Alien asks you to prove humanity is worth saving

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cynicalpenguin

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May 9, 2011
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I treat them with kindness prompting them to declare that humanity is safe as long as I live. They bestow upon me an alien technology that eventually allows me to become a skillful assassin. I soon forget my past experience, and eventually have my memories as an assassin erased to keep me from remembering dangerous secrets. Years pass. I now live a boring life.

However, I have a passion to travel to Mars. Technology has advanced by now, and I have false memories implanted of a trip to mars as a spy. Real memories from my assassin days are revealed, and my old agency tracks me down. They offer to spare my life if I implant new more egocentric memories to cover up the assassination ones. They decide to make me remember saving the world from an alien invasion only to reveal the ones I forgot long ago, meaning they have no choice but to spare me.

Or has this been covered already?
 

DazBurger

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May 22, 2009
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Give me a piece of your technology and return in a week.

By then we would probably be able to blast them away!

Pricks... Who are they to judge?
 

conflictofinterests

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Apr 6, 2010
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Same reason one culture should value another. The different viewpoints or values systems could end up solving problems you have now or come up against later down the line, because every culture has its own blind spots. It's useful to have some mirrors.
 

Neil Sharpson

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Apr 29, 2011
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I'd say "You know what? We're not perfect, but if you could see how far we've come? 100,000 years ago, we were killing each other. Constantly. We lived in little tribes, and if we came across another tribe that was smaller, we killed them. If we came across one that was bigger, they killed us. That was all we did. We were killers through and through. But we grew, and we discovered language, and laws, and trade, and we learned that you don't always have to kill the other guy. And we settled down, and formed towns and cities and nations. We created art and music. And yes, we still killed each other, but here's the thing. We started feeling bad about it. And we started doing it less. And with each passing century, we killed each other less and we felt worse about the killing that we did do. So by the time we got to the twentieth century, which even though it had our two biggest and bloodiest wars ever, it was still the least bloody century in our history (seriously, I know it's counter-intuitive but it's actually true). We're getting better. We are getting so much better. With every decade we become wiser, more humane, more decent, less violent. And it doesn't feel like that to us because the wiser and more humane we become the more glaring our faults seem to us. We always think we're getting worse, when in fact we're getting better. And we will keep getting better. And that is why we deserve to live. Also, we have nukes and we don't like being threatened."
 

Johnny Impact

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Aug 6, 2008
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AbundantRedundancy said:
I'd ask, "Who the fuck are you to judge?"
Aaaaaaaaaaaand bye-bye goes humanity.

There's no knowing what may save (or damn) us. Think about the vast differences in culture and values between yourself and, say, the immigrant family down the block. Multiply that by ten and you're still nowhere near the difference that would exist between humans and aliens. A handshake is a sign of welcome to us but if offered to a being from a planet where touching was the ultimate taboo it would likely be rather poorly received.

What would be most important is their message to us -- whether it was peace or obliteration. We flatter ourselves in our fiction because it's more dramatic and pleasing when little underdog Man can step up and be counted among starfarers. In reality any civilization that could cross interstellar distances could pretty much do whatever it wanted with Earth. We'd be powerless to stop them.
 

BehattedWanderer

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Jun 24, 2009
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We wouldn't even notice. We'd be asked, then immediately put it on Facebook and Twitter, text it to all our friends, and within an hour, we'd all have heard of it, and then we'd be so busy arguing amongst ourselves on the internet and on challenge shows of 'Should humanity be destroyed, or should we try and wipe them out of our satellite interference?' that they'd either kill us for providing them the hassle, or just fuck off and leave us the hell alone.
 

daydreamerdeluxe

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Jun 26, 2009
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My first instinct would be to offer them chocolate, but seeing as it probably wouldn't release the stream of endorphins it does in humans, or, even if it did, it would probably affect them in a completely different way to us, that'd be a bit pointless.

Thereby, my second instinct would be to show them the massive variety of different cultures, ideas, religions, music, art, scientific theories etc. that humanity has come up with over it's entire lifespan, and pray they're not a Borg-like race that is against variety and potential. If they can appreciate all the different stuff we have made in the past, they would be fairly likely to let us continue onwards to fulfil the potential we still have.
 

