Are you a "nice guy"?

[dogenzakaminion]

I'm a "nice guy" but I've made the smart of move of being upfront with girls I like, as never to get into this platonic friend zone. Besides, the whole girls schpiel of "not wanting to ruin friendship, you're really nice but I prefer goths, I'm in love with Malcolm Reynolds" usually just means that they don't want to date you. Not that they want to date assholes, just not you, which is fair.

 

[artanis_neravar]

The 'nice guy' is the kind of person who is polite and helpful all the time, not because it's who he really is, but because it's what he thinks will get him laid/accepted/promoted/whatever. These guys *don't* get the girls, because the girls can see right thought the 'nice' and realise that it is fake and not a genuine representation of the guy's personality.

Bullshite
Nice guys are boring, bad boys are exciting, end of story.

Ya I used to be the "nice" guy trying to appease everyones wishes, and boy was that a fun just friends forever time, now I just play a dick for appearances sake... and it fucking works, wish someone told me that when I was 14.

No the first guy was right, and the fact that you seem so pissed off that being "nice" never got you anything shows that you fall into that category. Bad Boys trump "nice guys" because they have confidence and aren't going to roll over every time someones says to. Real nice confident guys will trump bad boys every time, once you are out of high school at least. And you know those girls who still go for bad guys? You know what we call them? Batshit crazy. And you stay away from the batshit crazies, because they are the ones who will stab you in your sleep for shits and giggles.

 

[Inco]

Anyway, is anyone else here a "nice guy" in other people's eyes? By "nice guy" I mean someone who tries to be courteous and polite to everyone,

I try and succeed (mostly), but it does get irritating at times when its rarely returned.

but comes off as having no confidence or masculinity.

Nope, I developed my own confidence from almost nothing and have little trouble to talk to most people and have a strong personality behind my words, which comes across as soft at times.

Someone who has a lot of friends that are girls, but no girlfriend.

This hits the nail on the head for me. Its funny how many of them say how I would make an awesome bf, and are disappointed that I never had the opportunity.

Someone who when they like a girl, makes the mistake of becoming their close platonic friend because they're too timid to ask them out.

I have done this at times, but I do aim to avoid it now. It's such a shame that even when I am successful, fate (or whatever else,) has other plans.

Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone. Ect, ect...

Haha.. You can be nice, but still be assertive. Don't try to please the people who walk on you, but make sure that they know that you do be nice because you can and not because you are weak- willed. (which is probably their mindset.)

 

[(sic) humor]

I like that the xkcd comic shows how self-congratulatory some "nice guys" are. It makes me think of Scott Pilgrim (at least how he's portrayed in the movie; I never read the comics). Played by Michael Cera, and therefore as masculine and assertive as you expect Michael Cera to be, he's still an undeniable tool. Whiny, self-pitying, seems to have had quite a few tumultuous relationships (a double standard given the movie's premise), and still able to make himself into the martyr. In that case, "nice guy" doesn't immediately translate into "dateable".

But it also doesn't translate into "unassertive". Being polite and respectful are completely independent of that. I think the "you're a nice guy but..." excuse is just the nicest way some girls can friend-zone you. She didn't lose interest because you're a nice guy. You may just lack qualities she's looking for but is too polite to say.

(I don't mean that as a swipe at the OP. I just think that whole spiel is a polite way to let someone down without giving a real reason.)

 

[Kuckles]

You just summed up my entire life...
Seriously fuck being nice.

 

[6unn3r]

I learnt that if anyone ever gives you the "You're a nice guy but..." speech, then they arnt worth your time, move the fuck on and find someone who actually likes that nice part of you.

Those who give the "You're a nice guy but..." almost exclusivly date jerks who use them. And funnily enough they never learn! Shes gona keep dating jerks untill one day she realises shes already lost you to someone who appricates you more.

 

[Dimensional Vortex]

It's nice to know that the old stereotype of girls liking jerks is FINALLY going away.

lol it's never going to go away.

I would think that I'm nice and courteous with minimal uncouth behavior for people my age, but that's not to say I can't joke about with friends. I will go out of my way to help people, with school work or with a social situation (which I'm god awful at) However I think that my kindness can be quite superficial as at the first chance I get I would walk away and never talk to someone.

So yes I think I'm a nice guy naturally, but I wonder, am I actually nice or do I just lack rudeness and aggression towards most people?

 

[AngeloG]

Nice guys finish last so, I'll treat you like trash not, what I really want to do, buuuuuuut.

 

[Spartan054]

im only the nice guy when compared to what guys shes been with so far. and when i finaly have an opening to date her, i become" needy and pressureing her"........dam red head

 

[MordinSolus]

Hey guys, just asked a lady friend out today, and I got the whole "You a really nice guy, but..." speech about "not wanting to ruin our friendship" that inevitably ended with "...but I still want to stay friends." [small](Except she's going to avoid me like the plague from now on, so it's not like we're really going to stay friends)[/small] Story of my life...

[/useless whining]

Anyway, is anyone else here a "nice guy" in other people's eyes? By "nice guy" I mean someone who tries to be courteous and polite to everyone, but comes off as having no confidence or masculinity. Someone who has a lot of friends that are girls, but no girlfriend. Someone who when they like a girl, makes the mistake of becoming their close platonic friend because they're too timid to ask them out. Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone. Ect, ect...

[small](In some circles, this is also known as being a "huge, spineless pussy".)[/small]

I've been trying to get rid of the "nice guy" persona for some time now and be more confident and assertive, but I keep falling back into old habits. Does anyone else have this problem? And to the .01% of this site that are women, what exactly is bad or unattractive about "nice guys" anyway?

