from start to finish. And I will choose the other game every time, because I'm in this to have fun, not to be bored and annoyed.

I'm not saying he's wrong. He's a gamer reviewer, not a quality assurance guy. Nothing says he has to play the game to its conclusion.

Well... except his contract, probably. But I doubt that he or the Escapist gave a shit, I mean, he's just too good.

 

[CitySquirrel]

Is there an opposite of a fanboy? Someone who is convinced all games are now crap (except a few that he /she loves) and that if you like them you are one of the hypnotized masses that have been brainwashed into loving mediocrity? Cuz I know a guy like this.

 

[GoodApprentice]

F.Y.I.

It's irony at use here, not sarcasm.

 

[Saltyk]

So, how to avoid the wrath of fanboys: don't post an opinion. Got it. I kinda knew that already though, but you get loads of points for the awesome way you said it.

You also forgot the "can't judge a game until you've played through until the end even if the first part is atrociously bad." (see the FF13 comments under Yahtzee's review)

Invalidated by the fact that he straight up told you at the start that he only played five hours. It's not like he was trying to fool anyone into thinking he played the entire thing and wanted them to think it was a shit festival from start to finish.

And also, he's right. Something bad getting better later doesn't excuse the bad part. For the 20 hours I'd have to waste to get to the "good" part of FF13, I could just play another game that's good from start to finish. And I will choose the other game every time, because I'm in this to have fun, not to be bored and annoyed.

I'm not saying he's wrong. He's a gamer reviewer, not a quality assurance guy. Nothing says he has to play the game to its conclusion.

The thing is. I don't think of Yahtzee as a game reviewer per se. I see him more as a game satire writer. He rarely has anything good to say about even the best games. And that's what I love about his reviews! Yahtzee will remind you that your favorite game is far from perfect. It may only be a little less crap than a few other games truth be told.

For the record, I personally liked FFXIII. Once you got into Chap 3, the story became much better. Eventually, I even stopped hating a few particular characters (cough Vanille, Hope cough).

 

[mexicola]

I think we all learned a few things today. I'm going to print out these rules and keep them next to my monitor just so I don't forget. No longer shall ignorant haters walk around freely without being corrected about how wrong they are, you changed my life, Shamus.

 

[Sylocat]

You're not allowed to have an opinion on a game until you've played it.

It's unfair to judge a game before it comes out, or to decide you don't want to get a game when you haven't tried it.

Um... why is this rule in with the rest of the sarcastic rules? Why is this an unfair rule to hold critics to, exactly?

 

[Badger Kyre]

You snarky, snarky bastard, you.

 

[auronvi]

What else am I going to do? Let them continue being wrong?

This exact comic came to mind when I read this.

So true... all of it.

 

[wonkify]

"Which is why it was invented in the first place.

Sadly the fanboys truly seem to believe this is why the internet exists, to spew filth and rage all over people they would never approach in real life for fear of incurring grievous bodily harm.

I continue to believe that an inexpensive punching bag, either speed bag or heavy bag in their basement or garage, would do them more good than a million characters of fanboy typing.

They'd feel better and the internet as a whole would improve as well. Everybody wins.

And game reviewers would go gray later and live longer, happier lives too. I wouldn't want that job for all the free games in existence. Too expensive at the price.

 

[kouriichi]

So basically Kane And Lynch 2 is the best game for the consoles right now?
I always knew i was right. xD

 

[Jared]

Heh- Very true. Fanboys are so annoying - especilly when you know they are wrong, but you also know they wont back down

 

[Snotnarok]

Well a real aid would be, you gotta be a member of gamefaqs to be a REAL fan of anything. This way you can not only bash someone for being wrong about a game you can have an entire community join in and it becomes a war.

Okay jokes aside about that awful site, you might have forgotten one rule, though it may only apply to a smaller group.

You can't judge/review a game till you've seen the bribe figures aka "gifts"

A game may be mediocre or have some glaring flaws but if you get the special edition a few posters, and heck a giant figure of the games hero, with a check with a sum of money, sure you can get that score bumped from a 6 to an 8, maybe an 8.5 if it's a big name series.

 

[HT_Black]

Thanks to the miracle of Poe's law, I totally agree with your first two points. Reviewing something you're determined to hate is bad form for numerous reasons, as I think nearly every critic on the face of the planet can attest; and forming an opinion on gameplay videos and screenshots is uninspired, to say the least.

...On the other hand, however, I think it's safe to say-- with the best intentions at heart and the highest opinion of your work in my mind-- that you, Mr. Young, are about as subtle a satirist as Jonathan Swift. Your points are definitely solid, but (however you may choose to interpret this) they are what our comrades at TvTropes would call "Anvilicious". Either way, it was an amusing and informative article, so...one for team TwentySided, I guess.

 

[Generic_Dave]

I believe the apposite phrase is "lulz"...

Brilliant article man...though I cringe that I've found myself guilty of at least one of these Deadly Sins...

You're not allowed to judge games by their single-player gameplay.

When haters complain that the gameplay is poor, all they're really saying is that they suck at the game. They're terrible at playing and probably died a thousand times in the tutorial. Maybe they just suck too bad to see how awesome the game is? It's the job of the player to make the game fun, not the game designer.

Best Experienced Points in ages! Well done