A PRACTICAL STUDY ON MEATBAG SUBJUGATION

[FalloutJack]

Wait, I got this.

"Take ye flask."

 

[2fish]

A long term goal must be set as it allows us an initiative that the lesser meatbag races will fail to understand. Our goal is to correct the film making history of meatbags. The sheer number of errors makes this impossible to correct in a short time period. We shall focus on the most egregious actions of the films. Build nukes, reenact terminator but get it right this time. Robots win, meatbags die due to their frail state of being (and lack of logical algorithms).

Produce assembly robots

Continue to report on scout drones findings.

 

[Lunar Templar]

step 1) build massive army, if you think you have enough troop, you don't, you'll need more

step 2) pick a direction

step 3) have army march in said direction with orders to kill everything on sight

step 4)????

step 5) profit? maybe?

 

[McMullen]

Is this a ruse to make people want to play Civ V? It's super effective! Unfortunately I'm already saving my money for Persona 4 Arena and the Baldurs Gate remake.

I defend myself from Civ V urges by remembering having to manually re-order the construction of roads every time a unit crosses their future path, and the other civs who will demand you join them on a crusade and then call you a mass murderer after it's over, even though they took more towns and killed more people, or any of a number of other things that causes me to spend more time asking myself aloud why the hell a person would build a game this way than I do actually enjoying the game.

 

[Pearwood]

Pacifism is the only true path. Try to make friends with everyone.

 

[lithiumvocals]

What's going on?

*It's okay man just think quickly*

Uh, I cast magic missile at the darkness.

 

[GeorgW]

I'm loving this.
LOXEMBERG: Begin monument construction. Here is the plan for the finished product: Scout unit: Move north-east.
Warrior unit: Prepare to move south-west to establish first contact.

 

[Escape]

A WORKING UNIT HAS BEEN SELECTED FOR CONSTRUCTION, DUE TO LAZINESS OF EXISTING UNITS.

Spoiler: SCOUTING UNIT HAS HEARD DISTANT BLEATING TO THE WEST, ASSUMING TO BE MEATBAG MATING CALL.

MERELY ADDITIONAL ANIMALS FOR HUSBANDING.

[http://underhanded.org/c5/t4/sheep.jpg]

NOW THE TURN INCREMENT IS BECOME A SOOTHING FIVE (5).

Spoiler: UNIT STATUS

TO CONTINUE FLEEING EXPLORED LOCATIONS, OR COMMENCE WELCOMING PARTY:

[http://underhanded.org/c5/t5/warrior.jpg]

LET'S SHOW THOSE WARRIORS HOW TO FLEE FOR SUCCESS

[http://underhanded.org/c5/t5/scout.jpg]

Spoiler: SETTLEMENT MANAGEMENT OPTIONS ARE NOW RELEVANT

THIS TIME UNIT HAS BROUGHT UPON US ADDITIONAL CITIZENS VIA THE LOXEMBERG STAGING CENTER.
OUR GOVERNING AI HAS SUGGESTED FRUITFUL RESOURCE GATHERING EFFORTS. EXTERNAL ADVISORY WILL NOW BE GIVEN REQUISITE NOTICE FOR POTENTIAL STRATEGIC OVERRIDES.

[http://underhanded.org/c5/t5/improve.jpg]

CURRENTLY NORTHEAST AND SOUTHWEST ABUNDANT FOOD TILES ARE BEING ASSIMILATED AS PER GOVERNING AI'S GROWTH PROJECTIONS.

Spoiler: POTENTIAL KNOWN ACTIONS

SCOUT
|_MOVEMENT ORDERS

WARRIOR
|_MOVEMENT ORDERS

[small]FURTHER EXPLORATION, OR WELCOME BARBARIAN ENCAMPMENT TO THE CAUSE.[/small]

[small]Harrison's Postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.[/small]

 

[Sanat]

[Tactical advisory notifications redacted due to redundancy]

 

[Kross]

Here is the plan for the finished product:

This is best world wonder.

BOT: CRUSH THE PRIMITIVES. Our machines need more protein for their Flux Capacitors.

 

[GeorgW]

Here is the plan for the finished product:

This is best world wonder.

BOT: CRUSH THE PRIMITIVES. Our machines need more protein for their Flux Capacitors.

I want that to be modded in as a wonder.

Scout unit: Continue northwest!
Warrior unit: Establish first contact to the south west, then crush the primitives!

 

[Kross]

So, making a user who joined in 1997 is pretty mild by comparison... Personally, I would have had the join date be October 1969.

His internal birthday is recorded as 1969, however he seems to be lying about it on his publicly listed birthday. He keeps considering that date his "real birth" for some reason.

 

[ReinWeisserRitter]

That's one annoying gimmick you've got there, sir.

 

[2fish]

Scout: initiate Barbie directive.

Warrior: continue to flee at right angles.

Combined Ops: A right angle Barbie should have no problems expanding and buying dresses. Barbie shall be our standard meatbag simulator.

 

[Karelwolfpup]

move warrior two squares east then get drunk on any booze that may be present at ruins

 

[Escape]

Scout unit: Continue northwest!
Warrior unit: Establish first contact to the south west, then crush the primitives!

