Any pointers on how to get on in life after a difficult breakup?

[Joshimodo]

First of all, not to cheapen your experience but a year does not constitute a long relationship. Longer than a short-term one, but certainly not a multi-year ordeal.

Second, get over it. No, seriously - That's what you do. You take a step back, figure things out and continue ahead with YOUR life. Just go day-to-day and do whatever you had planned to do before, but solo.

 

[Wayne Insane]

Well I would masturbate to the thought of her doing the dirty with another girl, try and picture the friend naked in bed, you saw it with your own eyes. You weren't supposed to see her naked, but you did, and you saw her doing intimate things, very sexy.

It's the first step you must take to moving on.

Do that. Than think about her Reasons. Was she doing it regularly or just this once out of curiosity. Does it change what she feels about you? Was she unfaithful in any other way?Did she keep doing it? Might she be an actual lesbian? Did you have a chance to join in?

 

[Dags90]

Become a resentful, bitter husk of a man?

Not the healthiest option but it definitely works.

 

[TomLikesGuitar]

Now whats happend is my girlfriend and I have been going out for a year last month and last thursday I walked into her house to drop off some stuff and found her in bed with a good friend of mine shania (who is of thefemale gender).

so for all of you who havent read the paragraph above me, girlfriend and I have been in a long stable relationship and she had been harbouring her own secret and I found out the hard way.

(just for the record I have nothing agaisnt gays there just normal people in my eyes)

So some time has passed and I just dont know what to do with my life after this point.

Any advice escapist?


edit: this is the first real relationship that ethier of us had been in so......

Remember that you are the shit. You are the only person like yourself in the entire world, and you can (probably) pretty much do anything if you set your mind to it.

If you don't believe this, then you HAVE to be alone for a while. Do everything possible to make yourself feel like you are the shit. Be confident; anyone who belittles your confidence is honestly just jealous that they have none. Get in shape if you aren't, get a better job if you don't like the one you have, etc. It might take a while, but eventually you will get there. Then, you will be ready to move on.

No matter what happens, just know that this is the worst break up you will ever have, and the sooner you get over it, the more prepared you will be for the future. You might not be ready to admit it yet, but you know just as well as I do that you and her weren't exactly perfect for each other and that there is no doubt in your mind that there is someone better in the world for you.
So just wait til you are ready and go find her.

Also, get the fuck off of the Escapist and do something productive. Sitting on the computer moping and thinking about her is the opposite of what you want. Personally, my last ex was a rough break up so I blocked her number, went to the bar stag, and met some awesome people (some of whom were hott ass girls). The only time I've thought of her since then was right now because of your thread.

EDIT:

DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO A VIDEOGAME LIKE SOME PEOPLE ARE SAYING!!! I've been there and that is the WORST thing you can do. Once you get bored of the game, you snap back into reality and are in worse shape than ever and probably developed shit sleeping habits. If you wanna get addicted to something, try working out or playing an instrument. I prefer a mix of both as well as socializing and concentrating on my career.

Don't drink out of sadness, don't smoke weed out of sadness, and don't play videogames out of sadness. They are fake fixes that will only make things worse.

 

[Hamish Durie]

thank you escapist

Spoiler

(adding this so I dont get the low content warning)

 

[unstabLized]

Look at the massive piles of crap that we call games today, make a vow that you will not rest until you become a developer and make proper games for the public. Then you'll have something to do, and you'll be a hero to us all.

 

[Strazdas]

First off, i dont suggest any alcoholic drink. This will only make it more miserable.
Secondly, what exactly is the reason of your breaking up? Your jealousy of your companion recieving bodily pleasure that you were never able to give her (since you are not female)? Do you also break up with people if they eat different food than you?

 

[Robert Ewing]

I broke up with my girlfriends of 2 years, a few days ago. So I feel your pain OP.

Keep yourself occupied, I'm occupying myself by harassing my friends and asking them to take me out places. I'm also flirting with a lot of girls I know.

It's effective, and the heartache is gone somewhat.

 

[dragsaw]

Go smash stuff! pull apart a tv via axe!, or go party with the boyz burn all her stuff






im not good at this am i?

 

[Last Hugh Alive]

Unless you two are still friends, common acquaintances, co-workers, etc, I'd recommend deleting her phone number, facebook and what have you.

That may sound drastic and I don't really know how to explain it, but I think the best way to really get over someone is to actually be the person to break contact. Even if, say, you get dumped, its a lot more comforting to know that you took a bold step to move forward rather than feeling like you drove he/she away, it just makes you feel hopeless and weak.

 

[devilofthemist]

i think one of the best things to do in this sort of situation is meet new people, i don't mean romantically i just mean as friends, join a new club and make some new friends to take your mind of of it, it worked for me

 

[Jonluw]

Does she want to be forgiven, or have you left her for good?
Because if you're thinking about maybe forgiving her, consider this: Threesomes.

If you've left her for good, I have no advice to give. I have no idea what it feels like to break from a relationship.

 

[Inuprince]

First off, i dont suggest any alcoholic drink. This will only make it more miserable.
Secondly, what exactly is the reason of your breaking up? Your jealousy of your companion recieving bodily pleasure that you were never able to give her (since you are not female)? Do you also break up with people if they eat different food than you?

I think this was a case of betrayal of trust, rather than jealousy. While I myself am not a polygamous person, I believe that these kind of relationship's can work out, if both members are okay with it. But here it was a simple case of cheating. Maybe they could have talked it over, but of course every relationship has their own rules, and maybe this was a fatal blow that the OP couldn't forgive. I believe I would have not been able to forgive her either.

 

[Thistlehart]

What should you do?

Hmmm... Give us the rest of the story, 'cause I'm not buying the victim bit.

If there's no more story, then what you do is simple.

1) Grit your teeth.
2) Pull yourself together.
3) Move on.

In essence, Get Over It.

In the words of one of my middle school teachers, "Life sucks and then you die. Toughen up."

 

[BENZOOKA]

I take it that you're a teenager. You'll find out the best ways to cope with it yourself.

People are different, and with different personalities, there are different ways to cope with these situations. Personally, I like to analyze everything, comprehensively, then deal with it, and then I'm ready to leave it behind. But that's just me, and I think it takes longer than for most that way.

As for general tips:
1. Don't roll in self pity
2. Do not think of only the best things and times you had together. In some ways, you are better off without her.
3. Don't roll in self pity. Seriously.
4. Think of getting through with this as getting stronger as ever afterwards. Coming back from the first heartbreak is something every man has to go through.

Anyways; she deceived and betrayed you so this isn't even that bad, to be frank. Fuck it, and move on.

One more important thing: You can't stay second guessing about if you want to go back with her again. Either you say goodbye or go back. Don't say maybe and leave the door open. You're not getting over her before you settle on either of those things.