TheMann

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Jul 13, 2010
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Here's how the conversation would go down with me:

"YOUR RACE STANDS ON TRIAL FOR IT'S SURVIVAL. MAKE YOUR CASE."
"Oh man, I guess we really had this coming, huh? Yeah I guess all the wars and suffering we've put ourselves through is really biting us in the ass now. But I don't need to tell you this, it must of had been pretty rough when this happened to you."
"WHEN WHAT HAPPENED TO US?"
"Well I assume at some point in your past an alien inquisitor appeared and put your race on trial, right?"
". . . . ."
"Yeah, that's what I thought. Hey, gimme a fist-bump of hypocrisy."
"DO NOT TOY WITH US HUMAN! WHY SHOULD YOU BE ALLOWED TO LIVE?"
"Well, when faced with an unknown threat, we're really good at finding its weakness and exploiting the hell out of it."
"WE SHALL RAZE YOUR PLANET WITH OUR DEATH RAY."
"Woah, woah, take it easy. Have you browsed our internet?"
"WE HAVE SEARCHED YOU GLOBAL NETWORK. IT IS FILLED WITH SICK FETISH PORNOGRAPHY AND DEGENERATES WHO USE ANONYMITY TO SAY THE MOST VILE THINGS."
"Ho boy, don't I know it. Hey, I'm not going to lie, there's a lot of dickholes on the web, but there's also a lot of good there too. We get to share our knowledge. Here, I want you to take a look at this particular website. [http://www.tvtropes.org] That's right, just settle down and read this one little website for a while. [http://www.tvtropes.org] Okay? Cool."

They'd be distracted for years. In that time we'd be able to disassemble their death ray, reverse engineer it, and reconfigure it to overload and blow up their spaceship the second they hit the "fire" button.
 

PharmaDan

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Jul 5, 2011
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Two things come to mind.

1) Mr. Rogers. We show them that despite all we are, that we can get someone like him.



2) Tell them that Ctulhu, Nyharlhotep and their ilk find us tasty and fun and will be pissed if they eliminate their favorite snacks and toys.
 

L9OBL

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Jul 20, 2009
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I'd probably say: cause you can't kill us, we find our way out of the worst situations always. Try it I dare you. Combat is our speciality who gives a damn about your superior tech? we will kick your ass. As a species that grew up on self destruction we specialize in all forms of destruction. So if you wanna kill us I suggest you think again cause we will give you a fight you wont forget, but if you're smart I suggest an alliance cause any amount of us in any conflict (war, invasions etc) will easily turn the tide in your favour. So think long and hard about what you do next. It'll dictate how long you have to live.
 

GameMaNiAC

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Sep 8, 2010
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70R4N said:
I show him Planescape Torment.
You, sir, have just made my day. So true, I bet they'd spare us immediately.

I'd tell him we are intellectual beings, just like them. And that we could cooperate for the good of our people.
 

the27thvoice

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Aug 19, 2010
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I'd take them to the local pool. At least that's where I go whenever I need a reminder that parent still care about and play with their children and that we as a society are still doing something right.
 

Rex Fallout

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Oct 5, 2010
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Byere said:
I couldn't... Anything I said would be a lie as I personally don't feel humanity, in its current state, is worth saving.
^ Why are so many people saying this? In the next century humanity will have to choose freedom or the same old autocracy crap that we've always had and to be honest, for the first time in history, Choosing freedom, seems a whole hell of a lot closer to being the choice over the same old dictators. Of course the greatest example of freedom places tyrants in power in foreign countries and is bankrupt because we suddenly believe we must "HELP EVERYBODY!" I know Illegal immigrants that got full ride scholarships BECAUSE they were illegal. As well as II that got their medical bills payed for, foreign couples who are going to college because my nation is paying them to do so. And then theres friggin Obamacare that wants me to pay for EVERYBODY ELSE. And our military. I have a question, since we 'technically' occupy all of the world can we just make it official and begin to tax them if we arent going to pull some of them out?

Anyways I'd go with showing them some stuff from Da Vinci, Thomas Paine, A little Arthur C. Clarke, and lets see... Lets throw ol' George Washington's Biography in there for good measure.