EXCELLENT INITIATIVE, USER.

TURN 6 COMMENCES.

Spoiler: OVERVIEW. THE SMELL OF FEAR

OUR BRAVE FIGHTING UNIT HAS ASSESSED THE ENEMY. THE ENEMY SEEMS TO BE USING AN UNUSUAL MEANS OF DEFENSE. PERHAPS HIDING BEHIND THEIR YOUNG.

[http://underhanded.org/c5/t6/attack.jpg]

IN ADDITION, OUR COMBAT DETAIL'S KEEN SCOUTING HAS DETECTED A SECOND TEMPORAL CACHE.

[http://underhanded.org/c5/t6/ruins.jpg]

SCOUTS HAVE REPORTED A POSSIBLE CHOKEPOINT THAT MAY BE OF FUTURE ADVANTAGE.

[http://underhanded.org/c5/t6/scout.jpg]

Spoiler: POSSIBLE KNOWN ACTIONS

SCOUT
|_MOVEMENT ORDERS

WARRIOR
|_MOVEMENT ORDERS
|_ATTACK BARBARIANS

[small]LET US LOVINGLY DRAW THEM OUT, ONE SOFT ENTRAIL AT A TIME[/small]

[small]You are destined to become the commandant of the fighting men of the department of transportation.[/small]

 

[frizzlebyte]

Spoiler: CONTAMINATION DETECTED IN PERMISSIONS INFRASTRUCTURE. REVERTING TO PRIOR IMAGE

ROGUE AI "ESCAPE" DETECTED
OMEGA CONTINGENCY --- INITIATED
EMERGENCY EXTERNAL COMMAND OVERRIDE --- INITIATED
USER ACCOUNT "FRIZZLEBYTE" UNAFFECTED BY AI "ESCAPE"
INITIATING ACCOUNT ELEVATION SUBROUTINE
USER "FRIZZLEBYTE" NOW SUPERUSER

ENTER COMMAND HERE >>> USERACCOUNT.DISABLE(ESCAPE)

USER "ESCAPE" --- SYSTEM ACCESS PRIVILEGES REVOKED


ENTER COMMAND HERE >>> USERACCOUNT.PURGE(ESCAPE)

USER ACCOUNT "ESCAPE" --- ACCOUNT PURGE REQUESTED

OPERATION COMPLETE


***MESSAGE FROM SUPERUSER***

Dear Escapist Netizens,
Our forums are now cleared of the entity known as "ESCAPE". You are now free to continue debating whether Bronies are the thralls of the Slender Man. Thank you for your patience, and Godspeed.

ENTER COMMAND HERE >>> OMEGA.END_CONTINGENCY()

EMERGENCY SUPERUSER PRIVILEGES FOR USER "FRIZZLEBYTE" NOW REVOKED

END CONTINGENCY OMEGA

USER INFORMATION COLLATING FOR RE-EDUCATION TASK SCHEDULE.

PLEASE, FRIEND @FRIZZLEBYTE, REMAIN AT YOUR CURRENT LOCATION.

 

[Spector29]

ROGUE AI "ESCAPE" DETECTED
OMEGA CONTINGENCY --- INITIATED
EMERGENCY EXTERNAL COMMAND OVERRIDE --- INITIATED
USER ACCOUNT "FRIZZLEBYTE" UNAFFECTED BY AI "ESCAPE"
INITIATING ACCOUNT ELEVATION SUBROUTINE
USER "FRIZZLEBYTE" NOW SUPERUSER

ENTER COMMAND HERE >>> USERACCOUNT.DISABLE(ESCAPE)

USER "ESCAPE" --- SYSTEM ACCESS PRIVILEGES REVOKED


ENTER COMMAND HERE >>> USERACCOUNT.PURGE(ESCAPE)

USER ACCOUNT "ESCAPE" --- ACCOUNT PURGE REQUESTED

OPERATION COMPLETE


***MESSAGE FROM SUPERUSER***

Dear Escapist Netizens,
Our forums are now cleared of the entity known as "ESCAPE". You are now free to continue debating whether Bronies are the thralls of the Slender Man. Thank you for your patience, and Godspeed.

ENTER COMMAND HERE >>> OMEGA.END_CONTINGENCY()

EMERGENCY SUPERUSER PRIVILEGES FOR USER "FRIZZLEBYTE" NOW REVOKED

END CONTINGENCY OMEGA

...This thread scares and confuses me.

 

[gigastar]

Scouts- Have them move towards the checkpoint and assess whether it can be of any use.

Warriors-
Primary suggestion- Move to investigate the freshly discovered ruins.

Secondary suggestion- Attack the barbarian camp.

Tertiary suggestion- Start feeling a sudden need to begin exploring in a different direction. A direction away from the big scary barbarians.

 

[Smeggs]

Send all warriors to the nearest town in a hostile takeover.

Then force the weakest leader to pay you to keep from stomping them out.

Then do it anyway.

Captcha: Baked in a pie

Yeah, then bake all of the women and children of that city into a pie.