EDIT: Just for giggles, I found an xkcd comic [http://www.theonion.com/articles/but-if-we-started-dating-it-would-ruin-our-friends,11473/] about this issue. They both take opposite sides of the relationship a "nice guy" often gets into, the former being critical of the female and the latter being critical of the male. Both are extreme, and neither one is "right" but they're both funny and are interesting for this conversation.

I would just say try not to let a lot of other people walk all over you. If someone asks (for example) if they can borrow your car, but you really, REALLY don't want to, say no, and then say that you think someone else might be willing to loan their car out. That someone isn't disappointed at you for not loaning your car to them, because you gave them another choice. Problem solved.

 

[Ren3004]

I believe that opening post describes me perfectly. I, Ren3004, am a huge, spineless, pussy.

 

[Cephei Mordred]

im only the nice guy when compared to what guys shes been with so far. and when i finaly have an opening to date her, i become" needy and pressureing her"........dam red head

We weren't there so we don't know if she might have had valid cause to interpret your proposition in such a way.

 

[Aesthetical Quietus]

I try to be as nice as possible, I treat people as I would like to be treated. I'm polite, courteous and respectful, and will go out of my way to help people. Unless I have a specified way I'd like to do something, I'm easy (or a doormat in other words). Normally this is the case but I'm not going to disadvantage myself just for someone else's benefit. I'm stubborn when I want to be* and if someone treats me like an ass even though I attempt to be nice, they'll get it straight back. I'm not just nice to get in a girls pants, I treat them the same either way. I'd like to get a relationship for who I truly am, not just how I've been treating them.

All of my friends seem to hold the opinion that I'm a nice guy and I've been introduced as such a coupla times*#. So it would seem that I am.

I'm girlfriendless tho' (for a fair few years unfortunately). I just have no idea how to "pick up" girls, sigh.

*This means that no, I won't drive the 30km's (one way) to pick you up and drop you off at another friends just for the hell of it, especially not when I have work in 2 hours. Especially when you haven't talked to me in over 2 weeks prior.

*# That would be mostly from my female friends.

 

[Sam Rosario]

Ehhh... I'm a sort of classic nerd? I'm fairly sarcastic, and I have very few [read: maybe one?] female friend.

I think I'm a good mix of nice/sarcastic/apathetic, enough to be intriguing without being a colossal douche, and nice enough to still be an attractive prospect.

I also have very soft hair.

I find that aspect to be a shockingly large plus. O_O

 

[Shiny Rabbit]

I sit in the "I'm a nice guy but my girlfriend loves me for it" boat. The girl I'm with absoloutly loves me (and I love her just as much). The guy she was with for about a week before me was an absoloute jerk with serious mental, anger and commitment problems. Intially she said she chose him over me because I'm too shy, after she later appologised for jumping down my down throat I looked at her laptop because of various problems. Eventually she said I was just the kind of guy she needs, broke up with him and went out with me.

 

[Captain Pancake]

I am. No fairy tale ending for me.

 

[Brandon237]

I used to be the kind of "nice guy" that you are referring to, and still am to a degree. What has changed is that I no longer accept new "female friends" in my life, I've had enough of that in the past to last me a lifetime. If I meet a girl and I like her, I let her know. If she doesn't respond, I accept it in a polite joking manner and never speak to her again. If she for some reason insists and wants to hang out even though she rejected me (as they often do, girls love to surround themselves with guys that like them), I openly let her know that I don't want to see her anymore and wish her the best of luck. It has helped me maintain only the friendships that matter, the real ones, and protected me from inevitably getting hurt and feeling terrible, as was the case every single time I got friendzoned in the past.

So...basically, it's not worth putting time and effort into friendship with a girl if she's not eventually going to sleep with you?

Wow. Well, at least you're honest.

It's funny how many of these "nice guys" seem to think that being nice isn't just a mark of a civilised human being, but that it requires some sort of pay-off. And how often they don't respect the girl enough to consider her friendship worth their investment. I mean, I've had friends I've fancied, and yeah, it's disappointing if you can't take it to the next level, but I still wouldn't give up the time we've spent, the fun we've had, or our shared interests.

Because an actual friend should be more than a potential date (for either gender). If they're not, you can't honestly be surprised they saw through you and dumped you like a hot potato.

An internet for that one, I owe it to you.

Friends of the opposite gender are just that, friends. Sure, some of them are potential future lovers, but that does not mean that the only reason you should continue to try and keep your friendship going is to try and get to that point. It is nice to have friends, people who you can rely on and talk to, and you should value them for that. Not just put up a little façade to get in their pants, cause that immediately makes you a pretty horrid guy.

My old post that was somewhat on topic was buried in the thread somewhere...

Nice guys finish last so, I'll treat you like trash not, what I really want to do, buuuuuuut.

Uhhm... other than the grammar... What?
Nice guys are winners from the start, to be able to keep your cool, your politeness, to always be there for people and be willing to forgive no matter what: that is the greatest of moral victories.

I'm talking about genuinely nice people (in general, not just nice guys), not the ones who are just spineless / subtly manipulative.

 

[StevenSuffern]

Be gay, that gets you girls

 

[SonOfVoorhees]

I treat people nicely until they give me reason not to. Just be yourself. Deal with people how you naturally feel. End of the day, any girl that gets turned on by an arsehole is a girl i have no interest in.